Fated To Be

When Valeria saw the General of the Second Army call forth his shadows, Valeria was certain.

Certain that he was the one who created the fold, why else would he feel exactly the same as the fold .

Putting the sudden realisation to the back of her mind for now, until at a later time, she then turns to the matter at hand.

'I can't let him interfere, this is Alina's fight, and only hers.' She thinks in determination. 

And in answer, her magic answers her demand by quickly heading over to the shadows, pushing its course suddenly off track. Away from Alina's direction, to the nearby trees.

She then ignores the feeling she had when her magic touched his shadows, and turns to the now furious man and makes eye contact with him.

His eyes, like his shadows, are dark. 

As dark as the void. 

The man can try to frighten her all he wants with the intensity of the look in his eyes, but Valeria can't be bothered by it and immediately shakes her head at the man. 

Who, confused, then watches her back. She then turns her head to Alina, to make him see.

And then he understands,  and they all watch Alina.

They all watch her grab the dagger at her hip in a swift move, with the Fjerdan above her, not knowing of what fate will befall him, arrogant in his ways. 

And just as she had taught her all those years ago, Alina immediately turns to the venerable parts of the man that are in clear sight, and defenceless. 

The man's eyes and his throat.

Proud but saddened for what the girl will experience after, Valeria then sees her quickly stab the dagger, first in the man’s eye with a quick jab, and after, in a quick move, before the man could scream and move his hands towards his eye in pain, she quickly sliced his throat.

All with a fiery look in her eyes.

And that was when Alina first killed someone, to defend herself.

Mal then quickly runs to Alina, after she had killed the man. The Fjerdan.

He was amazed, which he should not have been (, seeing as he knows that Alina is capable of anything, if she put her mind to it..), but he was also saddened by it…

For Alina.

Because he knows what will come next.

And when she had taken notice of him,  her face turned horrified at what she had done. 

Before Mal could take a step closer to her, Alina then put her arms up, to deter him from coming any closer to her. All the while taking a step behind her.

"Don't come any closer…please!" She then screamed.

Shocked, but also understanding her situation, Mal then stops his stride in sadness for the girl before him.

'Alina..'

When Mal was suddenly in front of her, Alina was suddenly horrified at what she had done just now.

She knew she had done it to defend herself, but there was still a part of her that shouted 'MONSTER' at her for what she had done. Without any remorse for the life she had taken.

The man would not have given her mercy, he would've killed her…so why? Why does she feel like one suddenly? Why is she agreeing with the voice inside of her head? Why does she feel like a monster for what she has done?

She feels tainted for some reason, and when she had seen Mal come closer to her, she did not want him to see her in that way.

Which, she knows, he wouldn't.  Her friends, more than anyone else in the world, would be understanding. 

Seeing as they themselves,  have been in similar circumstances during the years they joined the First Army (or even before that for Valeria, seeing as she had already lived another life before this one…). She never did get the full details from them, but she knew .

In this world, they did not have the choice to decide to kill or not to kill, because they wouldn't have been shown mercy from their enemies, they would've  been killed if they did not kill to defend themselves.  

And Alina will never hold it against them.

Never.

But why…why does she feel like this? Alina thinks in despair.

And then she sees Mal's expression after her refusal of him.

While understanding of her situation (which, of course he would immediately understand

..), Mal still looked hurt by her refusal of him.

And that hurts Alina even more.

' I'm sorry, Mal.' 

Feeling the remnants of the man’s shadows coming closer to her, its tendrils trying to, unconsciously, entwine with her magic, 'Almost like a feeling of…', but before she could continue that thought,  she shakes her head and firmly gazes towards the sight in front of her.

And before  it could even completely entwine with her magic, and before the man could even utter a word to her after he joined her side, she quickly strode  towards both of her friends in concern at what she had witnessed just now.

She wanted to console them both.

'Oh Alina and Mal…I'm sorry.' She thinks in despair but also in understanding of the situation

She'll try to fix it, even if she has to be forceful about it. 

While she had taught them how to defend themselves in this world, a naïve part of her, had hoped they would never have a need for it.

She had wanted them to be unaffected by the horrors of the world, she wanted them to not know of it. 

That they, at least, wouldn't go through the same thing she did.

She wanted to protect them from it, but in the world they live in, such a thing is not possible.

Sooner or later, they all would lose their innocence.  

It was first Mal.

And Alina lost hers today. 

She now has bloodied her hands, just like the both of them.

While in self-defence, Valeria knows, the girl's mind will torture her with thoughts of it all. 

While not true,  Valeria knows, it'll haunt her. Just like any of them, the first one will always leave a mark…a mark on one's soul.

Coming closer to the girl, who was still horrified at what she had done, Valeria stood next to Mal and clasped the saddened boy on his shoulder, in comfort. 

He gives her a nod in gratefulness. 

She then fully raises her gaze to Alina.

Taking a step closer to the girl, Valeria tries to console the girl, to bring her back to them. "Alina."

The girl stops at first, but then fully turns her back to them.

"Alina Starkov, please listen to me." She tries a second time, but the girl still has her back to them, her shoulders are shaking, and she shakes her head furiously at her request. She neither wants to glance at her, nor hear her, in favour of drowning in her horrified stupor.

Breathing in, Valeria then finally had enough and raises herself to her full height, all the while fiercely looking at the girl in front of her.

She decides to try a different approach.

"Look at me." She says in a cold manner, the part in the forest they found themselves suddenly in, with its inhabitants, was suddenly quiet. The only noise that was heard was Valeria's cold, but firm voice.

It was so firm, you had no choice but to follow her command. It would make one willingly follow it. And Alina was no different,  because she suddenly turned her glassy eyes towards the girl.

The crowd, which included the two Heartrenders, their General, and of course Mal behind the two women, that was witnessing this whole ordeal were holding their breath for what was  to come, while one only looked at the spectacle before him in a calculating manner.

"Alina." Valeria then softly said while keeping her eyes locked on the girl's,  all the while stepping closer to her.

When she was close to her, Valeria then softly cradled Alina's face in both of her hands. So softly, as though she were something fragile, something to be cherished…which she was, to Valeria.

But it only made  the girl in front of her cry all the more, because she thought herself to be unworthy of it.

Unworthy of such kindness, and affection after what she had done.

Peering down at her earnestly, Valeria clicks her tongue at the sight of her tears, "Hey now, not any of that." She said, while wiping the tears away from the girl's eyes. Her eyes then bore into the saddened girl's, "You were glorious,  Alina. Glorious. And I'm proud of you." Seeing Alina then try to shake her head, she continues,  stopping the girl from saying any differently.  "No, you are, Alina. You only protected yourself,  never forget. He would not have shown you mercy, no, he would've killed you . In the most horrific way. You only did what you had to, never forget ." She finally says, and then continues "Don't listen to the voice in your head, don't let it drown you. Drown the voice instead."

She sees that she got it into her head, with the girl finally being at peace after hearing Valeria's words. 

While still feeling guilt over the life she had taken, Alina now felt it was more justified.  

That's right.

She only protected herself. 

Just as Ria taught them.

Valeria then once more asks her to look at her, this time softly.

To really look at her.

To see.

And Alina then understands.

"Never hide from us, Alina. Never." Almost tearing up again, Alina then nods.

Mal then takes a step closer to the both of them, his gaze raised to Alina's. 

"Please, never shut us out, let us be with you in your time of need. Please, Alina." He pleads, with his eyes finally tearing up at the girl in front of him.

Both in hurt at what the girl is experiencing,  but also for them

Valeria and himself. For the three of them.

Mal now finally understands. 

He now understands Valeria's look from before, what his younger self did not understand.

Because when he's looking at Alina right now, he admits it and finally accepts it.

It was a look of mourning.

For he can see himself in her, that young boy, his child self, that lost his childish innocence, in favour of killing the enemies, to protect himself, his friends and his comrades. 

They were child soldiers, Valeria and himself.

And Alina now, experienced the same thing as them.

The loss of one's innocence. 

And Mal mourns for the three of them, he mourns for the loss of their innocence. 

Mal then finally comes closer to them both, and engulfs them both in his arms.

Which made Alina gasp, she grips the both of them on their coats tightly,  in the middle of them both, while tears ricochet down her face.

With Valeria, once more, trying to stop them from escaping, all the while muttering words of comfort in the girl's ear. But it is in vain, because Alina continues to cry her heart out. For the hurt she feels, but also for finally understanding. 

Alina finally understands. 

And can't stop the tears from falling down her face like rivers.

She cries for her dearest friends, for the people that are most precious to her, for the hurt they as well had felt. 

And still feel.

For what they, as innocent children have witnessed in this cruel world.

While they had each other then,  she still wasn't there for them.

In their time of need.

When they were hurting.

She wasn't there with them.

Valeria then feels and also hears Mal try to hold back a sniffle himself, chuckling at them both, she then pulls the boy's head closer to her shoulder, to lay on. 

And then she's  giving the both of them a kiss on their heads, while also ruffling it afterwards. 

"My crybabies, now what will I do with the both of you?" She then teases them both, trying to lighten them up, but also  herself. 

To not let herself drown in the feelings of melancholia. 

"Ria!" were their strangled gasps in mock offense, because Valeria knows they in actuality enjoy it when she does it, being affectionate with them, which only made her chuckle loudly, before pulling them both closer to her person.

The three of them then tightly hold one another closer to themselves,  afraid to let go.

To hide themselves from the world, which they know would be in vain.

For the world will never leave them be.

Leave them in peace.

But they know, they'll always have each other. 

The crowd, who were forgotten by the trio, who have witnessed this moment in front of them in silence, are in awe at the moment, but also partly saddened because they themselves understand as well.

But one, the Black General,  has another expression on his visage, one of intrigue,  but also once more in calculation at what he just witnessed.