Holiday

Harry woke at 3:42 am, drenched in sweat and tightly gripping his wand. His boxers and socks were soaked in sweat, and he could feel beads of it pool in his collarbones. He had a pounding headache, something which earlier he had learned was a migraine. His back felt like it had been stepped on by an elephant, his mouth aching for a glass of water.

With a groan from Harry and a louder groan from the couch, the boy pushed himself up against the coffee table to stabilise. He lost balance, and ended up face planting into the carpet. A few grunts and curses, however, and he was up.

Harry could remember the dream he had. Vividly. It was one of those odd but easily decipherable ones. The same message had cycled through his mind for about 2 years now, leaving Harry feeling lost. He was carrying a secret with him at all times, even if he didn’t know what it was. Dreams like these always left him feeling like he was living life in a dark grey cloud. He felt removed, distant after it.

The dreams Harry had all tended to rage from violent, monstrous nightmares to a different type of nightmare entirely. The ones from the war, ones that left him shaking and nauseous, those dreams were dreams that Harry could handle. He could bear to live through another night of the war raging around him. As much as he wouldn't admit it, Harry hadn't felt as alive as he had since the war. War came fast, heavy, knocking the wind out of you. It was intense and real and a true shock to the system. He felt fire in himself when he was running for his life. He had a purpose. Harry didn't like not having a purpose. He didn't want crowds rushing after him or anything like that, that's for sure; he just wanted goals. A higher level to work towards. He wanted to achieve, not coast.

In his other nightmare, he is laying in bed. He can feel warmth against his skin, gentle breathing in rhythm with his own. His heartbeat matches theirs and its soft and lazy and there's no real purpose. He is just enjoying his life. He's satisfied, content. He feels safe and protected at that moment. He feels … free. Loved. Satisfied. Harry feels a joy he's never been quite able to place in his chest. As he cuddles closer to the thing breathing next to him, Harry realises he’s with a boy.

For a moment, Harry is frightened. He loses touch with reality. He glitches, in a way. His heart races and he feels like he might start hyperventilating. His breath quickens, and he shuffles the sheets.

Moments later, his surroundings setting in, he is closer to the boy. The boy changes every once in a while; once, it was one of his professors. Then a student from his fashion course. Harry was pretty sure that one time it was Blaise Zabini.

He doesn't allow the dream to continue for very long, knowing he will eventually wake up confused and in pain. He knows eventually he’ll suffer for his dream. But this, for a moment, it feels nice. It's warm and comforting, like a familiar smell from his childhood, and Harry feels like he’s wrapped in love.

In these moments, Harry lets himself feel consumed. He lets the feeling wash over him, like he’s a salty breeze being swallowed by the ocean. He feels peaceful and whole. It's in these moments that Harry actually forgets he has depression.

His thought pattern is purposefully interrupted by Harry trying to open a bottle of muggle tylenol. It's extra strength. He'll need it for the trip on the plane. The plane. In a moment of panic that fully awakens him, Harry dashes to his bedside table to see the cock set exactly at 3:49. Relief washes over him, and he slows down.

The rest of the morning blurs in Harry’s mind as he travels through airport security and into his seat on the plane. He thinks of his dream every so often, reminded of that feeling that hasn't left him for many years. He feels almost nostalgic for the dream.

While Harry sleeps soundly on the plane, he undergoes a transformation. He is shedding his skin, coming out of his cocoon. He doesn't know it yet, but he can feel a difference in himself as he collects his luggage and hails a cab to take him to his vacation spot.