“I know I'm just a wrinkle in your new life,
Staying friends would iron it out so nice.
Guilty, guilty, reaching out across the sea
That you put between you and me.
But it's fake and it's oh so unnecessary…”
“...the temperature in London is currently 10 degrees, that’s 50 degrees in fahrenheit for those of you wondering…”
Regulus pulled the large headphone off of his ear, the chatter of the guests surrounding him drowning out the landing announcement. He sighed softly, running his fingers through his sleep-tousled hair in a lazy attempt to make it presentable. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he quickly swiped it open and turned it off of airplane mode, reading through and responding to the few texts and emails he got while he was flying.
The young Black had just graduated from University; he graduated with a degree in English, rather than the Business degree his parents had wanted him to get. Moving to France wasn’t an easy decision, rather it was a simple decision. Getting away from his parents meant being one step closer to freedom; the kind of freedom he envied Sirius for getting at 16. So, go to another country for school and cut off all contact with his family, or stay and allow them to control him like they always were.
Regulus opted for France.
Guests began shuffling out of the plane, bringing their suitcases and backpacks along with them. Regulus stood awkwardly; in the 4 years since he had seen his brother, he had grown a fair amount, standing at 6’ even. He grabbed his bag, disembarking the plane and walking towards baggage claim to retrieve his luggage.
His phone buzzed from inside his pocket.
siri: hey reg! i’m here to pick you up :) let me know when you get to baggage claim and i’ll meet you inside!
reggie: Okay, I just got off the plane, so I’ll be there in a couple minutes :)
Regulus slid his phone back into the pocket of his joggers, pulling his headphones down to hang from his neck. He walked through the crowded airport, making his way down to the baggage claim to find his suitcase. After he located the carousel and his luggage, he pulled out his phone and shot a quick text to his brother, Sirius.
A few moments later, Sirius emerged from the crowd, running up to hug his baby brother. “Reggie!” He exclaimed, grinning brightly.
“Hi Sirius,” Regulus laughed, hugging his brother back.
“Bloody hell, you’re tall,” Sirius laughed, making Regulus roll his eyes.
“I’m only two inches taller than you, calm down,” Regulus teased, grabbing the handle of his suitcase and rolling it alongside his brother. “So, how’s Remus?” Regulus asked. Last time him and Remus had seen each other, the couple had just moved into their first flat together after Sirius had moved out of James’ flat. Well, Sirius was getting kicked out anyways; James wanted to move in with Lily, who he was dating at the time.
“He’s good, we’re good,” Sirius said, smiling as he walked back out to his car.
Regulus nodded. “That’s good,” He said. “I’m glad you’ve found someone good for you, Sirius.” He said, making Sirius smile.
The two fell into a comfortable silence as they arrived to Sirius’ car, and they drove back to his flat.
As much as Regulus was thankful that Sirius was letting him stay at his flat while he looked for a permanent place to live, he also hated that he had to live there. Because wherever Sirius and Remus were, James Potter was not far behind.
He and James were…well, it was complicated. At face value, people would say they were simply friends because of Sirius. But between the two of them, the late nights spent exploring each other in ways unknown to everyone else, Regulus would caution to say they might be more than friends. Every year when Regulus would come home for the holidays, he and James would see each other. It frustrated Regulus to no end; since he could never get James alone to talk about what the fuck they were.
Regulus knew that James would be over. Frankly, he was stupid to assume he wouldn’t be. He was standing with Remus at the kitchen counter, chopping up a block of cheese and placing it on a large wooden board, while Remus poured a glass of wine for himself. He heard Sirius answer the front door, the familiar voice of James ringing in his ears.
Regulus swallowed hard, setting the small cubes of cheese on the large board him and Remus had filled with various other crackers and fruits. A charcuterie board; something Sirius demanded they make, since Regulus had just come home from France. He had rolled his eyes at that, finishing off the vodka tonic Remus had made him when he arrived that afternoon.
“Hey, Remus,” James called. Remus greeted him back through a sip of wine, making Regulus laugh under his breath. “And hello, Regulus.” James said politely. Regulus gave him a small smile, turning around to pour himself a glass of the red wine Remus was drinking. He definitely needed more alcohol to get through tonight.
“You just got back from France, right?” James asked.
Regulus nodded, quickly taking a drink from his glass. “Yep, just graduated a few days ago.” He said.
James nodded. “Well, congrats. What were you studying again?” James inquired.
Another sip of his wine, hopefully to stop himself from grabbing James by the collar and slamming him into a wall. “Uh, English. Fiction writing.” Regulus said. James smiled, turning his attention to Sirius, who was asking him what he wanted to drink. He knew that James knew what he was studying; Regulus had gone on long rants about the state of modern literature, curled up in James’ arms too many times for him to forget. In that moment, he had never been more thankful for Sirius’ obliviousness to how awkward the conversation between him and James was.
After Sirius grabbed him and James beers, the two men moved to sit in the living room.
Remus turned to Regulus as he leaned against the counter. “Are you doing okay? You kinda shut down when James came in,” He inquired. Regulus looked at Remus, their eyes meeting. Remus’ expression dripped with concern, making Regulus’ already aching heart burn hotter.
“Can I tell you something not even Sirius knows?” Regulus asked in a hushed voice, looking down at his glass. He saw his reflection in the burgundy liquid, distorted as the drink rippled. He spared a glance over at Remus, who was still looking back at him.
“Of course, Reg.” Remus said, voice just as hushed.
Regulus sighed quietly. “I…James and I hook up a lot. I have no bloody idea what he and I are anymore,” He whispered. “It fucking sucks. I told myself I wouldn’t get attached, but here I am, nearly crying over him because I like him so much,” He said. “I hate it. I wish I could ask, but every time I get the chance to, he either won’t talk about it, or leaves.”
Remus nodded, reaching out to run his hand over Regulus’ back gently. “That fucking sucks,” Remus said quietly. “I don’t know how much this will help, but I know James. And honestly, you’ll probably just have to force him to sit down and talk about it. That might be the only way you could get him to acknowledge it.” He said in a hushed voice.
“Maybe,” Regulus mumbled, running his fingers through his curls shakily. “Whatever, let’s just bring this stupid bloody cheese board to Sirius before he has a fit.” Regulus said, making Remus laugh loudly. Remus grabbed both of their wine glasses, letting Regulus carry the board into the living room and setting it down on the wooden coffee table.
Regulus made himself comfortable in one of the armchairs next to the couch; the furthest one from where James was sitting, in fact, and smiled and nodded his way through the conversations that cropped up.
He would be lying if he said that he hadn’t spaced out for majority of the conversation. Sirius knew Regulus didn’t like to be the center of attention in these kinds of situations, and as much as he wanted to hear all about his brother’s time in France, he knew Reg would prefer if they refrained from paying attention to him as much as possible. Regulus took another sip of his wine, half paying attention to the story that Sirius was telling. His mind was elsewhere.
Currently, it was on James; so effortlessly cool, lounging on Sirius’ large, fluffy couch. His head was tipped back in laughter, adam’s apple bouncing as the melodious tone erupted from his chest. Sirius, who was sitting next to him, had his arm thrown across the back of the couch and a bottle of hard cider in his other hand, laughing along with his best friend. Remus was sitting next to Regulus, holding the stem of his wine glass like a proper gentleman as he listened to whatever insane story James and Sirius were spinning.
And there sat Regulus, on the armchair furthest from the couch, fresh off a plane from France, watching them laughing with each other, desperately wishing he could drown his aching heart in his glass of red wine. He shrunk down into his chair more, letting his leg rest up on the arm. Four years ago, he wouldn’t be caught dead sitting in such an improper way. But University helped him loosen up, be less of a stick in the mud as some of his schoolmates had so kindly called him. He lounged casually on the chair, holding the stem of his wine glass, a small smirk on his lips as he finally tuned into the story Sirius was telling.
James would be lying if he said he wasn’t distracted by Regulus. The last time he had properly seen Regulus, he was home for the summer after his first year of University. He had relaxed a bit, but was still stoic, careful Regulus. The one he had learned to love. James cringed internally, taking a long drink of his cider as he listened to Sirius talk about whatever work drama he had going on. His phone buzzed in his jacket pocket, and he pulled it out to see what the message was.
moony: prongs stop staring at reg
prongs: im not staring
moony: yes you are. get your shit together.
James looked up and glared at Remus, locking his phone and pushing it back into the pocket of his jacket. He spared a glance at Regulus, who was intently staring out the window across from him. He smirked to himself, taking another drink of his hard cider before tuning fully back into the conversations.
“So Reg,” Sirius said, adjusting himself on the couch. “Found anyone in France?”
Regulus was pulled out of his thoughts, fiddling with the string of his hoodie. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Uh, no,” He said, looking back at Sirius.
“Really? No one?” Sirius said, disbelief in his tone.
“Nothing more than a few meaningless flings, Sirius,” He said.
Sirius laughed, pushing some of his hair out of his eyes. “I don’t believe that,” He said. “Honestly. You’re better than meaningless flings, baby brother.”
Regulus rolled his eyes, taking another sip of his wine. “I’m aware of that,” He said, sparing a short glance towards James, who was staring intently back at him. “Anyways, I’m gonna go get another drink. Does anyone need anything?” Regulus asked.
James stood up, finishing the last of his cider. “Yeah, I’m gonna grab another drink too.” He said, following Regulus into the kitchen.
Regulus rinsed out his wine glass, placing it in the sink before beginning to make himself another mixed drink. He heard James rustling in the fridge behind him, popping the cap off of the beer bottle in his hand. “So,” James said, taking a drink of his beer. “Better than meaningless hookups, eh?”
“That I am, James,” Regulus said, not looking up from his drink as he mixed it.
James chuckled, leaning on the counter next to Reg. “I suppose that means you’re opposed to coming back to my place tonight then?” James inquired.
Regulus rolled his eyes. “So you agree,” He asked, taking a sip of his drink.
James faltered. “Agree?” He said.
Regulus nodded. “That our hookups were meaningless,” He said the words like they were fact; he clung to them as if they were pulled from the lips of whatever omnipotent being was listening in on their conversation- Buddha, God, Zeus, anyone. Cold, silver eyes met the familiar warmth of James’ hazel ones, an eyebrow raised as if to say ‘go on, tell me I’m wrong.’
Though, Regulus knew James better than he knew himself.
If Regulus tried to play, James would throw his hat in the ring.
“And if they were meaningless,” James said, stepping a bit closer to Regulus. “You’d think that would change how you look at me.”
A scoff left Regulus’ lips, black curls falling into his face as he shook his head. “And what do you mean by that, Potter?”
James chuckled. “Back on a last name basis, I see. How hurtful.” He said, a condescending tone dancing on his words.
Regulus rolled his eyes and took another sip of his drink.
“I know I'm just a wrinkle in your new life. Staying strangers would iron it out so nicely, wouldn’t it?” Regulus said, the condensation from his glass pilling up and dripping down onto his fingers. His heart beat heavily against his ribs, James’ eyes bore holes in the side of his head as he glanced around Sirius’ kitchen.
“Is that all you think we are?” James asked. His voice was so delicate, so soft and gentle against Regulus’ ears that he almost didn’t hear it. He fought the urge to look back into James’ eyes, lean into his words, cling to them like he had clung to them in the past. He couldn’t allow himself to do that, he couldn’t let himself get hurt again.
“Look at me, Regulus,” James said, reaching up and grabbing the shorter man’s chin. He moved Regulus’ face to look at him, much to Regulus’ dismay. He locked his jaw, annoyance evident in his eyes. “I know I’m not the best at showing it, but us hooking up means a lot more to me than you think it does. Staying friends wouldn’t iron out my life, it would just wrinkle it further.” James spoke in a hushed tone, his calloused fingers still holding onto the shorter man’s chin gently.
It wasn’t often that James was this sincere with him. His words made Regulus’ heart rate speed up.
“I like you a lot. I’d like the opportunity to make things right between us and show you how much you actually mean to me. Will you allow me to do that?” James asked. His voice was so soft it nearly made Regulus burst into tears, reaching out to grab onto his shirt and never let go.
Letting James right his wrongs, mend whatever had torn or broken between them could end horribly; it could end in tears, arguments, broken hearts or further broken trust. But Regulus knew James- and James wouldn’t let that happen.
Regulus sighed, pulling his chin out of James’ fingers. “You know Sirius is going to be pissed,” He mumbled.
James let out a scoff, shrugging. “I don’t care what Sirius thinks. I care what you think.”
His fingers drummed against the counter for a moment before he grabbed his glass, taking a long drink out of it. Regulus turned to look back at James, running his fingers through his hair. “Fine,” He said. “You can try and fix whatever happened.”
“You won’t regret this, I promise,” James said excitedly, reaching over to press a kiss onto Regulus’ cheek. “Thank you. Truly. You didn’t have to, and you did. Thank you.”
“Stop apologizing before I take it back,” Regulus said, rolling his eyes. James threw his hands up in fake surrender, before grabbing a beer from Sirius’ fridge and heading back into the living room. Regulus looked down at his drink, sighing softly.
He’d constructed a sea between him and James, trying to protect himself from the inevitable tsunami that would come. But James, the crazy bastard, jumped in and swam across it to Regulus’ side.
With one final drink from his glass, he walked back into the living room, sliding back into his armchair and pretending like James hadn’t just swam across an entire ocean just to prove that he was different than everyone in the past.