“Y/N, go get your hairbrush on the bathroom counter please, I can tell you didn’t brush your hair this morning,” Kakucho said, sitting down on the couch right beside you.
Ever since Mikey said that he prefers your hair long, you were forced to grow it out. You can’t say you like it, but at least it hides all of the ugly marks on your neck and body from them…
Everyone else just goes with it; whatever Mikey says goes. It is unsure if the others like your hair as much as he does, but no matter what, they sure do act like it.
Getting up, then making your way to the main bathroom everyone uses, spotting the black brush, then grabbing **it**, and just as you were about to leave it caught your eye.
A little orange bottle with a white childproof cap. Slowly picking it up, you begin to realize that it is one of Sanzu’s many drugs. He must have left it here on accident, rushing for his mission today.
Bad day for him, but amazing for someone like yourself.
There is a good amount of pills in this container, and knowing Sanzu, only carrying around the ‘best’ (strongest) on him. He could drain this dry and it still wouldn’t be enough for someone like him.
This would be enough to kill any normal person, especially someone who has been clean for over a few years.
Slowly opening the cap, pouring the rest of the bottle in hand. Then quickly raise all of it to your mouth, only to have a hand grip your wrist.
You don't even need to turn to know who it is.
“I can’t even leave you alone for a minute before you end up doing something dangerous, put it down,” Kakucho says as he sighs. Physically, there is no chance against Kakucho.
Putting your arm down slightly to put the pills back in the bottle, while you are doing that, Kakucho’s grip softens little by little.
Once the cap is closed, you turn to look at him dazed.
“I won’t tell anyone… but if I catch you doing that again, I’m telling everyone,” he says, as he takes the pill bottle. Nodding your head yes, you just grab the brush as you both walk back to the couch.
After settling down, he starts to brush your hair. “Honestly what were you thinking? Did you just want to be on drugs or something, or was that a serious attempt?” he asks, sighing again.
“Listen I know that you hate your life here. But is it truly that bad? You can have whatever you want, having Kokonoi and Takeomi buy you anything you could dream, Sanzu would literally do anything for you, Mocchi would always listen to your rants when you talked, Ran and Rindou well they argue a lot but are fun to watch too… I try my best… even if you don’t see it…” his words are slow and cold.
“I admit that I am just as guilty as the rest of them, and everything we do is for your safety… even if you don't think it is… that is the truth…You may despise us for the rest of your life, but as long as we can keep you safe, that is what matters…” At this point, he seems to be pouring his heart out…
Sadden asks, “Do you hate me…? For doing all of this?” Shocked you shook your head no… Kakucho did nothing… all he ever did was follow orders, even if he hurt you and others, he is not to blame, you know that he feels guilty for everything he has done. After all you have always felt slight empathy towards Kakucho, he is the kindest out of all of Bonten.
“Will you please talk to me again,” He begs more than questions, you just shrug, leaving that as that. “Is life better now, than when it was when you first was brought here?” he asks, you reply with a simple nod. “That’s good at least, although I can imagine that it was like hell, the first few days,” he responds. Try the first few weeks…
After a good handful of questions, he pauses for a few seconds like he is thinking, confused, you tilted your head back and looked at him. Suddenly it is like the lightbulb rang for him.
“Would you be willing to respond to me, with more specific answers, if I have you write it down? That way you wouldn’t have to speak?” he says, nodding your head yes. He rushes out of the room to grab something.
When he is back, he has an iPad in hand, pulling out the stylist pen, he gives the pen to you as he sits on the couch. Looking at the Ipad it is already in drawing mode. “Now… why don’t you talk?” he asks.
‘I wanted to punish you guys for everything you ever did to me. I thought if you guys assumed I was broken, maybe I would find a way, to not live like this, even a peaceful death would be ideal.’
When he was reading this you could tell that he was stunned unsure of how to respond he just asked another question. “How long are you going to keep this up?”
You write, ‘Until I can be free, or at least have some freedom’
“I can talk with Mikey…” You both know that the conversation will be a waste of time for both Kakucho and Mikey, but he can still try if he wants to.
‘You’re a good person Kakucho, compared to everyone else you have the most empathy. Plus you only follow orders, due to your loyalty. I know you mean no harm to me, even if it is for better or worse, truthfully if it was just you and me I would talk to you.’ You wrote down.
“What do you mean? We are alone,” he states. Just two words I write down, ‘security cameras’ After he reads that he says, “Oh I forgot about that…,” as he looks up around the room looking at the cameras.
“I know you think we are being excessive with everything, but you have to know, we are doing everything we can to protect you… we know everything about you… there are no secrets that are kept between us…” He takes a longing pause. He is quiet… too quiet, Shit you have a bad feeling about this…
He sighs thinking, then turns to you. “Y/N… you know that Bonten made a pact to keep no secrets, and to take care of you… and today you just tried to overdose with Sanzu’s drugs… This is not just a small secret I would be hiding from them. This is about your life you could have died today if I wasn’t there to catch you... I’m sorry but I will have to tell them. I care about you and your safety… this is something I can’t hide from them.” he says looking down in shame.
This fucker… If he tells them you would be on a tighter leash than before. Things would be like how they were when they first took me. There is no way in hell you are starting back at the bottom. You have worked your way by playing nice, then the silent treatment, which they all hate. If you are back at the bottom it will take months til you can just freely walk around this building.
You know what… Fuck it you had already told him too much if you go out... You're going out with a bang. This is just a lot to grasp… This is to be expected from Sanzu, Ran, Mochi… But Kakucho?... Kakucho is too loyal for his own fucking good.
Blinded by rage, standing up you yell. “You’re Just As Fucked Up As The Rest Of Them,” After saying it is weird… your voice doesn’t sound like your voice, it is weak, and not as loud as you would have wanted to say it… Fuck... You messed up your vocal cords.
Looking at Kakucho in a brief second, he is taken aback. Your voice shocked him and yourself. Just wanting to leave and go into the bedroom.
However... As you turn you see the rest of the Bonten members, standing by the door, in pure shock. That gives you enough information, to know that they heard you.
Well, fuck….
A few moments of silence fall upon us until you finally dare to try to walk away. Only taking a few steps before a voice was heard. “Hold on Y/N, come over,” Great and that was Mikey…
You are immediately making your way infront of him and the group. “You talk to Kakucho, but not me,” he says voice filled with hurt. Should you dig myself deeper into this mess?
“I’m sorry, Mikey…” you weakly manage out, after yelling at Kakucho, you need to rest my vocal cords, your voice is hoarse, and it hurts so much the others can tell, to the point some flinch once they hear. But it doesn’t matter, you could be feeling the worst pain ever, and as long as you're alive and breathing they would be okay with that.
“So what? That is all you have to say? We heard you talk, give up your little tantrum, and talk to us, I knew you would break… longer than I anticipated but you still broke,” Ran says, wanting to hear you talk, after not hearing your voice for over a few years, judging the room they all want to hear it too.
Did this Bitch not just hear me talk? What else would he want me to say? Is he truly such a fucking sadist that he wants to hear me struggle to talk? you begin to think.
Well, in that case, you plan on saying something to him loud and clear.
“You know what? Fuck you Ran, I have been wanting to say that for so long now, you are such a manipulative shit, you really think I didn’t see through all your bullshit, how you think of yourself as a god… you think you are so great… you are just a sadist, who cheats, and contributes to nothing…. It is only because of your ‘respect’ which was beating up kids younger than you, were you feared, without beating up helpless kids, you ought to be nothing, you would still be at the bottom of Roppongi in jail, with all of the failures,” you say holding my throat, trying not to breathe hard.
“Calm down Y/N, you know it is just Ran being Ran,” You are not sure if Rindou is being sincere in saying this or saying this just to shut you up. At this point you don’t give a fuck, you're already pissed.
“You think you’re any better Rindou? the only reason people see you as a nice person is that everyone compares you to Ran. Since I can remember people have been blinded by Ran, all overlooking just how cruel, and cold-hearted you are. You are just a follower, doing whatever Ran tells you to do, following blindly behind him. To the point where all you will ever be… is your big brother’s shadow…” Your voice is getting softer and softer, Shit, you worry, just how much longer will you still be able to talk?
“Your voice is getting worse, stop talking Y/N,” Koko says concerned.
“You wanna be next?” You ask “Because you-,” Just like that, you couldn’t even finish your sentence before starting a coughing fit. After catching your breath, and notice just how sore your throat is, feeling like the after-effect of overusing it, pained to the point where it hurts to breathe.
Seeing your vision start to blur, starting to tear up. You have no idea why… What is wrong with you? Is it the pain? Or are you just being emotional all of a sudden? Why do they all have to be here? Do they think you're weak now? What is wrong with everything? How did things end up like this?...
Feeling arms wrap around you. Freezing, but then recognizing it is Kakucho. Even when you curse at him, he is here comforting you. You can’t hate him but you can’t love him. All you can do is accept him, and that is exactly what you did, at that moment.
Breathing out a breath, you didn't realize that you were holding. Relaxing your shoulders, and body, turning into his chest, not being able to handle all of their cruel stares. No matter how hard you try, tears won't stop falling…You can just feel their eyes burning your back.
“What are you guys all staring at? You all are acting like children watching a movie, Y/N has never shown any emotion for over a year, and when they finally do, all you guys plan to do is watch. They are breaking down in Kakucho’s arms,” Akashi says, breaking the tension and silence.
Always count on Akashi to be an adult when situations become grim.
“We’ll all talk together on the couch…” Mikey says, hearing his footsteps go, and the others follow behind him, as they fade. You feel Kakucho gently push you, away from him.
“Ready to follow?” he whispers. Nodding your head yes, as you slowly walk to the coach, Everyone is sitting down, and Mikey motions you to sit between him and Akashi the only other two that can keep a calm mind, no matter what goes down.
At this point, you've stopped crying, but your nose and eyes were still red, and once you sat down all hell broke loose.
“I think that Y/N should get punished for talking to me like that,” “They are hurting enough, what they said was nothing, compared to what your victims say to you,” “And I kill them for it,” “Stop being such a big baby Ran, just man up,” “Oh I know you did not just tell me to ‘man up’, being the only one that doesn’t even get their hands dirty,” “Oh? Do you want your little allowance cut?” “I swear to God, Koko if you-”
“Enough,” Mikey says, everyone is still, no one dares disobey the leader after all.
Mikey then looks at Akashi signaling something, then Akashi looks at you. Confused you wait until he says.
“Now Y/N I know you're in pain, but what you said to Ran and Rindou was uncalled for, completely immature, and you knew that were their… weak points, you need to apologize to them,” Akashi says, careful of his words.
“I’m sorry… Rindou… Ran,” you say looking down, in a low tone, your voice still scratchy.
“What was that? It was hardly sincere and he could at least talk loud enough for me to understand,” Ran complains.
Seeing Akashi give you a look, you knowingly sigh. Looking up at Ran in the eyes, hatefully “I'm sorry… Ran” louder, hearing the anger and strain almost raspyness. Then turning to his brother, calming yourself, you softly say “Sorry,” being earnest.
Just as the older brother is about to say something, Akashi cuts him off saying “Ran,” in a warning tone. Ran ends up rolling his eyes, he leans back more on the couch.
“Now Y/N…” You hear Mikey say, grabbing everyone's attention.
“Do you or Kakucho want to explain what happened today? Especially for you to lose your temper like that?” He asks intrigued about what happened, he has not normally shown this much emotion for quite some time, putting everyone more on edge.
Looking at Kakucho in a warning, begging way, for him not to tell them. Kokonoi, being the observant person he is notices. “Oh? It must be good to have you looking at Kakucho like that…” Right when Koko says that all the other's eyes are on you. Fuck…. Just great…. you think.
Looking down, ignoring their stares, waiting for Kakucho to say something.
“Today, Y/N went to the bathroom to grab their hairbrush… they were taking a bit longer than normal… so I went to see what the problem was… and when I looked in the room…” He pauses, feeling uncomfortable.
“Well hurry up what happened?” “It can’t be ‘that’ bad… can it?” “Just spit it out already,” “Kakucho…” Mikey says softly, not demanding, but reassuring, and manipulative… he can be gentle.. When he wants to…
Kakucho then takes out the pill bottle, tossing it to Sanzu only for it to be caught, by Akashi. “I found him about to take the rest of the pills in the bottle,” he finally says. Sanzu starts to pale, knowing he’s in trouble.
Everyone else, looks at Sanzu, like they're about to kill him… I wouldn’t be against that…
“The rest of these you say Kakucho? Sanzu…Just 5 at once would have killed them… Nevertheless the rest of this bottle… you were careless…" Akashi says looking at Sanzu, but then he continues.
"Almost getting Y/N killed… But then again... Who knew,” he says now turning to you.
”They would be so suicidal,”