Evanesco
Lily wakes up in the morning with a rager of a headache, dry mouth, and James in her bed.
This is definitely a development.
Lily had apparently found James in her sleep, as her head is on his shoulder and her leg is wrapped around his hip. He’s on his back, mouth open, dead asleep. Lily wants to admire him – she could look at him for the rest of her life. Good inside and out.
She doesn't let herself.
Ever so quiet, she gets up and tip-toes to the bathroom, where she makes it halfway through taking off her makeup and washing her face before she’s curled over the toilet, vomiting out everything that’s inside. It’s liquid and gross, and Lily’s shaking and her head is throbbing.
“Goddamnit,” she croaks, flushing the toilet and standing up on wobbly legs. She continues taking off her makeup, then sits on the ground to brush her hair, unable to hold herself up. Her arms ache as she wrestles her red curls into a braid. It’s recuperation. It feels pathetic.
For a while, she lays on the cold tile of the bathroom floor, regretting her life choices, reevaluating everything she’s ever said and done, but then she has to throw up again, so she’s back on her knees, head completely empty.
Luckily, it seems like she’s done throwing up after that, so she hoists herself up and leaves the bathroom unsteadily to go downstairs and get a cup of water. She could just do a spell, but magic water always tastes a bit stale.
Remus is in the kitchen, sitting in one of the wicker chairs with a cup of tea and the Prophet. His eyes are puffy and his t-shirt is falling off his shoulder, but he looks to be doing okay.
“Anybody dead?” Lily asks, motioning to the paper, filling up a cup with water from the sink, watching it with blurry eyes.
“No,” Remus says. “How do you feel?”
“Regretful.”
“Damn.”
Lily lets out a weak little laugh, sipping gingerly on her water. She sits down beside Remus and drops her head onto the table. “Where’re Mr. and Mrs. Potter?”
“They said work, but I think they had to go out on a mission.” Remus turns the page to the crossword section. He holds his hand out, and a pencil flies into it. He’s weirdly good at wandless magic. Says it’s the Wolf. “Don’t tell James, though. He’ll freak.”
Lily nods.
“Speaking of James, I noticed that neither of you came back after you ran out of the room,” Remus says cheekily. “We wondered what happened to you.”
“I was tired. I wanted to sleep,” Lily says, keeping her voice steady, trying to give nothing away. “He wanted to sleep too. So we slept.”
“And that’s all you did?”
“Careful, Remus, or I’ll shout.”
“You can’t handle loud noises right now.”
Lily sighs. “You’re right.”
“I won’t badger you, but I bet that the girls will. And Sirius. Drink your water.”
She groans, but lifts her head to put her lips on the ridge of her water cup, slurping.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Remus asks. “James, I mean.”
“No,” Lily replies. “Not yet.”
“Okay. Do you wanna help me with the crossword?”
~
The day moves on sluggishly. Eventually, the girls wake up and give Lily shit for last night, which she expertly dodges by throwing up three more times. Once James and Sirius are up, the girls and Peter head home, dragging their feet and still wearing their clothes from last night. Remus hangs out for a little bit longer, but he eventually has to leave as well, summoned home by his mother for dinner.
James gets a patronus from his parents that informs him they won’t be home until late. They say that they’re caught up at the Ministry, but nobody buys it. James swats the mare patronus away, then retreats wordlessly to his room for the rest of the night.
“Wanna come into the village with me?” Sirius asks. “Get dinner? We’ll bring something back for Prongs so he doesn’t starve himself.”
“Sure.” Lily dog-ears her book and leaves it on the couch, ready for her to pick back up later. Persuasion by Jane Austen. Lily has read nearly every single Jane Austen book, but she continues to fall back on them whenever she feels herself nearing a slump.
They put on their jackets and trainers, then leave the house after shouting up to James that they’ll be gone for a bit.
“He’ll freak out if he doesn’t know where we are,” Sirius says, tying his hair back with Lily’s neon blue hair-tie. “Once, I forgot to tell him that I had a detention for a few hours, and I took the Map with me, and he barged into the room I was in after literally searching the entire castle. He was about to cry. Mcgonagall let me go early.”
“Does James have attachment issues?”
Sirius lets out a laugh, but his face immediately goes slack. “It’s not funny.”
Lily shrugs.
The evening is hazy, cloudy. It probably won’t rain, it’s just one of those dreary, humid days, though it’s chilly now. An English evening. The roads are cobble and old, the shops and houses have been the same since they were built hundreds of years ago. The street lights are already on, though the sun is still shining aggressively behind the clouds.
“Chinese?” Sirius asks, stopping in front of a Chinese restaurant.
“Why not.”
Sirius opens the door for Lily and eloquently says, “After you, m’lady.”
Lily cackles and punches him in the arm. “Dipshit.”
He follows her into the warm, hole-in-the wall style restaurant and hugs her from behind. “My Lily girl.”
“I’ll never figure you out,” Lily says, smiling broadly, looking at the menu plastered above the counter.
“Right back at you.”
They order their dinner and Sirius carries it home, swinging it back and forth. He’s been in a good mood recently, unlike the last few years during which he’d been practically unbearable in his moodiness. He was unpredictable and literally insane. Now, he’s mellowed out a little bit. Maybe it’s because he has a few years of constant Potter love under his belt, or maybe it’s a Remus thing. Lily doesn’t know.
Happiness suits him.
“Sirius?” Lily says.
He hums.
She looks at him. He’s a face of strong lines and sharpness, made to be pale but tanned by the summer. “I want you to know that… whatever happens, I love you. No matter what.”
“You too, ginge,” he says.
“I mean it, okay? Anything. Nothing you say or do could make me love you less.”
“Don’t get soppy.”
“I’m not soppy.”
He pushes her, smiling. “You’re such a swot.”
They eat their dinner at the kitchen table in relative silence. Lily reads her book and Sirius does his weird staring-into-the-distance thing. When they're done, they bring James’ dinner to his room. He’s laying in his bed, right in the middle, covers pulled up to his chin, eyes glazed over. He’s so bad at asking for help even when he needs it.
“Alright, Prongs?” Sirius says, leaving the takeaway container on his nightstand.
James nods.
“I don’t know why I ask you that, you daft bloody liar.” Sirius climbs into bed beside James, right under the covers.
Lily stands in the doorway, unsure of what to do.
“Do you want me to stay or go?” Sirius says.
“Stay,” James whispers.
“Want the dog?”
He nods.
Sirius sighs, getting out of bed and transforming into Padfoot. It’s a bit shocking, seeing his head get longer, his arms turning into legs, entire body shrinking until there’s a massive, shaggy, black dog in the place that Sirius was standing.
Padfoot gives a boof, then jumps onto the bed. He does exactly three circles, then lays down, head on James’ chest. He reaches out his paw and jerkily pats the bed on the other side of James. It's awfully human-like for a dog. A dog that is Sirius. Sirius is a dog. He is a dog. He barks and points to the other side of James with his nose.
Lily takes this as her cue, deciding to dissect the Animagus thing later. She knows they're Animaguses, she'd just rather not see it.
She climbs over the dog and James to lay beside him, on top of the covers, frozen still.
James curls himself over Padfoot and inhales deeply. It’s easy to think that Sirius needs James, and not the other way around, but they both need each other, just in different ways. Their understanding for each other goes beyond friendship. They were born brothers, there's no other explanation. Here is James; this sweet, sensitive boy. Born to be loved. And here is his best friend; this boy who learned how to be loved.
Lily feels like she’s intruding on this private moment, on this piece of love between two brothers, until James is tugging on her arm, and they’re in a three-way hug. Dog, girl, boy.
“I’m scared,” James whispers.
“I know,” Lily whispers back. She can’t tell him that it’ll be okay. She won’t lie just for the sake of it. Nobody knows anymore. “Why don’t you eat a little bit, yeah? Before your food goes cold.”
James shakes his head and burrows further into Padfoot’s fur. Lily strokes his hair and lets him mope. She supposes he’s allowed to, not knowing where his parents are and whether or not they’ll come back alive.
Eventually, James sits up and begins picking at his food, still staring blankly into the distance. It's very Sirius-like. Lily wishes he had a TV or radio in here – anything to drown out the silence. He eats and he mopes, then he lies back down.
Instead of going to Padfoot, this time he wraps himself around Lily, head in the cook of her neck and arm around her waist. He hesitates before doing it, gaining some consciousness, but decides to fuck it.
Lily can’t move. She’s frozen. James is holding her, like he needs to, like it's the only thing keeping him down. Slowly, ever so carefully, she puts a hand in his hair and toys with it, then slightly turns her body towards his. His breath is warm against her neck, and it smells like his Chinese takeaway. Padfoot lies across both their bodies, head on James and body on Lily.
Lily's eyes get heavy. She thinks she could live like this for the rest of her life.
~
A door slams and a kettle gets turned on. James and Sirius are out of the room in an instant, Sirius changing back to a human as he goes. Lily sits up and wipes her eyes, half asleep. She doesn’t remember falling asleep, but when she checks the clock, it’s several hours later and she has no recollection of what happened during them.
Mr. and Mrs. Potter are home, safe and sound. Lily smiles to herself. She decides to let the boys have their parents, and walks to her room sleepily, touching her name on the plaque before she goes inside and falls asleep once more.
~
Lily and James are practicing their domestic spells in the kitchen right after lunch, trying and failing to wash the dishes.
“How can I cast a Patronus, but not clean some food off dishes,” Lily says after a chunk of chicken flew off the plate, then reattached itself.
“Don’t even get me started on cooking charms,” James agrees. “I can mix it, then when it comes to cooking… game over.”
“Literally.” Lily shakes her shoulders and squares up. “Alright, hold up the plate. Let me try again.”
James does as he’s told. Lily swishes her wand exactly the way she was told to in the textbook, recites the words, and absolutely nothing happens. She lets out a grunt and rolls her eyes, “Bloody spell! Right, I’m doing it the muggle way.”
“I’ll dry,” James says.
They work together easily. Lily washes, and James uses a towel to dry. It feels like what the rest of their lives could be like. This domestic push and pull, this easy way to love. It feels like what marriage could be like.
Lily is making things up. She’s going crazy. She can’t believe she’s thinking these things, letting herself give in to these delusions.
She imagines them ten years, twenty years from now, in this house, doing this same thing. Would they have children running about? Would the war be over? Would Lily finally understand herself? Like herself?
Do she and James even have ten, twenty years?
Thinking that way is no good. Lily puts that away. She'll address it when she's alone and can't keep her mind silent/
“Well isn’t this just heartwarming,” Remus says, stepping into the kitchen.
“Hiya, Moony!” James puts down the plate he was drying to slap Remus on the shoulder. “How’d you get in?”
“You left the back door open, you big tosser,” he says. “Can’t do that. You’ll end up letting in a werewolf or something.”
James frowns. “Not funny. Bad joke.”
“Come on! That was a good joke. It was funny, right, Lily?”
She shakes her head. “It was not.”
Remus frowns. “It was hilarious. Clever. So funny.”
“Swot,” James sighs.
Remus bats him over the head.
“Why’re you here, anyways?” James says, leaning back on the counter. His forearms and biceps pop out at this angle, peeking out from under his Gryffindor quidditch tee. He works out every morning, running and weight training.
Lily is pathetic.
“Want me to go find Sirius?” Lily asks. She needs to Get Out Of Here.
“No, I’m actually here to talk to you, Lils,” Remus says. “Come for a walk.”
“Ooh, you’re in trouble,” James says. “Budge over, swot, let me finish the dishes. You go get chewed out.”
“Remus doesn’t get mad at me.”
“Oh yes I most definitely do,” he says. “Out the front. We’re going for a walk.”
Lily passes the dish rag to James and shrugs. “Alright. Lead the way.”
Remus does, hurrying through the house at the speed of light. Once they’re out the front and the door is closed, Remus lets out a sigh and says, “Sirius’ll start to smell me if I stay there for too long.”
“Smell you? He’s upstairs?”
“Dog nose.” Remus taps his own nose, grinning.
Lily shakes her head, smiling to herself. She steps down the stairs, trainers scuffed on the pavement. It’s a nice day, sunny and bright yet not too hot. Lily rolls up the sleeves of her yellow t-shirt and looks back at Remus, squinting against the sun. “What do you wanna talk about?”
Remus grunts as he takes the stairs, holding his ruddy knee. “You can’t run away when I tell you. It’s too close to the moon for me to chase you.”
“I can’t run. I’m horrifically out of shape.”
“And I’m a smoker werewolf. Looks like we’re both screwed.”
“We’re all bloody screwed,” Lily says, continuing to walk down the road. They take a turn towards the more rural area instead of into town. “A group of blood traitors and mudbloods, we are.”
“I wish you wouldn’t use that word.”
“Why shouldn’t I? It’s what I am.”
“You’re a muggle-born,” Remus states plainly, “which means absolutely nothing at the end of the day. When we bleed, it’s all the same color.”
“I doubt the Dark Lord bleeds red,” Lily says. “I doubt that he bleeds at all.”
Remus snorts. “I hate war. Let’s talk about what I want to talk to you about: James.”
“Let’s talk about war.”
“No.” He pauses for a moment to rub his knee, then continues. “We need to talk about this.”
Lily stops and looks back at him. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“You love him.”
“Of course I love him. Just in the same way I love you and Sirius and Peter.”
“No.” Remus shakes his head. “No, Lily. You love him in a different way.”
She frowns. “You can’t… I can’t talk about it. I can’t.”
“Why?”
Lily walks forward, biting her lip, listening to the pavement crackle beneath Remus’ feet as he follows her. Wind through the trees, hole in her heart. She says, “Remus, these feelings. They’re-they’re too much. I can’t think about them, let alone talk about them.”
“You love him.”
“So what?” She says forcefully, louder than intended. “So what if I do? Is that what you wanted to hear? It’s not like I can do anything about it.”
“Why not?”
“Stop trying to be my therapist.” She’s laying her bricks, she’s building her walls. A four by four that lets nobody in. Isolated and alone, the way it should be. Remus is digging his claws into the wet grout and pulling them out, and Lily can’t handle it. She can’t. She can’t be seen when she wishes everyone around her was blind.
“Lily, you’ve gotta–”
“I haven’t got to do anything,” she bites. She wheels around and stares Remus straight in the eyes, looking up. “Why is it always me, yeah? Why’re you always trying to get me to talk? Why not you? I’ve told you my secret, why won’t you tell me yours?”
“I–”
“No, Remus. Why don’t we talk about you? Your feelings.” She’s getting mean. Something in her likes it. A little monster inside her chest is licking its lips and grinning, glad she’s finding the guts. “Why don’t we talk about Sirius.”
He takes a step back. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
The monster eggs her on. She says, “A secret for a secret.”
Remus blinks. He breathes a few times, chest rising and falling slowly. The sun is behind his head, enveloping his light brown hair in a halo. Saint Remus. He nods. “Alright. Secret for a secret.”
He walks straight into the grass. Lily follows him, the tops of the grass hitting the top of her hip bone, itchy against her bare legs. Remus probably doesn’t realize how tall it is, grass barely hitting the middle of his thigh, his legs that he covers even in the summers.
There’s a few boulders right where the grassy field meets the trees that clothe the creek. It’s shallow in this area, but deepens as it meanders onto the Potter’s property. Lily can still hear it trickle along, molding the land.
She and Remus sit on the same boulder, looking out over the treeline.
The monster retreats. It has played its part.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “You shouldn’t… I got defensive.”
“I pushed you.”
“I pushed you.”
Remus scratches his face, his stubble. Crazy boy. Kind boy. He pushes his hair out of his face, then drops his hands into his lap and picks at his cuticles. Red and bloody, irritated. He always has to be doing something, always has to be moving.
“The first time Sirius held my hand was when I was picking my cuticles like this,” Remus says softly. “We were thirteen and it was winter and seven of my fingers were bleeding, but he held my hand anyway.”
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“I want to,” Remus says shakily, giving an unconvincing smile. “You’re one of my closest friends. I want you to know.”
Lily swallows her spit.
“We’ve been seeing each other for a few months now. Since just after the winter holiday.”
She nods once, ever so slowly, sucking on the inside of her cheek. For some reason, she never thought they'd get here, such bare-faced admissions have never been their thing. Their friendship is quietly reading, sitting in the sun and editing essays. It takes place in libraries and classrooms. "Oh."
"Yeah."
“Do you love him?”
Remus sucks in a breath through his teeth. “No.” He brings his pointer finger to his mouth and bites off his cuticle. “I can’t. I can’t trust him, and I can’t live without him.”
“That makes no sense.”
He laughs lightly. “Believe me, I know.” Blood pools on his finger. He plucks a piece of grass from the ground and wraps it around the wound. “After fifth year… after the prank… I dunno. I can’t stay away from him. I can’t. He’s unpredictable and he’s… he’s wild, but he’s so loving, and he’s kind in his heart, I know it. I know it. And he’s mine. Lily, he’s mine.”
“But you don’t love him.”
“I think that love and trust go hand in hand,” he says. “You can’t love someone without trusting them, and I don’t think I can ever trust Sirius again. I don’t know what he’s capable of. None of us do.”
Lily hugs her knees to her chest, listening.
Remus holds the grass in place with his fist. When he moves his hand away, the grass stays in place. It’s been browned and burnt with magic, sealed shut. He closes his eyes and says, “I wish I could know who Sirius would be without his family. They’ve just… he’s a Black down to his bones. He’s a good one, but he’s a Black. He wants so badly to be good.”
Lily thinks about the pure goodness in Sirius’ heart. Easy lover, easy boy. He’s so young, they all are. Everything feels awfully mature for seventeen-year-olds.
“I dunno.” Remus shrugs. “We’re seeing each other. I like him an awful lot.”
“Does he make you happy?”
He smiles. “Yeah, he does.”
“Then I’m happy for you.” Lily pats his arm. “Truly. And, if you were afraid to tell us because it’s… it’s two boys and you’re…”
“...queer?”
“Yeah, queer,” Lily repeats, word heavy in her mouth. She doesn’t know why. “If you were afraid to tell me because of that, I want you to know that I don’t love you any differently. You’re my Remus, you’re my boy, alright? Nothing can change that.”
At those words, Remus crumples. Head to his knees, hands covering his face. He’s shaking, he’s shaking his head back and forth, up and down. Choked up, he says, “You don’t know how long I’ve been wanting to hear those words.”
Lily rubs his back. “I love you. Always will.”
He looks at her, tears in his eyes, then hugs her tightly. He feels different, like a weight has been lifted off him. He smells of relief. She rocks them back and forth, patting Remus’ back, kissing his cheek. He just needs a moment. Lily will give it to him.
She’d probably give him all the time in the world.
“Merlin,” Remus sniffs, sitting up. “We’re supposed to be talking about you, not about me.”
“Does it feel better, though? Now that you’ve got it out?”
He nods, wiping his eyes. “One thing: please don’t tell James. Let Sirius tell him.”
“Er…” Lily bites her lip, wondering whether to say it or not. Him coming out wasn’t exactly a surprise. “Well… James kind of already knows.”
“What? Sirius told him?”
“No, not exactly.” She takes a breath. “James, Pete, and I figured it out. A while ago.”
Remus deflates, giggling a little bit to himself as he does so, manically. “You fucking knew?”
“Yes?”
He gives her a shove. “Prick.”
“We were waiting until you were ready to tell us! Neither of you are very good at keeping secrets, you know.”
“Goddamn.”
Lily laughs. “It’s out in the open now. When we get back, Sirius can tell James, and everything will be good.”
“Not exactly.” Remus wipes his eyes with the hem of his t-shirt, then looks at Lily, eyes going serious. “There’s the topic of James.”
“God, no.”
“Lily, I won’t stand by and let you be miserable.”
“I like misery!” She says. “Misery is good! Misery is safe!”
“Misery sucks. Trust me, I know.”
A wind sweeps through the trees, rustling the leaves. It tastes sweet, settling nicely in Lily’s lungs as she inhales it, feels it brushing her face, blowing through her red hair. She closes her eyes and breathes in deeply through her nose. The wind is never violent in Godric’s Hollow.
“I’m scared, Remus,” Lily says, opening her eyes. “I’m so scared that it paralyzes me.”
“Here’s the thing.” He shifts, hiking his leg up onto the rock and resting his chin on his knee. “It is scary. It’s terrifying. For me, I was more afraid of living the rest of my life without knowing what it was like to be with Sirius. Do you want to live your life without knowing what it’s like to… to let yourself love James?”
“It’s so soon,” she whispers. “I’ve only known for a couple weeks now. Sure, it’s been happening for longer, but I didn’t realize it. I feel like I need time.”
“There’s a war on. You don’t have time.”
That statement knocks the sweet air out of Lily’s lungs, almost a realization more harsh than loving James. Wizards are dying every day. Their little group can’t stay untouched forever, not if they’ll fight like they say they will.
It’s as simple as this: Lily’s days are numbered. They’ve been numbered ever since Mcgonagall showed up at her house that March when she finally turned eleven.
“Don’t wait, Lily,” Remus tells her.
“It’s just… he told me he doesn’t like me anymore. Not like that, anyway.”
Remus stretches out his knee, and it cracks loudly. He rubs the joint and says, “James is a liar. He loves to be selfless, but sometimes he’s so focused on himself that he can’t see reason. James will lie if he thinks it will protect him.”
“How do you know that?” Lily asks.
“If he’s over you, he’d tell us. He’d work through it with Sirius and announce it to all of us.” Remus sorts through the pockets of his denims until he finds his cigarette pack.
Lily wordlessly holds out her fingers, and Remus puts a stick between it. He lights it for her, and she takes a drag. She’s rarely a smoker, only when she’s drunk or upset. Smoking is the boys’ thing. Remus gave them a cigarette pack each in fourth year as their Christmas present, and they never looked back.
Remus lights his own and says, “James has only spoken about you once this whole summer.”
Lily tries to look disinterested, like this information will have no effect on her whatsoever.
“It was last week. After the party.” He takes a drag. “He said that he thought you were going to kiss him. He looked devastated.”
Lily flicks ash onto the grass, but the wind picks it up before it can reach the ground and carries it away.
"James won't ask you again. He respects you too much." Remus glances over at Lily. "It's up to you. James put your future in your hands. What are you going to do with it?"
She contemplates for a moment, trying to listen to the creek flow through the thin wood. She can almost picture it, clear-brown water with few fish, tumbling over rocks and speeding up as it goes downhill, as it flows into the river just a few kilometers away. When she speaks, it’s smokey. “Give me a day. If, by this time tomorrow, I haven’t told him; tell him for me.”
“Are you sure?” Remus’ eyebrows disappear behind his fringe.
Lily nods. It’s final. “I’m sick of this. It’s either over or it’s beginning. I hate the goddamn in between.”
They fall into silence after that, smoking together and listening to the wind meander through the trees, down and up, around the grass. It’s getting colder. It might rain. If Lily were to look to the left, she might see clouds building.
She won’t look left.
Once her cigarette is ashes, she taps the butt with her wand and it disappears. Wizards have never been able to find out where the items go after they’ve been discarded. For hundreds of years, scientists have dedicated themselves to this research. Has it never crossed their minds that, sometimes, things just cease to exist?
Not her and James, though.
Not Lily and James.
That’s something that Lily won’t let disappear.
~
She and Remus walk back to the house together. Remus smokes another cigarette and listens to Lily talk about plans for when they get back to school. She’s been so preoccupied with her personal life this summer that she’s barely put any thought into being Head Girl and the quickly approaching NEWTS.
Sirius and James are sitting on the front step together, both smoking. It’s probably James’ fifth today. He’ll get nicotine stains between his fingers.
“Where’d you two run off to?” Sirius asks, standing up to greet Remus with a brotherly slap on the shoulder.
“Needed to get away from you two tossers,” Remus says, sidestepping Sirius and taking a seat on the front stoop.
Lily scratches her neck, looking at James, who hasn’t looked up from the ground. His part is in the middle of his head, but it’s hardly visible due to the sheer volume of his black hair. Lily’s never seen anyone with as much hair as him except for maybe herself.
“Hey, James,” she says.
He looks up, glasses sliding down his face sweaty. “Hi, Lils.”
Remus gives Lily a knowing look, which she ignores.
“I’m staying tonight,” Remus says. He’s always so casual about staying at the Potters’ house, unafraid of being rejected because the Potter’s never reject anyone. “I’ve got pot. My dealer just got back in town.”
“Wicked.” Sirius grins.
James drops his cigarette onto the pavement and puts it out with the tip of his wand. He stands up and stretches, cracking his back. His shirt is an old one, a random Beatles shirt from who knows where. It’s the victim of a thrift-flip attempt, where James tried to cut off the fraying bottom of the tee, but he cut off too much. The shirt is cropped.
“You have to get rid of the butt,” Lily says, pointing to the discarded cigarette. “You can’t leave it there.”
“Huh?” James squints down. “What?”
“It’s littering,” Lily elaborates. “You have to use Evanesco.”
“Oh.” He mutters the spell to the piece of trash, and it disappears. “I forgot you’re an environmental prick.”
“Am not,” she defends. “I just think that we need to take better care of our world, that’s all.”
“Environmentalist.” He kicks her shoe.
“That’s not an insult.”
“It is, way I’m using it.”
Lily shakes her head incredulously. This is the boy who she chose to love.
“Smoke.” Sirius comes between them, holding Remus’ baggie of joints that he probably rolled himself. “Smoke.”
“You fucking addict.” James wraps an elbow around his neck and pulls him down, digging his knuckles into Sirius’ head. He shakes his head. “You hear that, Padfoot? I can hear your brain rattling around in there.”
“Fucker.” Sirius jerks away and rubs his head, wincing a little bit. “None for you, then.”
James makes a move to nick the joints from Sirius’ hand, but he’s too quick. They look at each other for a moment, grinning ear to ear, then take off around the house, chasing each other.
Lily watches them go, hands on their hips.
Remus sighs. His hands are empty. “These are our boys, I guess.”
Lily’s heart is warm. “Yeah. They are.”