Honey
From early on I knew I could never trust Dumbledore. It might have been the fact he knew Sirius, Regulus and I were being abused and did nothing. Or the fact that he showed blatant favouritism towards Gryffindor. But it seemed at this point in time, only one other person that I knew really shared this deep resentment towards him. That person was Lily Evans.
Around December of first year I came across Lily crying by herself in the library. She told me that her sister, Petunia, had sent a letter telling her not to come home for Christmas. You see, Lily was the first and only witch of her family. Her sister never received a letter. From what Lily has told me, Petunia begged and begged Dumbledore to let her come to Hogwarts but he claimed there was nothing he could do. In my opinion there must have been something he could do, whether that was let her come for a visit one time or send her a chocolate frog, but he did nothing. Anyways, ever since then we’ve been really close. Lily and I connect on the fact our hatred for Dumbledore stems partially from his attitude of doing nothing unless it benefits him. We even meet every Saturday to specifically talk about what new things we hate about him, it is quite therapeutic actually. I’m sure if I brought these ideas to James or Sirius they would laugh in my face, but of course they idolize our headmaster.
It is no secret in the Potter household that Dumbledore runs a resistance group called The Order of The Phoenix, Effie and Monty are members after all. James, Sirius, Remus, and of course that means Peter too, have made it very clear to Dumbledore that after they graduate they plan to join the war against Voldemort and ‘kick loads of death eater ass blah blah blah’. I've heard them talk about it a thousand times. The boys are convinced they’re going to be heroes. According to Sirius, once the boys graduate Dumbledore is going to let them. I wouldn’t necessarily believe it but Remus said it was true. Another reason to hate Dumbledore: he is going to let children fight his battles. There is something off about Dumbledore's role in the war and this year I plan to find out what it is.
***
September 1st 1977, Hogwarts - Gryffindor tower, 6th year girls dormitory
“Mary.” I state firmly. “If you don’t finish unpacking your trunk I am going to hex you into next week! There are clothes all over the floor.”
“Okay, okay, relax.” Mary replies calmly. “You’re getting as bad as Lily.”
“She’ll likely say the same when she gets back from prefect rounds.” I say.
Since the war started really picking up, less and less students have been coming to Hogwarts, so for the last few years it has been three to four people per dorm. Apart from Mary, I also share a dorm with Lily Evans. We lucked out with three people. I continued unpacking my own trunk and just as I was finishing, the door to the dorm opened and Lily stepped in rolling her eyes.
“I honestly cannot- Mary, please tell me your trunk isn’t still sitting completely full on your bed and these clothes on the floor are just hallucinations.” Lily sighs.
“I could, but that would be considered lying.” Mary smirks.
Lily looked at me, widening her eyes slightly, I nodded understanding what she wanted me to do.
“Mary.” I start. “What if we could promise you all the muggle alcohol a girl could want for the rest of the school year.”
Mary groaned. “You lot are no fun.” She starts to pick up her clothes off the floor and put them into her wardrobe.
“We just promised you a year's supply of alcohol, so yes, we are fun actually.” Lily laughed.
“Alright. I’m done unpacking so i’m going to pop by the boys dorm, I’ll see you girls later.” I waved as I stepped out into the hall. I could already hear Mary and Lily bickering as I walked towards the boys dormitories.
I walked right into their room since I have many times before and surveyed the scene in front of me. I could hear the shower running and figured it must be James in there considering he usually gets right to quidditch practice once we’re back at the castle. Sirius was sprawled dramatically over Remus’s lap while the latter was reading something for ancient runes class presumably, considering the cover had a bunch of odd letters on it. I couldn’t see Peter so just assumed he was down in the common room.
“Cass!” Sirius cried. “Tell Moony to stop being a swot and pay attention to me.”
“Moony, stop being a swot and pay attention to your boyfriend.” I say, jumping onto Sirius’s bed.
“Fine. Only because I can’t actually read anything once you two start talking.”
“Hey!” Sirius and I both say at the same time then glare at each other.
“Oi, you have any fags?” Remus asks into the room.
“Yea, oh bugger i've left them in the common room.” Sirius curses, giving Remus a quick kiss on the cheek and jogging out the door.
In the time since I entered the room it has failed to catch my notice that the shower has turned off. That is until James steps out of the bathroom wearing only a white towel around his waist, water dripping from his black curls.
I was snapped out of whatever weird trance I just found myself in by Remus’s voice.
“You’re drooling a bit there sweetheart.”
“Am not.” I scoff.
“Prongs, Cassie is here by the way.” Remus says unable to hide the smile in his voice.
“Shit!” James freezes. “Bloody hell, I could have walked out starkers!”
At that moment Sirius and Peter decide to enter the room.
“James! Why on earth are you in the nude around my baby sister?” Sirius gasps.
“Oh piss off Sirius.” I snap back.
“What? Don’t want him to interrupt the eye fucking that was going down?” Remus whispers.
“I am going to pretend you didn’t just say that.” I whisper back. “Hey wormy!”
“Hi Cassiopeia.” Peter replies.
When I look back at James he has a grey crew neck and red plaid pyjama bottoms on. He catches me staring and I quickly look away to find that Remus is still watching me. He grins and I flip him off before bringing up what I really came here to talk about.
“So, party on Friday after dinner right? Who’s in charge of drinks? The girls and I can take care of music and decorations.”
“Pads and I were planning on getting drinks the night before.” James explains.
“And Pete and I are tasked with spreading the word of said party.” Remus says.
“Great!” I cheer. “Team work really does make the dream work. I’ll be off then, just wanted to check in. Goodnight lads.”
“Night!” They all chorus back.
I head back to my room and enter to find Mary and Lily already asleep. I gather my toiletries and head to the bathroom to complete my nighttime routine, then get into my four poster bed and draw the curtains shut. I blow out a breath and try not to think about how James looked exiting the bathroom but find that that is in fact all I can think about. I roll onto my stomach, shove my head into my pillow and scream until all the air has left my lungs. Eventually I fall asleep and dream of hazel eyes and…darkness.
I am in a room of golden honey, filled with warmth and light. Then it is as if I am moving downward, away from the light. My light. My motions slowed by the viscous texture. Then my last finger leaves the honey and I am falling. It’s completely dark around me, like ink. Eventually I drop onto a hard surface. It is cold and wet and rough. I’m filled with panic and I don’t know why. I am clawing my way to what looks like water with infinite depths. I’m being dragged down. I can’t breathe.
I wake up gasping for air, the arms from my dream still around me. No, that’s not right. Those hands were like ice, clawing into me. These hands are warm and soft, slightly calloused. I blink violently and promptly burst into tears, folding into the boy in front of me. I can hear James talking to me but I’m crying so hard I can’t make out what he’s saying. His hands are running soothing lines up and down my back while mine clench tightly onto his crew neck. After I have calmed a bit he pulls me gently away from him.
“Cass.” He says calmly. “Are you alright?”
“Yea.” I sniff. “I just had a nightmare. I- Wait what are you doing here? Where are Mary and Lily?”
“Breakfast I imagine.” James blinks at me. “I, um, I was, well, Sirius asked me to check if you were awake and when I knocked I could hear you talking and gasping.”
I bite my lip as he explains, blushing in embarrassment. James eyes trail down to my lips and he quickly looks away.
“Do you want to head down with me?” He continues after a few minutes of silence.
“Yea. Would you wait in here while I take a quick shower? I don’t really want to be alone right now.”
“Yea anything.”
When I step under the water I turn it up as hot as it will go and scrub my face. James and I don’t talk again until we enter the great hall.
“James.” I call as he begins to walk towards the Gryffindor table.
“Yeah?” He responds concerned.
“Don’t say anything to the others, okay?”
“I wasn’t planning to.”
“Thanks.”
We give each other a smile and then he turns away to continue his route to where the other marauders are seated. I on the other hand head towards the Slytherin table where I can see Pandora, Barty, Evan, and Regulus together. I scooch in beside Regulus and gasp at his appearance. He’s got dark bags under his eyes and his hair isn’t quite as perfect as usual.
“Christ, you look like death himself.” I chuckle.
“You aren’t looking so pretty either Peia.” Regulus drawls back.
“You guys actually look even more similar than you usually do.” Evan pipes in. “Matching dark circles and all.”
“What happened to you last night?” I ask my twin.
“Just a weird dream. You?”
“Mm, same.”
Regulus and I look at each other closer this time. He narrows his eyes and I narrow mine right back. He tilts his head slightly and I shake mine.
“Later.” Reg says decisively.
“Later.” I nod in agreement.
“Bloody hell, I knew the Black family was weird but this is a whole new level.” Barty cackles. “Pass the pumpkin juice will you Pandora?”
“Since you used such lovely manners!” Pandora replies, rolling her eyes and sliding the juice to Barty.
After breakfast we all get up and make our way to our first classes of the day, for Barty and Evan that means Arithmancy. For Reg, Pandora and I that means Divination.