Marlene McKinnon was confident, she voiced her opinions, and she didn’t care what others opinions. As a child she would lead around the neighbourhood kids, choreographing dances, leading quidditch practices, or standing up to bullies. Marlene’s mother had often reminded her of how annoying she was, telling her that she was egotistical and self centred, she had learned to ignore her mother however. As long as her friends and peers enjoyed her company she didn’t care about what adults though. It had never occurred to her that the things her mother had said might be true.
Then she was accepted into Hogwarts, she went in with her head held high, she talked to whoever was closest, and was an active voice in the classroom. She had quickly made friends with Sirius Black, everyone else was wary of him at first, everyone except herself and James Potter. She didn’t understand it, he had been sorted in to Gryffindor and that was proof enough that he wasn’t anything like his family.
It had been their first potions class of the year, it was a class she really wanted to do good in so she had prepared for it over the summer. Every time Slughorn would ask a question she would put her hand up, and every time she was ignored. Over and over again Slughorn would chose someone else’s hand, pick on someone unwilling, never her. After the seventh time she started to hear some Slytherins laugh, when she looked over at them they laughed even more, she had never felt more embarrassed in her life.
After that she refused to even try in Potions, well the class at least. She had to do well in the exams so she would go to the Library late at night and cram in all that Slughorn had taught them that day. It was hard at first, but she wanted Slughorn to feel guilty, to regret not picking her that day, to feel embarrassed that he had missed out on a star student.
Except it didn’t work like that, because a certain Dorcas Meadowes always scored higher than her, every single exam she was always just a few points ahead of Marlene. They hated each other, it was a mutual agreement actually. The most annoying thing is that they sat beside each other in most classes that had assigned seating, so of course she took the opportunity to tease and prank Dorcas. Call her a bully all you want, but seeing the way her face lit up with fury was the funniest thing ever.
If she couldn’t be the smartest she would be the most popular. So she continued to stand up to anyone who dare call her friends slurs, proved to the boys that she was better at Quidditch than them. She plastered a smile on her face everyday, she laughed loudly and spoke about topics that would make her grandmother roll in her grave.
Marlene wasn’t ashamed of being a woman, as well as the topics that came along with it. She openly talked about her period or her genitals, she didn’t understand why people hid those parts of themselves. It wasn’t even that she spoke about them to challenge society, she genuinely didn’t pick up the awkwardness around it.
She was sitting beside Sirius in charms, they always had ever since first year, even after James and Remus were moved into their class. Everyone was talking, she didn’t think anyone would have been able to hear her except Sirius. “I don’t mean to alarm you…”
Sirius turned to look at her. “But..?
“My underwear is so far up my fanny right now.”
“I- what?” Sirius laughed out but his laughing was soon interrupted by Mulciber.
“Shut up McKinnon, the only time I want to hear about something being up your fanny is if I’m fucking you.” Mulciber called out and Avery laughed as well as a few others who overheard.
Sirius looked furious. “Oi shut the fuck up Mulciber, don’t you and Avery need to get back to boning each other?” He said smirking, and both boys started stuttering.
Marlene didn’t care though, because it felt like everything around her had slowed. It felt like she was the only person in the planet, but there was thousands of other planets surrounding her, staring at her.
“Are you alright Marls?” Sirius asked, concern written all over his face.
She nodded. “Yeah I-, I’m just going to go to the bathroom.” She swallowed thickly and stood up to ask the teacher if she could go, he nodded and she left the classroom as quickly as possible.
She couldn’t breathe and she didn’t know why, it wasn’t like she had been sexually assaulted or even threatened, it was just a joke. His words kept repeating in her ear, and the laughs kept echoing behind it, she was stumbling slightly and she didn’t even realise it. The girls bathrooms were close enoughand she practically crashed in to them.
As soon as she was hidden away from the hall she broke down. She fell to the floor and brought her knees to her chest, putting the heels of her hand into her eyes in attempt to stop the crying, but it didn’t work. She felt so angry, upset, scared. Embarrassed
She felt so out of control
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Dorcas had been having a pretty good day, she had finished her shift at the hospital wing just as a whiny first year ,who had just broken their arm, came in. The annoyance on Regulus’ face filled her with an indescribable amount of joy.
Interning with Pomfrey was great for 2 reasons. 1, because she got to miss a few classes throughout the week and 2, because even if she refused to admit it, Regulus was fun to hang out with.
She walked into the bathrooms so that she could change back in to her uniform, but you could imagine her surprise when she saw Marlene McKinnon crying in the bathroom.
Marlene’s head snapped up as soon as she heard the door open. “I, er… sorry, are you okay?” Dorcas asked her.
She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and stood up. “Yes… sorry.” She quickly moved towards the door and left.
That was so weird, she had never seen McKinnon frown, never mind cry. She was going to just get on with her day but something in her screamed to go after the girl. “For fucks sake.” She sighed to herself before chasing after Marlene.
She hadn’t made it very far up the hallway and Dorcas was able to catch up to her. “McKinnon!” Marlene turned around quickly and looked at her with side eyes. “I-, ugh, look are you okay, seriously?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?” She asked.
“Because I just walked in on you crying?” Dorcas pointed out.
“It’s none of your business Meadowes, fuck off.” Marlene snapped and walked off, this time Dorcas didn’t follow her.
She tried to forget about it, chalk it up to Marlene having a bad day but she couldn’t get it out of her head, no matter how hard she tried. She decided to ask Evan about it, he usually knew what to do.
She knocked on the boys dorm and Barty opened it. “‘Cas? What are you doing here?”
“Is Evan here?” She asked him, cutting straight to the point.
“Uhh yeah.” He turned around. “Evan come here, ‘Cas wants you.” There was some shuffling and then Evan appeared.
“I need to talk to you… privately.” She added on.
Evans eyes widened slightly and he turned around. “Reg fuck off.” He called out and Dorcas heard some grumbling, then Barty left and returned literally carrying Regulus over his shoulder.
“Laisse moi tomber! Je peux marcher tout seul!” Regulus shouted squirming around. (Let me down! I can walk on my own!)
Barty continued walking away. “Stop moving, we’ll fall down the stairs.”
Evan just turned back to Dorcas as if that was a normal occurrence. “Come on in, sorry about the mess.” He said as he walked back in to the room and she followed, he motioned for her to sit on one of the beds as he closed the door. “What’s up?”
“I have a problem.” She admitted. “I saw someone crying today, and I don’t know what do about it.”
“Do you know them?”
“Technically?” He raised an eyebrow. “It’s complicated, we know each other but we’re not friends, but we do talk, except it’s mostly hostile.”
“Do you want to talk to them about it?” Evan asked. “Because if you don’t you’re not required too. I mean as you said you’re not close.”
“I don’t know…” She sighed. “I don’t not want to talk about it, I just don’t know how.”
She was surprisingly really worried about Marlene. They weren’t close, not by a long shot, but they had attended the same school together for 6 years, you come to know stuff about someone after that long. Marlene was confident, but not egotistical. She spoke her mind, but was open to others opinions and took them into consideration. She was loud but in a funny way and she always had a witty reply.
She had blonde hair, but it was done with magic not naturally, and dark brown eyes. They were so dark that you couldn’t actually distinguish the pupils from the Iris. There was freckles along her nose and cheeks, they became darker in the summer. She only ever wore her hair in a messy bun or a ponytail, Dorcas had never actually seen her hair down. Most of the time she wore a graphic tees along with a pair of ripped jeans, if not that it was her uniform or some kind of sports attire. So yeah Dorcas only knew a few details about her.
Evan sat beside her. “Maybe you don’t have to ask her what happened.” Dorcas turned to him with confusion. “You could just let her know that you’re there if she needs to talk.” She didn’t even notice Evans change of pronoun.
“How could I do that?”
“It depends, you could just tell her.” He paused. “Or you stop insulting her and become friends.”
“How do I do that?”
Evan laughed. “The same way you did with us.”
She nodded slowly. “Right, okay, I can do that.” She stood up. “Thanks Evan! I really got to go now, curfew.”
“Try to avoid Reg and Barty please? I could use a few minutes away from them.” He said, looking awfully similar to a mother.
She threw her head back and barked out a laugh. “I’ll try.” And with that she left.
She walked down the stairs, and could already hear them bickering. When she entered the common room she was met with Barty and Regulus on the sofa, Regulus had him in a headlock and Barty was desperately trying to escape, while shouting insults of course.
Dorcas chuckled lightly and snuck past, she didn’t know how to talk to Marlene, but she did know that she liked chocolate. Maybe that would make her feel better, because if she couldn’t talk to her the least she could do was make her a little happier.
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“Marlene?” She heard Lily call her name softly. “Marlene, someones left chocolate again.”
Marlene grumbled in response, turning under her duvet, but otherwise remaining unresponsive. She heard Lily sigh and place the chocolate on her bedside table. “Me and Mary have to go to class now, we’ll be back later okay?” Marlene didn’t respond. “Okay, bye… we love you.” Her footsteps became quieter then the door shut.
The guilt was overwhelming but she couldn’t help it, she didn’t have the energy to speak or do anything. All she could do was think, think about the laughing and the voices, think about what Mulciber had said, think about the embarrassment
She knew it shouldn’t have affected her as badly as it did, nothing had technically happened. Yet here she was on day 3 of staying in her room all day, the teachers would come to force her out soon enough.
Marlene uncovered her duvet and looked at the chocolate. Someone had been leaving it every day without fail, she had no idea who it could be. Maybe one of the boys? Mulciber? No definitely not, he wouldn’t be caught dead apologising to someone.
Talking about apologising to someone, as much as she didn’t want to admit it, she needed to apologise to Dorcas. As soon as she found the energy to move she would. Her tears had long since dried out and now all she was able to do was breathe and eat, she had ignored Quidditch practice, which had resulted in James standing outside their door for 2 hours before he finally let up.
She wondered if Mulicber knew the impact of his words, and if he did, did he regret them? Had he been kept awake all night with guilt, had he cried like she had? Was he practicing his apology at this moment? Or was he laughing? Laughing at her disappearance from class, at her lack of presence at The Great Hall, at her complete disregard for Quidditch. Or, worst of all, the truth. Mulciber didn’t care, he was probably thinking about his dinner right now, not Marlene. If Mulciber didn’t care, she didn’t care.
Standing up she walked over to her wardrobe and pulled out her uniform, well really just the skirt, tights and shirt. Marlene didn’t even own the full uniform anymore, and the teachers had long since stopped trying to get her to wear it. Putting it on felt surprisingly weird, it wasn't the longest she had gone without wearing it but for some reason it felt like it.
Her legs felt like jelly as she walked down the stairs, through the common room, and down the corridors. When she finally made it to the Transfiguration classroom all eyes snapped to her, but she pretended like she didn’t care and walked to her seat beside Dorcas.
“Miss McKinnon how nice of you to join us.” Said Professor McGonnagal. “Care to explain why you’ve shown up late?”
Marlene shrugged. “I tripped on the way.” A few people in the room laughed, and surprisingly Dorcas did too.
“Well let’s hope you don’t trip on your way to detention.” Marlene groaned inwardly at that. “Back to work now. Miss Meadowes I trust you can show Miss McKinnon what she needs to do?” Dorcas nodded. “Good.”
Dorcas turned to Marlene. “We’re just completing the worksheet on page 134.” She explained. “In our exercise books though, not the text book, because well, it’s a textbook and we don’t own-”Dorcas cut herself off. “Sorry I’m rambling.”
Marlene gave her a weird look. “It’s okay… uh thanks.” She took out her books from her bag and started working.
Or pretending to work. Meadowes was acting weird, she had never, and she means never stuttered or rambled in front of Marlene. Was it because of they other day? Did she pity her now? Because if she did Marlene would punch her, she didn’t need pitied. Marlene felt eyes watching her and she looked over to find Meadowes staring at her, Dorcas quickly looked away and got back to work. Merlin she really did pity Marlene, she’d have to fix this.
The bell rang and before Marlene could even think to talk to Dorcas she left. She would go to her tonight.
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They were all sitting in the common room, Marlene had made sure to apologise to everyone for her hostility over the past few days. Using the excuse of exam burn-out, but she could feel Sirius’ eyes burning into the back of her head, he hadn’t told anyone, it was only a matter of time however.
“I need to go to the library.” She stated standing up.
“Why?” Mary asked her.
“I need to get a book.”
“You don’t read?” Sirius pointed out.
“I-“ He was right, she didn’t. “I do… on occasion.”
He looked at her skeptically. “Alright…”
“I’ll see you two later?” Marlene asked Lily and Mary.
“Yep!” Lily confirmed and Mary nodded. “Maybe you’ll get more mystery chocolate.”
“Maybe!” She called out as she left the tower.
First she needed to find a lone Slytherin to get Meadowes for her. It was late, or well late according to the curfew, she had about an hour to find Dorcas, tell her to stop pitying her and then return to the common room, she could do it.
Finally after 20 minutes of searching she found her target, a stray Slytherin, sitting on one of the benches in the courtyard reading. Marlene walked up to them, tapped on their shoulder and then Regulus Black looked up. Okay, her luck was really shit at the moment. “Oh, er, Regulus.”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “Can I help you?”
“Oh um, yes actually, I need you to get someone for me.” Marlene started playing with her hands, because Regulus was really fucking intimidating sometimes.
He closed his book and stood up next to her, and holy shit he was tall. “Très bien, who?” (Alright)
“How tall are you?” She exclaimed.
Regulus seemed slightly shocked by the question. “Um… 6’1?”
“Bloody hell no wonder Sirius is so short.” She spoke to herself.
Regulus stifled out a laugh before straightening himself out. “Sorry, who do you need?”
Marlene can’t believe that she just made him just laugh, but back on to the main topic. “Dorcas, Dorcas Meadowes. Do you know her?”
He seemed to become more defensive at that. “Why do you need her?”
“I just want to talk to her.” Talk was an understatement but he didn’t need to know that.
Regulus seemed to think about it for a second. “No.” He said then walked off.
Marlene started walking after him. “What why?” She yelled.
“Well because I don’t want to, and I know Dorcas, as well as who you are.” Aw shit.
“Come on Regulus, please. I just want to talk to her.” Marlene persisted
Regulus scoffed. “Yeah and Dorcas just wanted to talk to Evan, next thing I knew I was being kidnapped from my bed.”
“What?”
“Desole, um, anyways no.” Then he continued walking. (Sorry)
They both turned around the corner leading up to The Dungeons, well really it was Marlene trailing after Regulus begging. “Come on Regulus, I thought you were supposed to be a gentleman.”
He turned to her. “When have I ever been described as a gentleman?”
Marlene shrugged. “Ever heard of sucking up?”
Regulus turned away again. “Yeah, it’s not working.”
“Ughhh you’re so annoying.” She whined and then they were there.
He stood in front of the door and called out the passwords. “Puritas.” The door opened.
“Please Regulus, I really need to talk to her.” She tried one last time.
He looked at her. “No.” Then he walked through and the door shut loudly.
“For fucks sake!” She yelled and kicked the wall, before bending down to the ground to hold said foot. “Ow ow ow ow.”
Then she heard the door open again and she turned around to see Dorcas Meadowes leave. “You wanted to see me?”
“Yes um, look about the other day…” Marlene stood up.
Dorcas seemed to become instantly uncomfortable. “We don’t- I can just pretend it didn’t happen.”
“Except you can’t, because now you’ve started pitying me.”
“What? Marlene I don’t pity you.” Dorcas defended herself.
Something about that made Marlene snap. “You do! You all do! It’s like everyones walking on egg shells around me all because I cried a little!” She yelled. “But you! You’re not allowed to do that! Everything changed since he-“ She cut herself off. “Why can’t you go back to hating me? I need you to hate me again!”
Dorcas stared at her with wide eyes before she spoke. “Did you like the chocolate?” She asked quietly.
Marlene paused and stared at her. “That was you…?”
She nodded. “I couldn’t get you out of my head. I was… I was really worried about you Marlene.”
“You were?”
Dorcas smiled slightly. “Yeah.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
Marlene stared at her for a second before she was filled with fury once more. “That’s not fair! That’s not fucking fair! Dorcas why won’t you listen to me? I need you to hate me because if you don’t hate me it means you think I’m weak and if you see me as weak it means he’s won!” She payed no mind to the tears rolling down her face. “Please, I want things to go back to normal!-“
Suddenly she was cut off by Dorcas’ lips crashing in to hers. Marlene quickly recovered from the shock and returned the kiss, their lips moved together as she felt Dorcas slip her tongue into her mouth. Marlene moved her hand to Dorcas’ cheek and she never wanted this to stop.
After days of feeling shattered, like Mulciber had thrown her to the ground and watched as she broke apart in too little pieces, it finally felt like someone was gluing her back together. Marlene had never been this close to Dorcas before, she smelled like honey tea with a dash of lemon added to it.
They broke apart and stared at each other with wide eyes, it took a few moments before Dorcas talked. “I don’t want things to go back to normal.”
Marlene looked at her for a few seconds before laughing, Dorcas soon followed. It really was ironic wasn’t it? They had spent almost a decade completely hating each other and here they were, snogging.
“I’m sorry this isn’t supposed to be funny.” Dorcas apologised as she stopped laughing, a large smile still prominent on her face.
Marlene stopped laughing as well and looked to her. “It kind of is though.” She leaned against the wall before sliding down it into a crouching position.
Dorcas moved and sat beside her. “…Do you want to talk about it?”
“I’d much rather just snog again.” Marlene said honestly. “Would that be okay?”
Her eyes darted too Marlene’s lips. “Yeah.” She breathed out.
Marlene leaned in and angled her head slightly, she brought her hand to cup Dorcas’ face once more and slowly pushed her lips against Dorcas’. They were soft and plump, had a slight taste of vanilla. Marlene felt Dorcas wrap her hand around her waist and deepen the kiss, it was going amazing until.
“Wooo!” She heard someone call out as they clapped slowly. They moved away from each other quickly and Marlene looked to see who their intruder was and revealed one Barty Crouch Jr. “What, a, show.”
“Barty!” Dorcas hissed. “What are you doing out here?”
He put his hands up. “Hey don’t shoot the messenger, Regulus asked me to come and see if you were alright.”
“I am perfectly fine!”
“I can tell.” He nodded towards Marlene.
“Ugh stop it! I literally hate you, next time your in the hospital wing I’m going to leave you for dead.” She said standing up and giving her hand towards Marlene, who took it.
“You wound me, come on it’s nearly curfew and I’m sure you don’t want to get your midnight lover in trouble.”
“Midnight lover- Barty!”
“No he’s actually right Dorcas I need to go.” Marlene said causing Dorcas to turn around to her.
“Yeah.” She sighed. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
Marlene nodded. “Of course!” Without thinking she pressed a kiss to Dorcas’ cheek before skipping away.
She didn’t feel embarrassed about kissing Dorcas.