Marlene slams the door shut locking both her and Mary in the Gryffindor Girls’ dorms.
Mary groans internally, what did she want now?
“Okay, what is your problem?” Marlene demands.
“What?”
“You’ve been acting weird and dismissive around Dorcas this whole time, she thinks that you hate her. What’s going on?”
“I don’t hate her that’s ridiculous!” Mary protests. And it was true, she didn’t hate her, Dorcas was sweet and funny, and truly just the perfect person for Marlene.
“Yes, you do! I’ve seen it, how your face goes sour each time she speaks or how you glare at her whenever you think I’m not looking?”
“I don’t have a problem with her,” Mary grits out.
“So what you’ve got a problem with me then? Is that it? You’re fine with me being a lesbian until I actually show it off?”
“What! no—“
“Because if that’s it then that’s complete bullshit you know that? We’ve been friends for six bloody years but this is where you draw the line?”
“I don’t care that you’re a lesbian! Bloody hell, stop putting words into my mouth would you?”
“Okay, then what is it then? Because something is going on, and you aren’t telling me.” Marlene’s voice softens, “We used to tell each other everything, don’t you remember?”
Oh, Merlin, why’d she have to do that? Mary could argue with her when she was mad, in a weird, twisted way she kind of enjoyed it. But not when her eyes would become shiny, with tears mere seconds away. That was when she’d break.
“Yeah, well it’s dumb,” Mary mumbles, collapsing down onto the bed.
“What’s dumb?” Marlene prompts, sitting down beside her, looking her in the eyes.
“Why I’m acting like a bitch,” Mary mumbles, avoiding eye contact as she stares at the floor. “I’ll try to stop I promise, it’s just—“
“Mary you can tell me,” Marlene insists, “We’ve been through hell together nothing could change our friendship.”
“See that’s the thing!” Mary huffs, frustrated. “She— Dorcas, she’s changing our friendship.”
“What? No, she isn’t.” Marlene objects.
“But she is! All you want to talk about is Dorcas, Dorcas, Dorcas all day. And when you aren’t talking about her you’re off snogging her!”
“So what? You’re jealous, you want more attention?” Marlene says coldly.
“No,” Mary says weakly, “No it’s not like that, not really.”
“Then what? What is it like? Because you’re really confusing me here Mary.”
“It’s not going to make sense,” Mary mumbles, swinging her legs aimlessly off the bed.
“When did I ever care about making sense?”
Mary laughs dryly. “Yeah, good point.” She takes a deep breath.
“I’m just going to talk, and you’re going to listen, yeah?” Marlene nods tentatively.
“Right, so… I guess when I was younger and it was just us, you were really special to me. Like I had other friends, but you— you were just— just the best thing in my life.” She keeps her eyes fixed on the ground.
“And I guess as we grew older there were all these expectations, I mean you had quidditch and we both had school and everyone was talking about boyfriends and all that shit. And you were always practicing quidditch, so I got myself a boyfriend to pass the time.”
“And I hated it,” she admits, “Every second of it. The gift-giving and holding hands really weren’t for me. But that was fine because each night I’d crawl into bed and we’d lay and stare at the ceiling, and sometimes we’d charm stars to sparkle on the ceiling. And we’d talk about what we would do, in twenty, fifty years’ time. And I remember you said something about us being old ladies, who never got married, sipping wine on some random beach on an island, far away from everything else.”
“And I know you probably can hardly remember that, but I held onto it, I really did. Each new boyfriend I got that never seemed to be right for me— they didn’t matter though, because you’d be by my side later that day, but also in fifty years’ time.”
Mary glances to the side, Marlene was staring, watching her, still not saying anything. She redirects her focus back to a piece of dirt on the floor.
“Anyway, as we got older— you know fifth year and stuff. The other guys I dated, wanted to do other stuff, things that weren’t gross and icky, not romance stuff but, uhh… Anyway, it was weird because when I was together with them— it was like why didn’t we do this earlier? I mean sex with guys was just great, you know?”
Marlene pursed her lips. Mary wanted to slap herself, no shit, of course, she didn’t understand.
“Anyway,” she coughs, “It was great— sex that is until they wanted more. When they wanted to spend time with me afterward. And I tried Marls, I did. And you probably think I’m some kind of dirty slag, but it was such a chore. I mean I’d be more exhausted from laughing at their stupid jokes and pretending that just kissing was fine, than—” she pauses, scratching the back of her neck, “Er other stuff.”
Marlene nods, and somehow it gives her the courage to go on. It was the approval and the confirmation that she wasn’t just going insane, that somehow what she was saying made sense.
“After a while, I guess I kind of realized that it wasn’t that there was that special person out there for me. That romance really just wasn’t what mattered, so I didn’t bother, I’d just— leave afterward, I guess. But no matter how I tried or pushed myself, I— I couldn’t look at someone the way that James would stare at Lily, not in the way when he’s checking her out but in the way that he just melts, whenever he sees her. I just— couldn’t.”
Mary shakes her head bitterly. “And, I don’t know… For a while, I thought you were the same. I thought that you were like me, and all that romantic bull was the kind of stuff you hated. But, uh, then sixth year rolled around.”
Marlene laughed dryly, speaking up for the first time “Sixth year…”
Mary swallowed, “Yeah… and— and you told me…” she continued on slowly, “I mean, you told me that you liked me. And… I guess that kind of ruined my whole plan,” she laughed softly, she could feel a lump building in her throat, “But some, sick and stupid part of me thought— I thought that maybe you wouldn’t find someone, and I know— I know that’s not fair to you. That you deserve to live and be happy with someone who can love you the way you want to be loved. But I guess I believed that maybe— maybe you wouldn’t and that we’d still be each other’s number ones.”
“Mary—“ Marlene starts softly.
“No,” Mary choked out, tears now streaming down her face. “Please— please don’t tell me we’ll still be friends.” she shakes her head. “Because it won’t be the same. I— I’ve seen it with all of them, James and Sirius— yeah sure they’re close as ever but there’s always Lily and Remus because no matter how close those two are, at the end of the day they have someone to go home to and love.”
“And you-you’re so special to me, Marlene,” Mary sobs. I don’t think I could ever live without you. But— but you have a life as well, and you have a girlfriend now. Which is fine— great— I mean,” she corrects herself. Why can’t she just be happy for her friend? “But I’ve seen it with everyone else and I— I don’t want our plan— where we’re sitting on the beach, in fifty years’ time, I don’t want that to disappear because you’ve found someone better than me.”
“Oh, Mary,” Marlene sighs,
“It- It’s fine, I’ll be- I’ll be okay,” Mary sobbed.
“No, no,” Marlene whispered. “Mary,” she grabs her by the shoulders, looking at her straight in the eyes. There are tears streaming down her face now as well.
“You mean so much to me, you always have,” she insists. “And you always will, I swear—“ she trembled slightly, “You will always be my best friend, and I promise that we’ll be sipping wine on some beach in the Bahamas in fifty years’ time, I swear on my life— you can hold me to it.” Marlene’s grip tightened around her as she continues, a sob catching in her voice.
“We’ll- We’ll be neighbors, you can live next door— and— and we’ll meet every afternoon for tea and gossip, and you can still hug me after quidditch when I’m a sweaty mess. And I’ll still spin you off your feet each time you score the highest in transfiguration, none of that is going to change. None of it.”
Mary pulled out of the hug, a wet mess. “But— Dorcas,” she choked out.
Marlene shakes her head, “She’s my girlfriend Mary, and I love her. But she won’t get in between us two, not the way that you think she will, because what we have is different, and it’s special, and it’s magical okay?”
“Magical,” Mary repeats her voice a near whisper.
“Yeah,” Marlene agrees, she wipes a tear from Mary’s face. “So don’t you dare even think about trying to leave me okay? Because I need you as well. And I know— I know the coming times— with the war— they’re going to be hard. So- so we’ll be there for each other, no matter what.”
Marlene swallows, brushing a strand of hair behind Mary’s ears.“And then, when we’re done with it all, we can book a flight off to Hawaii or something, get there the muggle way, just us two, yeah? So we can say we had the experience. And we’ll lie down on some beach, and dig out toes into the sand. And we’ll clink our glasses together and just chat, and talk.”
Mary looks up, tearily, “Promise?”
Marlene pulls her into another hug,
“Promise.”