Ina's POV ♡
Ang weird talaga ni Min minsan.
Noong una, akala ko wala lang. She always sent me songs, minsan new releases, minsan classics, minsan indie finds na hindi ko pa naririnig. Sabi niya, "Listen to this, Ina. Alam kong magugustuhan mo 'to." And I always did.
Pero habang tumatagal, parang may pattern. May isang araw na puro love songs. Tapos biglang heartbreak. Tapos may longing. At syempre, ako naman si tanga, nag-o-overanalyze ng bawat lyrics. Kasi ano eh… bakit ganun? Bakit minsan may "I wish I could tell you vibes?" O kaya naman "I miss you even when you’re here."
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One night, habang nag-scroll ako sa messages namin, napansin ko na consistent si Min. She never outright said anything, pero the songs spoke for her. At ako naman, hindi ko alam kung delulu lang ako or kung may gusto siyang iparating.
That night she sent me Love Is by The Ridleys.
"So if you ask me what love is, and what it's about. To be honest, I'm still figuring it out. If I could be candid and tell you the truth. I'd love to figure love out with you."
Tangina. Para sa akin ba 'to?
I remember lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, overthinking everything.
Tapos sinend ko sa kanya yung usual response ko. "Nice song! Ang chill”, “Ang ganda! Add ko sa playlist ko yan” and “Thank you sa shab*” Ang duwag ko, diba? Ni hindi ko man lang natanong kung bakit niya sinend. Ni hindi ko man lang naamin na kinilig ako.
She replied, "Glad you liked it. Ikaw naalala ko sa song na to kase alam kong same tayo ng taste sa kanta."
Ayan na naman siya. Sa akin lang naman sya nagse-send ng kanta. Ang malala puro love songs pa. Aasa nanaman ako. Bibigyan ko nanaman ng meaning.
I wanted to ask. I wanted to just say, "Min, ano ba talaga? Bakit mo ko sinesendan ng ganito? May ibig sabihin ba?" Pero hindi ko kaya. Takot akong masira yung kung anong meron kami. Takot akong malaman na baka ako lang ang nag-iisip ng ganito. Takot akong masayang friendship na binuo namin.
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While studying, Min insisted na magshare kami sa iisang earphone.
"Wala na, I already made a playlist for us, eh. Kailangan mo marinig to," she said with a grin, nudging me gently.
I could barely focus on my notes, my mind distracted by how carefully she had curated the playlist, na parang lahat ng songs may ibig sabihin. May gusto ba syang iparating?
Honestly, pwede naman siguro na hiwalay kami makinig ng music, pero bakit pinipilit nya pa na sa iisang earphone lang kami makinig.
Maybe I was overthinking it. Maybe it was nothing.
Pero baka nga may something, because she was glancing at me every now and then while I tried to study.
Maybe I was just assuming. Casual lang siguro na sinasamahan nya ako pauwi kahit naka dorm sya malapit sa campus. Baka normal naman sa mag best friend na nagtatampo sya kapag may iba akong kausap at kasama. Normal lang naman na lagi nya akong binibilihan ng oatside every morning kasi sabi nya “Nakita ko andami mong stock sa kwarto mo”. Baka nagbibigay lang ako ng meaning sa mga subtle eye contacts namin kapag kausap namin friends namin. Ina-asume ko lang siguro na kapag inaakbayan nya ako nararamdaman ko na mabilis pagtibok ng puso nya.
Kakaisip sumakit ulo ko and I decided to take a nap.
I put my pencil down and yawned. “Min, can I take a quick nap?”
“Go lang,” she said, her voice so casual, but I could feel the energy shift. But I didn’t take off the earphone. I didn’t want to miss a single note.
The moment my eyes fluttered closed, Aphrodite by The Ridleys started playing.
“I see the galaxies when I look in your eyes and I Can’t speak no I Can’t speak at all I swear to Zeus you’re Aphrodite in disguise…”
I could feel her breath near my ear, and my heart skipped a beat. Was she really singing along? Or was I imagining it? Her voice was soft, but unmistakable. It felt like the universe was closing in on us, and the world outside disappeared.
Min thought I was asleep. But the way she sang, so close to my ear, felt like she was saying something. Para sa akin ba yon?
I couldn’t stop the chaos in my mind. My thoughts raced, tumbling over each other. Was I overreading everything? Was she saying it all in the music, or baka imagination ko lang yon?
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Isang gabi, nagkaroon kami ng inuman kasama mga friends namin. Min was sitting beside me, her arm draped lazily over the back of my chair, close enough that I could feel her warmth. Hindi nanaman ako mapakali kase casual lang naman to diba? Ginagawa naman talaga to ng mag bestfriend. May nag-play na kanta sa speaker, Be With You by The Ridleys.
"I'll be more of a shelter and less of a storm. While we both are working on ourselves in our own ways. I just wanna be with you every single day...For the rest of our lives"
Napatingin ako kay Min. Nakangiti siya, pero iba. Para bang she was waiting. Or maybe, she was hoping.
"Ganda ng song, ‘no?" she said casually, pero may something sa boses niya.
And I don’t know what came over me pero, for the first time, I asked.
"Bakit mo ba ako laging sinesendan ng kanta?"
Nagkatinginan kami. Tapos ngumiti siya, pero this time, it felt nervous. "Kasi… minsan, mas madaling sabihin sa kanta kesa sa salita."
My heart was racing. "Min... anong bang ibig sabihin neto? May ibig sabihin ba talaga to or baka naga-assume nanaman ako? Kasi gulong gulo na ako kung ano ba talaga to"
She took a deep breath. "Ina...Ikaw ang naiisip ko, kahit sa mga simpleng bagay. Sa lahat ng kantang pinapakinggan ko. Sa mga araw na magkasama tayo, sa mga oras na ang saya-saya natin, hindi ko na kayang hindi sabihin sayo...
Mahal kita. Mahal kita, Ina.
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sasabihin na ikaw na, ikaw lang, ang tanging nagpapasaya sa akin ng ganito. Kaya sa mga kanta ko na lang pinapahiwatig, kasi hindi ko kayang iparating sayo gamit ang mga salita.
Sa bawat linya ng mga kanta, sa bawat nota na napapakinggan ko, sa bawat listahan na ginawa ko para sa'yo umaasa ako na baka ikaw rin, baka mahal mo rin ako. Baka pwede nating subukan.
Sa bawat araw na hindi ko ito sinasabi, parang mas bumibigat ang nararamdaman ko. Hindi ko na kayang maghintay pa ng mas matagal.
Ina…Handang-handa akong itaya lahat ng takot ko, ang lahat ng kaba, ang lahat ng sakit, basta ang kapalit lang ay makasama ka.”
I felt like my world just tilted. Lahat ng hinala, lahat ng pag-aalinlangan, natunaw sa isang sagot lang. She was always saying it. I was just too scared to believe it.
Napangiti ako, at kahit kinakabahan, I reached for her hand. "Next time, sabihin mo na lang. Hindi mo naman kailangang itago sa lyrics."
Min laughed, squeezing my hand. "Okay. Pero pwede pa rin akong mag-send ng kanta?"
I grinned. "Oo naman. Pero this time, alam ko na ang sagot."
And just like that, the lines between the lyrics and our hearts blurred. This time, hindi ko na kailangang mag-overanalyze. This time, I knew exactly what she meant.