Chapter 17
James woke up feeling very groggy and his tongue fucking ached. Why did he even decide that that was a good idea???
But Barty was cuddled up next to him and Regulus was next to him and godammit both of them were so fucking cute, it made him want to rip his hair out. Who gave them the right?
Regulus' curls were covering half of his face and Barty's shoulder and god he looked so fucking peaceful and relaxed. And Barty was lying on James chest, with his hair sticking up and his hand grabbing a fistful of James' hoodie and James wanted to just scream.
His heart was skipping beats and a smile had involuntarily crept up his face and he didn't quite know what to do.
"Potter. Potter. For fucks sake, it's Evan. Come on."
James blinked a few times after turning his head to face Evan, who was crouched down next to the bed.
"What?"
"Come on. Get up and don't fucking wake them or I'll have your head on a stick."
James carefully manoeuvred himself and moved Bartys hand before following Evan up and out of the window leading to the small roof, just above the Black Lake.
Evan pulled out a silver tin and took out a fag, lighting it with his moon and stars lighter before handing James one and cherrying it.
"So? What'd you wanna talk about?"
Evan looked at him with his eyebrows raised and James can definitely say he was shitting himself at that moment. "You. Liking Regulus and being Bartys boyfriend."
"I do not like Regulus!"
Evan gave him another look before taking a drag. "Yeah, you do. I see the way you look at him, James, it's not hard to tell." James furrowed his brows. Maybe he did like Regulus. Oh fuck what was he gonna do? "Hey, dickhead, don't freak out. Bartys fine about that shit, you just need to talk to him."
"Then what's it we need to talk about?"
"Ugh. James, I like you. You're nice, you're good, you're a good person. But just, be good to them? You know. Don't fuck them over, don't play with their hearts, don't freak them out. I know I can trust you, but seriously be good to them. If you turn out to be an absolute asshole, I'll fucking turn you inside and out, slowly, and then burn your fucking body where no one will find you. Got it?"
"Yeah. Yeah I got it. I'll be good to them. Promise."
"Okay. Well that's sorted then. Now how's you wanna wake em up?"
James grinned already thinking up a few things.
WEIRDOS GROUP CHAT:
09:46
{regulus}: when i fucking find you two im going to strangle you with my bare hands and let it be a warning to all of you that if you get in my way i'll do the exact same
{lily}: woahhh what's got you so mad on a fucking saturday morning?
{regulus}: rosier and potter.
{lily}: ooooof whatd they do this time???
{barty}: evan banged pots and pans around while james poured water on us before they ran away giggling like the teenage criminals they are while regulus and i started plotting their murder.
{sirius}: PRONFS RUN FAR AND WIDE REGULUS IS SEWEXHING TBE GRYFFINDOR CASTLE WITH NO REMORSE RUN RUN RUN
{james}: IM RUNNING AS FAST AS J CAN SIRIUS
{james}: GIMME UPDATES ON WHERE RHEY ARE IN PRIV MESSAGES
{sirius}: OK BBG STAY SAFE
{mary}: fucking hell
{marlene}: that's a violation man i wouldn't stand for it get em reg get em barty
{barty}: no nickname for me? ok.
{marlene}: never a nickname for you now get. them.
{regulus}: IM FUCKING TRYING I CANT FIND TJEM ANYWHERE
{peter}: holy shit
{peter}: here's me going abt my day peacefully waking up happy and all comfy after an exciting and eventful night, having a spliff and watching family guy and then regulus fucking black storms in turns the place upside fucking down and then storms out and i check my phone thats almost vibrating off the fucking bedside table and this is what i see
{peter}: man sometimes i wanna have my revenge on u lot for creating pure chaos in my life
{marlene}: regulus i think uve just broken peter.
{regulus}: AWH PETE NO UR MY FAVOURITE PLS DONY IM SORRY FOR RUINING YOUR MORNING
{sirius}: are you lot....ok??
{pandora}: none of us are sirius why do u think any of us are ok when this is our saturday mornings
{remus}: fair enough
{remus}: GO REGULUS GO REGULUS GOOO !!
{evan}: HELP US OLEASE PEOPLE HELP
{mary}: ehhh no thanks
{mary}: don't want regulus to kill me rewlly so yh
{sirius}: MOOOD
SIRIUS AND REGULUS CHAT:
10:23
regulusssss
what?
have u killed my bsf and his bfs bf?
not yet? why?
just you know wondeeing
what have u. done
wait
you know where they are dint u
no?
you bloody well do
you traitor
where are they
idkkkk
sirius.
IDKKK
I will fucking murder yoy
where. are. they.
uhmmmm
nOTHING
sirius.
FINE FINE FUCKING HELL
DIVINATION CLASSROOM
UNDER THE DESK
thankyou brother
ah fuck you
SIRIUS AND JAMES CHAT:
10:28
I CAVED
I CAVED
HE KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE
AND THEYRE GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS TO GET TO YPU
RUN POTTER RUN AND DONT TELL MY BROTHER I SAID THIS
FUCK WHY AM I A TINSY BIT SCARED OF MY YOUNGER BROTHER
SIRIUS!??!?!? WHAT THE FUCK MAN
OK WERE LEAVINF
AND IDK
HES A SCARY DUDE
ESOECIALY WIH BARTY NEXT TO HUM
TRUEEEEEEEEEEEE
SCARY SHIT
The door banged open pretty quickly, making James and Evan jump at the sudden noise.
"Get out from there, we can see you!"
"Uh no no you can't because James and Evan are not here!" James shouted out.
Evan turned and glared at him before wacking him in the arm. "You idiot!" He whisper-shouted.
"Sorry! I panicked!"
"Panic better next time!"
Regulus and Barty stood there waiting while James and Evan had a small whisper argument under the desk, which James completely forgot about because the next thing he knew, two big buckets of ice cold water were being poured on him.
"Ah fuck! Fuck, that's cold! It's the middle of December, you know!" Evan screamed as he bolted up.
"Fuckin' hell!"
Before they'd even had time to adjust to the cold, hot water was poured on them. Not boiling and not hot enough to do any damage but certainly enough to make it seem boiling with the cold water.
"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! You're such cunts oh my god." James shouted getting up and trynna cool himself down.
Regulus and Barty laughed and took a video of them from the side of the room.
"Revenge is a dish that can be served both cold and hot then." Barty said, giggling to himself.
"Wasn't the joke you thought it was, babe." Regulus said, elbowing him.
"Fuck you, my jokes are legendary, everyone loves them."
"Who laughed? Literally who laughed? No one's laughing."
"Yeah but that's just cause you're all miserable cunts." Barty responded before him and Regulus left the room.
"What the fuck? What- I don't- you know what who cares, c'mon let's get to my dorm." James said after a moment of very confused silence from both him and Evan. They had a puddle forming at their feet at this point and James was thinking about dry and warm clothes so much he was afraid he'd drive himself crazy with it.
"Your dorm? What about my clothes?"
"Steal from me, or Remus or Pete or Sirius. Any of us really. Let's just get into dry clothes before I lose my shit."
"It's been two minutes?"
"Yeah and the fabric is sticking to me, Evan! I hate it, c'mon."
The two of them left the room and trudged back to the gryffindor dorm with their heads down, trying not to be seen by the other students.