Tied Down (moody March day 15 gloomy)
In the old days a love-sick sailor might give the object of his affections a length of fishline loosely tied in a true-lover's knot. If the knot was sent back as it came the relationship was static. If the knot returned home snugly tied up the passion was reciprocated. But if the knot was capsized - tacit advise to ship out.
The Shipping news (E.A. Proulx) / Ashley's book of Knots
Tied Down
She's naked and so is he. She didn't listen to her sister, or not all of what she had warned her for. She hasn't accepted his hand, not yet anyway.
He's awake, she can tell. When he watches her, she feels it, as if he physically touches her.
"I don't want to go," he says.
She nods. "You could stay."
He draws figures on her bare arm, she shivers, not from cold but his touch leaves her tingling all over. Again.
"I can't. I wish you would say yes."
"I can't" she parrots, then she turns to face him and kisses him, slow and thorough.
"I do love you, but I won't be your wife for a day. Come back to me, so I can be yours for a lifetime," she says, while moving her leg over his hips. She sits up slowly, straddling him. Her hands roam over his bare broad shoulders, she lets her fingers trace his collar bone, dip into the small divot under his neck, before stroking his arms. When her fingertips run along his muscles they flex and she stares, openly.
He might not return. Never or not for a long time, so she intends to soak all of him in. To memorise every part of his body. She gives him every inch of herself in return.
He watches as she slowly moves on top of him. His pupils are dark, but there's a light glowing in them, a spark, a fire. She fills herself with him, again. If tonight is all they might have, she intends to make it worth a lifetime.
"I love you, Lily Evans," he says, his voice a balm for her gloomy thoughts.
She will miss him so much, but she's done begging. She's done asking. She won't tell him again. He is set to sail on a ship that she is not allowed to set foot on. There's nothing she can do about it now.
In the morning, before he gets up to leave he gives her a knot, not made of the usual fishing line, but fine threads in two different colours. The red and yellow are tied but not pulled tight, not yet.
"If you won't marry me now, will you at least keep this with you, for when I return."
She looks at the Lover's knot, and fights back tears. "Yes, I will keep it until you return."