Astounded
To Seduce...
Lily slowly stood and held her breath, surely he must have heard the rushing sound of her dress. Perhaps not, for though she imagined his shoulders tensing, he did not look up.
She would only have to step to the door, just eleven steps or so, and then she’d be free. Free of doing the wrong thing. Free of trapping a man who did not deserve to be trapped. She exhaled slowly.
His hair was the colour of obsidian stone, and inexplicably, she stepped toward the fire, toward the chair instead of taking a more direct route to the door.
What would it be like to touch it? To run her hands through it?
She scolded herself and looked away, taking another step to the door.
Something about Lord Potter sitting in front of the fire was off. What was it that had Lord Potter so downcast? She could not imagine something that would subdue his spirits, he was always a lively presence, perhaps rather loud and boastful on occasion, perhaps one could say he was proud too, but she’d not seen him like this. It astounded her.
The sense that the man was troubled, pulled at her heartstrings, would she be able to help him? To alleviate some of what was clearly pressing on his conscience?
“I’m sorry, my Lord Potter?” she spoke the words without thinking, “I do not wish to be impertinent, but it seems you are troubled. Is there nothing I can do to help?”
To her even greater astonishment he did not look up, it was as if he already knew who spoke to him, as if he had known she was in the room.
“I’m grateful for your kindness, Miss Evans, but were I to tell you in all honesty what troubles me, I fear it would cause your opinion of me to sink lower than it might already be.”
“I’m sure that’s not possible?” she said without thinking and he let out a harsh laugh.
She bit her lip, it was unsettling to see him so bitter. She wished he would be as he was before, as she had seen he could be with others, open, friendly, even joking, why could he not treat her as a friend, was he truly still offended by what she’d said to him?
“Lord Potter, I believe an apology is in order,” she began, more formal than she felt, but to admit to have been wrong was not something she was very good at.
“I agree,” he said and suddenly he turned around to look at her.
All thoughts of apologies vanished, all rational thought replaced by a strong wish to make him look less anguished, less serious, less unhappy.
She didn’t think but stepped forward, touched his face with her palm and kissed him, her other hand threaded through his hair, softer even than she’d imagined. Lily was certain she was still sleeping, for she would never have done this if she were awake. But if this was real, he would never have looked so forlorn, so lost.
“Madame, are you tap-hackled?” he asked, he sounded angry. She froze, his lips still on hers, her breath hitched and she felt herself go completely cold. What had she done?
“If I’d known you had too much to drink I’d never…” he began at the same time that she exclaimed “No Sir, I’ve no excuse for my behaviour, please, could you forget I was ever in this room?”
“Never,” he said and his hands on her wrists made retreat impossible.
“Please, you’ll think me the worst kind of woman, I promise I never meant to…” she struggled to free herself, so she could leave.
“That you meant to seduce me, to compromise me?” he said, his voice lighter than before.
She felt absolutely terrible, how could she have done so wrong, how could it have felt so right? “I won’t lie that I might have thought about it, but I know it is wrong for me to trap you. You ought to be free to chose who you want to spend your life with, I confess that such freedom makes me jealous, but that’s even more reason you should have it.”
“You thought about me, about marrying me?”
Lily closed her eyes, she was in too much trouble as it was, there was no point in lying, nor staying close to what was socially acceptable, so she settled on the very confusing truth.
“My Lord Potter, I have thought about you a lot. I was wrong about you, I was too proud to admit it though. I’ll also admit that I am jealous of you, I resent the fact you are a man in possession of good fortune and thus are free to do what you wish with your life. But you can’t help that, just like it’s not your fault that I have not a feather to fly with. I once thought you were arrogant for complaining about the women pursuing you, but my own thoughts and actions prove how justified you are in your distrust."
She looked in his eyes and said with a sad smile, “I had designs on you, Lord Potter, but I assure you I would not have acted on them, had I not found myself here with you, for I know you are a good man, and it grieves me that I have undoubtedly lost your good opinion.”
It was silent for a long time. Her breathing slowly calmed, there was something surreal about confessing this to him, she smiled ruefully. She did not regret what she did, at least she had kissed a good man in her life, even if it would be only once.
“And here I was feeling miserable for taking away your choice,” Lord Potter said.
“What?”
“I did not see you at first when I came in here, but once I did, I did not leave. Worse, I locked the door.”
“You… why?” Lily asked.
“Because I wished for a chance to speak with you alone, without anyone interrupting us. I watched you as you slept, and the more time passed, the more I thought about you, and what I was doing. I have ruined you, for you are surely already missed. I loathed myself for what I’d done, when you so obviously dislike me, and when I could not know if my words would be enough to convince you to give me a chance.”
“I don’t dislike you at all, sir,” Lily said, the only thing she deemed important to clarify at that moment. "I believed you to dislike me, so it seems we've both not behaved as friends should." Emboldend by the realisation what this meant, she stepped closer, his breath was warm on the skin of her face as she looked up at him. "Since you claim my reputation is lost already, perhaps you could ruin me more thorougly, sir. So there can't be any confusion on the matter anymore."
His smile before his lips devoured her was brighter than the stars, the moon, the sun all burning together.