No Good Choices (Lonely day 13 - Regency AU )
No Good Choices
… Lily, it is high time you gave up on the ludicrous idea of finding a paid position. Instead, you had better find yourself a proper husband, ensure your future by any means necessary, compromise a gentleman in a public setting, or sprain your ankle. Most firstborns are born early, it’s a fact of life in our social circles. You’re too pretty to be hired as a governess, no Mistress of a respectable house in their right mind would take you on. So stop hiding from the balls. I can’t have you live off me and Mr Dursley, so find yourself a husband that will provide for you.
I’ve no interest in accepting that Mr. Snape on your behalf. Believe it or not, but I think you could do better. Just know, I will have no other choice, if you don’t act soon…
The words in Petunia’s handwriting blurred before her eyes. The implications of her elder sister circled her mind like a flock of vultures.
Lily shuddered, the idea to trick a man into marriage, a bond that would last until either of them died, horrified her. She could never. She’d much prefer to stay alone, then suffer to feel lonely in an unsuited marriage.
Besides, how would she even manage? Would she really dare approach a man? Grab a wandering gentleman by the lapels of his jacket, fling herself in unsuspecting arms, kiss an unattached Lord on the lips, let her fingers wander, and risk losing her virtue in the hopes he’d not walk away after she gave him what he desired? A man could after all, and no one would ever treat them less. Whereas she’d be ruined, without any chances for the future, just because she was a woman.
The memory of her overhearing Lord Potter’s complaints about his poor predicament (his estate and title required him to take a wife in order for him to secure an heir) and his laments over the many ladies looking to seduce him to be their husband. He’d even gone as far as say he wanted to have a choice in such a personal matter, and he felt robbed of one.
Oh, how angry she still got just thinking about it.
How did he dare complain so vehemently, when he had all anyone could wish for? Good health, good fortune, title and lands to his name, proper education. She’d give a lot to be allowed to gain more knowledge.
How could the man think he was without choice. What highborn lady would refuse him? A man of his stature and fortune, with great posture and good looks to boot. Lily had to admit she enjoyed looking at him. She even found herself day dreaming about him, his thick dark hair, attractive to her probably because it was a little too wild for society’s standards. Often her thoughts would wander to his eyes that could burn with their intensity, the severity of his look had the power to decide an argument.
She’d also seen how they would crinkle just before his lips would quirk into a smile. Oh, how she’d started to look for that beginning of his smile, to see it just before it transformed his face like a sunset changed night into day…
Oh, oh.
And just like that, Lily’s jealous anger morphed into something different, still heated, still burning, longing even; she desired Lord Potter, she wanted his smile, his look, to be only for her.
What would it be like if he were to kiss her…What would it be like? She ran her finger over her lips, absentmindedly, before she shook her head, embarrassed for imagining he would ever kiss her.
For Lord Potter had made his opinion on women trying to seduce him perfectly clear. And as she was a woman with no fortune, no powerful relations, even when she would somehow find herself alone with him, even if he’d not walk away but instead do the honourable thing—Lily felt her face heat up, she put a cold hand on her cheeks—it would be to no avail, he’d forever think her mercenary, he’d be disgusted and loathe her for the rest of her life. He’d rightfully blame her for ruining his life.
That would be infinitely worse than being alone, but Lily wasn’t sure if it would be worse than living her life as Mr Snape’s wife. Spinsterhood sounded more and more appealing.