Chapter 17
"The ship is gonna suck us down. Take a deep breath when I say. Kick for the surface and keep kicking. Do not let go of my hand. We're going to make it, Reggie", James explained quickly. "Trust me."
Regulus stared down at the water coming up at them and he gripped James' hand harder.
"I trust you."
Below them the deck disappeared.
~~~~
Under the water, Regulus was completely disoriented. He and James were spun around and dragged off the ship.
As a result, the two young men could no longer hold on.
Regulus tried to block out the cold hurting his skin and swim to the surface.
At the surface Regulus found a roiling chaos of screaming and thrashing people.
Over a thousand people were now floating where the ship went down. Some are stunned, gasping for breath. Others cried, prayed, and screamed.
Regulus was among them, but James was nowhere to be seen.
"James! James!"
The black-haired man had barely time to gasp for air before someone was clawing at him.
A man driven insanely by the water. It was 4 degrees below freezing, a cold so intense it is indistinguishable from death by fire.
A man pushed Regulus under and tried to climb on top of him senselessly. He tried to get out of the water, to climb onto anything.
"No! Let me-"
James came out of nowhere.
"Get off him!"
He hit the man several times and he released Regulus again.
"James!"
"Swim, Reggie!"
James and Regulus swam past the other human, the chaos still omnipresent.
The younger one wasn't as good a swimmer as James though. That and the ice-cold water tugged at his strength.
James kept glancing over his shoulder to see if Regulus was still with him.
The two of them swam as best they could, swimming past the other people. Most of them kicked around in panic, a few didn't move anymore.
"Keep swimming," James said.
They were not allowed to stop swimming and had to keep moving.
James and Regulus swam a little away from the crowd. There they found a large piece of wood – a large door perhaps?
"Here get on it," James said.
The younger man climbed onto the wooden door, which turned out to be almost impossible. His heavy, wet clothes were dragging him down, making Regulus much heavier than he actually was. In addition, he did not get a proper footing; with his numb fingers, he wasn't able to grasp it properly for long.
Regulus managed to pull himself onto the wooden door. Then James tried to climb up to Regulus on the big piece of wood.
The young man wanted to pull himself on it, but he was also much heavier due to the wet clothes. With his weight pressed against a corner where he wanted to pull himself up. downward. The other side rose from the water surface.
The wooden door was now so crooked that Regulus almost fell off and James immediately let go of the door.
The young man swam around the door a bit, closer to Regulus.
"James, what are you doing? Climb up," Regulus said.
"That won't work," James replied, shaking his head. "Just stay where you are, ok? I'll be fine."
Regulus knew James was lying. If he stayed in the freezing cold-water James would freeze to death.
The young man slid a little to the side that was hanging in the air and carefully sat up. Then he grabbed James' shirt and tried to pull him towards the wooden door.
James leaned on the wooden door with his other hand. With Regulus' help, he made it without the wooden door tipping over or being able to bear its weight with more.
Finally, James and Regulus lay on their backs, shoulder to shoulder on the wooden door, looking up at the starry sky.
It was absurd.
The stars in the sky shone as the people fought for their lives down here.
James liked the stars. Regulus was a star and he liked Regulus, meaning James liked stars.
"Reggie, will you- will you show me your star sometime?"
"What?" Regulus wanted to know.
Both men's voices were low and limp, their lips were blue, and their teeth were chattering from the cold. They were exhausted and cold, very cold.
"The star 'Regulus'," James suggested. "Will you show it to me sometime?"
"Of course," Regulus said.
With an effort, the young man placed his hand on James' hand and linked his fingers. He did not feel James' hand on his, but he knew it was holding and that reassured him.
Regulus didn't know how much time had passed—seconds; Minutes or even hours - but at some point, he didn't want to look at the dark night sky anymore.
He much preferred looking at James.
The young man slowly turned his head and looked at James and at that moment he noticed something for the first time.
"James, where are- your glasses?"
The other young man also looked at Regulus. His already pale skin was now even paler. He could only see Regulus out of focus, but dimly recognized the black curls that clung to the other young man's face.
James carefully brushed a strand of hair out of Regulus' face
"I- lost my glasses when we fell in- the water."
"We'll buy you a new one," Regulus said.
The younger Black brother thought James looked better with glasses. Don't get it wrong, James was always very good looking, but the glasses somehow belonged to James.
The older one didn't answer, he was too tired for that.
Then James heard the ship's officer nearby. He blew his whistle furiously, knowing the sound would carry over the water for miles.
"Return the boats!"
"The boats are coming back for us", said James. "Hold on just a little bit longer. They had to row away for the suction, but now they'll be coming back."
Both men knew that wasn't true. Nobody would come back. And if it did, then it would be too late.
Regulus was resigned to it. He would die here in the freezing waters of the Atlantic, but that was ok.
James was with him, and he made it all more bearable.
~~~~
Eventually, Sirius didn't know how long it was, it got quiet. The women, children, and men in the boats heard the cries for help fading and then fading.
Remus got up and had to leave him alone. The young officer wanted to make sure that at least one of the lifeboats could go back to save the lives of the people.
Instead of Remus, Lily sat with him. The young officer had placed Lily there. Neither of them should be alone now.
Sirius had just lost his brother and Lily her best friend.
Remus helped the stewards tie the lifeboats together.
"Now, bring in your oars over there- And tie these boats together as well Now, make sure that's tied up nice and tight."
Tying the boats together went quickly.
Remus looked again in the direction in which the Titanic had just been seen. Then he looked at Sirius and Lily.
"Listen, we have to go back," he said to the other officers.
The other men also dared to look at the people floating calmly on the water.
They knew Remus was right. They also knew they had waited too long.
The men exchanged glances and nodded.
"Okay, listen, I want to transfer all the women from this boat into that boat right now as quick as you can, please," Remus explained. "Let's create some space over there. Move forward and aft."
It took another few minutes until the people from one lifeboat had spread to the others.
Remus climbed from the empty boat into one of the others.
"Marlene, I-"
The brown-haired young man stopped. His niece fell asleep. She had her blanket wrapped around her and her head was resting on Lily's shoulders.
"I'll take care of her," Lily assured quietly. "And when she wakes up, I'll tell her where you are."
Remus nodded. He wanted to turn back, but Sirius stopped him.
"Remus, can I come with you? I- I can't take it sitting around. And if Regulus is out there, I need to know."
The young officer hesitated. He was about to say 'no' but then looked at Sirius. The other young man would not take 'no'. Remus could understand that. If it were Marlene, he would react the same way, maybe even worse.
Still, he couldn't take Sirius with him.
"Sirius-"
"Remus," the black-haired young man replied. "He's, my brother."
Remus sighed, there was no use arguing with Sirius.
"Okay, come with me."
Sirius and Remus got into the almost empty boat with only a few stewards seated. Sirius grabbed an oar and slowly the boat moved away from the others.
~~~~
"It's getting quiet," Regulus murmured.
He knew what that meant. The others had waited too long and there would be fewer and fewer people left to save.
"It's just going to take a couple of minutes to get the boats organized."
"I don't know about you, but I intend to write a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all this," joked James.
Regulus would have laughed if he hadn't been so damn cold.
James tried to be optimistic even in this situation and Regulus loved it. It made everything so much easier.
"I love you, James."
There, he said it and it was true.
Regulus hadn't told anyone that before because he had never understood it. How? His parents had accepted each other, nothing more.
But now he understood, and he wanted James to know how he felt.
James' heart jumped with joy.
'I love you too. You have no idea how much,' James actually wanted to say. But that would sound like a goodbye.
James firmly believed that this wasn't goodbye. It couldn't be goodbye; James wouldn't allow it.
"Don't you do that," James said in a surprisingly firm voice. "Don't you say your good-byes. Not yet. Do you understand me?"
"I'm so cold," Regulus murmured.
The young man found it increasingly difficult to keep his eyes open. He just wanted to fall asleep and then wake up in a warm bed.
"Listen, Reggie," James began. "You're gonna get out of here. You're gonna go on and you're gonna have kids."
"And cats? I like cats," Regulus probed.
"Yes, of course. You're gonna die as an old man. Warm in his bed. Not here. Not this night. Not like this. Do you understand me?"
James' words sounded like music to Regulus' ears. He literally clawed at the thought of growing old. Regulus wanted to grow old, but-
"I can't feel my body."
"Winning that ticket was the best thing that ever happened to me. It brought me to you. And I'm thankful for that, Reggie– I'm so fucking thankful," James said.
'You have no idea how grateful I am to you, James.' Regulus thought.
The older man had saved him. Not just from drowning. James had saved him first from himself and then from a life he had always feared.
"You must– You must promise me that you'll survive. That you won't give up no matter what happens. Promise me."
James just had to hear it. He had to know that Regulus would not give up and would survive.
Regulus would promise James anything he wanted now. So, it was no wonder Regulus promised James he would survive that night. Even if Regulus didn't believe in surviving.
"I promise."
James smiled and looked up at the stars, expecting it to be the last thing he would ever see.