Ephemeral

Remus wiped his eyes from the tears of laughter and suddenly felt the absence of companionship return in his heart. Nobody left to reminisce with him. The next photo wasn’t really a memory to reminisce, he’d only discovered it among James and Lily’s things years later. Lily had always been a brilliant friend to him right from the start. When he felt alone, she had always been there for him. Merlin, how he needed her now.

*Lily and Remus asleep in the hospital wing*

Remus had first become close to Lily in herbology. He’d always found it quite fitting for her, because in the first week she learned all the names of the flowers and she’d shown up everyone in the exam. Professor Sprout usually let them pick partners and that had left Remus alone. Again. James was always with Sirius, Peter with Derek and Remus didn’t know anyone else. He was never particularly outgoing, especially as a first year. 

They walked into the greenhouse. It was a massive structure with all sides made of thick cut glass. The plants weaved around the room, creating a wonderful mosaic of colours all around the room. Vines cascaded down from the ceiling clutching at every groove in the walls, while the climbers crept up, reaching to meet them in the middle. There was a lovely, rich, earthy smell to the greenhouse, the air felt easier to breathe in there. The greenhouses were so warm, even in the winter, it felt like a sauna. Two long mahogany tables stretched down the centre of the room, sets of stools sat either side for the students.
 The Slytherins always lurked at the back, forcing the Gryffindors right to the front. Peter remarked, “Its not fair, I feel like I’m practically sitting on her lap!”

“I bet you’d like that, wouldn’t you Pete”, Sirius retorted with a wink. It was true to be fair, Peter had a thing for older women his whole life and Professor Sprout was rather shapely and quite pretty. She had a bright, shiny smile and a kind disposition. Her curly burgundy hair fell half way down her back it had flecks of silver streaked without and she has an overgrown fringe concealing her eyebrows. Remus had definitely caught Peter staring at her one or twice. Professor Pomona Sprout had just begun covering them full time this term. She had begun her residence at the start of the year since Professor Beery planned his leave.


In one particular lesson, it was the middle of June, tensions were rising in the unbearable heat of the greenhouses. “Oi leave Evans alone”, James shouted. He’d been surveying the uncomfortable scene unfolding in the back. Berith Selwyn and the Carrows were flicking dragon dung at Lily. Severus had not partaken but instead just sat there watching.

“Shut up, Potter,” she spat. She finally had enough of the harassment and stood up.


“Lily, they were only teasing, they didn’t mean it”, Severus called out from the back of the room, smirking. She ignored him, wiping tears from her eyes and rushing to the professor.


“Professor Sprout, I need a new partner.” She demanded between sniffs.

“Yes. Yes, of course dear” she scowled at those responsible, but Professor Sprout was never very good at punishing for misbehaviour in her class. “I think Remus is available”.

Remus’ ears pricked up at the mention of his name. By the time he’d processed the situation, Lily was already sitting beside him. They worked in silence for a few moments, removing stinging hair with dragon-hide gloves. The nettle plant was almost bare by the time she uttered a word. “Thanks for letting me work with you, Remus.”

“Thats okay” Remus mumbled. He didn’t mind working alone too much, but he enjoyed her company too. She smiled at him, genuinely happy to have a friend.

“It’s not like he had a choice”, Sirius whispered, nudging James. Remus was very glad she hadn’t caught it. By the end of the lesson, he felt very close to her and a bond was formed incredibly fast. Their friendship was new and Sirius’ temperament could jeopardise it. He had a way of causing quarrels with ease. After only one day, Remus looked forward to herbology lessons a lot. His time with Lily was treasured. In the greenhouse he felt like he could tell her anything. Which is why it was not surprising that she was the first person to discover his secret.

Professor Sprout had given them a homework: to grow any plant of their choice, present its uses and dangers, and write 14 inches of parchment about its discovery, and for extra credit brew a potion with it. Lily suggested “Aconite, the flowers are poisonous but it's a pretty shade of purple and we can brew a remedy for pain relief”. Remus nodded without word. “I’ve also heard that some potion masters have been considering it for sedation…. of werewolves”, Lily whispered in his ear. His breath was caught in his chest. She knew. Or she thought she knew. It was only a matter of time before someone figured it out. 

“erm, yeah”, he responded. “I guess we could do aconite”. He had already been on edge that day, but the more he squirmed the more it would confirm her suspicions, so he tried his best to not seem affronted by the idea. Professor Sprout certainly was. It was a difficult task for the first two years, but she liked Lily well. She believed in her. 


So every evening for a month, the two traipsed down before curfew to check on their cutting’s growth. Lily was quite right, the petals were a nice shade of purple, an indigo network of veins had developed indicating a bloom was near. As soon as it came, they cut the roots off and began mincing them for the remedy. It was a relatively simple potion, mince the roots and boil, along with: a small flattened sea snail, 10 grams of dried jewelweed, 23 lavender petals and 3 valerian sprigs. First were the roots, they’d shared the responsibility of cutting them up, “So these parts should be safe” Lily reassured, triple checking her textbook. “It’s the petals that you’ve got to watch out for, they’ve been known to cause abnormal heart function and paralysis”, she recited from memory of the book. Lily concentrated on her knife, slowly sliding it up and down, cutting the root into small portions. Remus glanced over, he watched her work for a moment before slipping a few petals into his pocket. Next came the snail. She had made Remus do that part, “No Remus I’m serious I cant!” she’d shouted, giggling as he chased her around the green house. The snail shell clutched between his fingers. “REMUS!” she yelled, turning to face him. She squared round to stand opposite him on either side of the table. When he edged one way she darted the other. This went on for some time before he gave in.


“Okay. Alright, I’ll do it. But you owe me Evans” he teased, backing off.

“Fine by me”, she gave him a cheesy grin. 

“I’ll hold you to that”, he returned. He couldn’t help but smile back.

“My hero”, she said sarcastically. He crushed the poor thing while she stood behind him. She insisted on keeping a safe distance from the ‘murder’. In went the snail with the chopped roots. They weighed out the jewelweed and ground it into a dark green powder. She sat on the table swinging her legs, picking off the lavender petals, dropping them one by one while he stirred. Once it turned a murky wine colour and began to rapidly thicken. The remedy was bottled and the 3 springs of valerian were inserted once the mixture cooled. It was corked and placed in an unused cabinet at the back of the room.

A week later, it was the day of a full moon, Remus felt lightheaded. He buttoned up his shirt with his eyes closed, the light made him feel nauseous. James had tried to take him to the hospital wing twice before 9 am. He was adamant about getting to herbology. It was the deadline for their projects. After just a cup of very milky tea at breakfast, the boys escorted him down to the greenhouses. He fell onto a chair and dropped his head down on the table, “Remus. Remus! Rem- are you alright?” Lily pulled his head back to reveal his face. His forehead was extremely warm to the touch, sweat accumulated around his collar dripping down his back. He grumbled at the disturbance. “ Remus you have a fever, you have to go to the hospital wing”.

“No Lily.” Remus said, turning his head on the desk to face her, “I don’t want to.”

“Trust me, I've tried,” James interrupted.


“Yeah, to say he’s so ill, he’s particularly fervent this morning,” Sirius added.

“But-” Lily started, turning back to Remus.


“Please don’t make me go.” Remus stared up at her and before she could protest, he placed his hand on top of hers. She smiled and nodded at him, admitting defeat. There was still a few minutes before the lesson, so she let him sleep, pushing his hair back from his face where it had begun to stick from the sweat. 

When he awoke, Lily was chatting with Mary MacDonald. It seemed that more students had begun filtering in. He raised his head and rested it between his hands, “Good morning sleeping beauty”, Lily said when she noticed him.


“Did you just call me beautiful Evans?” He returned without missing a beat. She stuck her tongue out at him. Snape gawked at him from the other end of the room. He felt anxious under his gaze. Remus moved his eyes back to Lily. “Have you got the potion?” She slid it wordlessly across the way to him. “Tar, kid.”
 Remus loved to mock her Scouse accent.

Last to arrive was Professor Sprout, she wandered into the class awaiting her arrival. She greeted the class and they put on their aprons in preparation. Remus placed his hand in the pocket and was reminded of the petals. He slipped them out and transferred them into head trousers. One by one, they presented their homework to the class. When it was their turn, Lily and Remus stood up and walked up to the front of the room. His head was pounding and he could barely see. Thankfully, Lily did most of the talking for him and when it was over, all over the room clapped for them. Remus noticed James clapping more enthusiastically than all the others. Remus was barely conscious of the rest of the class but he stayed behind at the end of the lesson to speak to his professor. Only a few had done the extra work. Remus placed the jar on Professor's sprouts desk. It worked a little too perfectly. Remus was sure that Lily had sourced help from her slimy friend Severus. There was a tar-like paste settled at the bottom and a purple oil rested on the top. The professor pulled out a pipette and dropped it into a test tube. “I’ll send this off to Professor Slughorn and he’ll test for its purity, but it looks good." "Ten house-points!”. Lily was beaming, it made all the work worth it.

Remus just about made it through the rest of the day. He’d spent most of it passed out or retching. After a very measly dinner, he’d barely made it back to his room. The others had offered to stay with him but he told them to go to the quidditch match. He assured them he’d be okay. He crawled through the door before collapsing on the stone. It felt cool against his head. He panted on the floor. He’d have to gather his strength before making his way down to Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing. She’d have his head if she knew how he’d suffered all day. He didn’t know why, but for some reason the petals came back into his mind. Lily had said people were using it for sedation of werewolves. He didn’t know what kind of mistake he was making. He popped 3 petals into his mouth and chewed them quickly. It was a bitter horrible taste but he swallowed it immediately, hoping for the effects to come soon and the taste to drain away. There was a seed jammed uncomfortably between his molars but as he tried to remove it he realised he couldn’t, he couldn’t move anything actually. His whole body tingled but his chest was burning. His friends wouldn’t be back for an hour at the very least. Remus couldn’t wait that long, he had struggled for breath on the floor for twenty minutes now. He couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer. They closed as he drew in a shaky breath. Lily strolled without hesitation, calling out to him. “Remus, Professor Slughorn verified our potion, its-”. She dropped to her knees with a scream. His face was pale like porcelain; he looked frozen but he felt as though he was on fire, his lips were dry and there were purple veins all around his mouth. She stared at him for a moment and then rolled him over. He coughed weakly and his nose began to bleed. She raced out of the room and hammered on Frank’s door.


Frank had injured his arm and, as a beater, could no longer play. He popped his head out the door to see the first year sobbing. Lily led him along the corridor and up the staircase to Remus’ room. Frank saw the boy lying lifeless on the floor. He could hardly hear him breathe over his own heart beating in his chest, Lily’s muffled sobs weren’t helping either, but nonetheless, Remus couldn’t fog a mirror. Frank scooped the boy from the floor and began carrying him down. He’d never noticed how frail he was before then. Frank could feel every bone in the boy's back. By the time Frank had made it down to the hospital wing, Lily in tow, he was sure the young boy had passed in his arms. 

Madame Pomfrey had forced them out as soon as Frank laid him on the bed. The full moon was coming soon. But she couldn’t leave him in the shrieking shack, not like this. After consultation with Mcgonagall, Remus ended up in Pomfrey’s office overnight with a spell to protect the exits. The wolf did not try to escape. It felt so horrid. It clawed at the pain in his chest. It felt restless and exhausted. Starving and full. It lay panting most of the night in between periods of vomiting.


When Remus came to in the morning, he looked up. There was a worried face looking down to him, she had beautiful fine blonde hair hanging down at her waist. Her eyes were a pale blue, they could see straight through him. A golden glow surrounded her face. She looked like an angel. She was his angel, his saviour. Madame Poppy Pomfrey was already in, dressing his wounds. His chest was ripped apart, there were a few cracked ribs and a puncture in his lung. He had a wool blanket over his bottom half, his clothes nowhere to be found. He tried to speak but no sound came out, instead she began “Lupin, what happened?”. “Remus, you were poisoned.” Still no sound, so she left him to rest. It was still very early and the sun was just coming up. Pomfrey moved him to his bed in the back right corner of her wing. He’d come to think of it as a second room at Hogwarts. This was the most secluded space and he kept a few of his books there to pass the time. She spoke to him softly after propping him up on his pillows, “ Remus Lupin, I don’t know what happened last night but you could have died. Why didn’t you come to see me sooner?” Tears were pooling in his eyes, he felt ashamed and he could only shrug. Deep down somewhere he’d known what it would do to him. “You nearly died” Her voice broke, she held his hand for a moment. That said enough. “Now young man, you will stay here in this bed for the rest of the week. Do you understand me?”.

“Yes miss” he mumbled between sniffles.


“You still have a fever so drink this” she placed the thick potion on his side table. “And miss Lily Evans has refused to leave until she sees you. She’s been waiting outside”. He nodded at the nurse before downing the potion. And she permitted Lily to come in.


Remus listened to Lily’s hesitant paces as she neared the divider. She appeared, her face looked white like a ghost, except her eyes. They were red and puffy. She had clearly been crying all night. And she soon started again once she sat on his bed. “I’m alright Evans”, Remus croaked.


“No you’re not Remus” she sobbed. “You ate the wolfsbane, didn’t you? Didn’t you?" He stared at her, unable to lie. “You know that’s not what I meant, I meant they were looking for a cure, you stupid boy, Remus, I thought you were dead.” She crawled up the bed to hug him. He awkwardly cradled her, he didn’t hug people often. But in a few minutes it felt natural, her cries softened and her breathing slowed. He tried his best to soothe her but she was still very upset. He felt a pang of guilt in his chest or maybe it was her head resting on the stitches. She stayed there all day reading him story books, muggle and wizard alike. He liked it, he felt peaceful around her. She should have gone to class but McGonagall let her stay. She too needed to recover.

The boys had spent all day looking for Remus and were unable to find him. They turned to their head of house. “Professor Mcgonagall, Remus has gone missing”, James announced, entering her office without knocking but before she could reprimand him.

“We've looked all over the castle”, Sirius continued, following in behind him.


“He wasn’t feeling well yesterday”, Derek added, slipping into the room.

“And he didn’t come back to the room last night”, Peter finished. Mcgonagall summoned chairs for each of the boys. She sat them down and told them Remus had fallen ill. He was in the hospital wing. Sirius went pale. He knew he should have taken him to the hospital yesterday. James sensed this and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Can we go to see him?” Peter pleaded.

“No boys, I think it's best if he gets a bit better first”, Mcgonagall responded. She was stern. There was no use arguing. They trailed with heads hanging low. 


Peter held James and Sirius back as the other boy headed up to their room alone, “James, we need to see him”.

“Mcgonagall won’t let us, so I doubt Pomfrey will, honestly, those two”, Sirius cut in.


“What if-” Peter had barely begun the sentence before Sirius took over entirely.


“We’ll take the cloak and sneak down after hours”. They hatched a plan to spend the night and get back in their room in the morning before anyone noticed. 

It was 10pm, the castle was dark. The boys crept through, concealed in the invisibility cloak. Mrs Norris was Mr Filch, the caretaker’s kitten. She ran through the halls at night hissing at students out of bed. She sat in the middle of the corridor staring at the boys. Sirius could have sworn she turned her head 180 degrees to look at them. The cloak didn’t fool her. Nevertheless, they made it to the hospital. They creaked open the massive oak door and shuffled through the small crack they’d created. The boys swept the room, peering around every curtain in the hopes of spotting him. Nowhere to be found. At last, they reached the final bed, and there he was sound asleep with Lily Evans lying on the bed next to him tucked up together sound asleep. Peter snapped a picture of the two and the boys agreed to let them sleep. James felt extremely jealous of Remus cozied up with Evans. He would do anything for that.