James
“Can we fucking go, please?” Remus said, reaching to place his hands on the wheel. James slapped them away, glancing out the passenger window to the front door of number 12 Grimmauld Place. He couldn't see Regulus, but for some reason James was sure the other boy had his hand on the knob of the front door, contemplating. It had been obvious as the day that Regulus didn’t mean what he was saying, that his responsibilities didn’t outweigh his desire to be part of an identifiable faction, that he craved conflict because he didn’t know any other form of connection. He had technically said no, but James had never been good at taking no for an answer.
“We’re waiting,” James said, pushing back against his leather seat. The headrest was slippery with his sweat and he reached for the air conditioner button before realizing it was busted. The car was an old one of his fathers, gifted to him for his sixteenth birthday - a beautiful dusty red mustang. It barely ran on a good day, constantly between breaking down and revving to start. James loved it quite a lot. Remus was the only person with permission to drive it since James had gotten his license revoked for speeding with Sirius. The feeling of wind in his air blowing through the open window as the two of them flew down the interstate was almost worth it, if not for the ticket and suspension and stern talking from his father. Now Remus was the designated driver, until further notice. James didn’t really mind as much as he said he did - now he could sleep in the passenger seat and control the radio.
Remus sighed, shaking his head. “He already said no, mate. What in the world are we waiting for? Let’s just go.”
James shot Remus a harsh look, lots of eyebrows and squinty eyes. The type of look he probably learned from Regulus himself. Remus might have been the driver, but James was still the one in charge of where they went (mostly).
“Five more minutes-“
“No.”
“Pretty please? With a cherry on top?” James said, putting his hands in a joking prayer position, jutting out his bottom lip to increase the pleading effect.
“Fine,” Remus grumbled, twisting around to grab his book out of the back seat, “Your funeral.”
James waved his hand through the air like an airplane, miming it blowing up. Remus flipped him off, opening to the chapter he was reading.
It took three minutes and fifteen seconds for Regulus to knock on James’s window.
Trying to not look so entirely pleased with himself, if just for the sake of the other boy's dignity, James unrolled the window.
“Well, long time no see!” James said gleefully, leaning his arms on the door and his chin on his hands.
Regulus rubbed a spot on his eyebrow, frowning. A duffel bag was slung over one shoulder, tugging on his shirt to expose a few inches of pale skin.
“You waited?” Regulus said, after finally picking what to say. James was sure it was a close call between the question, a number of carefully chosen insults, or something entirely self deprecating.
James was glad Regulus was there. In a strange and entertaining unpredictable way, he couldn’t have imagined this summer without Regulus tagging along. His mind had formed the fantasy and now he couldn’t be rid of it. It didn’t seem right that Sirius could come, and not his brother, as if once upon a time they weren’t joined at the hip.
“Of course we waited. Do you need me to help you pop the trunk?”
Regulus shook his head, a blush forming across his cheeks in a light pink. It was possibly the cutest thing James had ever seen in his seventeen years of existence.
James watched as Regulus walked around the back of the car to the trunk. His body warped in the mirror, before folding back into its elegant shape.
Remus slapped his arm with the book, laughing, “You’re drooling.”
“Oh, yeah?” James said, grabbing Remus arm to twist it sideways. Remus let out a laugh, punching James lightly in the ribs. Their play fight resolved easily enough, but the words lingered in James’s head. Drooling? Really?
He wiped at the corner of his mouth, watching as Regulus slid into the back seat. He had a sort of shameful look on his face, as if he was betraying someone just by existing.
“I’m not doing this because you asked. I’m doing this because I don’t like my parents. Two very separate ideas,” Regulus said, slumping back in his seat.
Remus shook his head, turning the keys in the ignition. He shot James a glance.
“Now can we go?”
James turned to peer at Regulus, twisting around in his seat, hip bone shoving into the middle console.
“You won’t regret this, I promise.”
Regulus scoffed. “Your promises don’t mean much to me, James.”
James held a hand to his chest in mock offense, shaking his head. “Ow, my honor.”
Regulus tugged out a small notebook from his back pocket, uncapping a pen, turning his attention away. “Boo hoo,” he murmured. James barely caught the words, let alone the glimmer of a smile.
He didn’t know it then, the car pulling out of its parking place, but James would spend the whole summer waiting to catch another glimpse of that secret Regulus Black smile. He would spend his whole life, in fact.
~~~
At some point during the drive James fell asleep. He couldn’t help it, despite wanting to stay awake in case Regulus changed his mind and climbed out through the window. The wind whispering through the window, the trees of the countryside blurring together, the radio playing softly as Remus sang along under his breath - it all felt warm and comforting, like a lullaby. The three hour drive up to the Potter’s summer house was a memory preserved. Effie and Monty, James’s parents, had spent more and more time away from the city now that they were retired, but James had to savor these weeks away. Soon enough he would be back for his final year at school, and summer would be drifting into history.
James blinked his eyes open, mouth sticky and cheeks warm. Remus had shut off the radio at some point, and two cigarette butts lay in the cradle of the built in ashtray. The highway was endless it seemed, but they couldn’t be far from their destination.
Rubbing a hand across his face, James peered over his shoulder to find Regulus passed out, head tucked into the window at an angle that ensured a cramp. His mouth was closed, jaw clenched, eyebrows still furrowed in thought, but James had never seen him so relaxed. His hands were tucked against his chest almost in prayer, and the sun painted him gold. James swallowed, before quickly looking away.
“Hey,” Remus said, glancing over, “We’re almost there.”
“Let’s stop at the petrol station?” James asked, trying to not look at Regulus in the side mirror. It wasn’t a secret that James found Regulus attractive - it was undeniably true that he was - but James found everyone attractive. Remus made fun of him constantly for his shallow taste, how he gravitated towards beautiful things like a moth to a porch light. However, it was a secret that James’s feelings towards Regulus went deeper than simply skin; that he thought of him, often. It was a shameful and disastrous fact, and James could never tell anybody.
“Your insatiability will eventually be your downfall,” Remus muttered, turning off the highway.
“I need snacks, I’m a growing boy.”
“I think you stop being a boy once you hit puberty,” a sleepy voice said, coming from the back seat.
Remus glanced into the rearview mirror, and said jokingly, “Then you become a man?”
“No, you become a problem,” Regulus said, sitting upright.
That made Remus laugh, which surprised James because Remus almost never opened up that quickly to people he didn’t know; he guarded his heart and his humor with a fierceness. It took three months of trying after they first met before James got more than a shy smile out of him.
Remus stopped the car beside the gas pump and shut off the car. He tugged his book out of the side pocket, flipping to the bookmark page. James unbuckled his seatbelt, hoping out like a puppy who smelled treats.
“Do you want anything?” He asked Regulus, bending down to peer through the open back window.
“Can I come with you? I’d like to stretch my legs,” Regulus said, trailing off at the end in embarrassment.
James shrugged, trying to hide his excitement under a cloak of indifference. “More the merrier.”
When Regulus got out he stretched his arms high above his head, eyes closing for a moment in bliss. James had to force himself to move away and stop staring.
The inside of the BP shop smelled like floor cleaner and gasoline and food grease. The rows of multicolored bags and wrappers welcomed James with a hug of refined sugar and fat. The girl behind the counter waved at James with a lazy wrist, putting down her phone.
“Look what the cat dragged in,” she laughed, her eyes glinting under her red baseball cap. James leaned on the counter, smiling.
“Hey Mary. I didn’t know you were working this summer.”
“I’m saving up for a new record player. Where’s the rest of your clique?”
“Remus is in the car, Sirius is already up at the house. Pete has summer school but he should be coming up next month.”
“Well maybe we should all get - Is that Regulus Black?!” Mary exclaimed, standing up straighter. James peered over his shoulder, watching as Regulus wandered through the shelves, a perspiring Diet Coke clutched in one hand.
“Oh yeah, new member.”
“…Does Sirius know?” Mary murmured, tucking a curly strand of hair behind her ear.
“I’m not answering that,” James said cheekily, which meant the answer to the question was a probable no.
Mary sighed, “How do you always end up in such stupid situations, James?”
“It’s a gift. Can I have a pack of Marlboros?.”
“I thought you quit,” Mary said condescendingly, turning to the packs on the wall. In the city shopkeepers were more keen with the law - hesitant or refusing to sell to minors - but no one cared out here. It was summer, and summer was a smoky and hot thing.
“ I did. Those are for Remus,” James said, turning to walk down the aisle. He grabbed a packet of crisps off the stand and a pepsi from the freezer. By the time he returned to the cash, Regulus was already there and in the middle of the conversation with Mary.
“-you could say I was basically kidnapped.”
“What are you talking about?” James said, handing Mary his food to ring up.
“None of your business,” Regulus said, sort of smirking but in a shy way.
“You’re on thin ice, Black.”
Regulus shrugged, grabbing his diet coke and heading back to the car. James watched him leave, an emotional ache blossoming just under his ribs. He imagined running after the other boy, grabbing him by the elbow, and spilling his feelings right there on the pavement. Instead James paid the bill, grabbed his stuff, and promised himself to get over his stupid crush. For everyone's sake.