three against the sea
No sooner had James raced into Remus’s room than had Lily closed the door behind him. He faintly overheard Lily divert Regulus from following James and then, the sound of both of their footsteps receding.
Sirius did not react to James’s entrance.
He was kneeled in front of the cot, where Remus now lay, his dark hair in disarray, Remus’s sabre stripped and leaned against the wall. As James approached his friends, he could see Remus’s too pale skin peeking out through the blanket, his mouth the color of bruise, the shivers that racked his body. He was asleep, but barely. Every convulsion from the cold furrowed his brow, made him grit his teeth. Sirius’s hand clenched tighter in Remus’s with every shudder.
Soothingly, James put a hand to Sirius’s back and sat down next to him.
He let of moment of silence pass before he spoke.
“What he did,” James began softly, “What he did, Remus…going after your brother and his friend like that. He meant well by it. He didn’t want you to hurt yourself by acting rashly.”
Sirius said nothing. He might as well have been deaf to James’s words.
“I already gave him shit for it,” James continued, “And I shouldn’t have. I was angry at him for being so reckless. I was tired. I was worried for you. I was worried for Regulus. And the girl. I heard the cannon fire hit and-”
“It wasn’t them,” Sirius croaked.
“What?”
“It wasn’t Malfoy who shot. It was us. Marlene fired.”
It took James a minute to process the implication of what Sirius had said.
“So…everything is fine, then.”
Sirius closed his eyes, “Not everything.”
“No,” James said, squinting without his glasses, “Not everything is fine.”
“I’m not mad about it,” Sirius said after another long moment, “I would have done the same. I was going to do the same, actually. Had he not stopped me.”
Sirius reached over and pushed Remus’s hair out of his eyes. He pulled the blanket up around Remus’s shoulders and let his hand rest there.
“I just wish he wouldn’t have done it himself,” Sirius whispered.
“You couldn’t have done it and lived, Sirius.”
“What does it matter now? I would not want to live if he dies.”
Sirius’s tone was hard and militant, a attitude he took on when his own love became a little too much for him to express. James, accustomed to these moods, let him talk.
“I wouldn’t want to live if he died,” Sirius repeated, “I wouldn’t. And that’s the truth. I’m not sorry about it. I would rather be dead.”
“You shouldn’t be sorry about it.”
“Then why do I feel so goddamn awful?” Sirius’s voice cracked. He finally met James’s eyes, “Why do I feel so goddamn ashamed that I…I would have let him…”
Sirius inhaled sharply, a wounded sound, raw and broken. He took a second to catch his breath. James fought hard to not cry, focusing on the movement of his hand across Sirius’s shoulder blades as his chest hitched.
“I lost Regulus once,” Sirius gasped, “I lost him once. I could have done it again. It would have been bearable, at least. I could have lived with myself if that happened, at least knowing I got to see him again. Knowing that I got him back before it was too late. But Moony…”
Sirius drew another pained breath, “I couldn’t. I can’t…I…I can’t. Oh God, I can’t. I can’t keep on without him.”
He swiped a hand at his face, “That’s a terrible thing to feel, isn’t it?”
This was harder for James to reckon with. It was terrible, admittedly, but it was also beyond understandable given the circumstances. Sirius was on the cusp of losing the two people he loved best, besides James.
“Regulus woke up,” James said abruptly, “If that means anything. He’s alive.”
“It does.”
“But you already knew that.”
Sirius’s use of the past tense, the tense of possibilities, had given him away. If that happened, specifically, told James all he needed to know.
“How?” James asked.
Sirius shrugged, “You just know about that kind of thing. I lived for years away from Regulus, but I could always feel that he was doing okay out there. Beyond my reach.”
“You can’t think he was better off without you.”
“In some ways, I think he was.”
“He missed you.”
“You can still miss someone you don’t need.”
Remus suddenly shivered. Sirius’s grip on him tightened.
“But I need Moony, James. I need him like I need to breathe.”
His chest expanded and contracted with labored effort. James serenely rubbed Sirius’s back, like a mother might do to her sick child. It wasn’t helping, but it was something to do, and God knows James couldn’t sit still and watch his friends suffer without first trying to do something about it.
“Can you do it now? Please?” Sirius asked James seriously.
James blinked, “Do what?”
“Marry us.”
James tried to answer, but Sirius cut him off.
“Please Prongs,” Sirius pleaded hoarsely, “I don’t know how much longer I have with him. I’d rather spend the rest of it married.”
“Sirius, stop. He’s going to be alright.”
“You don’t know that.”
“He will. I can feel it.”
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not!”
“James, please. Do this for us. If you love us at all-”
“No. That’s not fair. Don’t say that.”
“If you love us at all, you’d do this.”
“I can’t, Sirius.”
“Why? Please-”
“I’m not giving up on him,” James said hardly. His words struck Sirius like a slap. James breathed heavily.
“Is that what you think I’m doing?” Sirius said bitterly.
“Yes,” said James, “If you do this, you’re giving up on him. We don’t know what will happen, you’re right, we don’t. But you can’t just throw in your hat the minute things get uncertain. You can’t run away from this one, Sirius. He deserves better than that.”
Sirius was silent, achingly so, but James refused to cower. He had learned, in their years of friendship, that Sirius wouldn’t hear out hypotheticals. He needed the truth, above all; above kindness, above grace, above faith.
“Remus told me that if he was going to let you speak to Regulus in the crow’s nest, that I had to promise that I would make it so we all saw this through to the end. And I’m not breaking that promise. I don’t do that. Look me in the eyes so I know you understand.”
Sirius did so. James pressed a hand to his friend’s cheek.
“It’s us three against the sea, Sirius.”
Sirius closed his eyes. James nodded up to Remus’s sleeping form on the cot.
“He knows that,” James said meaningfully, “And I know that. And you know that too. Don’t forget it. Not now.”
Sirius nodded. James dropped his hand.
“Good.”
There was a knock at the door that made the both of them jump. Lily entered, her mouth pale and worried.
She smiled, a saintly smile, “How’s our boy doing?”
Sirius shrugged vaguely. He looked on the verge of going sick himself. James stood and greeted Lily, hugging her for a long moment. He could tell they both needed it.
When they parted, Lily affectionately ruffled Sirius’s hair before moving on to Remus. She checked his pulse and pressed her cheek to his forehead, feeling for a temperature. Sirius hardly breathed in anticipation. Finally, she delivered a fine bit of news.
“He’s not burning up, which is a good sign that we didn’t overdo it and give him a fever,” she said decidedly, “It sounds ridiculous, but the shivering is good too. His body is trying to heat itself up. How long has he been doing that?”
“Dunno,” Sirius answered truthfully, “The whole time, maybe? It’s every few minutes.”
Lily nodded, “Is he doing it more and more?”
“I think so.”
As if cued, Remus twitched with a bout of chill. Lily tucked the blanket around him. Remus sighed softly and rubbed his face into the pillow. Sirius rested his chin on his and Remus’s intertwined hands, relieved, if only for a moment.
“Keep him warm,” Lily told Sirius, rubbing his hair again before going to James’s side.
“I think it’s going to be okay,” she told James, “Don’t you?”
James nodded and wrapped Lily in his arms again, settling his cheek against the top of her head, her thick curls tickling his nose.
“Thank you, Lily dearest.” He whispered to her.
“That’s what I’m here for.”
“No, you’re here because we love you. I couldn’t give a damn if you were a miracle worker.”
“But you’re glad I am?”
“At times like these, I would shower you in gold if I had it.”
Lily laughed, small and comfortable.
“I’m sorry about Narcissa’s Revenge. I’m sorry you didn’t get to sack it like you wanted.”
James shrugged, “It wasn’t all I thought it would be.”
“And now? What’s your new divine mission?”
James thought on this. Narcissa’s Revenge had almost taken everything from him. Remus had been tortured on that ship. He nearly died trying to save Regulus from it. And Regulus nearly died trying to save his own friends aboard. He wanted to take a little something back.
“I’m going to fucking kill Malfoy for all he’s done,” James growled.
“Let me have a punch while you’re at it,” Lily muttered agreeably.
“You might not have to wait long.”
Regulus had snuck into the room behind them. He held a finger to his lips and closed the door carefully.
“Reg,” James said breathlessly, releasing Lily.
“What is it?” Lily whispered back to Regulus.
Sirius turned to look at his brother. A single look between them communicated infinite suspicion. Sirius flipped back to Remus, talking softly for his benefit.
Regulus unsheathed his short sword and handed it to Lily. She took it with two hands, clasping it to her chest. She understood instantly and scurried out the door with quiet footfalls, blade extended.
James reached for Regulus instinctively. Regulus allowed his face to be held in James’s warm, dry hands. In the space between them, Regulus said in a hushed tone-
“He’s on the ship,” he breathed, “Malfoy’s on board. Pandora felt his magic.”
Regulus met James’s eyes, his fear shining silver.
“I felt him.”
James barely let the information settle, “Where?”
“On deck.”
“He must have swam over, the crazy bastard. Dismantling the cannons, I’ll bet. Just him?”
“Just him.”
James leaned in and kissed him, soft and brief and longing. The second he broke away, Regulus could only wish he would linger.
“We have to face him together. All of us.” James said, loud enough for Sirius to hear.
Regulus nodded. What James was suggesting could be a final stand for the crew of Lady Lily. A last front. A night to go down with the ship.
Regulus wouldn’t have had it any other way.
“James.”
“Hm?”
“After the storm got bad…did anyone stay on deck?”
James’s eyes widened. His mouth gaped.
“Marlene.”
They nearly tripped over themselves racing to the door.