anyway and always
Remus watched in horror from the deck of Lady Lily as Regulus slammed his boot on the strip connecting the ships and destroyed his only potential exit off Narcissa’s Revenge. James looked equally, if not more horrified, when a pair of Narcissa’s crew touched down on deck just before Regulus crushed the gangplank, ensuring that they were all now stuck where they were.
Remus thought they were a good looking pair, Regulus’s friends. The girl was pretty in a lofty, auroric way, whereas the boy’s attractiveness was more haunting, dangerous even. The girl screamed as Regulus ran out of sight, the boy quickly grabbing her and hauling her back from the railing as she tried to throw herself back at Narcissa’s Revenge. They looked about as lost and anxious as Remus felt now.
He approached them.
“Are you James?” asked the boy, panting, “We need to talk to James.”
“No. No, I’m not James,” Remus stuttered, “Who are you? Why are you here?”
“Regulus said we needed to find James. We have a message for him.”
Remus put a hand to his sabre, a nervous habit, and the boy backed away, pulling the girl with him.
“He said not to fire!” the girl cried. She wretched herself away from the boy and stepped towards Remus. He drew out his sabre fully, a warning. The girl stopped, shoulders sloped, tears streaming down her lovely face.
“He said not to fire until his signal,” she pleaded hysterically, “He’s gone to find Dorcas, our friend, she’s below decks. They threw her there and now he’s gone to find her.”
“Regulus?”
“He cut off Malfoy’s hand,” the girl sobbed, “He cut off his hand so he can’t do magic.”
Panic, fierce and fresh and real, knifed through Remus’s heart. Malfoy, the man who had butchered him like a piece of meat and left him on the shores of Wales to die. Remus caught the girl by the shoulders before she fell to her knees, dropping his sabre.
“Malfoy. He’s still doing magic?” Remus’s tone was desperate.
“His crew,” the girl said, “He could control them. He kept moving his fingers…”
“His skin,” Remus pressed, “Could you see it? What did it look like?”
“It’s cut up,” she said, “But the wounds were black. Like-”
“Like ink? Did it look like he had painted them with ink?”
“Yes,” the girl's eyes narrowed. She took in Remus’s scars for what seemed to be the first time, “You. You’re Remus.”
“Yes.”
The girl reached out and laid a hand on Remus’s torn cheek. Her skin was cold and soft. Remus flinched, the buzz of Pandora’s magic hitting him like an electric shock. Tears swelled in her eyes and tipped over, tracking her ruddy cheeks.
“I’m so sorry Remus. I’m so sorry for what he did to you.”
Remus froze in place. Suddenly, a pair of hands jerked him away. In the same breath, the boy reached out and yanked the girl back into his arms.
Sirius shoved Remus behind him and aimed his rifle at the boy. His hand was lethally patient on the trigger.
“What business do you have here?” Sirius demanded.
“Sirius, it’s fine-”
“Evan?” Sirius lowered the rifle. His gaze flipped between the two strangers who, apparently, were not strangers at all.
“Sirius!” the girl tried to jerk away from the boy again, but he held her tight, “Evan, let me go! It’s Sirius Black! It’s Reggie’s brother!”
“You’re supposed to be dead,” the boy, Evan, snarled.
“Obviously I’m not, Rosier.”
“How am I to know you’re not a ghoul?” Evan flicked a look at Remus, “You’ve got scars like a necromancer. Like Malfoy.”
Remus’s heart clenched. Sirius, puzzled, slung the rifle back over his shoulder.
“Moony, what’s he talking about-”
“I’m not a necromancer,” Remus sighed. To demonstrate, pushed past Sirius and twitched his hands in the pattern of movement he had seen Malfoy do all too many times before. The ship was still. No one moved.
“See?” Remus said, “I don’t command anyone. Malfoy used me to raise his crew.”
“You were on Narcissa’s Revenge?”
James had approached from port side, cautiously coming to his friend’s side, “When?”
“Before you found me in Wales,” said Remus, “A long time ago.”
“Remus, why didn’t you say something?” James’s face fell, “All this time. I’ve been searching for Narcissa all this time and you didn’t say anything?”
“I didn’t want you to stop on my account,” Remus said quietly and raised his head to James, “I believed you could conquer her. I still believe you can conquer her.”
Evan released Pandora, but she didn’t try to back away from him.
“Are you the captain?” she pointed to James. He stepped in front of Remus to meet her face to face.
“Yes. I’m James.”
Pandora smiled, “Reggie’s James.”
James mirrored her expression, “Yeah, Reggie’s James.”
He noticed Pandora’s coat, a viciously bright turquoise with ripped shoulders. A stolen Lantsov coat.
Regulus’s coat.
“You must be Pandora.” James guessed with a grin.
Pandora bobbled a little courtesy, “Lady to the Noble House of Lestrange.”
She reached out and took James’s hands in her own.
“Reggie sent us down to tell you not to fire on Narcissa’s Revenge. Not until his signal.” Pandora reasoned.
“He also said many…favorable things, about this vessel,” Evan piped up, throwing his shoulders back, “He promised us we would be safe here. He said Lady Lily would accept us. Will you honor his promise?”
James gently stepped past Pandora.
“You’re Evan, then,” James said.
Evan nodded, “Marquess and Heir to the Noble House of Rosier.”
“Regulus said many favorable things about you too.”
He held his hand out to Evan.
“We would be honored to have you both.”
James spoke every word full of conviction. Evan shook his hand, firm and brief.
“And our friends?” Evan arched an eyebrow.
“Friends?”
Pandora tiptoed to James’s side, “Reggie stayed behind to find our other two companions. Lady Dorcas Meadowes and Baron Heir Bartemius Crouch the Second.”
“Your titles mean nothing on this ship,” Sirius interrupted pettily. Remus laid a hand on his shoulder.
“Then neither does yours, Duke Black,” Evan sneered.
“Regulus is Duke,” Sirius said plainly, “Like you said. I’m meant to be dead.”
“Obviously you’re not.”
“Evan,” Pandora reprimanded.
“Sirius,” James copied, at nearly the same time, “They are our guests. I’ll not stand for any trivial fighting while we still have a massive ghost ship to conquer.”
“James is right,” Remus agreed, “If Regulus is still in there, we can’t fire. We’ll wait for his signal.”
“And in the meantime?” Sirius said.
Remus looked to James for guidance. James was silent.
“You said his scars were black?” Remus asked Pandora again.
“Yes. Like ink,” Pandora confirmed.
“Then he’s keeping his cuts fresh,” Remus concluded, “So he can keep bloodletting without opening new wounds. It’s not sustainable. He’ll have to find another source eventually.”
“What’s your call Remus?” James asked.
Remus shrugged, “Unless we stop him,” his voice rattled, “It will be us.”
“Us?” Evan said, “Or you?”
Remus pulled down the collar of his shirt, revealing the ribboned skin beneath. He pushed up his sleeves. Turned over his hands.
James looked like he was going to be sick.
“Malfoy spent me for all I was. No more magic will come from my blood,” Remus said gravely, “Believe me, he tried long after it ceased to work.”
“It’ll be us,” James said, “If he attacks Lady Lily, he attacks all of us,” James nodded to Evan and Pandora, “That now includes you two. If we’re going to do this right, we’ll need your input.”
Evan cast a sidelong glance upwards, to Narcissa’s Revenge. James’s gaze followed.
“Tell me everything you know about Malfoy’s ship.”
As James gleaned information from Evan and Pandora on deck, Sirius tugged Remus into the captain’s quarters. He was frantic, coming apart at the seams. Remus could sense it in Sirius’s deathly grip on his wrist, the silver fire behind his eyes.
“Sirius-” Remus started as Sirius slammed the door shut behind them.
“Tell me it isn’t true.”
Remus was quiet. Too quiet. Painfully quiet.
“Tell me. It isn’t. True,” Sirius repeated.
Another beat of silence.
Remus gasped, “I can’t do that.”
Sirius’s shoulders sagged with grief.
“He tortured you, Remus.”
Remus winced. Sirius only ever called him Moony.
“You were tortured aboard Narcissa’s Revenge. The ship that James has been hunting for years. The ship you helped him find.”
Remus could only nod, repetitively, impulsively.
“Why? Why would you do that?” Sirius’s pitch was high, hysterical even. He sounded like the air itself was scalding his throat, burning for a truthful answer out of Remus.
“I didn’t want to ruin it for him.”
“Yet you would ruin yourself by chasing after him? By-”
“I’m already ruined!”
Remus shouted, louder than he meant to.
“I’m already ruined,” he persisted, “Everyone on this ship knows that! I never tried to hide it! Everyone can see I’m already ruined. What does it matter if I was on the wrong end of the cutlass or a necromancer’s blade?”
“It matters because he pulled your magic!” Sirius threw his hands up, “I didn’t even know you were capable of that. You didn’t even bother to tell me.”
“Plenty of people don’t have magic.”
“But you do!”
“I did,” Remus corrected him, quietly, “Past tense. I don’t anymore.”
Sirius scoffed, frustrated that Remus was hung up on a technicality, one that couldn’t possibly overshadow the fuller picture of the matter.
“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know.”
Sirius wished Remus would look at him. But he would not lift his head as he spoke.
“I didn’t even know I had it before…” Remus continued, squinting his eyes, trying not to cry, “Before Malfoy bled it from me. I had magic and I didn’t even fucking know about it, let alone know how to use it. It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter. It matters because James would have given it up, given this all up, if he had known what Malfoy had done to you.”
“Would he?”
“Yes, of course he would!” Sirius was becoming equally agitated, shaking Remus by the shoulders, “No one would have questioned either! Not me, not James, not anyone. We love you, Moony,” Sirius took a breath, “I love you. I don’t want to see you suffer because of this.”
“Sirius, I-”
“You’ve suffered enough. Lifetimes enough. I won’t let this haunt you.”
“I didn’t wish to haunt you with this,” Remus weeped against his better efforts, “Not everybody has magic. Not everybody wants it. It’s not yours to bear the burden of.”
“You will never be a burden to me.”
Sirius pulled Remus into a crushing hug. Undeniably supportive. Remus never realized how much he needed that.
“I wish you had said something,” Sirius whispered, “I could have helped you.”
“How? Nothing will fix my skin, Sirius,” Remus chuckled hoarsely, “Not even your pretty words.”
“You don’t need to be fixed Moony.”
“I do.”
“No, you don’t,” Sirius pressed their faces together, “And that is all you will hear from me for as long as I am by your side. You do not need to be fixed. An awful, senseless thing was done to you, but none of it was your fault. You got that? You are ten times the pirate, ten times the person, that bloody Malfoy is and none of this is your fucking fault.”
Remus closed his eyes. Sirius continued.
“If you know anything at all, know that. Know that I love you anyway and always.”
Sirius tipped his head back before closing the distance once more, kissing him as softly and wholly as Remus ever wanted to be. He let his ruined hands roam. Close would never be close enough, with Sirius. Their souls could fuse together and Remus would ache to be closer still.
They kept their foreheads touching even when the rest of them came up for air.
“Ready to go murder a necromancer?” Sirius jostled.
“And his gang of ghouls?”
Sirius raised his eyebrows playfully. Remus laughed.
“Born ready.”