Regulus Arcturus Black was born on the 26th of December 1961 just past one in the morning. It was a terribly cold winter and none of the residual holiday cheer could be felt when Regulus was brought home from the hospital. The hallways were stripped from garlands and not a single gift was left in the stockings. Not that they were ever full beside from at the annual holiday party that took place in their home. But the one thing, or person, that waited filled with anticipation for when Regulus came home was his brother.
Sirius wasn’t much more than a few years older than Regulus, but he took the role as big brother very seriously. Now that Regulus was older he could easily recognize which of the stories his brother told as a child were blatant lies or figments of his imagination, but Regulus never cared. The stories that Sirius had told as a child had meant so much, being the only thing that made survival possible and so he chose to believe them. The stories had been told so much anyways that it was hard to imagine what had been in its stead and besides, Regulus couldn’t remember anything else.
The tales of Sirius Black weren't complicated and it was never the stories that he would make up when they were playing and words of faraway lands, dragons, princes and princesses that rolled off his tongue as if it was gold and he was a paid poet. But that was not the story that Regulus clung to as if his life counted on it.
No, the story that Regulus clung to was one of brothers and love. It was a story of how his big brother loved him and would always be there. And it went a little like this:
It was the 26th of December 1961 and Sirius had stayed up way past his bedtime, waiting for Regulus to be brought home. Sirius had waited until all sounds of hushed voices and footsteps had seized and the only sound left was the muffled sound of a baby crying. Sirius had bravely ventured out into the hallway and Regulus' room until he stood beside the crip. He had been too short to look into the crip so he had climbed the chair and looked down on his baby brother, whose dark grey eyes were tear-filled. Regulus had fallen silent at the sight of his brother.
“Hi Regulus,” Sirius had whispered. “I’m Sirius, I’m your big brother. We’ll be the best of friends and I’ll always protect you… I’ll always be here to keep you safe.”
Regulus, of course, knew now that a two-year-old couldn't do this but when he was a child and Sirius told him that story he believed it. His amazing big brother had made him a promise the second they met and he had kept it. Until he didn’t, until he couldn’t anymore. Regulus still sometimes found that the childish belief that his big brother could do anything and that this story was true lived in him. That he so blindly believed in his brother's ability to be strong and do the most incredible things that there wasn’t any way this couldn’t be true.
Of course, it wasn’t true but that didn’t matter. Regulus wouldn’t begin to remember this until he was five years old, but every year just past midnight on the 26th of December, Sirius would make his way into Regulus' bedroom and climb into his bed. They would cuddle close and Sirius would repeat the promise he claimed to have made all those years ago. They would spend the entire night (or till they fell asleep) talking about all the adventures that they would have. About how they would explore all of Hogwarts together and Sirius would promise he wouldn’t explore a single thing until Regulus got there. They would talk about all the places they would travel to when Regulus finished Hogwarts and they could go anywhere they wanted in the world, unaware of the war that was brewing around them.
Even when the two brothers were fighting or Regulus grew scared that he was losing Sirius to this entirely new world he had been introduced to at Hogwarts, Sirius still came back. He came home for every Holiday break despite knowing what waited for him just to lay in bed with Regulus on his birthday so they would spend the entire night talking about everything they would do once they both finished Hogwarts. Though the words began feeling hollow and they both knew the unlikeliness of their plans coming to fruition they would still say it, whisper it into the night. And it was still Regulus' favourite time of the year because, in a house so empty of love where he wasn’t wanted for who he was but instead what they made him be, someone still reminded him that he was loved and wanted for who he was.
When Regulus was about to turn thirteen, he and Sirius had been in a fight. They hadn’t talked much since they got back to Hogwarts that summer and Regulus had felt desperate. He had been mean, trying to push all of Sirius’ buttons. He had wanted to hurt Sirius and he had succeeded. ‘You are a traitor, Sirius. You chose them over me, your own blood because it was easy. You are weak and you are not worthy enough to be called my brother.’ Regulus had watched as Sirius' exterior cracked like a vase hitting the floor. Regulus had wanted Sirius to fight back, to tell him how dumb he was for thinking that, but Sirius didn’t. Sirius had nodded a ‘fine’ before turning on his heel and leaving Regulus to sit the broken shards of what had been. What could have been.
Regulus had been so sure that it had been the end of their relationship and that he had been at fault for pushing Sirius over the edge. Regulus didn’t blame him, he wouldn’t want to be his own brother either. Not when he had known what it felt like to be Sirius’. Sirius, who loved so fiercely and had done everything to protect Regulus. From the world, from their parents and all the expectations that were on them. Sirius had always been so good and Regulus had done little in return. He understood why Sirius wouldn’t want him as a brother.
Squeezing his eyes shut and hidden under the covers, Regulus tried to force himself to fall asleep when the bed dipped beside him and Sirius pulled him close. The twin-sized bed was quickly becoming too small and the two brothers had to cling to each other so they wouldn’t end up on the floor.
“You might not think me worthy of being your brother, but you’ll always be mine, Reggie.” Sirius pressed his face into Regulus’s shoulder and smiled softly, “I love you, Regulus. Always have, always will… You’re my baby brother and I’ll do everything in the world to protect you.” Sirius sounded so sure. As if it was a fact and nothing would ever change.
Regulus turned around, tears wetting his eyes only visible for a second before he slammed his head into his big brother's chest and hugged him as if Regulus’ life depended on it. “I’m so sorry, Siri!” he cried out. “I didn’t mean it! I just… miss you,” the words came out all rushed and mumbled, and Regulus wasn’t sure if Sirius heard any of them.
They didn’t say much on the night that Regulus turned thirteen, instead, they just hugged in silence and Regulus had never been happier that Sirius was his brother. He couldn’t believe he had been so lucky to have Sirius as a brother. Regulus felt so sure that he would have Sirius by his side for the rest of his life and that they would survive anything as long as they had each other. Sirius was all Regulus needed.
But the year that Regulus turned 14 everything changed.
Regulus knew that his parents had been getting more and more at odds with Sirius. Their relationship had never been good with any of them but in the later years, more tension had entered their house. Sirius didn’t want to walk down the same dark path as his parents and the one that was expected of them.
It had been different from the moment they got home. Sirius had been invited into the study for a talk the second they came home, which ended with spells thrown, a confiscated wand and Sirius locked in his room. Regulus tried to soften up their parents to allow Sirius to at least spend some time with him, claiming he needed help with homework, but it was to no avail. Sirius wasn’t allowed to come out till he chose their family and their legacy.
But Sirius, stubborn as ever, didn’t come out. Regulus noticed how his parents’ hushed discussion became louder as the pressure of the oncoming holiday party grew closer. They needed a well-behaved heir and it didn’t seem like Sirius wanted to play along this year.
Late at night, the 24th Regulus heard a scream. A soul-crushing scream, like nothing he had ever heard before. It came from Sirius’ room. Regulus needed to do something, to stop it, to save his brother. But he couldn’t. He was frozen in place and unable to move. He was useless. Sirius did so much for him, but he couldn’t even help him when his brother was screaming out in pain. So Regulus kept sitting in silence as the screams echoed off the walls until there was silence.
Regulus was sitting on the edge of his bed when his bedroom door burst open and Sirius came bouldering in, blood on his face. “Siri––”
“We’re leaving,” Sirius said hurriedly and walked to Regulus’ closet in two long strides and began pulling out clothes and stuffing them down his bag.
“What are you talking about?” Regulus asked, worry etched on his forehead.
Sirius turned around and walked over to sit in front of Regulus, clutching his hands. “We’re going to get out of here. I know somewhere safe we can go, yes?” Regulus shook his head softly, he was about to speak but Sirius was faster, “it will be just like all the adventures we talked about. We’ll get far away from this hell house and we can be happy, okay?” Sirius nodded and stood up. “Help me pack, will you?”
Regulus wanted to stand up and help Sirius pack so bad. He wanted everything that Sirius talked about but he knew he couldn’t. Sirius would never be free if Regulus went with him. They needed an heir and if Sirius couldn’t be one then Regulus had to. It was his turn to be everything that his big brother had been for him. He needed to be a protector. To be strong. He needed to stay.
“No.”
Sirius sat frozen in place. “What do you mean ‘no’?”
“I’m not coming with you. I’m staying.”
“Don’t be fucking ridiculous, you’re coming with me.”
“I can’t Siri,” Regulus whispered, his voice broken. “They’ll never leave you be if I come with you, they need an heir.”
Tears rolled down Sirius’ cheeks. “I can’t leave without you.” He sounded so small and nothing like the big strong brother that Regulus had always known. That was when Regulus understood. Sirius had stayed all these years and put himself through so much suffering because he had promised to keep Regulus safe. He hadn’t been able to take Regulus with him and so he stayed. He took every single punishment for Regulus and ensured he was always here to take care of Regulus. To make sure that Regulus knew he was loved.
“It’s okay, I want you to go…” Sirius had never looked so broken. “It will kill you to stay…” Regulus sniffled. “Besides, we’ll see each other on the train back to Hogwarts.”
“Reg… please…”
Regulus shook his head and reached out for Sirius to come to hug him. Sirius put his hands on the back of Regulus’ neck and pressed their forehead together. “You better be on that train, alright?” There was no fire in Sirius’ voice, it came out as a tame scratch despite him trying to sound assertive.
Regulus closed his eyes and matched Sirius’ position, “I will. I promise.”
Sirius ran away not many minutes after that when they heard their parents enter the study downstairs. Regulus couldn’t follow him down to the door, instead watching Sirius from his window. Look back, look back, look back, come back, Regulus thought, but Sirius didn’t. Despite knowing that they would see each other again on the train this felt like the end. There was no going back now. It would be in the newspaper the next day that Regulus was the new heir and the holiday party quickly changed to a celebration of the new Black heir. Long live Regulus Arcturus Black, heir of the noble and most ancient house of Black.
On the 25th of December Regulus would crawl into bed, counting down the minutes till the 26th, hoping that Sirius would show up. That he would crawl in through the window and that the two of them would cramb together in the small bed. But as the large clock in the hallway hit midnight, signalling the start of Regulus’ birthday, no one came. Regulus hugged himself close that night as he spent his first birthday night alone, silently praying that Sirius would show up, despite knowing that Sirius was miles away in a home instead of a house.
On the other side of the country, Sirius was lying beside a snoring James Potter unaware of the tears that were rolling down Sirius’ cheeks as he hoped that Regulus could hear his thoughts. That Regulus could hear his silent prayer. That Regulus knew that Sirius loved him and that he did everything he could to Regulus safe