𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐟𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 | 𝐒.𝐒

" And the great hall for dinner at last, I know this one don't worry . "

" so are you sure that you won't get lost tomorrow ? "

" Yes yes positive . "

" let's only hope . " I said as we walked towards our table and sat together .

" move it l/n don't sit here . " a student said .

" Pardon ? "

" I said don't sit here, Are you stupid, mudblood and deaf ? like a combo ? "

" Watch i- "

" Stay out of that Locksley . " another student decided to take a role in the conversation well let me see the first one he's pale, dark brown hair brushing his ears, a slightly long nose with small lips ; wait I've seen him yes those honey brown eyes looked at me before .. with disgust .

and the other one hmm, golden skin, relaxed features are planted on his face unlike the other that looked like someone shoved dinner in his wrong hole ; curly light brown hair which is shorter than the other's and hazel eyes that are up for mischief, both of them are first years I saw them being sorted, wait where was I again .

" Jonathan, Ray . " Merlin is this another one who's going to get into the insult circle ?

" No . " Oh, thank y-

" Not here and certainly not now . " you mother fucker ..

" I'm not gonna let her sit here . " so now that's Jonathan and the other one is Ray and I'm the mudblood that they're gonna bully what an amazing scenario .

" You really shouldn't wander with mudbloods Locksley, It's offensive to your family name you know . " Ray said while walking towards Markus .

" Ray Lorance . "

" It's offensive to the wizarding world to have people like you in it . " Markus replied and took my hand in his and led us to the other end of the table and as we sat down ...

" I'm sorry that you have to deal with such fools, Father told me about this a lot, I promised him that'll never be like this . " he looked into my eyes waiting for my reply .

" Don't apologize Markus it's okay, Let's eat you said you're hungry . "

" Still am, come on . "

We finished our dinner and thank Merlin Ray and Jonathan's stares didn't dig a hole in our skulls and went to our dorm peacefully .

" Good night, y/n . "

" Good night, Markus . "

A SHOWER PLEASE

Water started to run on my body as well as thoughts that decided to have a marathon in my head ..

GOD .. The hell I just went through and it's only the first day ..

I've got to babysit a boy and lead his way ; don't get me wrong Markus is sweet and all but I'm shitty in the 12 year old girl.. I just hope that he stays with me till we become teenagers as I'll be free to act like who really am I ,and now a bunch of insufferable kids obsessed with the pure blood shit is after me as if we're in a bounty hunt FOR FUCKING FUCK SAKE WHAT DID I GET MYSELF INTO !!!

where was my mind when planned for this bloody life? this all feels like I poured soup with some shit and mixed it to make a pancake and I stood waiting for it to taste good honestly what did I expect this to be ?

should I end this now ? god and wait for another 11 years ? wow.. this is the first time that I take the suicide option even before the life begins, stop the damn water I need to go out but wait what about the students out in the common room ? uh, wait it's not curfew yet I can take a book with me and pretend to be returning it to the library THAT if someone bothered to ask which may not happen well ... certainly won't happen but just in case bro the life of a lawyer changes a lot of things .

I got out and put some clothes on and grabbed my wand and muttered a spell as to dry my hair and got out quietly with the book in my hands and luckily no one questioned it, let's just hope that I won't get caught on the way to there, Is this even a wise decision to decide either to kill myself or stay and try at a perfect place to die in ? I always like to end my life by jumping and to jump from up there ohh how sweet .

But it's so beautiful there, the breeze, the scenery, the silence ; I swear something there is just different, comforting .. Merlin is that a rush of emotions ? what do you think y/n you want to die but you want to continue, you just got reasons to kill yourself and enjoy life from the exact place.

my legs kept carrying me on the way, and here I'm still fighting my thoughts as I'm almost there, Should I really give up too soon ? I haven't seen anything yet , Yes but the first bit is actually crap should I take it as a sign ? nonsense beginnings are just a phase, yes but life can carry on the same line as the beginning right ? this is another possibility but hey we've been through too shit and we continued it , Yes out of curiosity and we suffered.. do we really want to suffer again ?

Ahh here we are, the sweet astronomy tower ; I sat down at the edge and let my legs touch the air, and where was I ?

I don't think that we'll suffer really , last time we said that we weren't able to produce a patronus afterwards do you remember ? Do I ever forget this ? EXACTLY .

We can't bear any other loss y/n .

Yes but life must contain a bit of suffering in any way.

WE'RE FUCKING DESTROYED AFTER ADRIENNE !

I DO BLOODY KNOW ! but I couldn't let myself die their .. It was so cruel .

Just cruel ? we literally couldn't express any flake of happiness everything seemed dull and we couldn't even smile properly for the rest of that life and you're just saying that it was cruel ?

I don't want to overthink the matter anymore please just shut up I need to think about this one .

SHUT UP ? YOU CAN NEVER SHUT ME UP ; I AM THE PART THAT YOU COULD NEVER THROW AWAY, do you know why y/n ? because I'm the truth and truth is always dreadful you're just ignoring that and pretending to be happy, clutching on the drop of happiness that happened accidentally inside this dark hole, you can't blame me for seeing what is really happening around .

You know what ? not this time, I won't let you rule, I and only I will take control this time and I will continue this life and I'll take every fucking risk and problem and I will get out of it without a bloody scratch, end of the conversation .

you'll come back crying remember that .

yes yes I know now quit .

I got up with a rush of energy running through my veins and grabbed the book from the ground heading back to my room more carefully and hell am I being lucky or a storm is approaching ?

here we are almost getting to the dorms and yes here I'm, wow this went smooth, Now we hope that no one is bloody awake at this hour so I murmured the password and

" MERLIN'S BLOODY PANTS .. " the girl almost shouted at the sight of me and I almost shat my pants -

" damn it do any sound will you ? " she seemed like a fellow first year blue eyes pale skin and blond hair hmm .

" uh sorry - "

" just - don't tell anyone that either of us went out ok ? " ok I like this girl, she continued ..

" Elizabeth Hart . "

" y/n l/n "

" What a pleasant way to meet you, anyway I gotta get going excuse me . "

She said and rushed out, ok cool someone who isn't disgusted .

and now my dear bed it's our little date till morning .