“Honey, we need to talk.” Mrs Crouch told her husband.
“Yes, what is it?” He asked. “Make it quick though, I have to go to work.”
She sighed and gestured for him to sit down next to her, the man complied, sitting beside his wife. “I’m-“ She paused and took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”
Bartemius’ face lit up and he instantly hugged his wife, kissing her all over her face. “This is amazing!” He exclaimed. “Oh Merlin, this might be the best thing you’ve ever told me!”
Lavender laughed as she pulled away from her husband. “Are you sure you’re not angry? A baby’s a lot of money…”
“I couldn’t be more happy love.” He reassured her. “This is all I’ve ever wanted, besides I’m one step away from a promotion.”
She smiled at him happily, before a slightly worried expression over came it. “Will a baby be alright, here I mean?”
“What do you mean?” Bartemius said with a confused expression.
Lavender sighed and looked out the window. “I don’t know if London is the best place for a baby to grow up.”
Bartemius cupped her face with his hands, looking into her eyes deeply. “I’ll buy you and them a big house in the country, we’ll get it all dressed up as soon as we know the gender.”
“You’re going to be an amazing father.” She told him grinning softly.
“I hope so…”
_________________________________
“Lavender? Are you okay?” Bartemius asked his wife, who had a shocked expression on her face.
“I think…” She swallowed thickly. “I think my water just broke.”
That caused the man to smile widely. “Oh my Merlin, this is amazing!” He cheered. “Hold on I’ll get the bag and we can Apparate to St. Mungo’s.
His wife smiled nervously, nodding as she rubbed her stomach. “Yeah okay…”
Bartemius ran into the other room, grabbing a medium sized bag, then quickly got back to his wife taking her hand into his and apparating.
Once they arrived the hospital was busy. Many people were filling up the chairs, crying children being held in their parents arms, old men and woman looking like they were knocking on deaths door, as well as many drunk idiots who had one too many beers. The couple walked up to the reception, and rung the bell. “Uh, excuse me?”
The receptionist looked up and smiled sweetly at them. “Yes? How can I help?”
“My wife, she’s in labour, or her water broke, I’m not sure.” He said quickly, barely giving himself time to recover from his last word.
The receptionist laughed slightly at the mans panic. “Alright, just go and wait over there,” She pointed to an empty section of seats. “And I’ll have a doctor with you soon.”
“Thank you.” Lavender said kindly to the woman, as she allowed her husband to direct her to the seats. Bartemius was pacing around in front of her, very obviously anxious. “Honey sit down please.”
“Right sorry,” He said sitting down beside her and grabbing on to her hand. “I’m just so nervous, what if he doesn’t like me?”
Lavender batted him up the side of his head lightly. “You’re going to be an amazing father, our little Barty will love you.”
He nodded his head and sighed. “Yeah… yeah okay.”
They waited there for thirty minutes, the contraction having less and less time between them until there was only about 1 minute in-between each. That was when Bartemius decided he had done enough waiting, walking back up to the reception. “She needs a room, now.”
There was a new receptionist now, she looked up to him with a tired expression. “Sir we know, but as we’ve told you for the past half hour, we’re working on it. Friday nights are very busy.”
“I don’t care, I’ll pay for a private one if I have-“ He was cut out by his wife letting out a loud cry of pain, Bartemius forgot all about his complaints and instantly rushed back over to her side. “Love? Whats wrong?”
“It’s the-“ She was cut off by another cry.
He instantly started shouting for a doctor. “We need a doctor! Right fucking now!”
A few seconds later a nurse came over with a wheel chair, motioning for him to help his wife in. Bartemius took his wife’s hand as she got into the chair, her breath was laboured and her face scrunched with pain.
They rushed her into a Labour room. He sat beside her the whole time as she wailed with pain, snapping at the doctors who told her to push harder. It was so uncharacteristically her, something the man had grown to love about Lavender was her kindness, but her short temper did make him laugh quite often. If it wasn’t directed at him of course.
After an hour, an hour of screaming, of crying, of his hand being crushed, it was time. Their baby, their little Barty was reading to come out. The doctors kept telling her to push, to do it as hard as she could, and after 5 excruciatingly long minutes, their son was born.
The nurses took him away to be cleaned, and the couple looked at each other. Lavender had a relieved smile on her face, her hair was ticking to her face, tears and snot all over her mouth, but still Bartemius thought she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
His son was given back to them and he was allowed to hold him. As he looked down at the baby, he looked just like his mother. Big brown doe eyes, slightly tanner skin and plump pink lips, he knew then that he would do anything for this child, even if it meant to kill.
Suddenly the heart monitor started to beep rapidly and he was pushed away as doctors circled around his now passed out wife. He tried to get past, tried to get to her but he was held back. Barty was crying in his arms, loudly, everything was becoming so loud. The screams, screams he was only just realising were his and then everything went dead silent, except for the loud line of noise, a noise that didn’t beep anymore.
The doctors pulled away, one of them looked at him sympathetically before turning back around and speaking.
“Time of death 1:34 am. Date, Saturday the 23rd of February 1960.”
_______________________________
Barty didn’t have any good memories of his father. Whether is was him having expectations no one could reach, or him being a drunk bastard, none of them were good. Bartemius Sr wasn’t a good man, and Barty had decided long ago that he hated him, hated what he stood for and hated what he didn’t.
His earliest memory of his father was a late night, Christmas Eve to be exact. They were in their London home, and he was drunk just like he always was. Barty was four, an excitable four year old, and he was even more excited because of what the day was, he was hoping to wake up to presents stacked high, even if he knew that it had never happened before.
The window was open and the streets were loud, many were out drinking, either because they were lonely and need the warm friend or because they were celebrating. Barty had decided he didn’t want to be in the living room anymore, it smelled like fire whiskey and he wasn't allowed to talk otherwise his father would get mad at him, so he decided to look for Christmas presents.
First he looked in his dads room, because the was where they were most likely to be, right? Wrong, they weren’t in there, so then he checked the cupboard, but they also weren’t there. The only possible place they could be after that was his fathers office.
The young boy quietly tip toed in to the office, he looked around, everything was so large in comparison to his tiny body. He looked in the wardrobe, not there. Then he tried the bookshelf cupboards, not there. Finally he tried the drawers in his fathers desk. As he opened the top one he noticed a small rectangular box, with his name on it.
Barty took the box out of the drawer and opened it, inside of it was dozens of letters, all addressed to him. Just as he went to open one of the letters he had heard his a noise at the door, his head had shot around and there stood his father. He’d been swaying aggressively, his speech was slurred and his insults were weak. His attacks however were not. That night was the first night Barty had ever been hit, but it certainly hadn’t been the last.
After that night it became a common occurrence, his father would get drunk beyond belief and the night would end with Barty crying, adorned with new bruises. Often he had dreamed of reading those letters. It was only when he went away to Hogwarts that he got the courage to steal them for himself.
They were addressed to him, and sent by one Lavender Crouch. His mother. She had died during childbirth, something that his father often blamed him for. During his time reading the letters Barty came to feel like he knew his mother, it almost felt like they had a relationship through the deteriorating ink.
A lot of the time while he was in London he felt alone, and maybe he was. The man that shared a house with him may be living and breathing, but he certainly didn’t have a heart, at least not anymore. His mother had described his father as a kind loving man, who was overjoyed to know he had a son on the way. It wasn't that way anymore though.
Sometimes Barty would stare at his dad as he was passed out on the sofa, he’d imagine how it would feel to hug him, or to talk to him, or to be enough for him. That would never happen, at least not in this universe, Barty would never be enough, not to his standards. That was maybe the thing he resented his father for the most, deceiving his mother into thinking he was a good man.
Bartemius Crouch Sr. never has, and never will be a good person, nothing could ever redeem the words he had spat at his son in a drunken haze. These words were ones that Barty believed to be true until he met Evan and Regulus. Barty had thought he was an annoying, unloveable, rude, ignorant, dumb murderer. He had grown to accept that the others weren’t true, but deep down he knew his father was right about the last. Barty was a cold blooded killer.
He remembers one night when he admitted this to them in second year. Barty had told them about how his mother had died, about how he had killed her, and the first thing the other two had done was cried. Not out of anger, disgust or fear, but because hearing him talk badly about himself hurt them that much. It was a feeling Barty had never felt before, that was when he first realised that he was loved.
Ever since he boarded the train to Hogwarts, their relationship, or whatever it was, had stopped. They didn’t even talk vocally anymore, Bartemius sent him letter, talking about his expectations. When he came home he was ignored, and in a weird way Barty missed the hits, the punches, the yelling. Because through the pain at least he knew his father felt something towards him, even if it was hatred.
That was something he often felt guilty for, especially when Regulus would open up about his mothers… punishments. He was actively being abused and here Barty was complaining about how he wasn't anymore. One day he was going to buy a big home in the country for them all to run away to.
Just like his mother would have wanted.
_________________________________
“I’m going down to the Quidditch pitch, I’ll see you two at breakfast.” Regulus told them. It was literally 5 in the morning and Evan didn’t understand why he felt a need to start practicing so early.
Evan looked over to him with a confused expression. “I mean I get wanting to practice before a game, but it’s 5am Reg. No one else is going to be down there.”
Regulus looked down and smiled to himself a tiny bit, he looked back up. “Yeah, quand même. It’s a match against Gryffindor, we’ve got to win.” (Still)
“Right, okay…” Evan said skeptically. “Yeah, we’ll see you at breakfast then.” The other threw up a hand gesture of goodbye and left the room.
Evan knew something was up with him, of course he did. Regulus was his best mate, and had never indulged in early morning training, ever. He had his suspicions on what was going on, was he going to act on them, no, but it was only a matter of time before Barty came to his own conclusion. And he would definitely act on it.
Barty would mean well, he always did, but sometimes his words came out wrong. Especially around the holidays, it was just a bad time for him in general, his dad would get harsher, the letters more condescending. Evan desperately wanted to take him home with him, his parents wouldn’t like it of course, but he would just force them to let him stay.
The only fault in that plan was his sister, she would definitely not allow the son of Bartemius Crouch Sr. into the same home as her. If he thought she were cruel to him, how they’d act with Barty would be a whole different story.
It was a stupid idea in the first place, so many things would get in the way of it. His sister, his parents, Barty’s dad, Barty’s pride and his massive crush.
His crush on Barty had begun in 4th year, and no matter how much he tried to keep it away, it kept coming back. Evan had tried to get rid of it, he had dated many, many girls in an attempts to do so, but they never lasted. Once it got to the more… sexual parts of a relationship he backed out. He didn’t know why he did this, it was easier to just chalk it up to being a teenager and thinking sex was gross, but he had long since outgrown that excuse.
Sometimes he was foolish enough to let himself believe that Barty might like him back, Evan had always seen the flicker of jealousy flash across his face every time he would announce a new girlfriend. Saw the way his eyes would linger as Evan got changed, but then he realised that it was probably all in his head, an illusion.
Even if it wasn't, even if Barty did do those things, it wouldn’t matter, they wouldn’t mean much. Barty and Regulus always made grossly sexual comments about each others bodies, it was quite disturbing actually.
And looking past all of that, on the off chance that Barty would like him back, the relationship would end quickly. There were too many factors that came in to play 1, Their families, the relationship would end in a matter of months. 2, Barty would want to have sex, and unfortunately that’s something Evan just can’t do right now. Finally, Barty is just way too good for him.
Suddenly the bathroom door opened and Barty came out with only towel wrapped around his waist. They all did this, every single one of them, but still Evan hadn’t been able to learn to keep his emotions under wraps. Every time it happened a blush came over his face.
“Where’s Reg?” Barty asked as he picked out a sweater and tracksuit bottoms from his chest of drawers.
Evan pretended to be looking out the window, to hide his redness. “Oh he went to Quidditch training.”
“This early?” The other asked. “Don’t tell me you actually believe him?”
Evan could hear him coming closer, his voice becoming clearer, he turned around and saw Barty standing in front of his bed, luckily wearing clothes now. “I’m not sure… they do have a pretty big match today.” He was wearing his tan jumper and his tracks were grey.
Barty collapsed down onto Evans bed, who crossed his legs to avoid the falling boys body. “Come on Ev,” He said looking up to him. “You and both know that there’s something going on with him and Potter, why won’t he tell us?”
“Well,” He started. “There’s a lot of factors that go into that kind of decision.”
He snorted. “Yeah like what? It’s simple ‘Hey Ev, Barty, me and Potter are dating’ He knows we wouldn’t judge.”
“But does Potter?”
Barty made a face of realisation. “Oh I’m so stupid, why didn’t I think of that?”
“You just answered that yourself.” Evan teased as Barty sat up.
“Literally shut up.” Barty said, giving a hand out for Evan to take. “Come on we better get going to this bloody detention.”
“Wait I need to get changed first, I’m still in my pyjamas.” He pointed out.
Barty rolled his eyes. “Come on, your pyjamas are your clothes, I don’t think I’ve seen you wear pyjamas since first year.” Okay so Evan didn’t technically wear Pyjamas, but he did wear comfy clothes so that was pretty much the same. “Besides you look gorgeous.”
Fuck you Crouch. “Right yeah sure.” He said taking Barty’s hand and hoisting himself up.
“I can’t believe we got a detention for this.” Barty complained as they walked out of the dorm. “It’s not like we meant to kill Todd, I loved him.”
“I thought we agreed to not call him Todd.” Evan sighed.
“No you said that we shouldn’t call him Todd, I never agreed to it.”
“But it’s such an ugly name.” He whined as they left the common room, and into the corridors. “And I’m pretty sure he was a she.”
“Hey, Todd was a beautiful name, and haven’t you heard Rosier? The times are changing, we don’t believe in gender stereotypes in this house hold.” Barty said punching him slightly on the shoulder.
“Ow, I’m not Reg. I don’t wanna rough house with you.” Evan said, punching Barty back though of course, got to give him his karma.
“You just-“ Evan gave him a look. “You know what? Never mind.”
He smirked at him and they continued to walk out of the castle, their hands brushing together ever so slightly. It was silent, a comfortable silence that he has become accustomed to with Barty, there was no pressure to speak. “What do you think we’ll be doing?” Barty interrupted it.
“We’re feeding the animals, remember?.”
Barty slumped in on himself and started complaining. “That’s so unfair… Why not get the house elf to do it?”
“I’m pretty sure that’s not in their job criteria.” Evan told him. “Also we’re the ones who forgot to feed ours.”
“I loved Todd, I would never mistreat him.”
“Yeah, yeah suck it up buttercup. We’re here anyways.” He pointed out as they started walking in to the stables.
Barty smirked at him. “I didn’t actually know that, you’re a proper genius you are.”
“I know right?”
He laughed in response. “Where do we start?”
“You can do the hippogriff.” Evan said, already trying to escape. In no circumstance would he be feeding that thing, it was bloody terrifying.
“No, you can do it. I’m not getting near that thing.” Barty retaliated.
“No, I don’t want to.”
“What makes you think I’d want to then?”
“Ugh fine, we can both do it, at the end.” He suggested, it was better than having to do it alone.
Barty took out his hand, motioning for Evan to shake it. “Come on, gotta solidify it. I don’t want you to go behind my back.”
“I’’m not shaking your hand Barty.”
“Please?”
Merlin why was he such a push over. He took Barty’s hand in his own and shook it, he tried to ignore the way his heart fluttered and the light warmth that filled his cheeks. “Happy now?”
“Definitely.” Barty said smiling, and Evan had to turn his head around. Because the light warmth wasn’t light anymore, and he knew that his face was bright red.
“I’m going to go to the chickens.” He said as he walked away from Barty and over to the coop.
2 years ago Evan wouldn’t have even smiled if Barty touched him, but now? Now he couldn’t even control his blush if Barty smiled at him. It was bad, and it was only a matter of time before it was all revealed and their group was split apart. In the end his sister was right, there was no way he’d ever be able to keep his friends.
He should have listened to her, even if she was cruel and harsh. Even if he knew she didn’t give a shit about him, he should have listened to her. Should have stayed away from everyone, refused to make connections. Except he didn’t, he decided to sit with Regulus, he didn’t object when Regulus said Barty could sit with them, he didn’t do anything to stop this from happening.
Now he had a crush that wasn't going to leave any time soon. It wouldn’t be like whatever was happening with Regulus and James, because that in it of itself was a miracle. And if there’s anything Evan has learned in his short life it’s that miracles don’t happen more than once. Even if they did, even if by some chance the universe spared one more, it wouldn’t be for him.
“Evan!”
He was ripped from his thoughts as he turned around. “What?”
“Merlin I’ve been trying to get your attention for ages, what are you doing?” Barty asked and that made Evan look down at his hands, he had thought he had been collecting eggs but in reality he had been crushing them one by one.
“I-I’m not sure, sorry.”
Barty stared at him for a second before he burst out laughing. “I thought the Black’s crazy wouldn’t make it down to you Rosier.
“Stop it, I was just thinking. Besides The Blacks aren’t crazy.” Barty gave him a ‘really?’ look. “Reg isn’t crazy.”
“Not yet… Now come on, let’s get this thing handled.” He pointed over to the hippogriff.
Evan got up and they started walking over to it. “Let’s just wait a moment.”
Barty looked back to him. “Why, are you scared?” He teased
No, I want to be completely alone for a bit longer. “Would it be bad if I was?”
His eyes softened and he smiled lightly. “No, ‘Course not. We can sit up on that wall over there.” Barty pointed over to a half-wall a few metres away, and they went over to it.
They hoisted themselves up, their thighs touching each other despite the wall having more than enough room. The silence returned once more and they sat there, Evan was about to break it but Barty beat him to it once more. “You haven’t brought round many girls lately.”
Evan snorted, a bit out of surprise, a bit out of humour. “I haven’t brought any.”
“Why?” He asked as if he was happy about it, but Evan knew he wasn’t, why would he be?
He shrugged. “No point.”
“Why?” Barty asked once more.
Evan laughed. “Why are you so curious about it?”
Barty seemed to realise how he was acting and straightened himself out. “No reason, just miss watching you constantly getting broken up with.”
“Oh is that how it is?” He said, and Barty joined in on his light laughs. “Go on then, what about you?”
“Oh er, um… no I’ve got no one.” Evan could see his awkward demeanour however, also they’d been friends for 5 years, you grow to know when someones lying.
“Oh my god you do!” Evan exclaimed, shoving him slightly. “Who is it?”
The other looked down and grinned to himself, he looked up allowing his smile to be seen. “Can’t tell you.”
“Secret lover, who would’ve thought.” It was easy to pretend that this wasn't absolutely destroying him on the inside, he had been doing it for so long at this point. “If you can’t tell me who they are, tell me what they look like.”
Barty looked down and shuffled slightly. “You’ll figure it out then…”
“I won’t, promise.” But he didn’t promise to not break down in the bathroom tonight.
He sighed and looked back up. “Alright then… they’ve got blonde, pretty much white hair…” That was pretty rare, but there had to be at least one girl in Hogwarts with it. “Deep brown eyes.” A pretty common eye colour. “But they’re more black, you can’t really see their pupils.” Less common, but someone else is bound to have them.
“Pale skin that refuses to tan, and they’re always on my back about how it’s unfair that I’m able to.” He swallowed thickly. “And they have freckles all over their arms but none on their face, they’re shit at divination but say it’s because the subjects a scam.” Barty looked into Evans eyes. “And… we’ve been friends since first year.”
“No.” Evan stated jumping off the wall and walking away.
Barty copied his movements as he started jogging up to him. “Please Evan, I love you.”
“You’re wrong, you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I do!”
Evan stopped and turned to him. “No, you don’t. You think you do, but you’re just a teenager with a stupid teenage crush that will go away because that’s all it is.” He didn’t know why he was being so harsh, why he wasn't professing his love as well. This could be a happy moment, if he let it.
“It’s not just a teenage crush!” Barty insisted but Evan wasn’t listening, they had things to do.
“Yes it is.” He told him heading over to the hippogriff. “We have things to do, come on.”
“Evan please, listen to me.” The other pleaded, no response was given. “Please I’m sorry! I can’t help it!”
“Well learn to.” Evan snapped as they stopped in front of the hippogriff. “Get me its food.”
“Ev-“
“Now!”
Barty went to say something else before he made his way over to the food with a sad expression. It hurt Evan, it hurt him so much but he knew it was the only way to go about things. He could either break their hearts now, or in a year when they’re inevitably forced to marry. This was the way things had to go, and he’d keep telling himself that until he believed it.
He stared at the hippogriff, he wasn’t short but compared to its tall stature he might as well be a dwarf. Barty came back over with a bucket of food and handed it to Evan. “Ev please.”
Evan ignored him and opened the stable door, leaving it open for Barty. He moved carefully as to not disturb it, putting the bucket onto the stable door he began taking out bits of food.
“Evan talk to me.”
He went unnoticed once more as Evan continued to carefully give the creature food.
“Please Evan.”
“Oh for fucks sake Barty! Leave it!” He yelled, it was only after that he realised his mistake. Evan turned around and saw the Hippogriff getting ready to attack. He quickly pushed them both out of the room but tripped while doing it.
They landed on the ground and it took Evan a moment to catch his breath, to catch his surroundings, too realise what he was doing. The position they were in was probably the worst one they could’ve landed in, he had his hands at each side of Barty’s head and was currently laying on top of him.
Their faces were close, too close. Breathing in each others breaths, soaking up each others eyes and their lips were getting dangerously closer by the second. He looked into Barty’s eyes they were moving around Evans face erratically and his lips had a slight twinge of a smile on them. One of his eyebrows tilted upwards, and that was enough for Evan.
Their lips crashed together as they moved in synchronised motions, their tongues intertwining with each other. They were both kissing like they were desperate, no that was what they were, desperate. Long deprived of the feeling of each other on their bodies, years of tension that had stored up was being released and Evan wasn’t going to stop it.
Barty moaned slightly thought their aggressive kissing. Evan took this as a good sign and continued, it was like he had been dried of every liquid in his body but Barty was able to hydrate him once more. Like he had been deprived of everything but just a touch from him would make Evan be together once more.
As they were kissing Evan felt a hand make its way under his shirt and up his back, his eyes snapped open and he pulled away. He shouldn’t have done that, for fucks sake he should have pulled away. He stood up quickly and started walking away at a brisk pace, he heard Barty rushing to catch up to him.
“Wait Evan, what’s wrong?” He asked as he finally caught up.
“Nothing.” He said as he exited the stables.
Barty struggled to keep up with him. “Somethings obviously wrong, I thought it was okay?”
“Thought what was okay?”
“The… The kiss…”
Evan stopped and span round to look at him. “We didn’t kiss, alright?”
“But we did! You can’t just ignore this Ev!”
“Yes I can, and I will. You don’t love me Barty.” He saw that the other was about to object. “And even on the off chance that you liked me, it would be over quickly!” Evan rubbed a hand over his face in a frustrated manner. “Are you seriously forgetting about who we are, where we come from? We’re Purebloods Barty! We don’t get the luxury of love.”
“Then let’s run away!” Barty suggested. “With Reg, we can run away!”
“No we can’t!” Evan insisted. “Get over me, now.”
“I can’t! I’ve tried, believe me I’ve tried Evan!” He didn’t leave room for him to speak up. “I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you, you’re the only one for me. I can’t imagine my life without you by my side!”
“Well learn.” Evan spat coldly. “Fucking learn.”
He started walking again and this time Barty didn’t try to catch up. Even though it was his fault, even though he was completely to blame for this, he couldn’t help the feeling of anger that over came him.
___________________________
Things had been more than awkward with Evan since his confession, or their confession? He wasn't entirely sure. Yes Evan hadn’t outwardly said he loved Barty back, but they had partaken in a very steamy kiss that was initiated by him, so. Barty felt like he had more than enough evidence to point in that direction.
Of course Regulus had picked up on it almost instantly, but it was like they had made a silent agreement to not tell him. Barty was… okay with it, but he wasn't jumping for joy at keeping something from his best mate.
Evan and him had put away their differences for his sake, it was an important match and they knew he was nervous. Regulus wasn't good at outwardly admitting what he felt, sure he gave many signs which the two had learned to read, but anyone else wouldn’t.
Some example of this was that when he was nervous he’d go over and talk to Pandora, which is what he had done this morning. When he was scared he would lean more on his left, rather than his right, which he had done while talking to Mulciber on the pitch. And when he was about to do something bat-shit crazy, he’d just go for it.
It’s something you never think about, watching your best mate fall to his death. It was always a possibility, of course it had been. Quidditch was a dangerous sport, and even more dangerous between rivals. You expect these things, prepare for them even, but when they happen? You don’t know how to react.
As soon as Regulus jumped from his broom and latched on to James Potter Barty was out of his seat, right up to the barrier as if he could catch him in some way. He knew he couldn’t, and that was the irony of the situation. Barty would never be able to catch one of them, whether it was figuratively or literally, and maybe Evan knew that.
The more poetic way of what happened would be to say he had already expected it, that when Regulus jumped he was already saying his goodbyes. But the reality? Barty screamed, screamed more than he had that one drunken evening with his father. More than when he read his mothers letters. More than when he realised he was in love with Evan.
So when Regulus caught onto his broom? Barty literally cried with relief, not a lot, he was still in the Slytherin stands. But no one would deny the hands that cupped his face, his head resting on the barrier as he crouched down and sighed a breath.
He felt Evans presence behind him and took that as his cue to stand up, looking over the barrier once more he saw Mulciber ‘helping’ Regulus, but more importantly he saw the way he was leaning on his left. As soon as he noticed this he instantly started toward the exit of the stands but was stopped by a hand around his wrist. “What are you doing?”
“Stopping you from doing something you shouldn’t.”
“Something I shouldn’t-“ He laughed. “If you hadn’t noticed Reg almost fucking died.”
“I know that.” He hissed quietly, bringing Barty’s attention to the students leaving. “But do you really think he wants to be showered with attention right now?”
“I don’t give a fuck about what he wants. He’s the one who just gave me a bloody heart attack, besides Mulciber-“
“I see Mulciber, but if you’d give it a fucking moment you’d see that Emme’s got him.” Evan pointed out and Barty looked at the pitch once more, and did in fact see Emmeline walking over with Slughorn.
“Still he needs-“
“He needs rest.” Barty was going to punch him if he didn’t stop cutting him off. “And you and I both know he won’t get it while we’re there, and he won’t tell us to leave.”
Evan was right, for fucks sake he was right. “Fine then, I’ll go visit him in a few hours.”
“We’ll go visit him in a few hours.”
“Do what you want.” Barty snapped as he left the stands, he didn’t have any intentions of going back to their dorms, so he went where, he always did. The library.
Things felt loud and quiet, all at the same time. The way people spoke of what had just happened was like a buzzing in his ear, one that he desperately wanted it to go away, and him and Evan? That was like someone was repeatedly screaming in his ear, a hoarse, harsh wail that came straight from the Shrieking Shack.
They had never fought like this, not through their 5 years of friendship. He felt his world collapsing around him, his mind tracing back to his father, to his childhood, to is mother. His father had been right, as he undoubtedly said he would be. He was a murderer, a murderer who killed the people around him. Sure, Regulus hadn’t actually died, but he came close enough.
As he sat down in the back corner of the library, there wasn't actually any tables this far back, and in some weird twist he liked it that way. He liked sitting down in the ground, the farthest away from anyone, never to be spotted. It was only then, when he was concealed by all the words he decided to open the latest letter from his father.
Barty stared at the writing on the front, ‘From Bartemius Crouch Sr.’ It read. He felt a tug at his heart, most of the students parents wrote Mum or Dad, but not his. Barty sighed as he started opening the letter, prepared for an onslaught of his failures and his expectations, was he really prepared? Or was he just telling himself that? Probably the latter.
Finally getting the envelope opened and taking the letter out he began to read.
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry 25/11/1975
Bartemius Jr,
I have seen your results, they were disappointing. I would expect straight O’s from my son, but seeing an E in divination had greatly upset me. This is an embarrassment, what if they still posted the score on the boards? I’d be a disgrace. Do better.
I’d rather not have you back for the holidays, I feel the time would be better spent revising. Or maybe you asking your teachers for help, that’s what they’re there for, not to be bothered by your foolish shenanigans. But Dumbledore is only allowing students who absolutely need to stay to do so, something about this Dark Lord.
Ask Black and Rosier for help, I don’t like your friendship with them but I bet they get straight O’s, I bet that Rosier boy got an O in Divination.
Don’t respond, it’s a waste of ink, and owls.
Bartemius Crouch Sr.
His father really was a joy, a bloody E was deemed unacceptable. He started laughing, cold, wet laughs, all he had done just to make him like him, and it was for nothing. Of course his father would never love him, it would be a disgrace if it was known he had feelings.
All Barty wanted was for him to like him, he didn’t even need to love him. He just wanted to know that he was liked. Or better yet, appreciated. Something, he wanted his father to feel something for him, something other than humility and disappointment. He pushed the heels of his hands into his eyes in an attempt to stop the tears. He was so fucking done.
He sat there for a couple hours, it was something he did quite often actually. The library was nice, quiet but you could still hear the quiet turns of paper. Barty had even become close with Madame Pince, which was quite the feat. He knew a lot of people looked at her as a cranky old woman, but she was actually quite sweet, in her own special way.
One time, in his 3rd year, he failed 5 of his exams and he was terrified. So he went to the library, like he always did, and went to his little corner. It was late, past curfew actually, but when she saw him come in with tears in his eyes and a shaking hand, she let him through. Barty sat there, silent tears pouring down his face and his knees pulled up to his chest.
She came over to him quietly, and told him to sit at the nearest desk because she wasn’t ‘sitting on the floor in her old age.’. He remembers shaking his violently as his eyes became glossier. She had sighed and slowly sat beside him with a book in her hands, it was a muggle book. The librarian read to him, she read to him all night until the sun was streaming through the windows and Barty was barely awake.
In a lot of ways, she was like his mother. She wasn't Lavender Crouch, but she was like a mother. He doesn’t know if it’s the same for her, if she thinks of him as a son, but he likes to think so. It gives him comfort, the idea that an adult might care for him, even a bit. That someone other than Evan and Regulus might mourn him when he inevitably leaves the world.
He waved to her while leaving, and she waved back. It brought a smile to his face, one that would disappear as soon as he would see Evan outside the infirmary. As he walked up to him he saw Evans expression become unreadable as he swallowed thickly. Barty was prepared to be ignored, but was surprised when he felt an arm wrap around his wrist.
“Barty.” Evan said.
He turned around to look at him. “What?”
“We can’t… Look we can’t go in there like something happened this morning.”
“But something did happen this morning.” Barty pointed out. “You’re just choosing to ignore it.
Evan sighed and glanced away quickly. “Come on Barty… get it together, for Reg.”
“Fine.” He agreed. “For Reg.”
They walked in, Barty spared a look over to Potter, he was unconscious with a bandage wrapping his head. Then he looked over to the cubicle that was wrapped round with curtains, he could only assume that Regulus was in it. Drawing back the curtain proved his assumption correct as Regulus sat there in the bed reading one of his books.
Regulus looked up and smiled as soon as he realised it was them. Standing up he crashed into them, laughing happily as he did so. “I’m so happy to see you two.”
“Not dead then?” Evan joked, it made Barty’s smile falter, but he decided to wait till tomorrow to tell Reg how reckless he was, Evan was right earlier, he needed to rest.
“Can’t get rid of me that quickly.” He said pulling away from them.
Barty sat down on one of the seats as Evan sat in the other. “So… do you want to talk about it?”
“Merlin no.” Regulus said, maybe a bit too abruptly as he sat back down on his bed. “Sorry, just… Sirius-”
“What did he do?” Evan asked, immediately becoming defensive.
“Nothing, nothing.” Regulus waved him off. “He came and talked to me.”
“Are you sure it was talking?” You can’t blame him, The Black Brothers never ‘talked’.
“No, yeah it was. Told me that seeing what happened really put things in to perspective for him.”
“What do you mean” Evan said, sitting up in his chair slightly.
“Just that we can die any day, you know?” Barty took a sharp inhale. “I mean with The Dark Lord slowly gaining power…” He saw Evans Adams apple bob. “He just told me that he had always expected it to be him, that he would die first. But today made him realise that… that it might not be the case, made me realise it too.”
Evan put a hand onto his. “You’re- We’re not going to die Reg.”
“We really can’t stop it though, I mean you and I are one step away from being Death eaters and who knows what will happen to you Barty.” He said turning towards him.
“I’ll follow you…” He looked to Evan for a split second. “I’ll follow you both anywhere, even to the Death eaters.”
“We can’t ask you to do that Barty.” Evan spoke up. “We don’t know what we’d be asked to do.”
“I’d do anything for you… the two of you.” If Evan was going to refuse to talk to him, maybe he could get his point across with other methods.
Evan took a breath, catching on to what he was doing. “Neither me nor Reg could live with ourselves if you did that.”
“Then we’ll run away.”
“Wouldn’t work.” Regulus unknowingly interrupted.
“Why not?”
Regulus looked up to the ceiling, then down to his hands. “I’m getting it this summer.”
“What!” Evan and Barty both shouted standing up. “How? You’re too young, the limit is 17 you're 15!” Barty continued.
“They’ve made an exception…I’ll be 16 by then, maybe that’s why.” Regulus muttered. “Or something, I don’t know okay?”
Barty could feel his world crashing around him, there was nothing they could do about this. He thought there was enough time till Evan and Regulus would have to take it, he thought they had time. “We have to do something!” He said to them both, but they had looks of… acceptance on their faces. “We can stop this!”
“Can we? What could we do Barty, genuinely.” Regulus questioned him.
“I don’t know…” He admitted sitting back down, just as Evan had done. “You’re just accepting this? Both of you?”
“There’s two options Barty.” Regulus said. “One, we spend the entire year looking for a way out of this, only to inevitably fail. Wasting the time we have left with each other.” Barty stopped the tears forming in his eyes. “Or two, we spend time together, in what will probably be our last normal year here.”
Barty didn’t respond, he couldn’t. Evan spoke next. “Me and Reg accepted this long ago Barty.”
He wiped his eyes and sniffed a little. “Alright then, if that’s what you two want.”
“It’s not what we want… but it’s what’s best.”
They sat in silence for a minute before Regulus decided to end it. “Let’s just not talk about this, ever, okay? We can just pretend it’s not happening.”
Barty laughed wetly. “Yeah, okay Reg, let’s do that.”
“Anyways I think I’ll look pretty good with a snake tattoo” Regulus joked, breaking the tension.
As they continued to joke with each other it allowed Barty to forget about what he’d just been told, what was going to happen. If these were going to be his last months with his friends, before everything changed, he was going to make them the best months he’d ever lived. If that meant ignoring what would happen, never talking about it, or even thinking about it, then that’s what he’d do.
Because he’d do anything for them.
_____________________________________
Evan practically ran through the corridors of Hogwarts, because Barty needed him. Merlin he’d been so stupid.
Yesterday, in the hospital wing, when Regulus told them about his… situation, Evan realised something. They did only have a few months left with each other, sure they technically had sixth and seventh year, but who know what would happen from now on. Regulus may be the only one confirmed, but he knew his parents would soon follow, only a matter of time.
They may only have some months left, and maybe he was being selfish, but he wasn't going to waste them. It will end in heartbreak, but at least his he’ll have someones heart for a bit, at least he’ll have Barty’s. He loved him, sure his crush had officially started in fourth year, but he had loved him since he saw him on the train. Maybe even before that, maybe he knew that Barty was somewhere waiting for him.
He burst in to the Library, slowing down when he got a few dirty looks from some students. Quietly he made his way down to the back of it, it took a while due to the sheer size of it but eventually he got to the far with corner, and he knew he was near Barty because he could hear him trying to contain his whimpers.
Gently he made his way over to him and sat beside him. “Hi…”
Barty’s head snapped up, he had red eyes and a red nose to match, with tears streaming down his face. “Go away.”
Barty looked away once more and hid his head into his arms. “Look I-“
Evan wasn't sure how to go about this, he didn’t know how to confess, how to show Barty how genuine he was. Evan was good with other peoples emotions, not his own. Finally he decided on a way around it.
“When I was younger,” He started. “My sister would tell me that I was unloveable, that there would never be anyone who could properly love me. I didn’t believe her, at first, but eventually I started to.”
“It was just me and Reg as kids, and he wasn’t the most affectionate, not openly. There were, are,” He corrected himself. “Ways to tell, but it wasn’t enough, not then. When I got onto that train I was, alone, mentally. I think me and Reg both were, it was like we were on the same sinking ship, on two different sides, wanting to help each other but being unable.”
“But then you came knocking on our cart door, with your loud laugh and hair that was way too long.”
“Gee thanks.” Barty deadpanned.
“What I’m trying to say…” He made a slight noise of frustration and sighed. “I’m trying to say that… it’s like I’ve been stuck in the dark my whole life, like I was in a room with speakers that just shouted my greatest insecurities at me. But then I agreed to let you join my and Reg’s compartment, and it was like you had opened the door and guided me to safety.”
Barty looked up at that, meeting Evan’s eyes. “I’ve been alive for 15 years, but that day on the train, that was my first day of living.” They stared at each other for a few second before Barty burst out crying once more. Evan instantly started panicking. “What’s wrong? Did I say something wrong?”
“No.” Barty said through tears. “You can’t-“ A sob cut him off. “You can’t just say things like that you git.”
“I- Sorry?”
“Don’t apologise.” He said as he started wiping at his eyes, then he turned to Evan. “So you love me back? Is that what that meant?”
“Yes.” Evan confirmed, trying to read the situation but being unable to.
Barty looked at him for a few more seconds before speaking up once more. “So are you going to kiss me or what?”
And kiss him he did.