Chapter 2
When he got there, he was surprised to see that there were no apparition wards prohibiting him from entering the space and that he was unharmed upon entering.
He was on what could be referred to as the front lawn of Nurmengard. The snow was falling around him, the frigid air catching him by surprise. He saw the gate in front of him, the words “Für das Allgemeinwohl,” engraved overhead.
He closed his eyes, breathing deeply and closing his hands into fists before hearing a voice behind him.
“Dumbledore, I suggest you either state your purpose for being here or leaving before I’m forced to curse you.” The words slipped off her tongue as if it’s been something she's been waiting to say.
When he turned around, he saw Vinda Rosier with her wand pointed towards him, with a clear hatred present on her face.
He held up a hand, “Now, now, there is no need for violence Ms. Rosier, I’m simply here to speak to Gellert.”
She was about to respond when the man himself was seen within the doorway, quickly silencing her.
Albus could feel the others' magic wash over him, just like it had when he’d first met him during that fateful summer, his fists tightened, his fingernails digging into his palm.
“Vinda, I believe we’ve talked about not threatening visitors until they’ve posed a threat. I can handle this alone.” He said, dismissing her, avoiding eye contact with Albus.
She nodded her head and made her way inside with no effort to hold back her glare directed at Albus.
Gellert silently gestured for Albus to follow him, walking inside swiftly. They made their way to what Albus presumed was his chambers, which were elegant and had a rather dark tone to them.
Once they were inside, Grindelwald closed the door behind Albus, putting his hand on the door and keeping his back to Dumbledore, while Albus walked to stand a safe distance away, relaxing his hands and seeing the red indents of where his fingers had dug into.
The silence that followed could have been seconds or hours and Albus wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference.
“How did you get here?” Really? Albus thought, after all these years that’s the first thing you say to me.
“Apparation.” He replied.
“How-.” Gellert started to question but Albus cut him off.
“I’m not sure, I would’ve thought that I would be one of the main people you’d be trying to keep out.” Albus said quietly with a small laugh, his eyes wandering to the window to his right. “It is your magic, am I correct?”
Gellert just nodded, turning to face Albus, dropping his hands, and making eye contact for the first time since he arrived. Albus tried to pry into Gellerts mind but he seemed to have his guards up, keeping Albus from seeing his thoughts.
With a sigh, Gellert took a small step towards him, casting a spell wandlessly that Albus could recognize as a silencing once, as well as one to lock the door. Albus’ hand instinctively went to his pocket that held his wand.
Gellert looked at him with a frown, “You’re afraid of me.” He said. It was a statement, not a question.
“Is there a reason as to why I should not be?” He retorted with a bite in his words, a bitterness there that he didn’t want to hold back.
“I wouldn’t hurt you.” Was the only thing Gellert could find to say, the lie that it was.
Albus laughed at that, “As if you haven’t hurt me already. What about me looking at the papers and having to see the newly dead that have all fallen to your hand because of bigotry and hatred. Is that not supposed to hurt, to know that I influenced that, that I allowed myself to-.” He cut himself off, already feeling as if he’s said too much, relaxing his hand against his pocket, forcing himself to keep calm.
“They’ve hurt us, the muggles, you haven’t seen what I’ve seen Albus, you haven’t seen the blood. Have you forgotten all they’ve done to us, our people that they’ve killed, what about to people like us, they’d have us burned for our desires, Albus.” He said bitterly, with venom in his voice, taking another step towards his former lover.
Albus sighs and laughs in disbelief, “Of course, you can see the future but you can’t see logic, mercy. Not all muggles want us dead, Gellert, not all of them would kill us because of who we are. You can’t fight hate with hate, you- you are trying to stop them from committing violent acts against wizards by committing violent acts. I know that you’ve been hurt, I have as well, but all you’re doing is trying to make the power imbalance work in your favor, by murdering people, no less.”
“Albus, all they want is us dead, I’m trying to prevent that from happening. Why is it so hard for you to comprehend that, that they want us dead. What has changed Albus? You once wanted the same as I, to live and love freely.”
“Just because I don’t want to commit genocide doesn’t mean that I don’t wish for that, but that is not all you want is it? You want to control them, you never want to be disrespected by them, you want to be above them.” He said, trying to keep his voice strong, succeeding in it.
“Albus, we deserve to take the place that is our birthright, we are meant to be above them.”
“Why is it our birthright? We have magic, yes, but that doesn’t make us better than them. It doesn’t deem them inhumane, we are all equal, as people, Gellert, we are all equal, no matter the power we have. You must use that power for good.” He responded. How he hoped he could make him see sense, to be able to help him stop his horrid actions. He was starting to feel the tears well in his eyes that he refused to let spill.
“I know you feel betrayed by me, Gellert. I know you’re hurt, I know that you want to avenge your family, that you want to be able to feel satisfied, but you’ll never feel it, no matter how much blood is spilt, no matter how much pain you cause, it won’t bring them back, it won’t fix past mistakes. It won’t bring Ariana back.” He said the last part much quieter, if only trying to convince himself of the same. “I know because I once wanted the same as you did, I wanted to hurt them. All I ask is that you see that, let go of your hatred, soften your heart. ” He paused, taking a breath before whispering, “Please.”
If he could see Gellerts heart, he would’ve seen it break. The other man was deep in thought. He saw the tears start to gather in Gellerts eyes, his posture failing. He watched as the other man brought a hand to his face, shaking his head.
“You’re asking for an awful lot.” Gellert said with almost no emotion in his voice.
“Why?” He asked, feeling his chest tighten the more the conversation ensued. All he wanted to do was go hold his other half, to help, but he couldn’t until he was allowed to do so.
When Gellert didn’t answer, he asked again, “Why?”
The silence that followed was deafening. It felt as if there was so much to be said but the way to say it was near impossible. It stayed like that for a bit, just them standing there while Gellert contemplated his next words.
“I don’t know how.” Gellert let that sink in before elaborating, “How am I supposed to change my values when I have so many people following me with my current mindset, I’m a fugitive Albus, they will kill me if I were to step down. How am I supposed to just give up and let muggles continue to make us hide, to let them kill us.” How was he supposed to explain that all he wanted was to make a safe space for Albus, that he wanted to live a life with him and that muggles had ruined that, not to mention Aberforth.
“It’s a challenge, but you must remember to do what is right, not what is easy, Gellert. It may take time, but if you want to live and love freely and if that is your main goal, you mustn't do it this way. I can’t ask for you to change right now, to change your heart because that takes time, it takes time to mend a broken heart and to relearn your morals, but it can be done if you will let it be so.” Albus was near to begging.
“What do you expect me to do, Albus?” He fumed, keeping his tone cold and bitter.
“I want you to make the right decision, however, I don’t know what to expect from you. Never really did.” Albus replies, with his voice holding more venom than it had previously.
“Then what do we do, what was your purpose in coming here?” Gellert asks, shifting his weight to his other foot, darting his eyes around the room.
“I don’t know, maybe it was wishful thinking but I believe I wanted to see if you had any empathy left in you, if you had a chance at softening your heart, I suppose I was wrong.” Albus said, turning away from Gellert, not being able to look at him anymore.
“I’m sorry I can’t give you what you want then.” Gellert snapped, and Albus could feel him pacing.
“You can, you just don’t want to.” Albus replied sharply.
“You think I want war? That I want the stress that I have?!” Gellert shot back.
“Clearly, you’re the one causing the war after all, you put yourself in this position.” He dictated.
“I’m not the one who betrayed us.” Gellert had finally brought up what had been hanging over their heads this whole time.
“Well I’m not the one who left.” Albus retorted. “I’m not the one who abandoned the other to go start a war because we made some stupid plans, I didn’t betray you. And do you not think I’m stressed? I have the whole world counting on me to defeat you, kill you, and here I am, hoping that you will change for my selfish heart.”
“What does me changing do for you? Help you make sure you don’t have to taint your oh so pure heart with my death on your hands? Kill me, Albus, do it. Save yourself from the stress of waiting to have your first kill and get it over with. It’ll save both you and I pain.” Gellert sneered, now pacing in circles instead of back and forth.
“I can’t.” Albus repeated once again as it was not the first time that he’s had to say that regarding this issue. “Besides, it wouldn’t be the first person to fall because of me.”
“Who have you killed before? And why, for the love of Merlin, is it so hard to kill me, Albus?!” Gellert questioned in disbelief. Albus has killed someone?
“So many people, Gellert.” He said with his head hung low and his eyes watering, dismissing the other question as he was unwilling to answer it.
“I don’t believe that for a second, name one.”
“Ariana.” He mumbled quickly and quietly.
“You did not-.” Gellerts pacing stopped, he didn’t even get a chance to reject that idea before Albus interrupted him.
“I did! I’m to blame for her death. I-It’s my fault.” Albus was near shaking at this point, his hands turning into fists once more and digging into the palm of his hand once more, “It’s all my fault It’s my fault my brother hates me. It’s my fault that you’ve started this war. It’s my fault she’s dead.”
“How could it possibly be your fault?!” Gellert had known Albus used to blame himself for things that were not his fault. He had blamed himself for his fathers imprisonment and death, he blamed himself for his mothers death, and now Gellert is aware that the habit hasn’t stopped.
Albus fell silent. He couldn’t find himself to answer, as the words were caught in his throat.
“Albus?” Gellert asked, voice softening slightly despite all attempts not to let that happen. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything, Gellert. Everything.” Albus paused, breathing deeply for a moment before elaborating, “Gellert, it’s my fault that I let myself believe that it was okay to do whatever it takes to get what I want, or what I deserve, whatever it is. It’s my fault that I neglected my family and wasn’t there for them. I mean- for fucks sake, I was the head of the house, we were, we are orphans, Gellert. Ariana and Aberforth were so close with our mother, and-” He took a moment to breathe, letting the words spill out of him that he has been holding in for thirty-three years. “I didn’t even think of how they’d been hurting, about how they needed me. I let myself not only get carried away in these fantasies, but I- I also let myself fall in love with you and encouraged harmful ideals.”
His voice fell silent, unsure of if it was appropriate to say more, more than he already said. Nor did he want to. He’d spent the last three decades trying to keep his emotions locked up, to let his guilt eat him alive and not let anyone hear of it.
“Albus…” Gellert started.
“I don’t want to hear it.” He quickly replied, feeling tears stream down his face.
“It’s not your fault. None of it is.” He reassured Albus, not feeling as if anything else mattered in that moment. Never had he felt so powerless. His other half was suffering and it was his doing for not helping him, for not being there when he was needed, all because of his ambitions. While his thoughts of how the world should be ordered hadn’t changed, at least not yet, he couldn’t focus on that, the love of his life was in pain.
“It’s not your fault that you thought those things, Ariana’s death is most certainly not your fault, you weren’t the one fighting. You were young and let your feelings get the best of you. It’s not your fault that you fell in love with me. Don’t you dare blame yourself. I made a vow to protect you from all harm and-.” He didn’t get to finish because he heard sobs coming from the other side of the room.
Without even questioning his actions, he made his way over to Albus, feeling the tears fall down his own face.
“Can I touch you?” He asked. He may be a murderer but he had some decency left.
Albus nodded his head after a few moments of reluctance and Gellert immediately wrapped his arms around the other. Bringing Albus’ face to his chest as the other man bled his tears. He was crying himself, thinking of the mess he’s made and all the trauma he’s caused.
He held Albus like that for a few minutes before leading them over to his bed. To his surprise, Albus went with him. He sat against the headboard, laying his legs out, pulling Albus between them and putting Albus’ head on his chest, wrapping his arms around the other once more and entangling their legs.
It was a feeling he hadn’t felt in so long. The feeling of Albus’ body against his. The only time since 1899 he had felt Albus in any way was when his hand had met his heart while they duelled earlier in the day.
The peace that it brought to his mind. The freedom from all the thoughts that make his heart sink and tremble. He felt so thankful to have Albus in his arms, no matter the circumstances, though he wishes it were better.
Grindelwald put his face in Albus’ hair, inhaling the smell of his lavender scented shampoo while Albus buried his face into Gellerts neck.
Gellert ran one hand along Albus’ back in an attempt to soothe him like he had so many times in their youth. While he put his other hand in Albus’ hair, playing with it. He held onto him as if his life depended on it.
His eyes dry up and he focuses more than ever on the trembling body laying on him.
After perhaps a minute longer, Albus lets out his last few tears, moving even closer to Gellert, if that was possible.
“I’m sorry.” Was all that Gellert could find to say. Both of them knew that everything wouldn’t be fixed then and there but Gellert figured those words were long overdue.
All that Albus could do was hum into the other's neck.
They were both shaking lightly, but had relatively calmed down. They laid there for a while, both of them were unsure where to go from there.
“I’m sorry too.” He replied.
“Stay here tonight?” Gellert murmured quietly, dropping the hand in Albus’ hair to his waist.
Albus lifted his head from where it was on Gellerts chest, “Sure,” He said, just as soft.
“Would you like to take a bath?” Gellert asks, bringing the hand running along Albus’ back to his waist, holding Albus gently.
“Will you join me?” Albus rests his forearms on Gellerts chest, lifting himself up to make better eye contact.
“I was hoping you’d ask.” Gellert says, helping Albus get off his bed.
“No funny business.” Albus says sternly with a smile on his face, standing and turning his back to Gellert to what he assumed was the bathroom.
“Of course not, liebling.” He assures, the endearment slipping of his tongue so easily he almost doesn’t notice it as he follows Albus to the bathroom.
Albus froze and for a few long moments, standing still. Gellert stood behind him, thinking he had done something wrong and they wouldn’t be getting the peaceful night he had started to hope for.
Albus turned around, avoiding eye contact with Gellert, walking quickly towards him and throwing his arms around the others neck, hugging him. It was unexpected but not unwelcome, not unwelcome at all. Gellert wrapped his arms around Albus hugging him back, putting his face in the other's neck.
“I haven’t heard that in decades.” Albus whispered, leaning back, his arms still around his neck.
Gellert smiled fondly back at him, responding, “Regrettably, I haven’t been able to say it in decades either.” He grabbed Albus’ hand, leading him into the bathroom.
He opened the door, showing a bathroom that expertly matched the room attached to it. The tiles were dark grey, the countertops were a dark marble with the faucet and handles being gold, and the bath had enough room for at least three people.
Albus went and sat on the countertop, crossing his ankles and waiting for Gellert to fill the tub.
As soon as the tub was filled and after Gellert casted a spell to keep it at the correct temperature, Albus slid off the counter and started undressing and Gellert followed. Both of them were a bit shy but too tired to care after the events of today.
Gellert stepped into the bath, sitting down with his back against the head of the tub, holding out his hand for Albus to take as he stepped into the bath. He sat down across, parallel to him.
Gellert started smiling a bit, just admiring the man across from him with his beautiful blue eyes and soft auburn hair.
“What are you smiling at?” Albus asked, brushing a stray piece of hair out of his face.
“Just, just you.” He said, leaning back a bit, more relaxed.
“Oh.” Albus looked pleasantly surprised.
Gellert moved a bit closer to Albus whilst grabbing a bottle of shampoo and a cup. He tilted his head a bit as if asking a question. Albus nodded his head and with the consent Gellert filled the cup of water and poured it over Albus’ head enough times to soak his hair, then taking the shampoo and lathered it in his hands before putting it in Albus’ hair, massaging his head.
Albus’ eyes fluttered shut and he sat there as Gellert washed his hair.
“This shampoo smells amazing, where in the world did you get it?” Albus asked, with his eyes still closed.
Gellert looked at the bottle for a moment and responded, “Some shop in Germany, but I charmed it to smell like whatever someone would like, so it smells different to me than it does to you, presuming we want it to smell different.”
“Oh, that’s certainly clever.”
“I’m glad you think so. What does it smell like to you, meine liebe?”
Albus’ cheeks grew a faint pink and he responded with, “Lavender, and cinnamon, and you.” He opened his eyes since Gellert had finished washing his hair, looking for a reaction. Gellert just moved his hands to rest on Albus’ waist, and attempted to fight a smile before Albus added, “What about you?”
Gellert thought for a moment before replying, “Rain, ink, and you as well.”
Albus hummed and started to douse Gellert in water, followed by shampoo.
They continued the rest of their bath in a comfortable silence, overall enjoying the domesticity of it.
Once they’d finished and dried off, for the most part, they went back out into the bedroom with Albus wrapped in a robe and Gellert walking around nude oh so confidently as he always is while he gathers clothes for the night, very few clothes. He strode over to where Albus was standing near the end of the bed frame, leaning on one of the posters of the bed, handing him a few pieces of clothing.
Albus dressed himself, as did Gellert, the former wearing what he was given, undergarments and a rather comfortable pair of sleeping trousers along with a shirt, all of which were simple and dark colours. Gellert wore all but a shirt, showing off a well sculpted torso that Albus deems himself lucky to see.
Gellert went around to the left side of the bed, sitting atop the covers like he was an hour ago while Albus sat on the other side of the bed, calm to all but Gellert who could practically see his nerves.
“Liebling, come here.” Gellert murmured, gesturing for Albus to come where he sat with open arms, suggesting that he lay on Gellert.
Albus complied, shuffling over to Gellert, laying his head on the other's chest, wrapping one arm around his waist as Gellert lowered himself into a more comfortable position to sleep in. Gellert wrapped one arm around Albus, using the other to silently turn off the lights before moving it to settle on Albus’ hip.
They both fell asleep like that, not thinking about tomorrow or the challenges that the rising sun will bring. Content to forget for a night since who knows what will come with the new day.