Everywhere, all around the room and all around the apartment there were moons. Some stars as well, some beautiful beautiful stars, but so many more moons that tormented Remus.
Over the years the rest of the marauders had thought it was fun and funny to give Remus little moon items. Patches to be sewn onto his jacket, little jewelry with moons that would be given to him and Sirius, posters, paintings, nicknacks, so many stupid nicknacks.
But Sirius liked them. Sirius even made some of them, finding out through the years that he quite enjoys art with doing sculpting or painting or whatever. Remus wasn’t really able to focus on where exactly Sirius went to do these things, they just happened, probably some studio or something. Things were just a bit too busy for Remus to really know, Sirius found some free time and he did this to relax and that’s great.
If only Remus could relax, but it felt like these moons always surrounded him. (Probably because they did, they’re around the majority of the flat.) And by this point it’s not like Remus could say anything about being annoyed. He just had to live with it, just like he had to live with the wolf, just like he had to live with so many aspects of his life.
Some days it was hard to live with it though.
It was a few days before the full moon. Remus was hyper stressed, there were so many things going on with the war. Dumbledoor kept trying to contact him about recruiting other wolves, it kept feeling like this is his responsibility, this is his thing, if the wolves don’t join the right side it’s his fault, if more people die because of the wolves it’s on him, he’s being selfish by staying in the flat with Sirius right now. He’s being selfish by not going to see these other wolves. He’s being selfish by staying with Sirius and bothering him. He’s being selfish by enjoying all these luxuries that he shouldn't have.
The guilt destroyed him, slowly, continuously, as he sat and stared. Spacing out until he could think again. Until he recognized that he was staring at a moon. It somehow shined out of the poster into his face. The rubble of the craters (is that what it’s called on the moon?) smacking him in the eyes.
He got up and stared at the poster, moving closer so it was right next to his face. Footsteps approached, Sirius’ footsteps more specifically.
“Remus do you want to have dinner s—” he lost his train of thought as he entered the room, observing Remus centimeters away from one of their posters of the moon. Remus didn’t turn his head, squinting at the image, contemplating it, this huge rock that ruins so many things in his life. It might make the currents happen and have some value and everything, but it’s not like Remus really cares. He wishes someone would steal it, or shrink it, or destroy it, or do something to take this all away.
As Remus continued silently fuming at a poster, Sirius coughed for a second and finally spoke again, “Sooooo Moony…are you having a staring contest……with a poster…of the moon? Don’t blink now, I think you might just crack him. YES, the moon blinked, YOU WON, MY CHAMPION, MY HERO! Siriously though love, can you look at me please?”
Remus rubbed his exhausted red eyes and turned, “Yeah, yeah. What were you asking me Pads?”
“I was going to ask if you wanted to have dinner soon, but you look more like you need a nap, did you sleep much last night love? I’m sorry I was out cold and couldn’t help you with it.”
His head shook as he heard the word sorry, as he heard the sympathy and concern that was always around him, “No, no, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t be having to worry about this Sirius.”
“But I do! I love you, this is part of that,” Sirius insisted, “I’ll listen to you, I can try to help, please Moony.”
Remus’ anger festered as it always did, he wasn’t angry at Sirius, he wasn’t really angry at anyone. Everything was just too much. He looked at all these small moons around him, all these little objects that represented so much of what caused him this torture.
“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” Remus yelled as he grabbed and smashed a vase with moons painted around it. His lover's eyes went wide.
Remus breathed heavily as tears formed in his eyes, immediately he sat and went to collect the pieces, to try and do anything to put them back together, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry Sirius.” As he continued feeling the pottery in his hands and observed the paint, he remembered that this was something Sirius made for him, now all in pieces. Remus could barely breathe, he shook, he closed his eyes as he tried to gain control over himself again.
A hand touched his cheek.
Remus slowly looked up to see Sirius crouched in front of him, “It’s okay, I can get it later, and maybe make a better new one with stars or flowers or something. Anyways, do you want to lay down with me? I know you might not be so tired and might have the endurance of a world renowned quidditch player, but I happen to be a bit tired and would like it if you would hold me, if you want that.”
Remus’ face lightened just a bit after all the panic and distress, he spoke softly, “Yeah, yeah that would be good. I’m really sorry.”
The two men stood up, Sirius held his lovers’ hand as they walked a few steps into their bedroom, “Someday I’m going to find the spell to remove sorry from your vocabulary.”
“You wish, then I’ll seem like an asshole and you can seem like the good one,” Remus chuckled.
“Me? I would never, I’m a saint,” Sirius smirked.
They laid in bed together, Remus enveloping Sirius, a comforting silence as they tried to process the events of the past few seconds, the past few minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years.
“You know what?” Remus asked.
“You seem to think I never do, so probably not, what?”
“Now, you’d better never tell James or the others that I said this because I’ll deny it to my grave–but you are the good one Padfoot.”
Sirius turned over so Remus could see as he rolled his eyes, “Sure, and Peter is the casanova.”
“I’m not joking, you’re the best of us. I love you,” Remus spoke sincerely.
“I love you too,” Sirius smiled, “Though I think you’re right, I can’t ruin my reputation as the bad boy. Maybe I can do something to make you reconsider,” he wiggled his eyebrows. He then proceeded to kiss all around Remus’ face, then around his neck, afterwards his lips took a trip around his lover’s arms, and continued for a long long while around many areas.