The closet thing had started in his childhood. There were lot’s of closets and cupboards and other small hiding spaces in Grimauld Place, and he often found them necessary. Sirius would hide there while his parents argued, or when he’d done something wrong and was trying to escape punishment.
He kept doing it at Hogwarts, hiding whenever he was stressed or anxious or having a meltdown.
The others had gotten used to it. At the beginning especially James had tried to force him out as a way to help him. But being dragged out only made it worse, and they’d learned to let him stay in there as long as he needed. It was never more than an hour.
Now it’d been three.
“Sirius?” Remus knocked gently on the door. “I know you can’t really talk while you’re in there, but we haven’t seen you in hours. We just want to know you’re awake and okay, please.”
Sirius opened his mouth, but couldn’t talk. He nodded, but he knew that didn’t help Remus.
“I’m going to open the door just a crack, so I can see you’re awake. Then I’ll close it again and well leave you be,” Remus said quietly. He had become the one to take the lead in these situations. He was always calm and gentle.
Sirius didn’t want the door to open, but he couldn’t talk to make them stop.
The door creaked a little, the sound slicing and making Sirius cringe. Then Remus’ eye appeared in the crack. Sirius couldn’t make himself turn to look at Remus, but he shrugged his shoulder a bit to indicate he was fine.
“Can you talk?”
Sirius shook his head.
“Is there something anyone can do to help?”
Sirius shrugged.
“James and Peter are here with me. Do you want us to go away?”
Sirius shook his head.
“Can I open the door?”
Sirius nodded, then cringed at the bright light.
“James, will you turn off the lights?” he heard Remus ask.
There was some shuffling, and then the light’s went out. Sirius relaxed a bit.
“Do you want a pen and paper?”
Back in third year, Sirius had hidden in a cupboard with his schoolbag after fighting with Regulus. The others had found him unable to talk. After he’d been stuck for thirty minutes, with the others sitting outside quietly, he’d realized he could write.
Sirius nodded gratefully.
Remus handed him some parchment and a quill, and then shut the door.
I need to tell you guys something and it’s stressing me out. Nothing happened, nobody’s done anything, this is totally internal and I’m just having a meltdown. Everything’s fine, honestly.
As he was writing, Sirius felt himself calming down a bit. He slid the parchment underneath the door and slumped back against the wall. Everything in his body seemed to settle and freeze back into the motionless state of closet-Sirius, as Peter liked to call this.
“Sirius, you need to know we’ll love you no matter what,” James said gently.
“Yeah, I’m sure you’re overthinking this,” Peter said. “Just tell us, it’ll be fine.”
“We’re here for you Pads, whenever you’re ready, we’ll listen,” Remus said. “Can we open the door so we can see you?"
As he asked that, he slid another piece of parchment to Sirius. He breathed for a moment, and then scribbled: Yes.
The door creaked open once more, this time completely. Remus was sitting closest to it, James and Peter right behind him.
They all looked slightly worried, but mostly relieved.
“I’m sorry,” Sirius mumbled.
They all knew better than to ask him to speak up.
“You don’t need to apologize,” James said.
“Can you tell us what caused this?”
Sirius closed his eyes and breathed deeply. “I’m gay.”
Everyone was quiet for a moment. Sirius kept his eyes closed, not wanting to be there, in that moment, any longer.
James burst out laughing.
“James!” Remus hissed.
Sirius opened his eyes to see James had rolled onto his back and was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe.
Hot tears burned Sirius’ eyes and he felt confused and embarrassed.
Remus reached his hand into the closet, offering it to Sirius, who grabbed it. Then Remus turned back to James and smacked him hard.
“You didn’t even – you – you didn’t even come out of the closet!” James wheezed and started cackling again.
Suddenly Sirius realized what James was laughing about. He was still in the closet. Now Remus was chuckling too, though he had the decency to try and cover his mouth with the free hand. Peter still looked confused.
The tears spilled onto Sirius’ face as he too started laughing.
“Aw, c’mere,” Remus chuckled and helped Sirius out of the closet and into his arms.
Sirius laughed and cried against Remus’ chest. The weight of his secret had lifted off his shoulders and Remus’ embrace was far better than any closet. He was soft, warm and comfortable. And his arms wrapped around Sirius made him feel safer than anything else.