best friend
Remus woke up in the infirmary the next morning. He tried to think about what had happened last night but all that he could remember was his panic attack in the hallway and a blurry vision of attempting to walk down the ever moving staircases. He didn't have the normal memories like walking down to the whomping willow in the dark with Madame Pomfrey or meeting his friends in the shack or even the painful transition that felt as if your limbs were tearing themselves apart as you attempted to keep in the screams. It never mattered. Everyone knew the shack shrieked but no one knew it was him. It was strange though. He hadn't had a full moon without some memories for a long while, nine or ten years even. He lay half awake in his hospital bed, confused and exhausted and in pain from his head to his feet.
He tried to open his eyes but bright light flooded his irises much too quickly, causing him to wince in searing pain until he was forced to close his eyes once again. He remembered doing that yesterday but before the sun went down. He remembered how the light was too bright before he heard the voices, before he went through the door. No that was a dream. A true dream. A dream that had actually happened, so more of a reliving than a dream. He tried to move his arm just to see if it was there but as soon as he did so, sharp and dull pains began to beat into his skin in intervals and patterns around his forearm and bicep, feeling as if it was tearing itself from his flesh. He must have made some sort of noise or noticeable movement because a hand that was seemingly wrapped around his tensed up as if saying 'I'm here'.
"Poppy says that you shouldn't try to move." The voice spoke clearly but Remus' hearing was dampened by the dizzy spell that had taken him over. He couldn't tell clearly who was speaking, only that the voice was masculine and young and the hand was soft. Soft like conditioned hair running through your fingers or silk against your cheek.
He squeezed the hand back, not knowing or caring who it could belong to. He was just happy that it was there. A warm hand and a warm voice that cared about him, that was there for him when he was hurt and confused. He tried to open his eyes to put a face to the hand but again the bright lights interfered with his plans, causing a headache to pummel its way into his right temple. Bright lights. Comforting voices. Maybe he was in heaven. That would be nice.
"Are you an angel?" He barely managed to say in an overly croaky voice that made it sound like he smoked as much as he did. His throat was sore and his mouth felt too warm like it always did when one slept far too long. He craved water but was much too tired to entertain that little whimsy even if it meant that he could speak clearer and maybe bring his body temperature down a little, he couldn't imagine having the energy to ask for water, sit up so that he could drink water without spilling it everywhere and then lift his arms and hands up all the way to his mouth with the weight of a glass of water. That seemed closer to impossible than being in heavens waiting room, talking to an angel.
The voice laughed. A cute little exhale laugh that made Remus almost completely sure that the hand and voice belonged to absolutely no one that he knew. None of his friends laughed that way. Sirius laughed confidently, out loud like he wanted everyone to hear him and everyone did hear him. James laughed like that too, except he didn't do it for people to hear, he was just confident, happy, golden like young Labrador. Peter chuckled to himself behind a self conscious hand so that no one could see him, it was an ugly little laugh that suited him perfectly. Dorcas laughed like Sirius but quieter. Mary giggled and Lily did too but only with James, in any other circumstance she pretends that she's too sensible to laugh. Marlene had the best laugh ever, it was a great guffaw, so real and so cheery and impossible to fake. No one he knew laughed so gently, yet so real.
"No, very far from it actually." The voice was sad now. Angels aren't sad. They couldn't be an angel. Maybe he wasn't in heaven. He wasn't dead.
"I'm not dead, then." He croaked but his voice was getting better. Less like a sixty year old chronic smoker and more like a teenage boy with a slightly sore throat.
There it was again. That laugh. Good laugh, soft and warm like the hand. He didn't know this person, he didn't even know if this person was a person that he knew but he wanted to hug them, whoever they were. He thought they might feel soft and warm just like they sounded.
"No. No, you're not dead. You're alive." The voice sounded relieved almost. "You know you worried us, scared me half to death Moony, we thought you might be. You must have passed out last night before we got to the shrieking shack. James told us all to go, leave you by yourself for a night, I told him I wanted to stay to keep an eye on you but he basically had to drag me away. I would have stayed, you know, but James told us it was best to leave you alone if you weren't well. I'm not sure it was though. You're all scratched up and when I say scratched... I mean you did a proper number on yourself, mate. I thought maybe you'd just stay passed out as a wolf but I guess not."
Sirius.
Soft voice. Soft laugh. Soft hands.
They all belonged to Sirius.
"Sirius?"
"Yes?"
"How long have you been here?" He was finding his voice more now. The drowsiness, however still present, was subsiding ever so slightly, giving Remus a small amount of freedom to talk at least.
"Since sun up. Poppy said I was crazy when I got here, it must have been five or six O' clock maybe but I... I was just worried about you, you know? So worried, you have no idea. I wanted to follow you out of the dorm after Peter had said all that crap. I could tell that it had bothered you but I didn't want to intrude not after what happened with your dad, I wouldn't have blamed you if you just told me to butt out. But maybe I should have. Maybe you wouldn't have been so... you know, if I'd checked up on you. Maybe you wouldn't have torn yourself apart."
"Have you slept?" Remus managed to blink without the light burning his retinas.
"Of course not. How could I sleep? Seriously Moony have you seen yourself? You're all torn up. I didn't know what to do all night, I just sat up on my bed watching the hands go around on my watch, I think maybe that I've gone a little mad. Like you know when those magicians hold up the pocket watch and hypnotise you, I'm half convinced I've hypnotised myself..." Sirius finally took a breath, looking at Remus' slightly dazed expression. "I'm rambling. Sorry."
"You need to get some sleep, you lunatic." He smiled weakly, opening his eyes a little to see his best friend so completely unlike Sirius. His hair was tied up apart from some strands falling out of the messy half pony tail around his face and his neck. He had eyebags too. Dark and evil looking. He was wearing a red jumper that looked quite a bit too big for him and his tartan pyjama pants. He wasn't wearing any rings on his hands, making them seem so much softer and smaller than usual and the shiny black nail polish was chipped to dust as if it had been chewed up all night. He was still holding Remus' hand so he decided to squeeze it, telling Sirius that he was there and he was alive. They both were. "Are you wearing my jumper?"
He looked down at the deep crimson fabric, almost maroon, letting dark strands of hair fall into his face as he did so. Remus thought he looked softer than anything he'd ever seen before. He really did want to hug him now. "Oh, sorry. I got dressed in the dark. Must have picked this one up by accident. You know you should really take better care of your clothes, throwing them on that floor like that ruins them."
"You sound like my mum." He found himself unable to fight off a smile. Since when was Sirius responsible enough to sound like anyone's parent? Had the world been flipped upside down?
"You really think that's an insult? Your mums great. Everyone loves Hope." That was true. For the small amount of time that his friends had stayed at his house, they all sang Hopes praises. And for good reason too. She was great. There was no other way to say it. Hope liked them all too, she liked Sirius but thought he was full of himself. She noticed that he was wearing mascara and spent an hour talking his ears off about how she was really into rock and roll and twist when it was popular even though her mother told her it was too provocative.
"You can keep the jumper. It looks better on you." It did. Remus would argue that Sirius could pull off a potato sack if he wanted to. The girls would still be all over him. That's what Remus thought anyway. Sirius knew that if he cut his hair and gave up the rocker, alternative thing, he would be significantly less popular. He knew that girls only fancied him because they felt like they were rebelling against their strict dads and posh mums. He also knew that whatever happened, Remus would be there for him, whether he was wearing skinny jeans and eyeliner or not. Sirius would be there for Remus as well, he just hoped that Remus knew that.
"It doesn't." He laughed again. That gentle laugh that was barely an exhale, tilting his head forward as if he was embarrassed about it. "I promise you, you look better in anything than I do."
"I highly doubt that, mate." Remus smiled, it was impossible that he would ever look as good as Sirius, whatever he was wearing, even when Sirius was visibly tired with no eyeliner and his hair tied back, which most girls in their year at Hogwarts would argue was a crime against Sirius' best asset. "You look great."
Sirius looked as of he had been caught off guard by the comment, his eyes wide and his blush pink lips parted slightly and, in that moment, only that one moment, Remus wondered if those lips were as soft as the laugh or the voice or those hands. He just wanted to run his thumb over them- Nope.
What? No. What? No.
"Thanks." Sirius mumbled with a tiny little smile, so small and un-Sirius but Remus had grown fond of this side of his best friend in the last hour or so. "Don't believe you but thanks."
Remus squeezed the hand that still lay in his open palm because he didn't know what to say other than 'I'm here. I'm here forever.'
"Be honest, though. How bad is it?"
"How bad is what?"
"You know?" Remus nodded down at the rest of his body which seemed to be covered up with sheets from the hospital bed, but Sirius seemed to get the picture.
"Oh, you'll be fine. Poppy said it will take a bit longer to heal than usual. Apparently, you're in a state of unrest. Like exam stress and your dad and stuff is stopping your body from healing at its usual werewolf-y rate."
"It's not like I ever do anything active, so I'll be alright." Remus sighed. "Anyway, it gives me an excuse to miss at least one quidditch game so I'm fine being incapacitated for a while."
"As soon as you're fine, you know I'm dragging you to every single game as well as practices."
"Well, I'll just have to milk it all year, won't I?"
"All year?"
"Oh, yeah. I'm relentless. Don't pretend like you don't know that about me when you probably know me better than anyone else." Remus laughed slightly, knowing that it was true. Sirius knew him better than anyone in Hogwarts and better than his family. He wasn't sure how he felt about that, but he was pretty sure it was a good thing.
"Really?"
"Oh, yeah. You know too much, mate. Might have to kill you?"
"Shut up." Sirius laughed, rolling his eyes at Remus but never taking his hand away. It wasn't strange that they'd been holding hands. It wasn't a normal thing for them, but over the years, they had become such good friends that hugging, holding hands and very occasionally sharing a bed was completely normal for them. Remus often wondered if Sirius ever did things like that with James as well. It wouldn't have surprised him since James and Sirius were best friends and had known each other longer than Remus and Sirius. The thought of it definitely didn't make Remus jealous.
Definitely not.
"Remus, dear." Madame Pomfrey's voice called from behind the curtain, sweet and motherly with a cold touch that said that she didn't take any crap from anyone. "You have a visitor."
"Okay." He called back. It must have been James or Peter since breakfast had already started and he rarely got any other visitors since no one was supposed to know about his condition.
The curtain opened shyly, and through it stepped, not James and not Peter but Elsie. As quickly as Sirius turned his head and saw her, he snatched his hand back, holding it close to his body as if he had been injured.
"Oh my!" She gasped at his condition, rushing over to him and perching at the end of the bed, all while fully ignoring Sirius' presence. "What have you done to yourself, Remus? I mean I know what happened. Madame Pomfrey told me you got caught up with the whomping willow while trying to pull off one of those silly pranks. You really should take better care of yourself. What were you even trying to do?"
"Oh, uh. I can't remember. Probably had some head trauma or something."
"Oh, Remus." She shook her head, grabbing onto his hand that lay empty by his side. Her hand was warm like she had just woken up and her nails were flawless. Not too long, not too short and painted a bright blue with a glossy finish that perfectly complimented her golden complexion.
"I'm fine." He smiled weakly at her, feeling more awake than he liked. From just behind her, movement caught Remus' eye as the curtains opened briefly and Sirius' dark hair and the red jumper disappeared behind them. "I'll be fine."