Chapter 16
“-and she’s just so fucking frustrating,” Lily groaned, throwing herself dramatically on the bed.
“Listen, Lils, I love you, but the Mary talk is honestly getting a bit much, don’t you think?” Marlene said, sitting next to her. Mary was in the common room with the boys, which, to Lily, meant she could finally vent to someone about her feelings toward her, now that she wasn’t around.
Unfortunately for Marlene, she was one of the few people who knew about her little crush, so she always ended up getting the worst of it. If she was being honest, Lily understood her point of view. It was sure to be tiring, but Lily couldn’t really help it. She was completely obsessed with Mary MacDonald, and Marlene just had to deal with it. Tough luck.
“C’mon, Marls, have a bit of compassion,” Lily said. “Haven’t you ever had a crush before?”
“Of course I have. Maybe you just didn’t know about it ‘cause I wasn’t constantly taking your ear off about it,” Marlene said accusingly.
“Well, forgive me for being in love,” Lily exclaimed, crossing her arms.
“Don’t pull that card with me, Evans. You know damn well I fully support you, but don’t blame me for being a bit tired of just hearing about Mary when we’re alone.”
To be fair, that was sort of true, Lily had to admit. She’d been taking up all her time with Marlene by talking about her crush, which was quite inconsiderate of her (not to mention out-of-character, since she was usually the one listening to other people).
“Alright, sorry,” Lily apologised, hugging a pillow to her chest. “I promise I’ll talk about her forty per cent less, from now on,” she determined.
“We go to a magic school, Lily,” Marlene commented, frowning. “Don’t come at me with percentages and maths,” she complained, which made Lily roll her eyes. Honestly, that was basic mathematics. She’d always thought it was quite stupid that Hogwarts didn’t offer regular classes, like maths or English, if the students were meant to be able to work in the Muggle world, as well as in the wizarding one. During her first three years, she’d taken summer classes on mathematics and spent the day reading, hoping to make up for lost time and actually acquire some knowledge that would be useful in both worlds.
“What about you and Dorcas, then?” Lily asked shamelessly, staring at Marlene, whose cheeks turned red against her will. She knew it.
“There’s no ‘me and Dorcas’, I don’t know how many times I have to say it,” she complained.
“Until it magically comes true, or until you stop being in denial about it,” Lily declared. Marlene fixed her with a death stare, but Lily just stuck her tongue out at her. Classy.
“I swear, you’re as bad as Mary, sometimes,” Marlene shook her head.
“Look who’s bringing her up, now,” Lily observed, shoving her pillow at Marlene. “Oh, and, since we’re on the subject-” she started, mostly to annoy the other girl.
“Please, no!” Marlene screamed, covering her ears with her hands.
“Dickhead,” Lily muttered, chuckling slightly.
“Asshole,” countered Marlene.
“Sticking to a theme, are we?” Lily laughed.
“Oh, yes,” Marlene replied, “anatomy fascinates me,” she said sarcastically, making Lily giggle with the kind of laugh specially reserved for when even the most mundane of things seemed funny, simply because of who you were with. That one came out a lot, with Marlene.
***
“What are you gonna get Marlene for her birthday?” Mary asked Lily. They were in the library, dong homework, while Marlene was at practice. Or, well, Lily was doing homework, while Mary just sat there, doodling or annoying Lily. Not that she minded, obviously. In fact, she was quite enjoying herself, having Mary on her own.
“I got her those combat boots she said she liked and a book because I simply cannot accept that she hasn’t read one in years,” said Lily, sounding scandalised as she said the last part. It was true, Marlene had told her that, apart from those they had to read for school, she hadn’t read a book in at least two years. Lily couldn’t believe it, so she’d made it her mission to find some sort of novel Marlene would like. Eight bookshop trips later, she’d finally decided on “The Martian Chronicles”, a science-fiction novel set in the future. Lily had personally read the book before, although she didn’t own a copy of it, but she thought Marlene might like it.
“Two gifts?” Mary exclaimed, astonished. “I haven’t even decided on one!” she said.
“There’s still time,” Lily rationalised, dipping her quill in the ink to finish her transfiguration essay. “What day is it?”
“Tuesday,” Mary replied.
“Not that, dummy,” Lily sighed, “the number,” she clarified.
“Oh, err… 12th, I think.”
“See? That gives you five more days to think about and buy her presents,” Lily said. “Plus, it’s a Hogsmeade weekend, so that’s perfect. You can just look at what she notices and grab it, or something.”
“I guess…” Mary shrugged.
***
“C’mon, Marlene,” Mary urged her, knocking repeatedly on the locked bathroom door.
“We’re gonna be late,” Lily added, tapping her thumb against her fingers again.
“It’s a bloody Hogsmeade trip, not my wedding,” Marlene replied, her voice slightly muffled by the wooden door.
“Brides are meant to be late to their weddings, though. If we don’t get there in time, there goes your birthday celebration,” Lily shrugged.
“That’s mean,” Marlene commented. Lily rolled her eyes. Why was it that, whenever she was simply stating a fact, people thought she was being “mean”? Maybe people just didn’t like reality thrown at their faces. Obliviousness was good. Ignorance, too. Everyone seemed to be an expert at that.
“Can you just hurry up?” Lily replied, staring desperately at her watch every two seconds. If it were up to her, they would be the first in line to get everything checked out before going to the village. Of course, it never was, was it?
“It’s my birthday,” Marlene said, “shouldn’t I get special treatment today?”
Both Mary and Lily shook their head, exasperated.
“Not if you don’t come out soon,” Mary replied, knocking repeatedly at the door as if that would somehow speed up the process.
“Just know that I am trying so hard not to make a gay joke right now,” Marlene said, her grin audible as she spoke.
“You know those stopped being funny around the thousandth time you did them, right?” Lily commented, rolling her eyes.
“No, they didn’t. It’s a classic!” Marlene insisted. “Plus, it’s my birthday, you can’t be mean to me,” she added.
Mary and Lily waited for about five more minutes until Marlene finally burst out of the bathroom, exclaiming “I am a lesbian,” as if it was the pinnacle of comedy.
Faced with death stares, she said, “What? You told me to come out,” she shrugged, “and it’s my birthday, so you’re legally required to laugh.”
“I don’t recall signing a contract of any kind, actually,” Mary replied.
“You are both terrible people. It’s my birthday!” she repeated once again, as if that would somehow give her everything in the world.
***
“Okay, so,” Mary was saying, chewing on a licorice wand, “we all know Marlene’s head over heels in love with Dorcas, despite what she’s got to say about it,” she added, giving her a look before she even thought about contradicting her, “but what about you, Lily? Surely, there must be someone you fancy.”
Lily was going to kill her. It wasn’t like that was the first time she’d asked this question. Normally, though, Lily would just say “no one” and, when that didn’t work, she’d just blurt out the name of the first guy who crossed her mind, one who wasn’t as close to her for Mary to try to push them together, but with whom she knew enough to make it seem believable. Now, however, Mary knew that was all a bunch of bullshit.
She obviously couldn’t say something like, “well, if you hadn’t noticed, I am quite helplessly in love with you, you idiot”, although she was very tempted to do so just to shut her up.
“No one, as of right now,” she settled for saying. Little white lies never hurt anybody, right?
“I don’t believe that for one second,” Mary insisted. “What about Pandora? You guys seem to be getting on so well,” she commented. Lily must have imagined the hint of bitterness in her tone.
“Pandora?” Lily exclaimed, genuinely surprised. It was one thing for Mary to not notice that Lily was pathetically obsessed with her, but Pandora? Where on earth did she get that idea from? “We’re just friends, nothing more,” she clarified.
“I mean, you can be “just friends”,” Mary said, making quotation marks with her fingers as they walked along the busy streets, “but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have a crush on her.”
“But I don’t.”
“You could, though,” Mary replied, “in fact, you might.”
“I think I would know whether I like her or not,” Lily countered, annoyed. Why couldn’t she just drop it?
“But didn’t you say, when we were talking about Marlene and Dorcas, that-”
“I know what I said, but I’m telling you, it’s not the case,” Lily declared sharply, feeling her brows furrow as her patience slipped out of her hands, becoming a wandering comet in the sky.
“How can you be so sure, though?” Mary pressed. Now Lily was really going to kill her. “Unless… Maybe you like someone else!” she said, as if she’d just made the discovery of the century.
Congratulations on guessing what everyone already knew, Mary! Hurrah for you!, Lily thought.
“Why do you even care?” Lily asked, irritated.
“Am I not allowed to be interested in your love life? I thought that’s what friends do, they talk!”
“Oh, do not even try to play the victim card right now, MacDonald. You wanna know what else friends do? Respect each other’s fucking boundaries!”
“Seriously? You’re-” Mary started, the volume of her voice rising. Let her be angry. That’s what she gets for snooping around for things Lily doesn’t want her to find.
“I would just like to swoop in here and remind you both that it’s my birthday, so you’re being really inconsiderate right now,” Marlene said, glaring at them.
“Sorry,” Lily muttered, looking at the floor. Marlene was right; she shouldn’t let her stupid feelings get in the way, specially not today.
***
Lily did not realise just how many people knew Marlene and wanted to wish her a happy birthday. It had been sweet the first few times but, after a while, Lily just wanted to sit at their table with her friends and not have anyone interrupt their conversations. Where did Marlene get all those friends from, anyway?
The next time someone came to congratulate Marlene, Lily wanted to rip all her hair off. The following one, she almost did. Obviously, she was happy they felt enough fondness for Marlene to go and wish her a happy birthday, but it was getting annoying.
And it certainly wasn’t helping that she’d just fought with Mary, so she was even more irritated than usual. They were both trying to ignore the other for Marlene’s sake, but it was becoming increasingly difficult.
Lily didn’t even know what Mary was expecting. It wasn’t like she talked much about her love life before, she never even brought up the topic, but she had a feeling Mary was somehow attributing that to the fact that Lily didn’t want anyone to know she was a lesbian (as if she knew it herself, for starters). Therefore, now that she was out, maybe Mary was expecting something. Lily couldn’t give that to her because it would imply Mary finding out that she was quite pathetically in love with her.
Of course, Mary didn’t know that, so she just kept pushing and pushing and, at this rate, she’d push Lily off the fucking cliff.
Lily mostly tried to ignore it. She couldn’t blame her, really, because she didn’t know. But she should just take the bloody hint soon and realise that Lily didn’t want to talk about this. It wasn’t about trust. In fact, she was doing this to preserve their friendship, although it seemed to be having an opposite effect. There was nothing Lily could do about that. Maybe that was selfish of her. Maybe she should be trying harder. Make up a lie, just to give Mary something. But she’d had enough of that.
“Hey, Lily, you alright?” James whispered to her, stepping lightly on her foot to gain her attention.
Lily just shrugged, feeling too drained to even lie about that.
“Well, we’re all going now, either way, so just stay behind with me. Talking might help,” James offered, because of course he would.
Lily thought about it. She trusted James not to spill her secrets. He was shit at lying, really, but he wouldn’t do anything to hurt her. Furthermore, maybe he could offer some useful insight. Maybe he could understand, or at least listen, if nothing else. It was worth a shot.
“Okay,” Lily agreed, pretending to tie her shoe as everyone else got up.
“Should we wait for you?” Remus asked, noticing they were still sitting down.
“It’s fine, you lot go, I’ll just wait for her, we’ll be right behind you,” James said, waving a hand dismissively. Remus nodded and muttered a quick goodbye before joining the others.
After they had all left the place, Lily and James started following from a distance. In silence. It was awkward, even though they had been friends for years. Lily just had that gift, to make silences thick and situations uncomfortable, even with her closest friends. Just great.
“So…” James prompted after a while. “What’s up?”
Usually, it was easy to talk to him, mainly because he did most of the talking. Lily liked people like that. There were no awkward silences because they always had something to say.
Now that she was the one meant to do the talking, though, it was different. Because it took Lily years to be able to have a real one-on-one conversation with someone. She’d done that with Mary, obviously. It was still a bit of a challenge, to her, but maybe less so now.
“If I tell you a secret,” Lily started bluntly, not even an introduction or anything, “will you swear not to tell anyone?”
“Yeah, of course,” James said, as if she didn’t even have to ask. But Lily always did. One could never be too sure.
“I mean it, James. Not even Sirius or anyone at all. Ever. Do you understand?” Lily pressed.
James nodded. “What is it?”
“I-” Lily started, feeling the words scrape her throat, reluctant to come out of her mouth. “I fancy Mary,” she declared, quickly and barely articulating.
“What?” James exclaimed surprised. He turned to look at her, stopping in the middle of the village.
“Don’t make me repeat it, James,” Lily practically pleaded, already feeling her cheeks heat up.
“You-” he said, baffled and bemused. “I- Mary?” he asked incredulously. “Like, our Mary? Mary M-”
“Shh, keep your voice down, Potter!” Lily scolded him, shoving him lightly.
“Right, yeah, sorry.” He apologised, still not quite believing it. “Since when?”
“Consciously? Since Christmas. Unconsciously? Well, at the very least since the start of this school year.” Lily stated. Might as well get it all out in the open.
“Okay…” James said thoughtfully. “Then, what’s the problem? Well, I mean-,”
“No, there is a problem. Ever since I told her that, well, that I’m a lesbian, she-” Lily started explaining, hoping that, with time, saying that would become easier.
“Wait, wait, wait, you’re a lesbian?” James, the poor guy, asked, looking even more lost. It was sort of amusing, actually. “I mean, not that there’s anything wrong with that, obviously, I just… didn’t know. Not that you had to tell me or anything, ‘cause you-” Honestly, the way he was trying to make it clear that he supported her made the whole situation much simpler.
“Yes, James, I’m a lesbian; keep up, that’s not even the point of the story,” Lily chuckled, rolling her eyes.
“Totally, yeah. So, what is the point?”
“As I was saying, ever since she found out I’m a lesbian, she keeps asking me questions about who I like or, you know, stuff like that. I guess that, because I never used to say much when she asked me before, she thought that might change now that she knows I fancy girls, but I very obviously cannot tell her about anything like that ‘cause it’s about her.” Lily complained, crossing her arms as they kept walking through the outskirts of town.
“Okay, err… Have you tried just telling her you don’t want to talk about this stuff?” James proposed, as if that had somehow escaped Lily’s consideration.
“Evidently, I have, but she just victimises herself and complains about the fact that I never tell her anything, even though that’s just not true.”
“Well, what about-” James started, trailing off mid-sentence distractedly. Or, well, distracted about Lily’s miseries, but really focused on something just to his right, a bit further ahead.
Curious, Lily turned to where he was looking. Rather predictably, Regulus and his lot were there, apparently bickering among each other.
Honestly, she couldn’t even blame James for losing his train of thought. Even she could appreciate that Regulus was normally attractive, and even more so with the muggle clothes he was wearing that day. She found it endearing, really, the way James’ whole world just stopped spinning whenever Regulus was around.
“Hey, James?” Lily started, trying to get even a fraction of his attention back for a second.
“Mhm, what? What’s up?” He asked, quite blatantly not paying much attention at all.
“James.” Lily insisted, harsher this time.
“Yeah, sorry. I’m listening, I just… got a bit distracted, sorry,” he said sheepishly, scratching his neck. His eyes were darting between Lily and Regulus, as if he was trying to show he was listening while keeping an eye on him. At least he was trying, Lily thought with an exasperated smile.
“So, you like Regulus, right?” she asked, even though it was more than obvious. That was just the introduction to the question itself. She never understood why people did it, why they didn’t just state a fact and then go for the question but, when in Rome…
“Obviously,” James replied, using this as an excuse to stare at him uninterruptedly for a few seconds.
“Right. And I suppose you don’t want Sirius finding out just yet?”
“Well, no,” he said after a while. “I mean, I’d rather he found out when I can actually do something about it. It’s no use telling him if it won’t even go anywhere, isn’t it?”
“I guess… So, you think you’ve got no chance with him?”
“Absolutely not,” James answered, looking downright appalled. “I’m telling you, Lily: before I graduate, he and I will definitely have something going on, at the very least.”
“Right, just like you were convinced we were gonna get married when you were like, what, twelve years old?” Lily teased, even though she knew James was probably right. Because Regulus might actually like him, even right now, whereas James never had a chance with Lily, even if he didn’t know it.
“Shut up,” James said light-heartedly. “It’s different this time. I can feel it.” He assured her.
“Okay, I believe you. That wasn’t even what I wanted to talk about, really. My point is, you don’t tell Sirius you fancy his little brother because you don’t want him to know right now. So, how do you do it? Like, when he asks you about these things, what do you do?” she wondered.
“Honestly, I’ve got no fucking idea. I feel like one day I’m just gonna slip up and tell him,” he confessed. “I basically just tell him I’m not interested in anyone at the moment.”
“And he believes you?” Lily questioned.
“No idea. I mean, I suppose he’s got no reason not to,” he shrugged.
“Right,” Lily said, thinking about his answer. That was Lily’s strategy, too, but why didn’t it seem to be working with Mary the way it was with Sirius?
He’s got no reason not to. But Lily had been lying to Mary for years about who she liked, about what she liked, so maybe that’s why she was a bit wary of her lies now. Still, it unnerved Lily to no end. She didn’t want to hide the truth from her, but how could she not?
If James slipped up, the worst that could happen would be that he and Sirius had a bit of a fight and then go back to normal. If Lily were to slip up, however, her entire friendship with Mary would be ruined.
***
“I can’t believe we have to go to one of these stupid parties again.” Dorcas complained, searching their suitcase to find something appropriate to wear to the event. The invite just said: “wear something colourful. No black allowed”. Dorcas would rather die.
She finally decided on her darkest pair of gray trousers and a dark green satin shirt. Green’s a colour, alright?
“I like it. I could never find the occasion to wear these,” Pandora said, showing off her rainbow fringy pants. Dorcas would sooner hang herself tying them around her neck than wear them, but they were right up Pandora’s alley, and she certainly made them look less ridiculous.
“I wonder why,” Regulus said dryly, clearly struggling just as much as Dorcas to find something to fit the theme.
When Dorcas came out of the bathroom after putting on her outfit, Regulus looked them up and down and said what was possibly the most out-of-character thing he’d ever said.
“Okay, I’m only going to say this once and will deny this ever happened, but I’ve got almost the exact same clothes with the colours switched, so, do you wanna match?” he asked, sounding almost ashamed.
“Oh, absolutely,” Dorcas answered once they had finally been able to stop laughing long enough to form a coherent word.
“Don’t make me have to obliviate you, Meadowes,” Regulus warned, but it was just so hard to take him seriously when he had just come up with the idea to coordinate their clothes.
Dorcas pretended to shut her mouth with a zip, still chuckling under their breath.
“Well, now I just feel left out,” Pandora complained jokingly, straightening (or failing to straighten) her daisy crown. She reminded Dorcas of a hippie, but in a fun way.
***
“Wait, Dorcas, switch places with me,” Pandora demanded before they crossed the threshold and entered the gathering.
“Why?” they arched an eyebrow suspiciously.
“‘Cause we’re uneven!” Pandora said, as if Dorcas was crazy for not finding that a problem. “You guys are wearing the same colours, you can’t be side-to-side. It doesn’t look balanced.”
Rolling her eyes, Dorcas placed herself on Pandora’s other side so that she stood in the middle. Admittedly, it did look a lot better, but Dorcas would never say that out loud.
As soon as they stepped foot inside, Dorcas felt as though they were going to puke confetti. There was colour everywhere, each combination more tacky than the previous one. Red and purple, orange and blue, pink and yellow… Everything fashion magazines advised you against.
Dorcas thought Slughorn had a bit more class than that, but apparently not. Especially considering his outfit. Dorcas couldn’t even bear to look at it for fear of her retinae melting from the brightness of it.
He greeted them and directed them to a long table, just like last time. On this occasion, too, they each had preassigned seats. The three of them were sitting together (Pandora was delighted to find that she was actually in the middle of them both).
Since the seating arrangements hadn’t changed much for them, Dorcas assumed they would stay pretty much the same, meaning they’d have Sirius and McKinnon in front again.
It would be different this time, with Regulus and Sirius having solved their issues (well, as much as they could, at least). Dorcas didn’t quite mind him anymore; they even found him occasionally amusing.
Marlene, however, was an entirely different story. Their respective friends got along with each other, sure, but they certainly didn’t. It was basically just habit at that point, but Dorcas just couldn’t stop. She didn’t even want to, really.
Some people needed everyone to like them. Some people wanted to be left alone. And some people, like Dorcas, needed rivals to thrive. Dorcas had enough friends as it was, she didn’t need any more. She was perfectly fine not liking Marlene, thank you very much.
So, no, they weren’t really looking forward to having to stand her for hours during what was meant to be a fun evening, but at least it meant getting to annoy her in return, if anything.
Still, it was a shame that Regulus now tolerated McKinnon, at the very least. That made things less fun, but Dorcas would manage.
As if their thoughts had somehow invoked her, Marlene, closely followed by Sirius, approached the table.
“Hey, Regulus, Pandora, I love your outfits,” she said, pointedly ignoring Dorcas, who rolled their eyes. “Meadowes, don’t you know how to fucking read? I don’t see you sticking to the theme much,” she commented.
“You know that insult has no base at all when Regulus and I are wearing the exact same thing, right?” Dorcas replied, glaring at her.
“What are you talking about? They’re completely different,” she answered, faking a gasp.
“Sure they are,” Dorcas said patronizingly. “What about you? Did you get hijacked by a flock of birds on the way here?” They counterattacked, gesturing at the bright purple boa Marlene was wearing around her neck.
“Ha, ha,” Marlene responded flatly, pulling her chair out to sit right in front of Dorcas.
Sirius settled down, too, shooting an amused stare at Regulus as if to say, “what are these two doing?”. Dorcas didn’t appreciate the thought, but it was nice to see them get along, at least.
***
Dorcas was bored. It was to be expected, really. What did Slughorn expect a bunch of teenagers to do in such an environment? He liked to think of himself as someone “cool” and in touch with current tendencies but, really, he was just a pretentious old man with the desire to be popular in Hogwarts this time around, because it was obvious to Dorcas that that hadn’t been the case when he was a student.
All that to say, they were bored. She wished she’d brought a book with them, at the very least. Something to distract her from the utterly ridiculous conversation Marlene and Sirius were having right in front of them.
“I’m telling you, they are,” Marlene was saying for the thousandth time.
“Listen, Marlene, as much as I would like it to be true, realistically, it’s not very likely,” Sirius replied.
They’d been going at it for a while. After a bit, they stopped offering new information altogether and just kept repeating their previous points, reaching an endless cycle of pointless debating.
“But not impossible. And I saw how they were looking at each other last time I went to the hospital wing. Colleagues don’t look at each other like that,” she argued (not for the first time, obviously; how unthinkable it was to innovate).
“You’re just making it up,” Sirius retorted, “you want it to be true, so you’re convincing yourself that there’s something there.”
“Are you gaslighting me right now, Sirius?”
“Am I what?” Sirius asked, confused.
“Gaslighting. I read it in a muggle psychology book once,” she declared. Then, faced with incredulous stares: “it was in Lily’s bed, so I picked it up and read it one day. I was bored,” she explained. “You know, I don’t appreciate the fact that you’re all so sceptical to accept the fact that I can read academic stuff for fun,” she said light-heartedly.
“Well, whatever that means, I’m not doing it,” Sirius proclaimed, crossing his arms.
“I know what I saw,” Marlene insisted, crossing her arms, too. Ridiculous, the both of them.
“What are we talking about?” Pandora, who had been talking with some Ravenclaws from her year, asked, sitting back down.
“Well, Marlene here, who has got absolutely no grasp on reality, as it turns out (and that’s coming from me), thinks that McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey are in a secret relationship,” Sirius explained, barely managing to stop himself from cracking up.
“I didn’t say secret. It’s just private. We know nothing about our professors’ love life either way, it’s not just them. And they’re totally dating.”
“Maybe in your mind, they are,” Sirius said.
“Shut up,” Marlene replied, rolling her eyes.
“I can see that, actually,” Pandora said, not surprising Dorcas in the slightest. Of course Pandora would agree with that. She’d agree with anything, basically.
Dorcas was staying quiet, just watching the conversation evolve but, really, she could see it, too. Obviously, though, they wouldn’t intervene on Marlene’s behalf.
“Thank you,” Marlene exclaimed, looking pointedly at Sirius, who just shook his head.
“You’re both delusional,” he stated simply. “Reggie, you agree with me, right?”
Regulus arched an eyebrow. “I mean… It’s really not that far-fetched, if you stop and think about it.”
Sirius gasped dramatically. “Et tu, Brute?”
“You can’t argue with facts, Sirius; face it,” Marlene smiled at him.
“Speculation, you mean,” he corrected.
“You know, I’m starting to think you’ve got a problem with these kinds of things. It all sounds very homophobic to me,” Marlene joked, squinting at Sirius.
“I literally have a boyfriend,” Sirius replied.
“Right…” Marlene said, “and is that ‘boyfriend’ in the room with us right now?” she asked, making air quotes around the word “boyfriend”, holding in her laughter.
“I’m gonna punch you in the face, McKinnon,” Sirius complained.
“You’re not beating the allegations this way, Black,” Marlene chuckled, sticking her tongue out at him.
“I hate you.”
“What’s that? You hate lesbians? How dare you?!” Marlene giggled. Dorcas fought the smile threatening to take form on her face. In no universe would she ever laugh at one of McKinnon’s terrible jokes.
In the end, Sirius just sighed and shut up to prevent any more of that.
“Alright, you know what? Let’s vote,” he said after a while, clearly not accepting his defeat.
“Seriously?” Marlene said, grimacing as she realised her mistake.
“Precisely. Couldn’t do it any other way,” Sirius grinned, earring a collective groan from everyone in their little group.
“Overused,” Regulus said simply, shaking his head disapprovingly at Sirius.
“Shut up, Reg. Yes, Marlene, we are going to settle this with a vote,” Sirius said.
“Alright. I vote ‘yes’.” Marlene proclaimed. “Sirius, you are obviously suffering from some kind of concussion that stops you from thinking clearly, so you vote ‘no’. Pandora?” she said, ignoring Sirius’ middle finger as she turned to look at Pandora.
“I vote ‘yes’, too.”
“Reggie?”
“I’ll vote ‘yes’ if you never call me that again, McKinnon,” Regulus responded.
“Deal,” Marlene smiled. “Meadowes?”
Dorcas looked up from her plate (not that she was paying much attention to it, but they had to pretend they weren’t invested in their little argument), surprised to find someone addressing her. Even more, it was Marlene.
Dorcas was used to being an observer, being on the outside looking in. They didn’t mind that. They were used to it, so she was a bit bemused to find that they were making her a part of the conversation.
“Oh, I think they are a hundred per cent dating.”
“Yes!” Marlene grinned, immediately starting to gloat to Sirius. Dorcas looked down again, this time focusing on their hands.
Why were they suddenly shaking? They’d barely spoken, but this sometimes happened. She got anxious, not really knowing why, and then her hands started shaking, her feet bouncing under the table. Their heart rate accelerated. They hadn’t embarrassed herself. They hadn’t done anything stupid. There was absolutely no reason for her to feel that way.
She put her hands on their lap, trying to hide them from prying eyes. They didn’t need people asking her questions. She was fine. It just happened sometimes. They’d had the same conversation countless times with people who she couldn’t care less about. Someone who they’d never talked to in their life, suddenly so interested in her and her wellbeing. They hated it.
She blinked. One, two, three; they blinked again. And she kept doing it, in intervals of three seconds, until they no longer felt like they were going to faint at any given moment.
When she was a bit calmer, they felt someone observing her. Marlene in front of her, eyeing them curiously (and trying her best not to make it noticeable), and Regulus two seats next to her, frowning.
Clearing his throat, he stood up and came over to where Dorcas was.
Without a word, he held a hand out for them to take. Holding it, Dorcas left her seat and followed Regulus outside the room.
“Is it bad?” he asked. He’d stopped asking if she was okay when being met with a death stare because it was clear that they weren’t.
“Not really,” Dorcas answered, “I just wasn’t expecting it to happen. It’s alright, I promise.”
“Okay,” Regulus nodded slowly, resting his back against a wall. He stayed silent for a while, letting her calm down a bit more. And then: “So, are you and Marlene ever going to get your shit together and-”
“Oh, don’t start, Reg. For the last time, there is, and will never be, anything between us,” Dorcas declared, crossing her arms.
“You never know,” Regulus shrugged.
“I do.” Dorcas retorted. “I don’t get why everyone is so obsessed with us being an item or something. It doesn’t make any sense!” they complained.
“Well, if the shoe fits…” he responded, smirking. Dorcas glared at him. “Hey, I’m just saying, have you considered the fact that there might be some truth to it, if everyone but you two sees it?”
“No, because it’s completely ridiculous and unfounded.”
“Is it, though?” Regulus pressed, but Dorcas wasn’t budging.
“Yes.” Dorcas insisted. They truly didn’t understand the reasoning behind it. In what way were the two of them hinting at anything other than hate?
“Alright, what about someone else, then?” he asked.
“Seriously? Since when do we talk about this stuff?” Dorcas arched an eyebrow, mildly amused.
“I just thought that, if not Marlene, maybe it’s someone else you fancy,” Regulus explained.
“Well, it’s not. But, since you’re so chatty now, let’s talk about you, Reggie,” Dorcas counterattacked.
“What about me?” Regulus wondered, faking innocence.
“Exactly. What about you, Regulus? Anyone you’re interested in?” Dorcas asked, smiling, satisfied, when he started blushing. “Perhaps a certain James Potter has caught your eye?” she continued, really trying to push his buttons. Two can play at this game, they thought.
“Shut up,” Regulus muttered.
“That’s not a no, which tells me everything I need to know,” Dorcas grinned widely. It was finally her turn.
“Well, I mean… I’m not sure, really, but… Merlin, this is so embarrassing. Never tell anyone about this. Ever,” he threatened. “Maybe I like him a little bit. Maybe.”
“You have a crush!” Dorcas gasped, smiling so hard their muscled ached. “Oh, this is so exciting.”
“It’s humiliating,” Regulus corrected.
“How shameful, now we know you have feelings.” Dorcas joked, rolling her eyes.
“I have feelings,” he defended himself. “Anger, hate…” he listed off, “all very valid emotions, if you ask me.”
“Whatever. You have a crush, and I am never going to let you live this down,” Dorcas declared.
“I’ll remember this when you finally confess to me your feelings for Marlene, Meadowes.” Regulus hissed angrily, still adorably red.
“That will literally never happen,” Dorcas replied. “Anyway, back to you, what are you going to do about it?” they wondered.
“What do you mean?” Regulus asked, confused.
“Well, about Potter. What are you going to do?” Dorcas repeated, expecting his answer.
“Nothing,” Regulus declared.
“What?” Dorcas exclaimed. That was absolutely unacceptable. “C’mon, Reggie, he totally likes you back. You have to do something,” she urged him.
“I don’t have to do anything, nor will I do it. Seriously, it’s as if you don’t even know me, Cas.”
“Okay, fair, but still. You can’t just do nothing when you know that, if you did, something would definitely come out of it. That’s just stupid.”
“He likes the idea of me, if anything. Not who I really am. He wouldn’t like that.”
“I can’t believe I’m the one saying this, but you’ve got to be more optimistic, Reg. Honestly, I think you could break both his legs and he’d still end up thanking you. He looks at you like you’re Adonis himself.”
“He doesn’t,” Regulus denied.
“He does. You’re just too busy doing the exact same thing to notice,” Dorcas chuckled.
“Shut up, I am not,” he exclaimed, recoiling as if the very idea made him want to throw up.
“Oh, really?” Dorcas challenged. “You’re acting awfully defensive for someone who just literally confessed to fancying him. It’s a bit contradicting, isn’t it?”
“Shut up. You’re a horrible friend.”
“Right back at you,” Dorcas replied.