Chapter 12
Lily got to the infirmary, still carrying her school bag on her shoulder. She didn’t even bother to stop by her dormitory when her classes ended that Friday, choosing instead to practically run there.
After a bit of arguing with Sirius, she’d managed to convince him to rest a bit and let Lily go to see Remus after the full moon. He wasn’t all that pleased about it, insisting that, as Remus’ boyfriend, he had to be there for him, but Lily wasn’t taking no for an answer.
She’d found out about Remus somewhere in third year. Lily had noticed he was tired and worn out for a few days each month. She didn’t want to jump to conclusions, and there were more than a few hypotheses in her head, but the answer became more and more obvious as time passed.
She would have come to the conclusion that Remus was a werewolf much quicker if it hadn’t been as obvious. Because, really, how much more on the nose could it possibly be? Remus Lupin, a werewolf. You would think his parents had seen it coming, with that name. And it wasn’t like his friends did anything to disprove any of it, with the nickname Moony. For a few months, Lily thought she must be making it all up because of a few coincidences that were influencing her mind.
However, Lily finally confronted Remus when she was as sure as one could be that she knew the truth. They had talked a bit about it, then. Lily asked questions, and Remus answered some of them. From that moment on, their bond had become stronger.
Even though it was Lily who found out, Remus trusted her enough to not panic when she told him she knew, and he did everything he could to help her understand. Lily, in turn, searched endlessly for any information that could be helpful to Remus, to make his transformations easier. One time, she even tried making wolfsbane, presenting a vial to Remus, who told her Madam Pomfrey already had a lifetime supply for him. She didn’t give up, though.
Once she had read every book Hogwarts had to offer that talked about werewolves (none of them, Lily noted, were written by actual werewolves, a fact that she complained about to Remus on more than one occasion, because they almost always portrayed them as dark creatures, wild animals, dangerous and evil half-breeds, which made it clear that the authors hadn’t even put in the effort to talk to and try to understand a person who suffered from this condition), she didn’t really gather much information she didn’t already know.
One thing she did find, though, was that werewolves almost never attacked animals. In fact, they even tamed the wolf a bit. As soon as she found that out (and corroborated it with two other books), she gifted Remus a rabbit, and told him to try and sneak it into the shack during the next full moon.
Unfortunately, bunnies weren’t very keen on werewolves, as it turned out, and it ran away as soon as the transformation started. Lily thought she should try a smarter animal, but cats turned out to be more of the same. Apparently, being smart meant running away from a possible threat. Who would’ve thought?
It wasn’t until they all worked together (Lily, Sirius, James, and Peter) that they found the perfect solution.
Well, maybe perfect was a bit of an overstatement. It was dangerous and illegal, which meant it was just up the boys’ alley, but Lily wasn’t all that excited about possibly dying or going to jail. The others didn’t have a problem with that, apparently, but Lily thought she should at least ensure that they didn’t accidentally poison themselves while trying to become animagi, so she helped them as much as she could throughout the process.
She’d thought about actually becoming an animaga to help Remus, but Remus was a very private person, much like Lily herself, and he probably wouldn’t want so many people seeing him at his worst.
Even though she and Remus were best friends, Lily knew there were some things that he needed to do with just his mates; Peter, James, and Sirius, and that was okay. Lily didn’t need any more. Plus, she was always one to abide by the rules (board games and such were not included in this statement), and becoming an unregistered, underage animagus wasn’t really government-approved, so to speak.
Still, she helped the three of them complete all the steps they had to follow, and she was there the first time they ever transformed. It took them a while to master it but, by fifth year, the stag, the rat, and the dog helped Remus through the full moons.
Remus had thanked them all hundreds of times after their first successful night and, even though he was still tired and worn-out after the full, it was nowhere near as bad as it had been. Madam Pomfrey still insisted he stay the next day to get some proper sleep, but she’d certainly noticed something had changed, Lily was sure.
So, when she got to the infirmary, bringing Remus his notes and the assigned homework, she was already expecting to find Remus with his eyes closed, feigning sleep for Pomfrey’s sake.
“Good evening, Madam Pomfrey.” Lily greeted, smiling at the woman.
“Here to see Remus, aren’t you?” She asked from where she was standing, rearranging her many bottles of pills and potions.
“Yes,” Lily nodded, “I’m here to bring him his work.” She said, though that was honestly not Lily’s priority at the moment.
“Alright, then, go on.” Pomfrey urged her, her head pointing to a bed with the curtains drawn, supposedly where Remus was.
When Lily drew the bed hangings back, the boy winced, covering his eyes with the back of his arm.
“So bloody loud.” He complained, groaning as he sat up.
“The sunlight?” Lily frowned, amused.
“Yes.” Remus replied, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Of course the sunlight was loud.
“Don’t you mean bright?”
“No.” Remus said simply, ruffling his dishevelled hair. He was still tired, that bit was evident, but he tried his best to put on a smile for Lily nonetheless. Granted, it looked more like a grimace from her point of view, but she could tell his intentions were good. Leave it to Remus to pretend he’s okay for the sake of his friends, when he was the one that just got all his bones realigned, and not in the good way.
Lily thought they were the same in that sense, much like James, too. They put others’ needs on top of their own, trying their best to hide what they were feeling to not worry others. To not be a burden, even though, when it was their friends that needed help, they never hesitated to give it to them, and they never thought badly about them.
Realistically, Lily knew she should hold herself to the same standard, but that was easier said than done. To her, it felt like she’d always been second to Petunia and her wishes, so it certainly couldn’t be any different at Hogwarts, right?
Her parents, even if unintentionally, had made her feel like she had to be the best to get their attention and care. Petunia was the first child. Petunia was the popular one. Petunia was the one with a respectable boyfriend (Lily didn’t quite agree with that statement, but it was what her parents had said). Petunia always knew what to say. Petunia was always polite. Petunia always filled the awkward silences Lily had caused with a funny remark, bringing everything back to normal. Petunia was perfect, to her and Lily’s parents.
Lily was the smart one. The awkward one. The witch. The weirdo. Sure, maybe her parents hadn’t exactly said it, and they always acted proud of her when she came home, but it was clear that they wanted nothing to do with her and Petunia’s feud which, to Lily, meant that they were on her sister’s side. Against her.
They only saw what they wanted to with Petunia. When Petunia passed all her subjects (barely, might Lily add, whereas her grades had been outstanding), their parents clapped and bought her the most expensive jewellery Lily had ever seen. When Petunia tripped Lily down the stairs, called her a freak and a psycho, their parents were suddenly nowhere to be found, too busy making dinner, or reading a book with the TV on, or talking to the neighbours.
Of course, her parents also congratulated her on her school performance, and they gave her presents and smiled at her, but when Petunia was there, making Lily’s life absolutely miserable, they both turned a blind eye. A “childish grudge”, they had called it, and declared they would take no part in it. To them, it was fair. To Lily, it was compliance. Who knew what Petunia thought about it, but as the spoiled brat Lily saw her as, she certainly wouldn’t be too happy about them not actively agreeing with her, even if what they were doing was as close as it was ever going to get.
Lily also thought she was being unfair, sometimes. How would she have reacted, had it been Petunia who received the letter, and not her? She had no way of knowing, really, but she wanted to think she would have acted better about it. Been bitter in private, if anything.
Except that maybe she wouldn’t. One part of her thought she would’ve been the same, if not worse, if she hadn’t been able to go to Hogwarts. Maybe she would blame it on Petunia.
Was she not a good person? Did she resent Petunia for doing exactly as Lily would have done? Was she secretly (even from herself) happy her sister wasn’t a witch? That she could finally be special in some way? Lily would go down that rabbit hole another day. For now, all she had to do was comfort her best friend, be there for him.
“You okay, Lily?” Remus asked, looking worriedly at her.
“Remus, you’re quite literally in a hospital bed right now; are you sure you’re meant to be the one to ask that question?” Lily retorted, rolling her eyes. She didn’t need to worry Remus about her inner pondering. Especially not the day after a full moon.
“Leave me alone.” Remus groaned, taking the bunch of papers Lily had brought him from her hands, flipping through their assignments and notes of the day.
“Never.” Lily smiled, taking a seat next to Remus’ bed. “You’re stuck with me now, Lupin.”
Remus shook his head fondly, finally leaving the stack of papers on the little bedside table to his right.
“So,” he said, looking at her inquisitively, “what’s been going on with you?” Remus asked.
“Me?” Lily frowned. “Nothing much, really.” She shrugged.
In all honesty, she and Remus hadn’t had much time to catch up since the holidays, with all their schoolwork, plus Sirius was turning out to be quite possessive ever since he and Remus started dating. Still, Lily considered her life hadn’t really changed much.
Well, there was obviously the tiny little detail that she discovered she was a lesbian and quite in love with her best friend, but she wasn’t all that eager to talk about it, even if Remus would be, next to Marlene, the person who would understand her the most.
Except that Remus had his happy ending already. He got the boy. Lily would never be so lucky.
“You know,” Remus said, “I find that very hard to believe.” After not getting a response out of her, he continued: “I’m not blind, Lils.” He rolled his eyes. Did he… Did he know? Yes, Remus was quite observant (his past obliviousness over Sirius aside), but if he had noticed, who was to say Mary hadn’t?
What if she did know, and she was just being nice about it? Or maybe she was waiting for the right time to confront Lily about it, or-
“Seriously, Lily, it’s okay.” Remus reassured her, closing all the open drawers in her mind with his soft gaze, calming the wind that made all her thoughts fly around, putting them all back in their place.
“Just to be sure, though,” Lily started, fidgeting with her fingers, “what do you think you know?” She asked him.
“I think you can imagine.” Remus replied.
“I can imagine a million things, Remus. It doesn’t mean any of them are true, though.” Lily said. “You know I hate misunderstandings that could easily be avoided, so just tell me exactly what you know.” She demanded.
It was true. Whenever she read a novel where the characters encountered a problem that could be solved by a simple conversation, only her love for books and the money she spent on them prevented her from throwing the work across her room, but she was very tempted. Her life would have none of that if she could help it.
“Alright.” Remus nodded understandably, dropping his voice, so he wouldn’t be overheard. “I think you have a crush.” He said in a sing-song voice, grinning at her. “On Mary.” He added, barely a whisper, which Lily internally appreciated.
“Maybe…” Lily said, blushing against her will. The truth was, of course, that Remus was right as a clock. “Do you think anyone else knows?” She asked worriedly.
“I’d say Marlene is probably aware of it, but everyone else is pretty much clueless, trust me.” He smiled.
“I told her.” Lily said.
“Mary?”
“Of course not! Do I look like someone who would ever take that risk?” Lily said, feigning offence with a hand on her chest. “I told Marlene about it.”
“You told her before you even considered telling me?” Remus asked, pretending to be hurt by this revelation. “I’m your best friend.”
“Marlene is also my best friend.” Lily clarified.
“I thought that was Mary.” Remus frowned. “You know, ‘cause of the whole “falling in love with your best friend” thing, which is very much Remus Lupin behaviour, if you ask me.” He grinned.
“A person can have multiple best friends, John.” Lily rolled her eyes. She always used Remus’ middle name when she wanted to annoy him. “And who do you think you are, calling me a copycat?” She joked.
“I am the blueprint, Evans.” Remus stated. “And nobody is better than the original.” He teased, nudging Lily with his elbow.
“Yeah, well, it doesn’t even matter, really, because in a few months it’s gonna go away, and I won’t have to worry about it any more.”
“That sounds familiar. As someone who’s been there, Lily, I feel compelled to tell you that it’s not gonna happen.” Remus shook his head, mildly amused.
“Why are you happy about it?” Lily complained, shoving him playfully. “I’m miserable!”
“It’ll get better. I promise.” Remus said. “I mean, look at me now.” He smiled. That special smile he only showed when he was thinking about Sirius. Lily wondered if she did the same thing with Mary. Knowing herself, she probably did.
“But it’s different.” Lily insisted. She wouldn’t let herself get her hopes up, just to have a disastrous fall when they came tumbling down. “Anyone could see that Sirius was also head-over-heels in love with you.”
“Anyone?” Remus questioned, raising a brow.
“Well, obviously not you, you were too busy stressing about your so-called “unrequited” crush to notice it, but-” Lily stopped talking, noticing Remus’ expression.
“Do I even have to say it?” Remus smirked. Of course he’d be optimistic about it. Remus thought this was a Sirius/Remus situation, in which both parties were absolutely enamoured with one another, but too worried about their own feelings to notice that they were very much mutual. But Lily knew that wasn’t the case. Could never be the case, because Lily Evans never got what she wanted.
“I can guarantee that it’s not like that.” Lily crossed her arms. As much as she appreciated Remus thinking she could actually have a chance with Mary, she was smart enough to know that it wasn’t true.
“Well, I think you’re biassed.” Remus shot back, crossing his arms, too. “What does Marlene say about it?”
“It doesn’t matter.” Lily sighed. “I know that Mary would never be with me, and it’s pointless to even fantasise about anything different.”
“But me and Sirius-” Remus started, but Lily interrupted him.
“But we’re not you!” She practically shouted, desperate. “We’re not you and Sirius, okay? We’re our own persons, not just you in girl-version or whatever. We are our own people, and I’m telling you that it will not work.”
“Okay, okay. Sorry.” Remus said, raising his hands in surrender. “I’m just saying, maybe it’s not as hopeless as you may think.”
“Agree to disagree.” Lily said, eyebrows furrowed. She knew she was being unfair, and that Remus only wanted to help, but he didn’t understand. Sometimes Lily thought that, if she and Mary were boys, everything would be much more simple. The smallest of touches could be interpreted as a sign of affection, an affection that went past the line of friendship, and she could be a bit surer. But, because they were girls, society expected them to be close, to hold hands and hug each other, and it never meant anything more than that. She could understand why Remus might think that, because boys were barely allowed to touch one another without there being accusations of queerness, but it was different for them. She wouldn’t expect him to understand.
***
“So,” Lily asked a few hours later, still sitting on the chair beside Remus, their past “fight”, if it could even be called that, long forgotten; “you and Sirius, huh? How did that happen?”
“You were there.” Remus observed.
“Do you really think I cared about you two being idiots around each other, as usual, when Mary was right there?” Lily said, half-joking.
“That’s fair, actually.” Remus smiled. “But you remember we kissed when the clock struck twelve, right?”
“How could I forget?” Lily chuckled. “It was all anyone could talk about during the rest of the night.”
“Well, we then went to Sirius’ room,” Remus said, “to talk.” He added, seeing the way Lily was looking at him. “We just talked for a while, you know? We told each other how we felt, and we started dating. It’s really not that interesting.”
“I’m gonna excuse the complete lack of details ‘cause you’re still tired from the full moon, but you’re on thin ice.” Lily said, sticking her tongue out at Remus. “Did he kiss you first, or was it you?” Lily asked. As much as she told herself that she had no chance with Mary, she couldn’t stop her brain from thinking that maybe Mary could feel the same and, since she was much more outgoing than Lily, maybe she’d make the first move. Lily knew that was practically impossible, but human beings have the capacity of imagining, and sometimes it doesn’t quite play in their favour. Illusions hurt once they fade away. For Lily, it was better to expect the worst, and be surprised if something good happened; rather than expecting good things and ending up disappointed.
“I kissed him, actually.” Admittedly, that did surprise Lily a bit. Not because Remus wasn’t capable of being bold, because anyone who knew him was very aware of how wild Remus could really be, but because he’d spent so much time doing nothing about it. Plus, Sirius was much more impulsive.
“Why? Did you know he liked you, too?” Lily questioned. Definitely not to apply it to her own miserable love life. Of course not.
“Not a clue. I just looked at him, and thought “fuck it”. Sirius is my best friend and, if he hadn’t felt the same way, I’m sure he wouldn’t have stopped being my friend. Sure, maybe it would’ve been a bit awkward at first, but if you really matter to that person, then it’s gonna be okay.” Remus said. “I’m sure Mary would do the same, if you happened to tell her. Not because she’s like Sirius, but because she’s a good friend.” He said, and he sounded so convinced that Lily almost believed him for a second. “But, for what it’s worth, I totally think Mary likes you back, whether she knows it or not.”
“And I totally think you’re delusional for thinking that.” Lily smiled, rolling her eyes.
“Yeah, right.” Remus scoffed. “Remember when you continuously told me that you thought Sirius liked me, too, and I told you that was absolutely impossible? Now the roles are reversed, so I’m just gonna keep pestering you about it until you believe it.” He stated with a satisfied smile on his lips. The little shit.
“Merlin, it’s like you want me to hit you.” Lily joked, kicking Remus’ thigh lightly, which was no small feat, considering the height it was at in the bed. He retaliated by pinching Lily’s arm, which she’d carelessly left at his reach.
When Remus settled back onto the bed, Lily pinched her other arm to balance the feeling, trying to be as discreet as possible. It was better if people didn’t notice her need to have everything be exactly the same. She remembered when Petunia found out that, whenever she touched Lily’s left arm, Lily would immediately touch her own right arm until the pressure was the same, taking the time that had passed since the contact into consideration. Petunia had been bothering her during the rest of the day, laughing every time Lily did that.
Of course, she kept increasing the strength with which she did it, which made Lily increase it, too. Their parents didn’t notice until bruises were forming on Lily’s arms. Petunia didn’t really do much damage, though. It was always Lily. She miscalculated, did it too hard on one side, and then tried to balance it again, and again, and again, until it was just right.
With time, she’d managed to make it less obvious when she did it, and she forced herself to ignore the imbalance she felt when the pain was too great to try and recreate it on the opposite side. When she broke her wrist in second year, she kept trying to level the pain on her other hand without actually breaking it, until Madam Pomfrey noticed and scolded her thoroughly before engulfing her in a tight hug and making her gulp down a potion to make her arm numb.
When she was with people she didn’t know, she tried to resist it, but sometimes she just couldn’t. With her friends, she did it discreetly. She didn’t want to worry them. She didn’t want them to think she was a freak. She’d had enough of that at home.
Most of them had noticed at least once, but they always thought it was a very punctual thing. Except Mary.
Mary had confronted Lily at the start of their fourth year, telling her about all the times she’d seen Lily do that. She said she didn’t know what she could do to help, but that she would always be there for Lily when she needed her, or even when she didn’t.
A week later, she brought Lily a lifetime supply of a diluted potion that numbed the pain. Mary had brewed it herself, she told Lily, trying to minimise the effects so that they wouldn’t be a problem if Lily seriously injured herself and didn’t feel it under the influence of the draught. Mary had managed to reduce the consequences of the potion to last only a few minutes, enough for the pain of hitting her shoulder against a door or stubbing her toe to disappear.
Lily still kept them like a treasure under her bed. She didn’t use them all the time, though. As much as Mary had worked to lessen the effects, drinking a specific potion for too long could lead to very serious problems, so she didn’t want to abuse her supply. Especially because people would most certainly ask questions if they saw her drinking a potion at random times of the day. Still, some days she just wanted to ignore the pain, after she’d tried for a long time to equalise it, so she excused herself to her room and took a sip of the potion. Just for emergencies.
Sometimes, Lily wondered how she hadn’t fallen for Mary sooner, with everything she’d done for her, and all the good moments they’d spent together.
***
Pandora squeezed Dorcas’ arm, letting out a surprised gasp as she pointed her head to somewhere on her left.
She and Dorcas were walking through Hogwarts’ corridors that Sunday afternoon. Pandora was convinced she could find the Room of Requirement if she tried hard enough, and she managed to drag Dorcas along with her. They had only agreed because she really had nothing better to do, and a day with Pandora was always an eventful one.
Dorcas looked at what Pandora was so scandalised about, and released a chuckle as she saw Regulus, looking quite exasperated, talking to none other than James Potter, who looked like he might start drooling at any second. His eyes were practically heart-shaped by that point, and his eyes kept darting to Regulus’ lips as the boy talked.
“Pathetic.” Dorcas declared, shaking their head.
“I don’t know; I think it’s sort of sweet, actually.” Pandora said. Pandora always saw the best in people, and she always tried to make the most of the worst situations possible. “I think Regulus might like him already.” Pandora confessed in a whisper, fidgeting with the aventurine stone that hung from her necklace.
Dorcas agreed. If Regulus didn’t already fancy James, he would undoubtedly start to do so very soon, she was sure.
As they passed by them, Dorcas wolf-whistled, and Pandora immediately copied her, making Regulus roll his eyes and show them his middle finger.
“Are those wedding bells I’m hearing, Pandora?” Dorcas teased, sticking their tongue out to Regulus.
“I should think so, Dorcas. Love is very much in the air.” Pandora said, jumping on the “embarrass Regulus” train.
James was staring at the scene amused, and Regulus just crossed his arms and raised a brow, as if to ask, “are you finished yet?”
They weren’t.
“I mean, you two are already living together; I’d say a proposal is the logical next step to take, right?” Dorcas winked, making James cackle and Regulus blush furiously.
“Can I be the best man?” Pandora asked.
“I think I would also make a memorable best man, actually.” Dorcas added.
“None of you are men, which is quite literally the only requirement.” Regulus retorted, looking bored, though Dorcas could see he was a bit flustered.
“That’s sexist.” Pandora accused.
“It’s a gay wedding, Reg, I don’t think the best man’s gender would be the most revolutionary thing in it.” Dorcas commented. “I can be the best person. In all aspects.” Dorcas grinned.
“Well, if you’re quite done with your delusions…” Regulus said, clearly meaning for them to go. “We’ve got business to do.” He concluded.
“Mhm, business… Is that what they call “flirting” now?” Dorcas teased again, but nonetheless took Pandora’s wrist and left them alone.
“Pandora,” Dorcas started once they’d been walking aimlessly for a while, “what exactly do you know about the Room of Requirement?”
“It shows up when you require it. Somewhere in the castle. It can take many forms. It’s bloody cool!” She said. That wasn’t much at all, actually, so Dorcas had no idea how they would find it.
“But, how are we going to find it if we don’t need it?” Dorcas questioned. Pandora blinked.
“Erm… I don’t know, but it’s worth a try.” Pandora shrugged, never stopping.
“Right.” Dorcas frowned, but didn’t complain when Pandora took them along another long corridor, opening every door she encountered, which did lead to some awkward exchanges with couples who were hoping to get some alone time, but Pandora just shouted at them to learn a simple locking charm as she hurried away, dragging Dorcas with her.
***
“I’m tired.” Dorcas said. They’d roamed the castle in its entirety, and it was getting close to curfew, with the Room of Requirement nowhere to be found.
Pandora checked her watch, then murmured something under her breath and sighed. “Fine,” she said.
And so they walked. Pandora, as always, insisted on escorting Dorcas to the Slytherin common room before making her way to Ravenclaw Tower, even if it was much more impractical for her to take that route.
The corridors were basically deserted, just prefects patrolling here and there. The light was dim. The common room was more of the same. Dorcas wouldn’t even be surprised if a tumbleweed blew past. The only people in the room were Barty, Evan, and Regulus.
The first two were sprawled out on a sofa, limbs carelessly thrown across each other, while Regulus sat on the armchair in front of them, writing in a diary.
“Oh, hey.” Regulus said through a yawn, looking up at them with tired eyes.
“What, did Potter tire you out after we left, Reggie?” Dorcas teased, chuckling as he threw her a look.
“Aren’t you so exhausted from being exasperatedly insufferable all the time, Dorcas?” Regulus sighed, closing his notebook and shutting the ink pot.
“Not in the slightest.” Dorcas smiled, sitting on one of the armrests in Regulus’ chair. “What were you doing all this time?” They asked. “Apart from James, obviously.” She added, winking.
Regulus groaned, fake-shoving Dorcas from their seat. “We just hung out.” He said, referring to himself and the other two boys, still soundly asleep.
“Right, I forgot that your lives just go on pause when I’m not there to see them.” Dorcas joked, dropping their head on Regulus’ lap, which Pandora took as an invitation to do the same on his other side.
“Of course they do, Dorcas; of course they do.” Regulus shook his head, taking one of Dorcas’ hands and fidgeting with it.
***
Dorcas woke up at exactly twelve AM. Well, more like something woke them up, really. Just a few hours after going to sleep, Dorcas was rudely awakened by the sound of trumpets and party poppers going off.
As she opened their eyes, they saw confetti raining down on her, and six pairs of trumpets, levitating on either side of her, playing what seemed to be a rendition of a very off-key “Happy Birthday” song.
Her bedsheets had also suffered a transformation, going from their usual white to a bright mix of colours that, admittedly, made Dorcas’ eyes sting a bit.
They got out of bed, shaking confetti out of their clothes, and saw a huge banner in front of her. It read, “Happy Birthday Dorky! (meet us in the common room Right Now)”.
Dorcas followed their orders, even if it was just to get away from the loud music. How her roommates hadn’t been woken up, Dorcas had no idea.
Of course, their friends couldn’t even let her go down the stairs as usual because, as soon as her body was visible from downstairs, Barty set a foot on the very first step, making them all turn into a slide, which left Dorcas no choice but to use it to get down.
They were very tempted to just turn away and go back to her room, out of spite, but finally decided against it. In the end, it was actually kind of fun. Every time this happened, the common room was very crowded, and everyone wanted to go on the slide, which meant Dorcas never did, too overwhelmed by the mass of people to enjoy it. Now, though, in the dead of night, with the people they were closer to as the only company, she could finally have a go at it.
It was underwhelming, but her friends waiting at the end of it with smiles on their faces, trying (and failing) to hide their presents made it all better.
“What are you doing here?” Dorcas asked Pandora, who should be sleeping soundly in Ravenclaw Tower.
“Oh, well, you remember that person I’m talking to? Xenophilius?” Pandora started. Dorcas was too tired to even comment on how stupid that name sounded. They nodded. “Well, they’re a prefect, so they told me the password to the Slytherin dorms.” She explained.
“You just asked them for it?” Regulus said. “Aren’t you worried they’ll rat you out?”
“Of course not!” Pandora exclaimed, offended he would even suggest it. “Philly’s really nice. I like them.”
“Right, whatever; we’re here to congratulate Dorcas on being born, not to talk about Pandora’s love life.” Barty complained, crossing his arms.
“Exactly.” Evan agreed. “Happy birthday, Dorcas.” He smiled, and all the others followed suit, making Dorcas mumble several “thank you”s.
“Wait,” Dorcas said when all that was done, “how did you manage to put all the charms and everything in my room? Pandora was with me the whole time, and I’m fairly certain none of you even know my roommates’ names, so…” Dorcas mused. It made no sense that either of the boys (key-word here) had been able to get past the staircase and up to her room.
“Oh, yeah,” Evan started, “about that…”
Dorcas stared at him, confused. Regulus and Barty shared knowing glances. Pandora was honestly still in her own world, scraping off some residue nail polish on her nails.
“So, I’m sorry to steal your thunder and everything, Dorcas, but I am actually non-binary too, as it turns out.” Evan said, deadly serious.
“What?” Dorcas blinked. Obviously, they’d heard exactly what Evan had said, but it just didn’t compute in her mind. “Don’t fuck with me, Rosier.”
“I have absolutely no desire to.” Evan smirked, making them all groan and/or roll their eyes. Evan would always use an opportunity to make an asexual joke. “But I’m actually serious, you know? These two,” he said, pointing to Regulus and Barty, “had the idea of going into your room and doing all that annoying stuff to get you to come down, but every time they tried to, something stopped them. Reg even levitated Barty up the stairs, but he still couldn’t get in.” Evan explained, chuckling at the memory he was recounting. “I didn’t even want to try at first, because I didn’t quite fancy falling head-first on the floor because of a murderous ramp, but they literally just picked me up and placed me there.” He continued, gesturing with his hands. “And the stairs just held. I thought maybe it was just a mistake, so I kept going up, and nothing ever happened, so I just got on with the plan and set everything up.”
“Wait, so, let me get this straight;” Dorcas said, “you were able to get past a magical barrier that stops boys from crossing and just ignored it completely to go charm some trumpets?”
“Of course I did, Dorcas, keep up. I also charmed your roommates’ bed curtains to block out the sound while Pandora distracted you.” Evan confirmed, exasperated. “But anyway, I finished and went down the stairs again-”
“And when he got down, he said “well, I guess I’m actually not a boy, then” and went on with his day like usual.” Regulus finished, amused.
“So, what gender do you identify as now, Evan?” Pandora asked, her blue eyes looking right at him.
“Just non-binary, but I still use the same pronouns.” Evan clarified.
“Fan behaviour, honestly. And on my birthday, too.” Dorcas joked, but they reached out to hug Evan tightly. She knew how unnerving it felt to realise something like that about yourself, especially when you didn’t know how to handle it correctly, or what it meant exactly. Obviously, everyone’s experience was different, Dorcas knew that, but they wanted to make it easier for Evan in whichever way possible.
“Every time I think this friend group can’t get any queerer, you lot surprise me.” Barty shook his head, chuckling slightly.
“Right?” Pandora agreed. “Three trans people out of five, that’s like…”
“Sixty per cent.” Regulus finished for her. “Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m part of the majority for once,” he added, “how will my individuality complex recover from this?”
Dorcas rolled their eyes.
“Wait,” Barty said, “if I’m bi, does that mean I can date non-binary people, too?” He asked. It looked like he was actually concerned about what the answer would be, which made Dorcas chuckle silently.
“If you want to.” Regulus shrugged.
“Why do you care?” Evan asked, though not unkindly. Just bemused.
“I’m just curious.” Barty said, getting defensive all of a sudden. How could people be so oblivious, honestly?
“You weren’t curious about it when I came out.” Dorcas commented, just wanting to seed chaos there, and maybe even help those two figure their shit out, as a bonus.
Barty shot them a deadly look, to which Dorcas replied by sticking her tongue out.
***
“Open mine first!” Pandora demanded, shoving a red-wrapped cubic object into Dorcas’ hands.
“Okay, okay.” Dorcas said, sitting down on the sofa that looked towards the chimney, now extinguished.
They ripped the paper open, revealing a wooden box with carved twirls and spirals on it. At the top, on the far right, was Dorcas’ name, in Pandora’s undeniably lovely handwriting.
Dorcas opened it carefully, their nostrils taking in the characteristic smell of varnished wood. Inside, there were-
“Rocks!” Said Pandora excitedly. “Well, they were rocks. I picked them up and… Well, picked them up, get it?” She laughed. Indeed, inside the box, there were several guitar picks, all made out of stone. “Well, I just gave them their shape and enchanted them so that they make your guitar sound a certain way, depending on the one you use.” She explained. It was clear she’d spent a lot of time and effort on it and, truth be told, Dorcas loved it. Pandora could’ve just given them the rocks as she found them and Dorcas would be happy with them. “I was gonna have the alterations be a surprise, but Regulus said I should put it somewhere, so there’s a tiny inscription on each pick that tells you what they do.”
Dorcas hummed, picking the picks up (the pun was intended, but also unavoidable) and reading said labels. Some of them had actual music terms on them, or they made the guitar sound like a different instrument. There was one that just said “bubbles”, and one that said “green”. To Pandora, they made sense, but Dorcas was clueless about them.
Barty, Evan, and Regulus had all gotten together to give Dorcas a present.
“Seriously? I befriend the richest people in this entire school, and you can’t even give me a present each?” Dorcas joked, feigning offence.
“Just get on with it, Meadowes.” Barty said, handing them one of the two presents.
Despite its volume, it was pretty light, Dorcas observed. They ripped the paper apart once again. It was so neatly-wrapped that she almost felt bad about it. So it definitely wasn’t Barty who did it.
Dorcas let out a delighted gasp when they saw what it was: no less than 7 vinyls, all of them by the bands she always talked to their friends about. She thought they weren’t really listening, but this proved otherwise. They must have cost a fortune.
She opened their mouth to say thank you, but Regulus stopped her.
“Save it for when you get your other present, Cas.” He said, smiling. A second later, he reached for something that was out of Dorcas’ sight, groaning as he held it up.
“Wow, I wonder what that is.” Dorcas exclaimed sarcastically, glancing at the distinctively guitar-shaped gift in Regulus’ arms.
Indeed, when they opened it up, it was an acoustic guitar, dark green and glittery, with silver stars on the mast.
“I can’t believe you guys bought me a fucking guitar.” Dorcas said, her fingers running over its surface, still not quite sure that it wasn’t just an illusion. “Thank you.” They grinned, not taking her eyes away from the instrument.
“You know, I’m seeing a bit of a theme in all these presents.” Evan commented, gesturing at all the music-related things Dorcas had just gotten.
“You think?” Dorcas rolled their eyes, shaking her head.
“Oh, wait!” Pandora exclaimed, patting her pockets until she retrieved a small, slim, black jar and handing it to Dorcas. “Eyeliner. It bends to the user’s will.” She explained.
Dorcas immediately had to test it.
***
Dorcas’ day passed by swiftly. Even people they’d never talked to went out of their way to wish her a happy birthday. As much as she normally hated social interaction, they spent the day in a cloudy daze, waiting for the moment when she could finally put their guitar and picks to good use.
Even Mary MacDonald and her “friend”, Lily (why weren’t they dating already?), followed begrudgingly by Marlene, approached Dorcas to congratulate her.
Lily and Mary showed them kind smiles, while Marlene just stared at her shoes with a frown until Mary stepped on her foot, whispering something in her ear.
Marlene murmured something that Dorcas supposed must’ve been a “happy birthday”, but they weren’t sure. She then finally lifted her gaze, her eyes landing on Dorcas’ elaborate eyeliner, which framed their face.
She coughed sharply, looking away almost immediately. Dorcas suppressed a chuckle.
“You okay there, McKinnon?” Dorcas rolled her eyes, looking at Marlene, whose cheeks were getting redder by the second.
“Brilliant.” The girl responded with a fake smile. “But we have to go now.” She said forcefully, taking Mary’s arm and dragging her away.
Lily looked at Dorcas, amused, before waving and following her friends.
No birthday present could compare with Dorcas getting to personally embarrass Marlene, and in front of her friends, too.
***
“C’mon, Dorcas!” Regulus urged them, holding his arm out to help her up from the sofa she was sprawled out on.
“But I’m tired.” Dorcas complained. “Because someone woke me up at twelve.” They accused, glaring at all her friends.
“Dorcas, you literally just have to walk, like, five metres to the nearest window, you’re not gonna die.” Evan rolled his eyes.
“Fine.” She sighed. “I can’t believe you’re making me do things on my birthday.” They grumbled, taking Regulus’ hand and groaning as she stood up.
“Hurry up!” Pandora said, already sitting on the window ledge, looking at the night sky.
“Alright, alright.” Dorcas shook their head, stumbling towards her.
“You’re gonna love this.” Barty assured her.
They all gathered around the open window, the cold wind getting their hair out of their faces as they looked up at the stars.
“What are we supposed to be waiting for, exac-” Dorcas started, but was cut off by a loud bang.
“That.” Regulus grinned, pointing at the sky, where fireworks were going off incessantly. Different colours and shapes filled the dark blue canvas.
More people in the Slytherin common room were crowding over the apertures, trying to get a glimpse of the spectacle and, as much as they seemed to enjoy it, if their ooh’s and aah’s were anything to go by, Dorcas knew it was just for her, even before their name appeared up in the sky, with the number seventeen under it, sparkling for a few seconds before disappearing forever. How ephemeral had their beauty been, Dorcas thought. By the next day, they probably wouldn’t be able to recall all the details she was witnessing in real time and, in a few years, maybe she wouldn’t even remember that this happened at all.
How could something they were living every second of disappear from their own memory? How could she be there, in the moment, and then not remember the moment at all? Human minds were an unsolved mystery, and Dorcas considered herself no expert on the subject.
“Thank you.” She smiled at their friends. They’d probably said it more than necessary on that day, but it never quite seemed like enough. Words hardly ever were.
“Yeah, you better be grateful, Meadowes.” Regulus joked. “I actually had to speak with Potter to get all those fireworks while you and Pandora were being nuisances about it.” He rolled his eyes, arms crossed on top of his chest.
“Oh, is that what that was about?” Dorcas wondered, remembering how, just the day before, Regulus was apparently doing business with James. They’d just assumed he made that up on the spot to not reveal the fact that he was most likely developing a crush on Potter, but maybe it actually was the truth.
“Yes, Dorcas. Believe it or not, we weren’t actually proposing to one another.” He dead-panned.
“No!” They fake-gasped, clasping a hand to her mouth. “You mean to tell me your love story was a lie? I truly cannot believe it. I am absolutely baffled right now.” They said sarcastically.
“I hate you.” Regulus complained.
“It’s my birthday, you’re not allowed to say that.” Dorcas stated, matter-of-factly.
Regulus looked at his watch. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to wait two hours and twenty-six minutes to say that to you.” He declared.
And he did, just to prove his point.