The harsh winds that blew into the small dormitory made Remus Lupin tighten his blanket further around his scrawny shoulders and lick his lips. He buttoned up his jumper and dusted off the windowsill before perching himself up on it. He wasn’t going to act like he didn’t know what to expect from an early morn like this - heavy wind, thundering rain, because that wasn’t true. He was sat alone on the windowsill listening to the pattering rain with his head resting against the window with shaky hands and looking at the empty sky because he knew that tonight would be a full moon.
It was a constant reminder what an anomaly he was: a werewolf in the wizarding world, a half-breed, a monster. Something he knew he believed with his entire heart. His mother died and his father abandoned him. For what? His father may be roaming around with the thought in mind that his little boy, his pride and joy was a werewolf.
He felt around in his pockets for the packet that had been of familiar comfort to him during his fifth year summer back at his boys’ home as he fell in with the wrong crowd and helped them steal, rob and joyride expensive cars all of them knew they would never work for enough money to buy. A cigarette pack was slipped out of his pocket, and he revelled in the relief it gave him to see it.
He had tried them for the first time after a successful robbery they (him and four other boys) had accomplished down their local corner shop five minutes after closing. He was small: he knew that. Remus just didn’t think that anyone would want him on their team because of that fact. He could slip into small spaces unnoticed and that was all that was needed for him to be inducted into their clique.
So, in Remus went after breaking the glass door with his hands. All he needed to get his hands on was booze, cigarettes and money. Wasn’t too hard, right? It was easy to Remus, so he trudged out, decked in black steel-toed Doc Martens and handed them off to one of the other boys. They had invited him to a local field, wrapping their hands around his shoulders and escorting him, following the others, who had already dove into the multiple crates of beer and packets of cigarettes he had scored for them.
He had been offered one, and he wasn’t exactly going to turn down a request from his only friends at the home. After all, they were all the same and would lead the same lives. The minute they turned 18, they would be thrown out of the home onto the streets, trying to find some way to get money.
He picked at the black nail polish on his fingers, watching as it flaked off onto his pyjama bottoms. He fished a cigarette out of the packet and put it back into his pocket, grabbing his wand from his bedside table and lighting it quietly. He watched as the smoke mixed with the sunrise and he flicked ash out of the window. He tapped his foot to the rhythm of ‘Fame’ by David Bowie.
He continued to smoke for the next five minutes before his cigarette was nothing more than a small stub he threw out of the window before he fanned the room lazily with his hand. He knew James hated it. Some Gryffindor boys who were smoking in the Common Room had gotten an earful from him after he had traipsed downstairs.
He stepped off of the windowsill 0nto a large floor tile - the one that creaked - and groaned under his breath. He knew that Sirius was a light sleeper - always trying to hear who was awake and who was walking around at night. For that reason, Remus knew that Sirius would awaken.
“Moony?” Sirius muttered groggily, rubbing his eyes as he sat up on his bed. His eyes were squinted and his hair was in a messy bun. Remus nodded, lighting his wand up with a small whisper.
“Hey,” Remus whispered, tip-toeing to his bed and getting under the covers. As much as he yearned for his early morning smokes, it was getting chillier as the months neared December and the green leaves turned into red then fell off the branches. “Did I wake you?”
“Light sleeper, remember.” he winked sleepily, wrapping an arm around Remus. He went in for a peck, but paused. Sirius smelt the air and raised an eyebrow, not picking up on it before as a result of his fatigue. “Again, Remus? It stinks in here.”
“I’ll spray some deodorant around later, Padfoot. It’ll be fine.” Remus said, trying to snuggle further into his boyfriend’s arms to get rid of the goosebumps covering his arms.
“You know how much James dislikes it,” Sirius muttered into his ear as he kissed his neck. “Do you have another?” he turned to Remus and tilted his head curiously.
“Perhaps,” Remus replied vaguely. He breathed in deeply and asked, “why?” Sirius chuckled quietly, rubbing his eyes again. “Maybe I’d like to do something with my boyfriend every once in a while.” Sirius said, raising both his eyebrows playfully. “Come on, you aren’t that aversed to sharing, are you?”
“No,” Remus answered, already reaching into his pockets again to follow the set in stone routine he had reserved for the full moon nights. He got two out of the packet and handed one to Sirius. “See? I can share.”
“Incendio,” Remus muttered and his cigarette lit up. He swapped it with Sirius’, who had already taken a big breath out of his and had started coughing. Remus laughed, watching Sirius’ eyes fog up with tears. “It gets better after your first time.”
“This tastes disgusting,” Sirius said with squinted eyes as he wiped the tears off his cheeks. “How can you like it?” he raised an eyebrow questioningly. “It’s got a bitter taste to it.”
“I like it, I guess.” Remus trailed off awkwardly. They sat in a comfortable silence as they continued to smoke and stare at each other. Remus gave him a lofty grin as he opened the window as it turned five-thirty and was deemed light enough to. “Gets the smell out a bit, too.”
Sirius laughed, having got the hang of breathing it in. “James would have a fit if he saw me. He’d go right off to writing to Effie.” Remus chuckled as well. James was a total mother’s boy, and it showed. All the time. He was the mother’s hen of their group.
“She’d still let you back for Christmas, Pads,” Remus was quick to assure him. Sirius’ insecurity about his family situation was always quick to arise whenever the topic of conversations turned to holidays or parents. “She loves you more than James sometimes, I swear.”
“Yeah, right,” he huffed, the smoke drifting out of his mouth casually. He looked better with it than some of the professionals who had been doing it for years looked like, Remus thought.
“Come closer,” Remus said, leaning in to Sirius. “I want to try something.” Sirius leant in closely, as if they were going to kiss. “Ah,” he held a finger in front of his lips, and dragged the cigarette up to them.
He held the smoke in as he leaned in closer to Sirius and breathed out as the other boy leaned in closer. He watched as Sirius’ eyes widened and pupils dilated and inhaled the air between them. After this had taken place, Remus put a hand behind Sirius’ neck and pulled him closer, their lips touching sloppily.
Remus smiled against his face, Sirius’ breath warming his cheek. They both put their cigarettes out and tucked themselves back into Sirius’ bedsheet. Remus felt his eyes close as he wrapped an arm around Sirius, and he fell asleep.
“Yuck!” James Potter exclaimed, moving away dramatically with a hand over his mouth. “Wormtail! PDA!” he clutched onto Peter’s arm and pretended to faint. Peter caught him.
“This is NOT what I need to see upon my awakening!” James screamed, appalled. Remus and Sirius were sitting up at this point, rubbing their eyes. “And what is that smell?”
They shared a glance, and burst out laughing.