Jiao reaches across the bed and fishes an unwashed hoodie from the sea of laundry populating Iris’ bedroom floor. As she pulls it on, she hears Iris scoff from her position by the open window.
“You could at least put your own clothes back on.”
“Yours are warmer,” she says, freeing her hair from the confines of the thick yellow fabric to lay it across her shoulder. She had been growing it out after Iris had scolded her one too many times for trying to look like her. Again.
The moonlight across Iris’ face isn't bright enough to illuminate her eye roll, but by now, Jiao can sense them. She leans her head towards the screen and blows smoke out into the cold night air. Iris appears unbothered by the frigid climate. That, or she's trying to show off.
“Did you get those from your boyfriend?”
“He's not my boyfriend.”
Jiao hums at her nonanswer, resting her head against the wall as she watches Iris smoking, as she always seems to do after sex. She's often wondered why Iris had developed the impulse, but she knows she'll never get an answer more helpful than “because I just want to, okay?” or “what does it matter to you?” And though she doesn't care for the smell, she's gradually begun to associate it with Iris and the few moments of vulnerability she can eke out of her.
Weakness, Iris calls it.
Yet, she still stands naked by the window, one arm crossed over her body as the other holds the cigarette away from her face. It is not out of a desire to be covered, just comfort in the moment. It is, in fact, one of the few instances Iris is not self conscious about her body. She is plenty skinny, too skinny, Jiao thinks, but she continues to find ways to avoid eating. She is afraid of getting fat. The irony is not lost on Jiao that perhaps she is part of the reason Iris has developed such an avoidance to weight gain.
“I should go wash up,” Jiao thinks aloud as she rubs at her bruised shoulder, full of imprints of Iris’ teeth. She is always rough. Perhaps rougher than Jiao would have liked, but it is as close to kissing as Iris is willing to do.
“What? No. What if my mom is awake? She can't see you like this.”
“She's going to see me in the morning, isn't she?”
“No, she leaves for work early.”
There is no point explaining that she wakes up earlier than Iris anyway. Jiao glances at the chair Iris has used to lock her door, paranoid that her mother might catch them. She thinks the excessive lock is more suspicious than none at all, but she knows better than to argue with Iris.
Iris finishes her cigarette and tosses the butt out of a small gap in the screen before she shuts the window. She sits on the edge of her bed, staring at the pile of clothes in the corner as she ponders whether or not to get dressed yet. Jiao hopes she stays this way a while longer.
They are close enough she can feel the cold radiating from her skin. Jiao slips forward and slowly rests her head against her shoulder. Iris does not do well with sudden contact if she isn't anticipating it. Even so, she feels Iris tense for the briefest of moments as her cheek touches her bare skin. Jiao lightly runs her finger up and down Iris’ back to soothe her before hugging her around the waist.
“You feel cold.”
“I'm fine.”
She wonders what Iris is thinking about. Jiao closes her eyes and listens to her soft breathing and wishes they could stay like this forever. But soon enough, Iris is standing back up and throwing a pair of pajama bottoms at Jiao as she herself begins to dress. She says nothing as she flops back down onto the bed with her head on her pillow.
Jiao joins her at her side, resting her hand on the exposed bit of stomach Iris’ shirt doesn't quite cover.
“So, when are you going to tell your parents about us?”
“Jiao, there is no “us.” Iris seems to hesitate before she adds, “besides, my mom would stop letting you come over if she found anything out. She'd say you're a bad influence and a distraction and where did I go wrong and why would you let our family die out like this after everything we went through to get here and now you're refusing to have children.”
“Your mother likes me.”
“Yeah, because she thinks you're normal.” Iris says the last word with disdain as she turns to stare at her desk. It's easier than looking at Jiao. Iris often avoids looking at Jiao in the immediate aftermath of their “hookups” as she calls them. Jiao is used to being ignored.
“My mother knows.”
Iris sits up so quickly it makes Jiao recoil away from her. Iris has never hit her before, but it was always a possibility she was distantly aware of. No matter how often she pretends otherwise, Jiao is one of the few people who knows the kind of anger Iris carries inside of her. They never talk about specifics, but Jiao is not stupid.
Her reaction seems to embarrass Iris, who quickly looks away once more and mutters, “why the fuck would you tell her about me?”
“She…already knows you are my friend. You have been to my house before.”
“Jiao, that's not what I meant.”
“I did not tell her that you were my…girlfriend,” she feels herself flush at the word. It would be nice, she thinks, for that to be true. “I just told her that I did not like boys.”
“Yeah? And what'd she say?”
“She did not understand, but she says she wants me to be happy.”
Iris was clearly expecting a negative reaction, and now she can only fumble through a bitter, “well, good for you.”
“You are upset,” Jiao observes. “We can do it again if you like?”
Iris does not immediately reject the offer as she mulls over if it would help at all. Jiao leans closer to her expectantly but Iris shakes her head and waves her away. Neither are confident in why she rejected the offer, but Jiao lays back down facing the wall to give Iris what little space she can in her cramped bedroom.
The silence in the room hangs between them for a moment before Iris lays down behind her, uncharacteristically close. She is not the affectionate type, even during their sleepovers. Perhaps she is trying to apologize, or even she has a need for comfort from time to time.
“Why do you always want to hang out with me?”
Jiao does not hesitate. “Because you are my friend.”
“Still?”
“Mhm.”