yule ball
The class ended and we began packing up, annie put our textbooks in her bag and i quickly put the note fred sent me into my pocket. it was like a breath of fresh air knowing that i had a date for the ball, even if it was fred.
I whispered over to annie while moody set the assignment for the week, she was writing it down on her hand so she wouldn’t forget.
“i have something to tell you”
“now?”
i nodded “now”
“i want this in by tuesday and no excuses! especially you weasley”
“i’ll be locked up in my room writing away tonight professor, swear it”
moody just groaned and turned around, dismissing the rest of the class to our next lesson. We had charms next, and with all that had happened i had completely forgotten about the exam. shit.
we all filed out of the classroom, and me and annie began the walk to out next class. the students around us sent us smiles and waves which we sent back, most of them were also on their way to the exact same lesson
“so?”
“okay you can’t like, get excited or anything alright?”
“i can’t make too many promises but okay deal” she grinned and linked her arm with mine when two twins stood on either side of us, one of them with his arm round my shoulders.
i rolled my eyes and pushed it off, they had ruined my chance to tell annie that we were going to the ball together, i’d have to let her know later.
fred’s sleeves were rolled up and his tie wasn’t even done, just hanging round his neck, george’s uniform in a similar fashion.
“so” he grinned his devilish smile “big news, mary finally begged me to go to the dance with her”
annie’s mouth was wide open.
“hey!” i sent daggers into fred’s eyes, which were met with playfullness in his. he knew exactly what he was doing, and as my face heated up with embarrassment that only made him smile wider.
“that is NOT what happened” i reached up and pulled on a chunk of his hair which he groaned
quietly at before laughing.
“no need to be so violent” he said with a grin
“we’ll maybe if you stopped spreading lies about me, i wouldn’t have to” i turned to annie who was still ‘shocked’ at the news “as i was saying, fred asked ME to the ball, and i felt bad so i agreed to go with him” i shrugged, trying to be casual about it.
“hold on” annie held her hand up
“you two are going to the ball together?”
i nodded
“yeah and-“ fred started
“if you even think about finishing that sentence weasley i will take that tie from around your neck and strangle you with it” he put both his hands up as if to surrender and stayed silent, holding back a smile.
i turned back to annie and as soon as my eyes were off of him, fred had his arm back round my shoulders, which i kept there so i could explain to annie that we were just going as FRIENDS before she got too excited.
“yes we are going together, as friends” i gave her a look, telling her not to make any kind of comment.
“just friends?”
“just friends” i confirmed
george had been weirdly silent, i had only looked at him for a second due to being preoccupied with his infuriating twin, but his eyes seemed far away, on something else. or someone. He suddenly was back in the conversation though, piping in.
“ouch freddie, sounds like your date wants to be just friends”
his arm that wasn’t around my shoulders clutched his chest and his face looked pained. he winced “really? and i had a ring and everything planning to propose tomorrow night i’m heartbroken”
“shutup weasley, i’m already sorry i agreed to this” i retorted
“‘im already sorry i agreed to this’ i think we found the title to your sex tape mary” he joked.
i stopped walking and grabbed both ends of his tie, pulling him down so our faces were so close our noses were almost touching. “i’m serious about this tie ending up around your neck” i glared “and how do you plan to propose to a girl who’s name you dont even know?” he did know my name, but it has been so long since i heard it it was like he just called me mary bevause he’d forgotten my actual name and couldn’t be bothered to ask.
“oh really bella? go ahead” he smirked like he knew that i wouldn’t do it, which sort of threw me a bit. i thought i wouldn’t let him get this one however my face was saying otherwise, cheeks blushing red while my grip stayed strong. standing still i struggled to think of a response.
“trust me i will” that was all i could say, he’s eyes stared into mine and it made my mind fog up, i couldn’t think of anything smart.
His eyes looked down at my shirt and he looked worried “i think there’s something on your collar bella” there it was again, my full name which he was clearly just saying to prove a point. i quickly looked down at my collar, fred weasley was a damn good actor because as soon as my eyes were on my clean white collar the back of his hand slapped my chin, and my loosened grip on his tie means he pulled away laughing.
I groaned when he had hit me and rolled my eyes while he laughed “you’re such a prick weasley!”
“and you fall for it every single time mary” his head was back laughing and i just turned and started walking to catch up with annie and george, who had gone on without us.
i honestly couldnt believe i was going to the ball with that childish idiot. and walking to charms that morning i had no idea what i was getting into.
a day later, myself, annie and angelina were getting ready for the ball in our room. the other girls were getting ready in a different friend of theirs room, so it was only the three of us.
Angelina had ended up going with george, and even though she insisted it was only friendly we both knew there was something going on.
Angelina was sitting in a stool in front of me with her eyes closed gently while i did her makeup. she had asked me to do something subtle to match with her dress, so i was brushing a deep purple shade over her eyelids.
“so ange, how do you think george will react when he sees you?”
she thought for a second and then smiled like she was picturing it in her head.
“i dont know..he wants to meet in the courtyard before the ball starts”
“what!?” i took the brush off her eyes and they fluttered open “why did i not know this already?”
“it never came up! i dont know bella, we’re just friends”
“you know i dont believe you”
“well i will never stop trying to convince
you” i rolled my eyes and quickly put some blush on her face before standing back to look at my artwork.
“done! you look gorgeous”
she looked in the mirror and loved it, thanking me, before going to put her dress on. Annie on the other hand had been doing her own makeup in the bathroom and just came out to do her hair in the main mirror.
“ange there’s no way you too are just friends, dont think i didnt notice both of you coming into breakfast together the other morning”
she tried to divert the conversation, and it worked “how about we talk about bella and fred going together instead hm? we all know that’s not normal”
“hey! he just asked me because neither of us had dates yet, no ulterior motives”
“one day youre gonna give that act up bells” annie chimed in.
i rolled my eyes and got into the shower, i was excited too go to the ball with fred really, although id never admit it to to either of them.
once i got out i sat at the mirror and did my makeup, i wanted it to match my dress, which was midnight blue and had a slight shimmer all over. it fit my body and hugged all my curves, it was perfect. my mum had worn the dress to her own prom so gifted it to me when she saw it on the list of things i needed at the beginning of the year. i wanted for just this one night, for me and fred to forget whatever we fought about and for me to walk down those steps and him be speechless. But i should have known how stupid that idea was, how very very stupid.
The night before i had put my hair into tight curlers, so that evening annie was pulling them out and unraveling the tight ringlets in my hair. Angelina had gone into our walk in closet to put in her dress and was still in there, so i just sat still while annie did my hair.
She started to pull the curls up into a high pony with a few loose strands to frame my face, and add some small gems all over my hair.
“do you think tonight will be alright?” i dont know what i was doubting, but i was.
“of course, are you worried about fred?”
“something always happens with him you know?”
she knew now that it wasn’t the time to make jokes about how much she wanted us to get together or whatever else, that’s why she was such a perfect friend. she always knew.
“it’ll be fine” she sent me a smile that reassured me more than anything else “how couldn’t it be when you look like this” she had finished my hair and was looking at me through the mirror, with my makeup and hair done, i truly believed i looked beautiful.
she moved over to get our dresses down “fred is gonna whisk you away dancing and for one night you’re going to forget how much you hate him”
angelina came out in her dress in that moment “annie’s right, if i know anything its that most of the time fred knows how to be a gentleman”
she looked incredible, her dress was almost made for her it looked so good
“angelina-“ i stared at her, but before i could finish she interrupted me, grabbing her purse and moving to her heels
“dont speak bel! i have to go now, im supposed to be meeting george 10 minutes ago” she was in a rush but we could tell she knew what we were thinking as she ran out the door.
after the door slammed, my best friend turned to me “okay! put on your dress!” annie handed me the hanger holding my gown and she held hers firmly.
annie’s dress was similar to mine, but a deep maroon red and it went out at the waist a bit more. i watched her twirl to show off the back which was a criss cross lace that tied in a bow at the bottom.
“i wouldn’t be surprised if freddie got on one knee and proposed to you tonight, you look unreal”
“dont say that!!” she ran and hugged me. we stayed there fir a moment hugging in our ball dresses, content.
“even if he doesn’t propose he might faint from your beauty”
“shutup bel, you know i cant wait to see the look on fred’s face when you walk down those steps, pure shock and surprise because he just remembered that he’s like really really in love with you”
“you’re ridiculous, i can predict for you what he’ll say”
“go on then”
i did my best attempt at imitating fred “wow mary, but you know what i think you’d look better in red. also i forgot your corsage sorry i guess”
“terrible impression but very believable dialogue” she nodded. “or maybe he’ll actually call you by your real name tonight”
“as if” i rolled my eyes “he’d never give it up”
“swear his been calling you that since third year” she laughed, putting in jewlery
“ugh i cannot talk about fred anymore, do you think there will be good food down there?”
“is that even a question? i’m starving” and we finished getting ready talking about how amazing the food was at this school it almost hurts to go home for the summer and eat peanut butter and jam sandwiches that i made by hand.
we both put on our heels after gushing in our dresses, makeup and hair done to perfection, annie’s hair was slicked back in a half up half down, with two small plaits down in front of her face. she wore these small dangly vivienne westwood earrings and had pearls round her neck.
I wore simiar earrings that hung down but my necklace was a thin silver chain that had the cursive words “love” delicately written. i never took it off. I kept my glasses on for the night, i should have gotten contacts really, but i was so much more comfortable wearing them. Also, in the back of my mind i thought i might give fred something to tease me about.
———————————————————————-
we walked down the stairs to see freddie standing at the bottom wearing a tux, a corsage resting in his hands while he looked up at annie. for him she was the only girl there.
the moment felt like slow motion, she walked down the stairs and he watched every single step, not taking his eyes off of her for a single second. i wanted to whisper over to her that i was right, he really might faint, but i couldn’t ruin that moment. instead i looked, i looked for the flash of red hair i knew so well.
leaving freddie and annie to themselves i went off looking for him, the dance was so close to starting, but we had a few minutes while it was just the champions.
by the door cedric was standing, stella at his arm, greeting people. his smile was contagious, everyone around him was beaming. he had a black bowtie and his hair just looked perfect, on his arm, stella was wearing a light blue dress that fell to the floor at and looking like silk precisely placed in her skin. slowly coming up from the bottom of the dress were small butterflies that seemed to move, coming off and on the dress but never flying too far away. she looked line an angel, i thought to myself it was no wonder he picked her.
i locked eyes with cedric across the room, hoping to see even a flash of regret in his face, but it was blank, he showed nothing. and then he was shaking someone’s hand and stella was giggling like he had just said the funniest thing ever.
i choked back the tears brimming in my eyes and went to find fred. i would have fun with him, and forget about of this, cedric would see that i didnt like him, i wanted him to think i never did.
looking around, i ended up finding george who had his arm linked with angelina and was whispering something in her ear.
“hey george”
“hey bella” he did a double take and smiled, he didnt call me mary when he really wanted to be genuine “you look amazing, fred’s a lucky man” he winked
hesitating, i responded “about that, have you seen fred anywhere? i cant find him”
George paused to think and then started up again “i think he said he’d be 5 minutes late” the champions had begun lining up to dance, my perfect start to the yule ball was slipping away. george sensed the worry in my face “i wouldn’t worry, come in with us” while we walked he whispered in my ear “he’ll be here i promise”
angelina gave me a reassuring look from his arm and i nodded, i trusted them.
But then the dance started, and he still wasn’t here. couples started joining, and he still wasn’t here. Even the teachers had dates, but i stood alone and watched. I wrapped my arms around my waist, the teachers had made sure that everyone had a date, even paired up the kids who didnt get one just to make sure everyone could have a first dance. i guess they didnt predict this, but who would be surprised?
standing alone on the sidelines there was no one to offer me a pity dance, but it felt so awkward standing there. Merlin i’ve never felt so humiliated, stranded on the sidelines.
i would have danced with somebody, anybody, but there was no one, so i took myself to the punch bowl and poured a cup. annie looked sympathetic from where her head rested on freddie’s shoulder, but i couldnt ruin her fun. i sent her a reassuring smile to tell her i was okay, that he’d be here, that there were more dances.
Annie came over to me with freddie after the first dance ended, i was sitting at the table with a drink in my hand, and another slow song began to play.
He reached his hand out towards me
“may i take this dance bella?” i smiled softly, it was obvious annie had asked him to ask me but i would play along until fred arrived, until i didnt look like the only one without a date. i took freddie’s hand and we danced together slowly, looking over at annie she knew she had nothing to worry about.
freddie leaned down towards me “hes probably accidently turned himself into an owl or something”
i scoffed “probably” and we danced in silence for the rest of the song.
the minutes went by, one by one, until it had been an hour and he still wasn’t there. i tried to have fun, and that was easy when george asked me to dance, or a random guy i hardly knew, but it wasn’t the same as having a date. i know i shouldn’t have been so upset that fred weasley hadn’t turned up yet, we were only going as friends anyway, but still i missed the ball i had imagined.
Sitting at the round tables looking up at the enchanted ceiling, i ended up in a conversation with some durmstrang students.
“did you put your name in the goblet?” i asked the girl sitting next to me, her dress was a similar shade of red to annie’s, but it had a deep v neckline and from the waist down it was all toole, that sort of puffed up in her seat.
“i didn’t want to but we all had to, and i knew viktor was going to be picked anyway” she rolled her eyes at the mention of viktor
“you don’t like him?”
“his ego is so big it pains us all, i mean look at that” she pointed towards hermione granger and viktor krim dancing together “i heard- she’s 14, he asked a child to the yule ball”
admittedly i did think it was fucked up that he had asked out hermione, she was only a fourth year.
“I’m pretty sure he picked her because she’s one of the girls who wasn’t chasing after him”
The girl next to me simply scoffed “the world cup got to his head and it’s embarrassing”
pausing, i wasn’t really sure what to say next “so um, what music do you like?” was all i could think of.
“gosh i don’t listen to much music, i have a weird sisters poster in my dorm though, so it’s cool that they’re here” not having the largest knowledge of wizarding world music meant i just nodded. it was so awkward, and all anyone seemed to be talking about was dates and boys. Mine wasn’t even here.
a while later a ravenclaw i recognised approached us and asked the girl next to me to dance. i hadn’t quite caught her name but it didn’t matter because she placed down her cup and left to dance.
staying seated, i thought back to my dances of the night. so far i only had that one slow dance with freddie at the start, but your first slow dance being with your best friends boyfriend isn’t exactly how you imagine it, especially when you know she asked him to do it.
two hours in i was in the exact same place, and george came to sit next to me.
“where’s ange?”
he sighed, they had just been jumping about “she went to the bathroom”
i nodded, not really sure what to say.
“having fun?” he hesitated in his answer, i didnt mean for it but clearly there was disdain in my voice, jealousy.
“i promise he said he’d be five minutes, i wasn’t lying about that”
i smiled softly at him, he didnt need to feel bad about what his twin was doing, but looking at his face i could tell he felt guilty.
“i know. its not the same without a date though” i continued
“especially when the guy you were waiting to ask you can see you’ve been stood up.” i took a sip from my cup.
george winced when i said it “thats not gotta be easy”
“right!?” i laughed slightly, it was nice to complain.
“i mean its great being here with all of you, but i think i’ll take the corsage and slow dancing with someone who actually asked me”
“definitely the better option” he grinned.
We sat there until angelina came back and they ended up back on the dance floor. I was tired really, mad, but my eyes kept looking at the door waiting for him. you know how they say a watched pot never boils? well they’re not wrong, because all that time i was watching the door, he didnt walk through it.
After a while i went outside to the courtyard, it was snowing gently and i just walked alone for a while, looking up at the stars and watching my cold breath in the air. my dress sparkled particularly well in the moonlight and in that moment i thought it was a shame that nobody was there to see it, even though most of the time i took comfort in being alone.
the wind was low and i walked with my arms round my waist, taking in the beauty of the school. the music was muffled but i could hear it while i walked. i didnt think about the dance or fred or cedric, i just walked silently, watching the snow fall.
When i went back inside i decided to stop sulking and just enjoy myself, whether or not he’d show up. so thats exactly what i did, i danced and danced in my heels and even when they ached I kept dancing.
Annie and I took a break to drink, while people jumped on beat to music on the dance floor, i could hardly hear her.
“fuck fred!” she shouted iver to me while taking a sip, it had been 3.5 hours by now, i had wasted two and a half of those waiting for him and the other hour and a half trying to forget about it. but i never forgot, i kept glancing at the door, just in case.
“yeah, fuck him!” i agreed and we went back out to dance.
Once or twice, i made eye contact with cedric, and he had a smirk on his face like he knew he had won, and i realised he probably thought i was making it all up, going with fred. i mean i wasnt, until i was, until i wasnt. I felt pathetic in his eyes, being stood up to the yule ball by fred weasley was as humiliating at it got, and i felt it. the stares from the younger years, the ones from even people i knew, the stares that were saying how embarrassing that this girl got all dressed up and he isn’t even here. he couldn’t even be bothered.
4 hours in i was sitting at one of the tables with my head resting on my elbow, i was exhausted, upset and honestly i had given up. Annie came and sat down next to me, she was just as tired.
I just started talking, when i was anxious it just spilled out, always did.
“i said to him dont be late you know?”
“what?”
“when he asked me, i told him, dont be late”
she scoffed and muttered ‘prick’ under her breath.
“ironic right? i said dont be late and he doesn’t even bother to show up? why the fuck did i even try then? why am i wearing this stupid dress? why-“
She placed her hand on my back, it was bare because of the low cut dress, and i flinched slightly from the coolness of her hand.
“one more dance?” she knew that once i started i wouldn’t stop, and we could just have one dance and then i could go and fall asleep in my bed, and be mad at fred tomorrow.
I nodded “one more dance”
Annie pulled me up and we ran to the dance floor, it was still full, most people would leave in the next hour or two but at this point it was pretty busy. They would only play one or two upbeat songs before playing a ballad on repeat for the rest of the night to try and get people to leave.
We screamed the lyrics to “say it ain’t so ” by weezer, pretty sure someone had give. the band a muggle playlist to play. we held each other’s shoulders while singing. my feet felt like they might fall off but i didnt care, i was so happy just being there. Knowing all the lyrics from screaming it in the car on the way back to my house at the start of the summer made it perfect for us. That was, perfect until fred weasley walked through the doors.
if i had been looking, i would have noticed how good he looked. He wore a suit with a dark blue tie that matched my dress perfectly, and his hair was just the right amount of messy and styled. A corsage box was firmly in both of his hands while he walked forward, his eyes searching.
My hair had come slightly loose throughout the night, more curls had come out and some mascara had smudged under my eyes, not from crying but just from the time that had passed. Sometime through the night my glasses had come off, and even though things were blurry, at least i didnt have to keep pushing them up while i danced.
At this point i had given up all notion of the idea that fred would even bother to show up at all, which is why i was so shocked to see him standing at the corner of the dance floor, staring right at me.
i took still and tapped annie on her shoulder “i’ll be right back”
“why what’s wrong- oh” she saw the direction my eyes were looking to and nodded, sending me a reassuring smile.
i walked to the edge of the floor and stood in front of him, even with heels he towered over me. “nice of you to show up” staring blankly at him, i had unraveled throughout the night and here he was looking like nothing had happened, that regular mischief in his eyes.
“you know me, fashionably late” i didnt smile.
“look, i know, but listen to me, i had to get this” he handed me the box “and it was only supposed to take a few minutes but the dickhead tried to completely bullshit me”
i opened the box and sitting gently in front of me was was a a corsage, but it didnt hold just any flower.
“he bullshitted you so bad it took four hours to get? i think you’re the one taking the piss fred weasley”
he kept speaking, ignoring me “its not exactly easy when the girl you ask to the ball had picked practically the rarest flower in the world to be her favourite”
i looked up at him, a curl falling in front of my eyes. i wanted to just forget about it, he had gotten me a flower i never thought i’d ven see, and spent hours trying to get it. but i couldn’t, i wouldn’t just forgive him.
“thanks, but i think im good” i handed the box back to him and walked away to the table with the punch bowl, i couldn’t possible drink anymore or id be sick, i had spent so much of the night drinking it in attempt to pass the time.
he followed me, scoffing “what do you mean youre good?”
“i mean, this is sweet, thank you, but i would have loved it four hours ago”
“youre kidding” he looked surprised, why did he look surprised?
“as shocking as it may be fred, im not” i didnt want it to be a thing, i wanted to go back to my room and have a shower mostly, but i couldn’t help it.
He stayed silent
“why did you even bother? why are you here?”
“because i asked you to the ball, are you really that upset that im a few hours late?” why was he acting like i was an idiot?
“yes! yes i am upset! you come here hours late, you don’t even say sorry, you just give me a fucking flower and expect me to move on. and you’re not just a few hours late, the ball is basically finished!”
“well i dont know what you want me to say, i lost track of time-“
“then buy a bloody watch!”
“merlin you’re so dramatic mary” that damn nickname, who did he think he was?
i couldnt help but shout even louder then. i had put it right in front of his face and he was clueless
“my first dance was with my best friends boyfriend fred! did you know that!? no, you didnt, because you weren’t here.”
he rolled his eyes and groaned, like HE was the one who got to be upset.
“something wrong? no really, share with me what YOURE so upset about”
“fine i will” he stepped closer to me “dont act like youre fucking serious about caring whether or not i was you first dance, you dont give a single fuck”
“you’re unserious right now”
“no im not actually, we all knew you didnt even want to go with me, so dont play it like you actually care”
“you dont know shit about me fred weasley! you are such a selfish bastard its unbelievable. i did-“
he interrupted me in the middle of my sentence “im the selfish bastard? i was gone, getting something for you and you do what you do everytime” people started to crowd around us, the music going silent while we shouted at each other, i heard somebody whisper that i was girl who was alone all night, and annie stood with her arm on freddie, watching.
“i do what i always do? tell me what is it that i ‘always’ do fred?!”
“this, you have no self control, we could have had this conversation alone! but instead you’re having a go at me in front of everyone. And i have spent HOURS arguing with some git about a gift for you and i get back and my own date can’t even say thank you!”
“thank you really, for this useless flower that i can’t even wear! and don’t you dare give me that when i don’t think i’ve ever heard an apology leave your mouth!”
“well i-“
“merlin you dont think of anyone but yourself do you? did you even take a second to think about how I was the one getting stood up? did you think ‘oh i’ve been here for a while maybe bella is waiting for me’, how i was humiliated when i thought the guy who asked me couldn’t be bothered to show up!? i spend hours getting ready and when you FINALLY manage to show up you dont even give me a second glance”
“that’s what you care about, whether or not i think you look good in a ball gown!? you want me to confess my undying love of some bullshit the moment i see you!?”
i couldnt hold it in then, what the hell was he saying? that i only cared about how i looked. had he even been listening?
“i wanted you to tell me i look beautiful! i wanted you to tell me that when i walked down the stairs hours ago, because that’s how it should be!” it was silent, i didn’t know what he would say, i didn’t know what i would say, but i did know that i had started crying.
“you know what, i did want to go with you, i was excited, thinking we’d have fun, that for one night i could enjoy myself. but how stupid right? how selfish of me.” i was wiping my tears but it was too late, my mascara had run down my face and ruined my makeup, i looked like a mess “you really fucking ruined everuthing fred”
he didnt say anything but his face was hard, he didnt show any regret or guilt. the box that held the corsage was clearly disfigured from how hard he’d been gripping it.
“well if we’re done here, im going to go before i embarrass myself anymore” i began to take of my heels, holding them in one hand i started walking away. it felt so good to take them off, even better to be able to walk away from him.
before i left i snatched the corsage out of his hand “i think i’ll take my bloody flower, since it was for me anyways” taking it in the other hand to my heels, i walked away. It was hard not to look behind me, but i just took each step, the cold stone under my bare feet making me shiver. why did i take off my heels again?
“you know i was thinking” he started loudly, catching everyone’s attention. i stopped walking.
“how did such a bitch get into hufflepuff hm?”
i tried to keep walking. i tried to just ignore him. if people had seen my face they would see the tears that were streaming down, the ones i couldn’t hold in.
“huh mary!?” he really emphasised that name. that bloody name i hadn’t heard the end of, the one that followed me around.
he watched as i turned around and walked right back up to him, paused, and then slapped him across the face. he groaned when my hand hit his cheek, and it was glowing red when he looked back into my eyes, but his hand never went the comfort it. the sound rung out and echoed in the room.
“tell me fred, how did such a pussy end up in gryffindor?” his jaw tightened at that but i just turned and walked away, i knew all those eyes were on me but i didnt want to run, and fred didnt say anything more.
soon as the doors closed behind me i felt my chest heave and i was sobbing, my hand over my eyes, it was so humiliating. this whole night seemed to be the definition of that word. while i sobbed i slowly walked to the stairs and collapsed on the bottom step, the sound of my cry’s echoing in the hall. it was so stupid, sitting here crying in my prom dress over a guy that wasn’t even my boyfriend, but did people really think i was that much of a bitch? that i didnt deserve a place in hufflepuff?
i stayed there for a while, crying. nobody followed me, the hall was empty. everyone had seen me beg a boy to call me beautiful, how pathetic. i began to pull out my earrings and wipe my cheeks before i heard the doors close, and suddenly i wasn’t alone anymore.
cedric stood in front of me with his hands in his pockets, i looked up at his blank face while he looked down at me, my dress wasn’t puffy to surround me but it fell down the steps like a pool of water.
“trouble in paradise?” he said, obviously mocking me, but his voice sounded completely flat.
“fuck off cedric” my voice was delicate, broken.
“i’m sorry, it’s not the time i know”
“what do you want?”
he paused and his eyes were sympathetic, gentle even. It was so different to what i saw in them an hour ago. And suddenly i was back in the library listening to the cure, trying not to stare at him.
“i thought you deserved the dance you wanted..with someone other than your best friends boyfriend?”
“you heard that bit did you?” i laughed at myself
“i don’t know anybody that didn’t” he let out a sort of awkward laugh. I sighed and looked up at the boy in front of me, knowing it wouldn’t last, that this moment would be here and then it would be gone, a blip in time. i didn’t have the energy to be mad at him anymore, and clearly neither did he.
through the doors “kiss me” by sixpence none the richer began to play and he reached his hand out for me to take, not saying a word.
it took a moment but then my hand was in his, and i was standing barefoot on the stone floors with my arms round his neck swaying slowly.
Oh, kiss me, beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies
dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me
it was almost silent except for the sound of the music and the winter wind that blew gently outside. I could feel cedric’s heartbeat through his shirt, it was slow and steady, stable. His hands resting on my hips and my head was leaning on his shoulder. suddenly the pain in my feet was forgotten as we stood there.
after a while i spoke “did you have fun tonight?” my voice was low.
cedric stopped for a moment, thinking over his answer ”it’s hard to have fun when the girl you really want to be there with is spending her whole night waiting for another guy to show up” he didn’t look at me, i didn’t look at him, we just kept swaying to the music.
“oh”
“yeah”
i smiled to myself, he couldn’t see it and we didn’t say anything else but it was nice to know, that sometimes i could be the girl you kissed because you actually like her. And it made it just that little bit better
we danced for the rest of that song, silently and slowly and just before it finished annie came bursting through the doors, she was shouting something to somebody on the other side, so she didn’t see the position me and cedric were in.
“and you tell him, george tell him if he comes anywhere near her i’ll be spending my life in azkaban for the shit i’ll do to him okay? okay!?”
he pulled apart from me and looked into my eyes for a second before kissing me on the cheek and walking up the stairs, the moment was over without even a goodbye.
“he’s your twin! you fucking speak to him! you ask him what the fuck his problem is!” i stood there in the middle of the stone floor and annie turned around the door slamming behind her.
“i’m sorry bells, i tried to get you, but freddie said he thought you needed a moment”
i moved to get my heels from the steps
“it’s okay, i’ve had enough moments”
she smiled and linked arms with me while we walked upstairs together. We walked to our room and i was finally happy to be able to have a shower and get undressed.
once we arrived to the room i sat in the chair by our seat. from the bathroom annie brought in things to remove my makeup for me.
“what happened after i left?” i said after a while.
she spoke while wiping my face with the damp cotton pads, my eyes were closed
“mcgonagall dragged him away to her office so fast i couldn’t even get a second, he was such a mess it’s funny”
“what do you think she’ll do?”
she thought for a second “endless detention with snape i hope, he tries to hide it but it’s obvious snape scares the shit out of him” i laughed, at least he was getting some kind of punishment that wasn’t a slap to the face.
“okay so i know you might say no to this, but i personally think you should say yes”
“what is it?” sighing, she had finished removing my makeup so i looked up at her.
“there’s a ball after party and i think we should go”
i tried to interrupt her to say no but she kept speaking
“and before you say no, i told george to keep fred away from you so if he isn’t ashamed to show up, which he should be, he won’t even look in your direction. and you can show up looking hot, and get so pissed you forget why you’re even mad”
“hmmm”
“please please bells you’ll have the best time i promise!”
“you’ll get me so drunk i can’t even walk back to the room?”
“i will literally hand feed you each shot”
i though for a second, i’d spent the whole night waiting to get back into bed and now was i really going to go to a party?
“fine” yes. yes i was.
———————
annie got me all dressed up for the party, i wasn’t sure what to wear so i just listened to her excellent judgement. i wore a miniskirt that was so short i probably wouldn’t have even been able to get round a broom. On the top i wore a blue and white thin striped strapless top. the bottom of the shirt reached the top of the skirt, but my midriff would be exposed if i raised my arms. She hardly did anything to my hair except take it out of its style and let the curls fall to my shoulders, and she redid my makeup.
I wore some wedge heels that matched the blue in my top and we headed to the gryffindor common room where the party took place. She had one arm around my shoulder while we walked.
“okay but tell me why i want fred to be here just to see you look so good and feel like shit”
“kinda same”
“and can i just say, that slap?!” i laughed when she mentioned it
“i’m telling you calling a man a pussy is like the sexiest thing ever, like really just destroy his ego”
“i wouldn’t call fred weasley a man”
“oh merlin no, he’s practically a toddler”
we laughed and i felt lighter as we walked through the doors to the gryffindor common room, a few people whooped and cheered when i walked in, but me and annie headed straight to the drinks. most of the guys were still in their suits but the girls and changed out of ball gowns to something a lot more comfortable. People danced in the centre of the room, while others sat on the sofas and talked.
“okay ready?” annie shouted while pouring us both a shot of fire whisky while music boomed over the speakers.
“fuck that” i grabbed the bottle out of her hand and took a big swig, which i instantly regretted. it burned in my throat and i took a moment to cough before taking another.
my best friend beside me cheered at that and pulled me to the dance floor just as “about you now” by sugarbabes started playing, the bottle in my hand. we jumped and jumped with our hands in the air to the music, and after a while the burning sensation from the firewhisky started to become familiar, or maybe i was just getting really bloody drunk.
I’ll be honest, there wasn’t much else to do but dance and talk to people, so that’s exactly what we did. annie didn’t stop me from drinking, and i didn’t want to stop. She was right about forgetting how mad i was. For some amount of time annie left me alone probably to go and put her face on freddie’s but i didn’t mind, because i ended up in a conversation with alicia and katie about their unofficial quidditch matches.
“Bella! you should be with us for the match, we need you” alicia exclaimed
“what match?”
“oh we’re doing like an unnoficial quidditch tournament and we’re still making teams, you be with us”
Nodding in agreement, i was curious who else they might have “do you have keeper yet?”
they thought for a second before angelina responded “not yet, anyone you have in mind”
“ask freddie! he’s the best keeper you’ll get”
“oh my days yes! bella you’re a genius!”
Alicia suddenly had a realisation “also did you hear that lena something who’s beating for slytherin has the fattest crush on him?”
“seriously?!” annie would love this
“yeah she wouldn’t even touch him if he was with us”
“hasn’t she liked him since first year?”
angelina nodded in agreement “yeah i think he accidently said hi to her thinking she was annie and she’s been obsessed ever since”
Looking round i saw her with a beauxbatons guy who probably had asked her to the ball, he had really short black hair and was a few inches shorter than her, but she seemed happy with him.
we talked for a while about quidditch, and the other teams that were playing, but alicia got tired and went back to her room, ange going with her.
———————————————
From the moment i walked in i could see fred sitting on the sofa , his arm resting on the end with his tie messily undone as he was still in his suit. George was next to him, and from afar it looked like he was telling off his twin, honestly because he was. George did exactly what annie told him to do, and was lecturing his brother about his behaviour. Fred seemed uninterested though, hand resting on his chin looking out at the party. His cheek was still red from my slap, and i though to myself i must have hit him harder than i thought.
“mate listen to me”
“i am listening to you”
“no youre not! i don’t know what you thought you were doing but if she wasn’t gonna go out with you before she’s not even gonna consider it now”
“i asked her to go as a friend george”
“don’t you think it’s a bit too late to lie now?”
fred simply just stayed silent. for a second i locked eyes with him but he instantly looked to the side, avoiding my stare.
“merlin can’t you just shutup? i know i fucked up” he groaned to his brother
“do you though? did you really think you’d show up with that flower and she’d realise she’d suddenly start liking you back?”
“i said shutup! people can hear you, i don’t need you to tell me off you’re not mum”
“yeah well mcgonagall probably owled her about it so don’t expect her to be silent about it”
fred just rolled his eyes “yeah yeah”
“you better not fuck this up even more”
“yeah i get it! i won’t”
george followed fred’s line of eyesight where he watched annie and me dance together, stopping for drinks, and he saw i was drinking more and more.
“don’t you even think about it” george warned
“i don’t know what you’re talking about” he shrugged and got up from the sofa, walking away from him.
Meanwhile i was having the time of my life, parties were so much fun when you can’t even think straight and everything is pretty much a blur. at some point i think i ended up on the table dancing in front of all these people i hardly knew. but i was so drunk it didn’t matter, a surge of screams cheered me on while they surrounded the table i stood on. I’ve never been much of a dancer, but apparently it’s not that hard to become one. Or at least i thought so.
I didn’t last the whole song though, because maybe it was the music, maybe it was the lights, but suddenly it felt like something was hammering at my skull, and annie had to sit with me in the bathroom holding my hair back. Unfortunately It wasnt the last time i spent my head in a toilet bowl in the next 24 hours. soon i was back out on the dance floor, like i hadn’t just thrown up my guts 5 minutes ago. i couldn’t even feel the pain in my feet the firewhisky felt so good, but the fun of drinking cant last forever can it?
Almost everyone was at the party, even cedric diggory. The surge of confidence that firewhisky gives you honestly should be illegal, i might as well have taken liquid luck, and who knows maybe i did? thought i quickly disregarded that option, bevause the rest of the night was anything but lucky.
“cedric!” i shouted to him, a bottle in my hand
“bella?” he separated from his group that he had been talking with, and seemed sober enough
word vomit. is that a side effect? or is that just me? i seem to do it a lot.
“look cedric, i was mad at you before yeah? like really mad because you asked out that really pretty girl to the ball and not me but like, i forgive you now, because like, i’m trying really really hard not to be a bitch” my words were slurring “so it’s alright that you asked her and not me okay? cause like she’s really nice and pretty. did i say pretty already?”
he just laughed at me “you are unbelievably drunk”
“what no?! i’ve had like um..two bottles or three..or four” it was definitely more than 4. “but that’s not important, what’s important is that YOU don’t think im being a bitch”
for some reason in this moment the music turned up, and it was even harder to hear him.
he shouted over the music, that smile of his being exactly how i remembered it “i have never thought you were a bitch!”
“huh?!” i couldn’t hear him over the music.
that was when he leaned down to my ear, i stayed still and his hand gripped my upper arm to hold me steady. “dancing with our hands tied” was ringing round the room.
“i said i have never thought-“ but i never heard what he didn’t think. Because that was when my bottle was taken right out of my hand. Spinning around i was face to face with the one person i tried to escape. a flurry of red hair towered over me holding my half empty bottle in his hand.
“hey!” i exclaimed
“i think you’ve had enough of this” he seemed to order.
“who said you get to decide when i’ve had enough?” my words slurred
cedric leaned over my shoulder, hand still on my arm “mate give it back your not her bloody mother, and she clearly doesn’t want to see you” he shouted over the music
fred’s face was set, his eyes didn’t even go to the boy behind me “i wasn’t talking to you diggory, bella you’ve had enough”
i moved forward and poked his chest stumbling slightly “why the hell are YOU talking to me?”
he paused, not answering the question “what are you doing, here, like this?” he redirected to me
“as you can see i’m trying really really hard not to be a BITCH right now, and you’re interrupting me”
fred nodded “right, i can see that”
“you trying really hard not to be pussy fred? that’s why you’re acting boyfriend now” what was i saying?
“i’m not acting boyfriend” was all he responded with.
“then give me back my fucking bottle” i reached for it but all he did was pull it higher up, damn those tall weasley genes. He rolled his eyes and groaned before looking down at my frustrated figure for a moment.
he didn’t seem angry, it was something else, but i couldn’t tell what, i mean i could hardly stand on my own two feet.
“please” the words whispered out of my mouth, i want sure what he wanted to hear but it was all i could think off, but he didn’t move.
“fine, i can just get another one” deciding i would walk away just like i did before i stepped away from him, but i only got a few steps when fred grabbed my arm and stopped me. all i did was look up at him while he leaned down, and staring into his azure eyes all i could think was how hot he looked. the way his hair fell in front of his forehead, the way that his eyes were searching for something in mine. what were we arguing about again?
but he very quickly ruined the image i had in my head. “i said you’ve had enough, coming here dressed like that drinking this shit” he took a step closer and i stumbled backwards slightly but his arm holding me kept me from tripping. “i didn’t think that you were that desperate to be called beautiful. you come here begging to the guy who didn’t even want you” somehow the music was always quieter at the worst moments, and i definitely wasn’t the only person that heard that.
i couldn’t help but stutter, feeling tears glaze over my eyes “i didn’t..i wasn’t begging to him”
“really? because that’s sure as hell what it looked like”
cedric moved forward “what the fuck is wrong with you?!” He grabbed me away from fred, my arm was really beginning to hurt from being pulled around. i don’t think he noticed though, and i didn’t make an effort to pull away, i was just too tired.
it took a moment but fred’s eyes came off of mine, all i could do was look at the floor and blink in attempt to stop myself sobbing. “someone needed to tell her before she embarrassed herself, as if she hasn’t already”
i paused for a second, my face contorting into one of hurt and pain, once again i was crying in front of these people
“you’re really..” it took me a moment to find the right word “..really mean fred” my eyebrows pulled together while i tried to stop myself crying, that was the only one i could use to describe him in that moment.
“You asked ME to the ball, so i’m sorry i wanted you to think i was pretty, and that you were too busy to show up and bother” was all i could manage.
fred didn’t respond and that was when george showed up pulling at his brothers arm, but he just stayed put, looking to me, deciding what to say.
“i did you a favour even asking you to the ball, i felt bad after seeing how pathetically heartbroken you looked when diggory here didn’t” something hitched in my throat, i was struggling to breath.
george said something in his brothers ears, but i couldn’t hear, i couldn’t hear anything but ringing, and things were blurry, too blurry. That was when he walked away, shoving off his twin and heading for the door. most people were silent, some hadn’t even noticed. But most were whispering.
even in my mind something was telling me this was still a game, that i still couldn’t let him get the last word in so with each step that he took i managed to shout over at him, my voice cracking full of hurt and upset.
“i hate you fred weasley!”because that was all i had. i didn’t know why i felt so broken, were we even that close? really i should have felt like a weight had been lifted off watching him walk away like that but the lights, the lights were so bright, and the silence, the silence was so loud and then it was all black and i couldn’t stand.