Loneliness, solitude.
It’s a feeling that has haunted Mizuki for years, one that has been slowly burned away by the warmth of their partner’s touch, love and affection.
But sometimes the bad thoughts still come and cloud their mind, creating a haze of fear, despair and so much more that render them useless.
Today was one of those days.
Mizuki is a toss-and-turn sleeper, they know this. Which is why the moment they shift and their arm hits nothing but the surface of the mattress of the bed they’re currently sleeping on, their eyes immediately shoot open.
Mafuyu, Ena and Kanade are gone.
Mizuki wakes up alone, the sun filters through the curtains, illuminating the empty spaces right next to them, where three people should be.
It’s almost as if the world itself is taunting them, letting them know they’re utterly alone right now, letting a chill settle in their heart.
It’s almost like they’re back on that rooftop, desolate in their isolation, their pink irises dull and empty, a scratchy cardigan and red uniform present on their body.
Their mind clears for a minute and they immediately groan, burying their head in their hands.
Why are they so upset? They know it’s not like their partners outright abandoned them or anything. Hell, they even know where they are!
Ena’s gone to her studio to prepare her newest art piece, Mafuyu is gone for her morning shift and Kanade has gone to visit her dad.
But for some reason, it’s feel so cold, so lonely as if they’re back to that where they started in middle school.
They hate it, they hate how their mind goes back to that horrible place when they’ve gotten so much better in the past few years.
Mizuki hates how their brain keeps bringing back the bad memories just for a small thing like this, waking up alone.
They hate themself for thinking that their partners might have left them.
Even after years, why? They already know they won’t leave but why does that nagging voice in their brain say otherwise?
Mizuki sinks into the sheets, trying to bury themself in the slowly fading scent of their partners that still remains on the bedsheets.
They pull the covers over their head and try to block out everything. The bright morning sun that filters through the curtains, the numbing thoughts in their head, everything.
Mizuki closes their eyes, curling into themselves just a little bit more, hiding themself from the world.
Who cares if they stay in bed a little longer? After all, there’s no one here to remind them to get up, is there?
No. They’re all alone in this house and that thought numbs their heart, makes imaginary thorns pierce it. They dig deeper and deeper in their fragile heart, unshed tears bloom in the corners of their eyes.
It hurts.
——————
When Mizuki does pull themself out of bed, (begrudgingly) and into the living room, they’re met with a cold and empty room, devoid of the usual chatter, the familiar sizzle of the pan or one of Kanade’s songs playing as background noise.
Its silent. Mizuki doesn’t like that.
The floor feels cold underneath their feet, a small breeze flows through the empty apartment.
Did Mafuyu open up the windows before she left?
As they walk into the living room, the sun immediately hits their eyes. They hiss a bit, adjusting to the sudden bright light.
It should be about 11 right now, they listlessly think.
There’s a bento on the dining table, they notice as they walk closer.
On it is a sticky note saying: “remember to bring this to eat for your afternoon classes. Love you, Mafuyu.”
For a moment the coldness grip on their heart releases, washed away by the small act of love from their girlfriend. The corners of their lips twitch upward. It’s warm, the love that is present before them. It’s more than they’ve ever deserved.
They know dead well, it’s rotten work to take care of them. The fact that the rest of Niigo have stayed with them for so long is already a miracle to them.
Mizuki’s smile slowly fades as they re-read the note. Shit, they have afternoon classes.
Their legs feel glued to the floor as dread fills their brain.
They don’t want to go.
They don’t want to go to their classes.
It’s a demon that has followed them even from their high school days.
The urge to not go to their classes when they feel this shitty is immediately intensified. Overwhelming all their senses.
They can’t be seen like this, they don’t want to go, they’re tired.
They feel so tired. They want their partners right next to them. Mizuki longs for the warmth they bring her.
Suddenly their cheeks feel moist, their vision is blurred, the sticky note in their hands now has water stains on it. Mixing in with the ink and smudging it.
“Ha..ha, hahahah!” They bitterly laugh, looking at the tears falling from their eyes.
The laughs that wrack their body slowly turns into sobs, desperate gasps leave their body as the tears increase tenfold.
Mizuki wiped their tears with the heel of their palm and the back of their hands.
Why were they like this? They hated it.
They hated themself. Her knees buckled at the sheer weight of their emotions, bringing them down to the ground with a dull thump!
Mizuki doesn’t know how long they cry, they don’t know how long they wail and they sure as hell don’t know how long they’ve been sitting on the ground crying.
All they know is that when they’re done, their throat is sore from sobbing, their eyes sting and their knees hurt like fuck.
Mizuki wipes their face one more time, there’s no doubt that their eyes are red and puffy. Their lungs hurt and does their head.
They barely have any more energy, and all they want to do is bury themself back in the bed. Screw their classes.
When they get up, their legs are slightly wobbly, they spare a glance at the bento. Sorry, Mafuyu. But they can’t stomach anything anymore.
Mizuki slowly walks, having to use the walls beside them for support, lest they fall down.
They’re skipping class, they don’t have the energy for it. They can just ask their classmate for the notes later.
Being a burden again, they muse.
Mizuki flops back down on the bed they spent practically half the time they’ve been awake on, if they minus the amount of they’ve been crying because they don’t know either and they will not bother checking.
Their eyes start to flutter, all their energy has been drained from them after that crying session.
The last action they do before succumbing to the inky darkness of sleep is pull the cat plushie that Kanade gave them a few weeks ago close to their chest, snuggling into it before their eyes shut, lowering them into the sleep that their body longed for.
They sink deeper into the dark sea, desperately reaching out for the light that seemed so far away from them, so out of their reach.
——————
Mizuki wakes up. This time, almost immediately, they realize they aren’t alone.
There’s a hand resting on their jaw, a feeling of someone brushing away the bangs in their forehead is there.
Even half-awake, Mizuki can feel the soft affection from the touch of the other person. It’s like a wool blanket engulfing them full, swaddling them in warmth and that comfortable feeling they just can’t explain.
They opened their eyes, light brown immediately feeling their vision. As their eyesight clears, they realized who it was.
It’s Ena, lying right next to them. It’s her hand that’s lightly brushing other their cheek and jaw.
She’s dressed in her home clothes, meaning she’s probably been home for a while now.
But Mizuki’s gaze almost instinctively flicks to her face, unprepared for the sight before them.
Her eyes are full with so much adoration and love in them that Mizuki’s breathing hitches, falling down deeper into the warm look of her affection on her face.
Upon noticing that they were awake, Ena slightly jolted, but her hand is still remained present on the side of their face.
Mizuki cant help but lean into her warm touch, it’s addicting.
Ena lightly giggles at her partner that’s currently nuzzling against her hand like a clingy cat, it’s cute.
“I’m sorry, did I wake you up?” Her voice was just a light whisper, her breath ghosting across Mizuki’s face.
“No, you didn’t.” Mizuki cracked a small smile at her, though they winced a moment later, internally cringing at how raspy their voice sounded from their previous crying session and hours of unuse.
Their inner turmoil is immediately increased tenfold by remembering their meltdown earlier in the day. God, they want to bury their face in shame at the thought.
Mizuki’s face immediately contorts in an expression of self hatred and shame. A reflection of the day’s events.
Noticing her girlfriend’s expression, Ena immediately brought their face closer to her, gently kissing their forehead, cheeks and eyelids. Basically just peppering their face everywhere with light-feathery kisses in an attempt to comfort them.
Her attitude now is a huge contrast to her usual adorable scowl but either way, Mizuki loves it all the same. They can’t help but melt in her gentle embrace, her soft affection.
It’s amazing how fast their girlfriends can immediately decipher what they’re feeling just by a single facial expression.
“Bad day?” Ena asked, voice full of such gentleness that it blew Mizuki away.
They bit their lip, the natural instinct to lie and brush it off with an easy-going laugh and smile that would hide their true emotions from their partner’s immediately rose up, lies raced through their mind, attempting to claw their way out of Mizuki’s throat and lie to one of the people they held dearest to their heart.
But…they didn’t want to. Hadn’t their partners proved time and time over again that they accepted Mizuki, flaws and all?
The thought almost had Mizuki crying again, god they were crying too much today.
But their eyes did glimmer with unshed tears, pink irises met patient chocolate brown orbs. Love and so much more was said with unspoken words with that one glance.
Mizuki opened their mouth, wanting to answer, but no words came out. They bit their lip, thinking for a while before resolving to just nod.
“Do you wanna talk about it?” Ena murmured.
Mizuki thought for an another moment before shaking their head.
“That’s ok,” Ena smiled comfortingly at them, “I won’t push you to.”
Mizuki gave her another smile, manuvuering their head to give Ena a quick peck at the corner of her lips.
Ena flashed them another brilliant smile that sent their heart fluttering before sitting up and pulling Mizuki along with her.
Well, Mizuki sat up by themself, bless Ena and everything about her, but the girl had noodle arms. Sure she could carry Kanade, but (no offense to their cute composer girlfriend, they loved her) that was a low standard.
Kanade basically weighed as much as a sheet of paper, even after developing a more healthy routine.
“Kanade and Mafuyu are cooking dinner right now, let’s go?” Ena gently took their hand in hers, a slight pull.
Mizuki gave her a weak smile before climbing out of the bed and standing back on their own two feet, allowing Ena to pull them toward the door and towards the hallway.
The moment they stepped out the door, the smell of chicken curry and miso soup hit their nose.
There’s sound, music from the newest N25 upload; one that Mizuki particularly liked a lot.
As Mizuki and Ena walked closer to the kitchen, a familiar face popped out from bring the fridge holding a ladle and a blue apron donning their lower body.
“Ah, Mizuki.” Kanade immediately waddled over to them, hugging their waist and burying her face in their chest.
“Did you sleep well? We cooked your favourite tonight, chicken curry.” Kanade smiled at them, and Mizuki’s knees almost buckled at the amount of love in those sparkling blue eyes that they could stare at forever.
They bent down and gave her a small kiss on the head, letting her take their hand and lead them to the dining table.
Mizuki sat down, with Ena right next to them, her right hand comfortingly touching their knee as Mafuyu placed a bowl of chicken curry infront of them.
“I got the notes from your teacher after he informed us that you didn’t go to classes today, I put it on the coffee table for you.” Mafuyu said as she sat infront of them, Kanade sitting right next to her.
“Ah, thanks Mafuyu.” Mizuki gave her a weak, grateful smile.
They took up a spoon and dug into the curry rice with a small, “thanks for the meal.”
Bursts of flavour and spice exploded in their mouth, oh how much they loved curry.
Mafuyu and Kanade even made it the way Mizuki liked it, lukewarm as so it wouldn’t scald their sensitive tongue.
Their partners really do love them, don’t they?
Little by little, brick by brick, the dam holding back all their tears finally collapsed, everything crashing into them as they let go.
Tears escaped from their eyes, sobs breaking through their throat again.
They’re so grateful to have such amazing partners.
Mafuyu, Kanade and Ena immediately crowded over them, whispering comforting words and touches.
And with every kiss, every small, flitting touch, Mizuki can feel their heart healing more and more.
They love their partners so much, more than they could ever know.