dynamics, final
Feeling the warm rays of sunlight shining down on his face from through the dorm-room window, Peter slid into consciousness from the best sleep he’d had in at least a year. In all of his unusually profound comfort, it took him a moment to actually remember the events of the previous night – and moreso, of the entire previous day. As the memories filtered through, he might have even believed it was all just one big messy dream, if not for Harley.
Harley, who was sleeping right beside him, whose legs were tangled with his, who had an arm wrapped across Peter’s torso. It all made Peter’s heart soar with all the fullness and affection he felt for his best friend. Yesterday, he had woken, felt a similar affection and twisted into a state of panic. Today, Peter felt all this and was at peace.
Because Jessica was right – Peter deserved to let himself have this – and if that wasn’t enough, Doctor Strange’s letter sealed the deal. Yeah, Peter was falling in love with Harley Keener, and he was allowed to let it happen. It didn’t have to be an awkward, stressful thing like it had been with MJ in Europe, because he knew that Harley had a pretty major crush on him too.
But there was still that one thing. Peter didn’t want to presumptuously assume that Harley would forgive him for what he’d done just yesterday morning, but he did trust that after they talked, everything would work out one way or another. And as much as Peter had tried to convince himself that he had no ulterior motives in watching Heartstopper with Harley last night, it was a shame that Harley had fallen asleep before Nick and Charlie had even had their first kiss. It would have set a nice mood, and perhaps let Harley onto how Peter felt.
Well, this conversation had to happen, and Peter was ready. He would just be honest with Harley, and respect what Harley wanted. After taking a small moment to appreciate the peaceful beauty of Harley’s sleeping face, Peter carefully disentangled himself and sat up over a little further down the bed, recreating the same distance that had been between them last night before they fell asleep and somehow ended up cuddled together. He had contemplated moving to his desk chair, and would if Harley expressed a desire for more space between them.
Even as Peter moved himself upright, Harley stirred and let out a small groan. His eyes teased open, wandering the space beside him without focus for a while before landing on Peter. They were very blue eyes, with little uneven ripple-like stretches of green that Peter had never properly noticed before.
It reminded him of a singular moment of peace he’d experienced before the Decimation. When he’d clung onto the spaceship fleeing Earth that Mr. Stark and Doctor Strange had boarded, and was climbing his way up to get inside. There had been a moment when he paused and looked back at his home planet. When he saw a green and blue jewel that was his home, a place he held so much love for. That sense of profound belonging and appreciation had been what drove him to hold on and keep climbing and do something to help save the planet from Thanos’s forces.
And in Harley’s eyes, Peter saw home.
“Morning,” Peter greeted gently. He tried not to seem too eager; he didn’t want Harley thinking even for a moment that he didn’t take seriously the harm his actions had caused. Xander had made sure that Peter understood as thoroughly as was possible, and Peter was grateful to xem for it. Being held to account was important, and so was the fact that Harley’s sibling would so readily stand up for him.
“…Hi,” Harley slowly responded, evidence of his immediate caution. He took his time to sit up, making no move to get closer to or further away from Peter. “You said we would talk in the mornin’.”
Peter nodded. “I did. Do you want to go first or should I? Or do you need a moment to properly wake up?”
“I’ll start.” Harley sighed. His eyes darted away, and his breath momentarily wavered. Peter could hear how Harley’s heart rate picked up, and intentionally moved his focus elsewhere to allow Harley that little bit of extra privacy to his thoughts and emotions.
So, Peter waited. In fairness, Harley had only just woken up, and deserved the time he needed to collect himself. “I’m- I’m still mad and hurt about yesterday, and I know Xander would have told you exactly why that was really the worst way you could have reacted to wakin’ up next to me. But I also know you, and I know you only ever would’ve done that if you were panickin’ about somethin’. I’m sure you’ll give me an explanation for that, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Peter confirmed, and said nothing more so that Harley could continue. He gripped at the blanket crumpled over his legs, the sensation grounding him so that he could patiently wait and listen.
“I just- I need to admit somethin’ to you, and I don’t know how you’ll react. But I value our friendship and the trust we have, and I’m reasonably sure you’ll still be my friend after this anyway. More importantly, after all the bullshit you’ve dealt with, I want you to know that I’ll still be yours if you want me to, okay?”
“Okay,” Peter responded, shooting Harley a small smile that he hoped was encouraging. Yeah, he knew where this was going now, and Harley had nothing to be worried about.
“I, uh, have feelings for you,” Harley declared. Peter schooled his features, wanting to give Harley the space to continue uninterrupted by the grin that was trying to break loose on Peter’s face. “The romantic kind. Have had, since… well, not long after we met. I tried to push them away because I didn’t think you needed that after all you’d lost, especially if you didn’t feel the same way. You needed a friend, and I wanted to be that friend. But- well, not exactly a but. This stuff, cuddlin’ in bed and sleepin’ together? I know you’re a very tactile guy and I’m not uncomfortable with it at all but... It makes me feel a certain way. One I think I can get under control, but it just didn’t feel fair to you for me to not let you know. It felt dishonest. I don’t expect you to feel the same way or anythin’ like that, so there’s no pressure, okay? Yeah, that’s my bit done.”
Peter took a deep breath. It was his turn now, and there was a whole story he needed to tell Harley that built up to what happened yesterday morning, but first he needed Harley to know one key detail that would have otherwise come up in an incredibly unhelpful way. So, finally, Peter let that absolutely over the moon happy grin loose. “Harls, I am so gone for you.”
Harley’s eyes widened all the way. He opened and closed his mouth a couple times before he finally managed to speak. “What? Pete, please don’t mess with me after what happened yesterday. Please.”
“I’m not messing with you, I promise. I feel every bit the same way about you as you do about me, and I’m so sorry it took me so long to realise,” Peter declared with as much composure as he could muster – which wasn’t a lot. There were parts of him that wanted to laugh, or cry, or burst wide open. Because the truth he had just uttered? Right now, nothing felt more right. And from the stunned but clearly beyond pleased look on Harley’s face, that too was mutual. “I realised on Friday, just before we left for Maryland. Harry and I were on a walk because we weren’t sure if we’d be back in time for one on Monday, and he turned to me at one point and just asked if we were dating, and I said no. Then he asked if I had feelings for you. Or, well... he said that I did. For a moment I thought I’d say no, that it wasn’t like that, but I couldn’t. I don’t know why I didn’t realise how I felt before, but it all came crashing down on me then.
“Before I realised how I felt about MJ, I had only noticed that I felt especially safe and warm around her. And it was the same with you. And in that moment after Harry said what he did, when I was reflecting on what you meant to me, it was just obvious. And… the more I thought about it, the more I realised what your behaviour around me meant, too.”
Normally, that would have been the moment where Harley light heartedly joked about having tried to be subtle, but he didn’t. Just like the joy on his face when Peter assured him that he was being honest about his feelings, the joy that showed at this confirmation hadn’t lasted long. Because Peter had hurt him, and Harley just wanted the explanation before anything more.
“It was exciting, and I was planning to take a few days to kind of adjust to the realisation before I planned out how I was going to tell you or ask you out. We went on that mission to take down the Manufacturer, and then we ended up in your room after we got back in town, and fell asleep. When I woke up, I looked over at you and realised just how far gone I was, that I was falling in love with you.”
Harley’s eyes widened a fraction, and Peter definitely took notice of the blush filling his cheeks. But he didn’t let it distract him. Not until he had said all that needed to be said, all that Harley needed and deserved to hear. “And I hadn’t even considered that as a possibility before then. Not in a bad way! I think it was more because my brain was trying to protect me. You know I’ve lost everyone who I ever loved before, whether they died or forgot who I am, or in Harry’s case moved away without a word. So when I realised that I was falling in love with you, I panicked. And then, I said… well, I panicked.”
“Yeah, I figured,” Harley said quietly, the first words he’d uttered since Peter’s assurances that his feelings were real. “Then what?”
Peter leaned his head back against the cold wall behind him. “I went to my dorm and packed a day bag without even including my suit, and got on a train. I barely realised what I was doing, but eventually I found myself back in New York. And… well, before MIT, there was this private investigator in Harlem I’d worked with a little, named Jessica Jones. She has a foul mouth and a standoffish attitude and a generally gloomy, pessimistic outlook on life, and I guess I figured she could talk me into breaking away from this feeling that just terrified me so much because I couldn’t handle the idea of loving you because in my mind, that meant losing you.”
“Oh,” Harley uttered. “Do you… still not want to feel that way about me?”
Peter shook his head resolutely. “I’m okay with it now. More than okay with it, honestly. Are you okay? Should I keep going?”
Harley hummed for a moment, and then smiled. Peter felt his cheeks heat, because Harley’s smiles had that effect on him. “I’m alright. I get why you panicked and said what you did now, but a part of me is scared it’ll happen again, so I want to hear more. I just… I want this- us so bad, Pete. So bad.”
Peter nodded, and continued. He wanted this, too. More than anything, because it was Harley. “I made my way over to Jess’s rooftop and texted her to come up, and we talked for a good long while. She already kind of knew about the memory spell and the people I’ve lost, and... well, we caught up a bit first and. So this isn’t super relevant to the whole feelings conversation but it turns out Jess is my biological sister? I can definitely tell you more about that later.”
“Huh, that’s... that sure is a discovery,” Harley remarked. “But yeah, tell me later.”
“Well, I told her about you, and that I thought I couldn’t let us happen because it was equivalent to dooming you. And she… did not respond how I expected. She told me that after all the shit I’ve been through, I deserved to have something nice. She also said, and I quote, ‘you are really fucking arrogant if you think you’re causing all these people to die simply by existing. Real shit hand of cards you’ve been dealt, but you’re not cursed.’ And then she handed me a letter addressed to ‘kid’ written by Doctor Strange just after he had cast the final memory spell.”
Harley blinked, his face just a little bit scrunched up in confusion.
“Yeah, I was confused too,” Peter laughed. “Apparently, before the snap, when Doctor Strange used the time stone to find a version of the future where we won, he also looked ahead to see if it was worth it. He saw me on that rooftop with Jess, talking about how I couldn’t allow myself to love anyone anymore, and how I had to push you away for your own safety – which for the record I’m not going to do. In this note, Strange mentioned that he’d altered the final memory spell to make sure I was still able to go to MIT, so that I’d have a life worth living to the fullest after losing everyone I already had. Apparently it was the best he could do, and it meant that even one person broke the magic seal on their memories of me, the multiverse might begin breaking apart again. Apparently that risk was worth it to him. His letter said that he wanted me to make the most of what he’d done, and be happy instead of wasting his efforts. He was really snarky about it!”
Harley laughed a bit, and then his brows furrowed and his face scrunched up even more than before. “But you said he wrote the note after. How did that work?”
“The spell takes a little longer to affect the caster, so he had time,” Peter answered. “But yeah, basically a wizard and a PI with super strength who turned out to be a sister I didn’t even know I had convinced me very thoroughly that I’m allowed to love people and let them in, and I took a train back. To you.”
“You came back to me,” Harley echoed, and started to properly smile again. He reached a hand out to Peter, who eagerly took it with one of his own. “Well, shit. I’m, um- I’m glad you know that lettin’ yourself love others is okay. I need you to promise me one thing though, darlin’-”
“Oh, it’s darling now is it?” Peter asked teasingly, the ecstatic grin on his face betraying just how he felt about that.
Harley rolled his eyes, but smiled all the same. “Darlin’ is a word I only use in a few contexts. I’m either being snarky and patronisin’, or I’m usin’ it affectionately for someone I have feelings for. But back to that promise - you need to promise me you’ll never run out on me like that again. Specifically tellin’ me to stay away. That’s- it’s how I always imagined it happenin’ when I thought of comin’ out to anyone back in Rose Hill, and I guess it got in my head for good.”
“Never again,” Peter swore. “If anything, I’m running to you. In a very gay way. If you’ll have me.”
Harley sighed, and yanked gently on Peter’s hand. Not enough to move him, but enough to make his intentions clear. “Of course I will, Pete. Even if this all got off to a rocky start, it’s a dream come true. You’re amazin’, and I can forgive what happened as long as you can keep your promise too.”
Peter shuffled over to where Harley was sitting, pressing their sides close together. Before Peter could lean his head on the blonde’s shoulder, Harley turned to face him.
Suddenly there was very little distance between them. Peter flushed, feeling Harley’s breath hot on his lips. From here, he could see every single freckle on Harley’s face. He could see - in great detail – the extent to which the mapping of freckles was asymmetrical, which happened to be something that Peter adored about Harley’s features. He could see the earth in Harley’s eyes; he could see home.
There was this almost-sense in Peter’s mind that this was a moment where he could lean in and kiss Harley, but he didn’t. Not only did Peter want to keep looking into Harley’s eyes and admiring them for the jewels they were, there was more to be said.
Harley moved a little, and then his hand was on Peter’s face, resting gently against his cheek. Peter felt his face warm quickly, and it made him giddy to know Harley would feel it too.
“Is this okay?” Harley asked almost cautiously.
“Mhm,” Peter hummed in response, and then tilted his head forward so that their foreheads were connected. Harley’s thumb started moving, gently tracing an almost electric-feeling path back and forth across Peter’s cheekbone. Part of Peter wished he could just live in this moment forever.
“So, you like me too,” Harley whispered, the hidden request evident in that Peter knew Harley, and knew what he would have wanted in saying something like that. He wanted to hear Peter say it again.
Peter smiled, only hesitating to bring his own hand up and lay it atop Harley’s because he didn’t want Harley’s thumb to stop doing what it was doing. Instead, Peter’s hand found its way to Harley’s waist. “Of course I do. You… after we met at that statue of Mr. Stark, you just slotted right into my life like we were made for each other. By the second day, I already knew you’d be my best friend. And every moment since has been all I could ever ask for and more. You’re incredible, and gorgeous, and I could spend days without stopping just telling you all the little things about you that amaze me. Yes, Harls, I like you too. And I want you, too. Harley Keener, I’ve said it already and I’ll say it again - I’m falling in love with you.”
It was an easy thing to hear how Harley’s heart rate had been racing this whole time, but Peter never could have expected how much eager anticipation he’d feel when Harley’s heart sped up even more.
“Peter,” Harley managed a little breathily. “Can I kiss you now?”
Peter chuckled a little. “I kinda had a place in mind for our first kiss, but I don’t know if we can really get there right now without getting caught.”
“The rooftop overlookin’ campus,” Harley answered, because he knew. Of course he already knew. It was somewhere the two of them had already shared one very emotionally intense moment together, and one of Peter’s favourite place to take photos from. “We’d have to wait until dark to sneak up there. That’s a real long time to wait.”
“I think my bed here will do as a substitute location,” Peter decided a little cheekily, and closed the distance.
It was an easy thing, moving from having their foreheads connected to pushing their lips together; it was simple, and it was right. Peter was the first to move, to make more of the kiss than just soft lips pressed against each other. He could feel how unsure Harley was – Harley, for whom this was a first kiss ever. Peter was happy to lead, letting his own lips explore the contours of Harley’s, and discover how perfectly they slotted together. And it only took what much have been two seconds for Harley to gain the confidence to follow suit. Both of their lips moved with and against each other, exploring, learning, and loving. It made Peter feel warm and safe and excited and optimistic and cared for and seen. It was perfect.
Soon, Peter’s hands found Harley’s hair as Harley’s hands found Peter’s cheeks, both needing to do more with their hands to match the energy of their connection. As his hands ran almost desperately through Harley’s growing waves of hair, his tongue darted across Harley’s lips, asking for entry. It was granted. But the position the two boys were in was a little awkward, and Peter wanted to fix that before truly deepening the kiss.
So he put his other hand on Harley’s waist too and easily lifted him up just to set him back down where Harley could practically straddle Peter, giving both of them much better access. Harley let out a soft moan, and practically melted into Peter, and oh-
Maybe Peter wasn’t ace after all. But he didn’t want to go there, not yet. For now, this would do. For now, kissing Harley and doing just that was perfect.
Because they slotted together so damn well.
It must have been almost a quarter of an hour before they finally broke apart once more. There had been so much missed time between them, because there was no denying that Peter had come to feel the same way Harley did within a few weeks of them knowing each other – even if it had taken him two whole months to figure it out.
“So… what now?” Harley asked breathily, face flush with contentment. “Because, uh, that was incredible.”
“Right?” Peter laughed happily, because it really truly had been. “Well, we could take the day off? It’s only Sunday, so we could just cuddle in bed and maybe finish the first season of Heartstopper?”
Harley hummed at that. “I think that sounds like a great plan.”
Peter looked at the time on his phone. “Well, that settles that, then.”
“Seems that way, darlin’,” Harley grinned, and slid along the wall until he was lying back down in Peter’s bed. He held his arms out invitingly, and Peter didn’t resist the opportunity to snuggle into Harley’s embrace. “So this is really happenin’? Us?”
Peter tilted his head up just enough to press a quick kiss to Harley’s lips. “Well I sure hope so, especially after the sexuality crisis making out with you gave me!”
Harley gaped at him for a few moments before closing his mouth and only opening it again to speak. “I’m gonna need you to explain that one to me, darlin’. If you’re comfortable to, I mean.”
Peter exhaled easily, and took a moment to prepare the words in his mind. This felt like an easy conversation to have, and one he didn’t feel much need to delay. “You know how I thought I might be ace?”
Harley nodded.
“Well, I’m definitely biromantic, there’s no doubt about that,” Peter continued, “but I don’t think I’m ace after all. When I was with MJ, I never really felt, you know, sexually attracted to her. Nor with Liz, either. I guess I never really stopped to think about if it was different with guys. Turns out it is.”
“Oh,” Harley managed, a blush resurfacing to his cheeks. “So you’re sayin’ I made you realise you’re not ace?”
Peter wrapped an arm around Harley’s back and started tracing gentle circles through his shirt. “Yeah, pretty much. And… maybe that’s something we can talk about more later, if you want?”
From this close, Peter could feel Harley gulp. “At risk of soundin’ overeager… I want. Dunno if it’s somethin’ I wanna rush into, but. We could talk about it, yeah.”
Peter smiled. “Great. I don’t want to rush with sex either, we can take our time. So, down for some more Heartstopper?”
“Absolutely,” Harley affirmed. “Are you gonna set it up on the desk again?”
Peter shook his head, and got up from the bed. He quickly moved over to his bag and grabbed out a small projector device that he’d located and set up last night, and stuck the projector to the wall next to his bed. “Just gotta close the curtains and then we can watch on the ceiling.”
Harley let out a pleased sigh. “Which means we can cuddle more in bed?”
Peter pulled the curtains shut, and started configuring his laptop for the projector. “Which means we can cuddle more in bed. I mean, I planned this whole thing out so we could have a nice cozy evening and morning, especially after… well, after all I had to apologise for.”
“Apology accepted, though…” Harley started, and then trailed off hesitantly.
“Mmm?” Peter hummed inquisitively as he loaded up episode three where they’d left off last night.
“Just… let’s not take us for granted, okay? Let’s do the work to make this as good as we can?”
Peter twisted the laptop so that he and Harley would have easy access to the streaming controls as needed, and hit play before getting back into the bed next to Harley. “I wouldn’t have it any other way, Harls. Trust, open communication, check-ins, the whole deal.”
Harley pressed a quick peck to Peter’s cheek as the latter shifted around to get comfortable. “You’re incredible. You know that?”
“So are you,” Peter replied, and reached to grab Harley’s hand and lace their fingers together before pulling the covers back over both of them. He shifted a little until the back of his head was resting against Harley’s chest. Naturally, Harley’s hands found their way into Peter’s hair - though this time Peter was resolute about staying awake. Peter reached out far enough to hit play.
This time, the two of them chatted and joked and shared in the little observations about the show that they both enjoyed. It was far nicer than the previous night had been, because the tension between them was gone. Later, when Nick and Charlie were busily celebrating officially being boyfriends on screen, Peter couldn’t let himself miss the opportunity to roll off Harley’s chest and onto his side, pause the video and officially ask Harley the very same question. “So, Harley Keener, boyfriends?”
“Boyfriends,” Harley grinned ecstatically, and gently tugged downward, the action an invitation for even more kissing that Peter certainly didn’t refuse.
A few minutes later, they resumed the last little bit of the first season. When Nick came out to his mum, Peter heard Harley sniffling, and turned to see a few tears rolling from his eyes.
“That’s about how it went for me too,” Harley explained. “I mean, Ma was great about it. She apologized for the fact I had to grow up in a place that would make me feel unsafe to be open about bein’ gay, thanked me for tellin’ her and gave me a nice big hug. It’s real nice seein’ a character get to have that on screen too.”
Before Peter could say anything in response, both his and Harley’s phones started buzzing with message notification after message notification. Peter got his out first, and opened up the chat the messages were coming from.
The Whole Squad
Harold: uh
Harold: not to make a big deal or anything
Harold: actually yes big deal
Harold: I just
Harold: passed
Harold: Scarlet Witch
Harold: here
Harold: [location pin]
Harold: help????