Chapter 10
Jem had wandered off half way through that half hour, he came back towards the end of it, eyes blank, shaking hands in his pockets, he went home with them, not saying a word.
Which then got the group here, Regulus, Barty, Evan and Lupin all looking for the animagus who had vanished moments after making it inside the castle.
It was Lupin who found him in the end, sitting in the Gryffindor showers, clothes soaked, and water too hot for the werewolf to get more than a foot near. "Jem," his voice was soft, he had sent one of the first years still up to find one of the three Slytherins wandering the halls. "Hey, do you want me to get Jame-"
"No, no, no," he nodded sitting down on the floor. "I couldn't stop it Moony. It was like I was watching but I could feel, everything."
"Stop what Wolfy?"
"I couldn't...Moony," he frowned at the whine of the playful nickname, both begging for some kind of physical comfort and a plea for him not to get too close.
"I can't help if you don't let me." He was vividly reminded of Sirius when he had shown up at Remus's door step shaking and begging for nothing and everything. His dad had been particularly cruel that night, crossed a line everyone had been surprised by, one of the last nights he had spent in the Black family home. Sirius had spent the rest of the summer at Remus's and then asked James if he could spend the holiday with the Potters. He opened his arms trying to find Jem somewhere in the shaking mess a few feet away, and after a moment not even caring about the water that now also soaked his clothes he relaxed as his arms wrapped firmly around Jem, a steady amount of pressure to keep him grounded but not enough to make him feel caged. "I've got you."
"Everything feels wrong Moony."
"It's okay." An uttered spell had them both dry and the shower off. Jem continued to shake his breathing coming quickly and unevenly. Remus didn't mean to, he just took a deep breath trying it a few times to see if he could get Jem to copy it but what he caught made his heart drop. "It's okay, now, it's okay." He whispered it more convincingly this time letting Jem cling to him.
A potion, one made for something less than kind was sharp in his blood and a smell that didn't match either of three Slytherins was twisted deep with his own scent. His instincts had been right and now he hated them, as if knowing Remus had found out he held on a bit tighter, "Don't tell James, please don't tell James."
"Okay, I won't. I promise." His heart calmed slowly, grip loosening, his breathing was still too quick to be comforting but it was a slow process.
"Moony," Remus hummed, Jem's face was still tucked against his chest, "someone's here."
"I know." The first year, he could hear the familiar pattern of footsteps as she went back to her room. And then the three sets that continued getting closer. "It's okay." And Jem reacted exactly as Remus predicted when that door opened and he caught the scents of each, body melting against Remus, heart and breathing slowing as he took it all in, the werewolf had a sneaky feeling it was Regulus that made him relax like that, a thought he would consider and actually think about later. "Come here," he motioned for Regulus, happy when he listened and the other two stayed back.
"Moony," it was a panicked plea, he wasn't quite ready to let go, "Moony no," which Remus was quick to hush, he knew as soon as he put together who was crouching beside them Jem would be okay with letting go. Remus knew why Jem felt safe enough to let Remus know things like this, same reason Sirius did, the animagus side intertwined with the human knew the wolf in Remus would protect them on instinct. But Remus also knew how quickly that could turn to unease if he tried this too fast.
"Jem?" Regulus's voice was quiet, soft, almost coaxing, he didn't reach out, as if knowing a random touch wouldn't be particularly welcome. "Jem it's me, it's-"
"Reggie," Jem finished his sentence hugging him and letting go of Remus.
"Do you know what happened?" Regulus's question was for Remus but Jem spoke before he got the chance to answer.
"Please?"
"Okay, yeah I know. Just put him in something that smells like you and make sure he doesn't go anywhere."
"Lupin?"
"He'll be okay." Hopefully.
- - -
"Hey," Regulus put a hand on Jem's chest because as much as he liked surprise kisses Jem didn't seem to be in quite the right headspace. "Talk to me or don't, but this isn't happening until I know you're okay." Jem sat down on the bed exhaling slowly as Regulus walked over to the closet.
"I need it to stop."
"What to stop?" Regulus handed him a long sleeve.
"My mind, I need it to stop racing, I just need to stop thinking."
"You need a distraction."
Jem nodded shrugging out of the button up, "It feels like I can't breath, like I don't quite belong in my own skin."
"Are you gonna tell me what happened?" A plea hidden in there. Asking for that trust.
"I can't," his voice shook, as shaking hands pulled Regulus to him, not to do anything just to hold.
"And Lupin?"
"Moony's nose put it together. I didn't tell him either. I pleaded with him not to tell James. Darling please," his voice broke and Regulus's hands found their way into his hair, softly running his fingers through it offering comfort in the touch.
"Shh," Regulus's voice dropped, whatever he had been feeling, frustrated, concerned, afraid, fell away for trying to get Jem to calm down, "shh," what had happened? "It's okay."
"Everything smells wrong, feels wrong, I can't..." he let out a huff, pure frustration at his own lack of words. Put him in something that smells like you, Lupin's instructions had been clear enough even if he didn't quite understand. He coaxed Jem into putting on the long sleeve, noticing his preference for things that hid the dark mark over the weeks he'd gotten to know him.
Jem's shoulders dropped some, hands relaxing where they held his hips. "Out of the jeans and into the bed." A small twinge of annoyance at being ordered around raced through the link once again open, that alone reassured Regulus, if it was open whatever had been in the firewhiskey was fading.
When Regulus went to go find sweatpants and he was pleasantly surprised to see Jem had done what he said, boots toed off and the black jeans laying over them. Black boxers hugged his legs, though his face was now in the pillows a leg hanging off the bed while the other laid against the sheets, "Very graceful." It was a soft jab trying to figure out what boundaries were between them right now.
The soft chuckle had Regulus relaxing, "If I was in any other state, I'd bite you for that comment Black."
Regulus sat down beside him, running his fingertips over a scar on the back of his right thigh, "Would you?"
"Debatable." He amended and Regulus watched as muscle and skin moved under his fingertips like Jem was trying to decide how he felt about the soft touch, before he relaxed slumping further into the bed, back dipping ever so slightly as he settled on letting Regulus do as he pleased.
Three scars, a set it seemed wrapped around the same leg's ankle, curiously he spread out his fingers and lined three of his fingers up with the start of the scars and traced the slightly raised and silvery lines up to where they stopped mid calf. "Werewolf," Jem whispered he had turned his head to watch Regulus, "it was a first year. Hurt like a bitch but healed in about 2 weeks with the collection of tonics I was given."
Regulus's fingers trailed back up to that scar on the back of his thigh a silent question there as he glanced up at Jem's eyes. "Fighting pit, New Orleans, French Quarter, rules were no weapons I was against someone who knew it wasn't a fair fight and brought something to level the playing field."
Regulus liked this, each scar had a small story, one Jem was currently willing to tell. He tapped the base of his spine, not raising the shirt just requesting to know about that one. "Voldemort, he was a little pissy the same time I decided to let out something other then a "Yes my Lord." Didn't take it too well. Left me for dead."
"He did that?"
"Indirectly, he had a handful of lackeys hold me down so someone could drag one of my knives down my spine, after they forced something down my throat that made my body too heavy to move and my mind to fuzzy to think, of course." He didn't seem overly affected by the story, just content to answer.
Regulus tapped his hip and Jem turned so he was laying on his back. Then it was the tattoos on his knees, a collection of fine lined mountains with three stars over each. "I wanted to remind myself that there was something worth all of the pain, a goal, just decided to put it to ink. Have you ever been to New Orleans?" Regulus shook his head and Jem hummed, "It's beautiful, art and music and culture. Magic." He yawned, "I'll have to take you there one day."
Regulus smiled, mission accomplished, calm, exhausted animagus almost asleep. He led Jem lead him up to the pillows and settled down there playing with Jem's hair after ignoring the halfhearted swat. It was more of a quit it you're gonna make me fall asleep rather than a no. And sleep was kind of the goal.
He dozed off quickly after that, with one arm over his chest the other Regulus was currently using as a pillow, "I hope, one day you'll tell me what happened. I hope you'll trust me." He pressed a kiss to Jem's temple before letting him eyes fall close, easily following Jem into sleep.
"I do trust you Reg." He heard the words just as he was meeting unconsciousness and he couldn't help but smile.