Chapter 4
June 25th came too quickly and after getting back from seeing his "family" Regulus couldn't make his body work properly. Classes came and went, Evan and Barty coming in and sitting on the couch across from Regulus, taking in the blank expression. "Potter was looking for you." Jem, he had asked if they could explore today, "We could go get him?" Regulus shook his head. "Wanna talk about it?"
"They're singing happy birthday," Evan held out a bar of chocolate, "I just wish it all were a dream."
"This feels much more like doomsday," his friend said smiling as Regulus accepted the sweet.
"Fuck another birthday."
"Seems like you're in for a long night..."
"I don't see a way out, do you?"
"Turn 16 as a pureblood."
"I'll just keep my head down."
"The role's been passed..."
"I wanted to be heir, but not this fast. The war is calling..."
"Run, it's now or never."
"Merlin, why can't I stay a child forever?" He rubbed his face, "16 and this role, 16 and this choice, 16 and this mark. 16 in the House of Black, 16 and alone, what can I do?" Evan and him sat in silence for a few moments, Barty had left. "I'm so screwed." Evan didn't disagree.
"Alright, I brought a comfort item, though I did have to figure out how to sneak him away from his brother which was a bit more difficult than anticipated." Barty's voice made Evan turn but Regulus didn't react, not until he was tackled to the couch by a wiggling dog, tail going as he plopped down at least 70 pounds of fluff keeping him down.
Regulus smiled, "Hey Jem." Bright green eyes watched him, tail slowing as he laid his head on Regulus's chest. Not really thinking he brought his hands up messing with the soft gold ears. They flicked about as if in reaction before a cold nose was pressed to his hand. Safe.
The tension melted from his body, whatever Barty's thought process had been he now appreciated it. Regulus didn't know why the animagus's presence had him this relaxed, he couldn't explain it. This was bad, this attachment.
Evan and Barty had wandered off, and he was exhausted, he half considered asking Jem to turn but then realized how awkward that would end up. So he slung an arm over the dog and closed his eyes. Today had been overly stressful, he couldn't bring himself to tell Jem about the day even if he knew that the younger Potter brother would only listen, no judgement, just listen.
But he was tired and Jem was a warm, solid weight on his chest. Grounding him down to earth. For now he was safe, in this school, on the couch, with his friends down the hall and the comforting weight of Jem on him. This was good, very good. Even if it was careless and stupid, it felt right. Something Regulus hadn't felt about anything for a long time. Not since Sirius left.
That just started a string of new thoughts, he couldn't bring himself to be mad at his older brother anymore. He left because he needed to, something Regulus understood more and more. He took on the mark so they couldn't force Sirius to do so. He was scared he'd lose his brother, now looking back he knew the last chance he had to leave that damned house was the day Sirius walked out, when he held out his hand and begged his younger brother to come with him. But Regulus also knew that if he had left with him, Orion and Walburga would've stopped at nothing to get them back.
He did accidentally whisper four words into the dark and space between them, the voicing of a half thought meant to be silent, "I don't wanna die..."
He felt the shifting of weight, felt sock clad feet against his ankles and a bare back meet his fingertips, a warm arm slipping under his back, one hand tangling with his, cool breath fanning out over his neck, "Then don't." He didn't open his eyes, just felt, felt the way his thumb fell from and rubbed soft circles onto his wrist, how his fingertips danced over his back, the weight that stayed over him, the warmth that came from it.
"How?" He felt Jem hum, the vibrations soft but sure in his chest, and then he clung to the other man when his back left the couch, "Jem!"
"Hush, you don't want to wake up the entire dorm now do you?" Soft and teasing, and Regulus clung to him as he straightened up, holding the younger Black brother up with ease. He held on tighter when he felt a hand leave the leg it was holding up.
"Jem!"
"Hush. I haven't dropped anyone...yet." Half asleep was not the best mindset to hear that last word. His hands tightening, ankles locking behind his back, he opened the door shutting it with his foot and returning his hand back to Regulus's leg. "Breath Reggie, seriously I'm not gonna drop you," he didn't correct the soft shortening of his name, rather liked the way it rolled from the other wizard's tongue. But he did listen, laying his head on Jem's shoulder, relaxing into the hold.
He was laid back onto the bed, relaxing as he felt it under him, letting go of Jem and turning his face into the pillows, like in doing so he could avoid the soft gaze that demanded his attention without words. "Reggie..." the word was like a purr that rolled off his lips as he coaxed, fingertips dancing along his exposed skin, his arms, the small of his back, the back of his neck, his hair. "Talk to me?"
A firm shake of his head, hands holding the pillow closer to him. He wanted to but he couldn't. Couldn't find the right order to put the words. Couldn't find the right words really. "Come on," the same tone, the one that made Regulus want to melt, warm breath against his neck tickling the hairs there. "Tell me what's wrong, let me help." The open honesty, the almost pleading edge to his voice.
Regulus turned so he was laying on his back, Jem moved away giving the other space. He was sitting up now, his hands moved away as if finally noticing what he had been doing. An apology sat in his eyes, Regulus ignored it, he didn't need to be sorry, not now anyway. "Do you think...do you think people can change?"
"Sometimes," Jem answered pulling his legs up with a grace that wasn't quite human, "I suppose it depends on the person."
"Do you think some people are bad? Like deep down."
He shook his head, "No, no one is ever truly bad or truly good. There has to be a bit of both in all of us, or so I'd like to think." He was keeping his hands to himself now as if he had crossed some line in his mind, Regulus found himself missing the warmth that came with the touches.
Careful and controlled now. "What if you're wrong?"
"Then I am royally screwed." He said with a lazy shrug.
"I don't wanna die Jem."
"What makes you think you are?"
"I...." he closed his eyes blindly reaching out for the other man, a huff of laughter escaping him as a weight fell onto his stomach. "I turned 16 today and when I woke up I wanted to come find you, wanted to convince you to ditch whatever classes you had today so we could go exploring."
Jem paused, and moved slowly and clearly enough Regulus had plenty of time to stop him, but he didn't, he only moved so he was more open to the touch, his shirt riding up more as he folded his arms behind his head, "Why didn't you?" He asked, finally laying his hand back down, this time fingers splayed out, soft, tracing some kind of pattern.
"I got a letter, said I was needed back at home. I didn't think it'd take very long, I just assumed I'd have more than enough time to come find you afterwards."
"What happened?" No demanding answers, the question was much softer this time. Almost like he was telling him if Regulus didn't want to tell him he wasn't going to push it.
"It...I just wanna stay like this. You know? Without anything to worry about or things expected of you. It's so much easier." Regulus tangled a hand in the soft curls, running his fingers through his hair. "I'm tired and I can't make it stop."
"Make what stop?"
"All of it, ever since Sirius left. Its...everything. I wanted to find you, I did, I wanted to go do something stupid with you..."
"You needed a distraction."
"I guess. But after I got back, I couldn't. Merlin I couldn't do anything." He was warm and welcoming and Regulus wanted to melt into it.
"Still need that distraction?" It was an open ended offer. Could go a number of ways.
"Can I ask for something else?"
"Name it..." Regulus caught the edge in his voice, the small bit that said he wanted to add something to that sentence but chose not to.
"Can you just...stay?" The last word was whispered and he sounded far more vulnerable than he liked.
"Of course."
- - -
"Holy shit...oi, Evan!" It was a soft whispered sound as he prayed neither of the boys would wake up. Evan came wandering down the hall peaking his head into their Prefect's room.
"We're not letting this go are we?"
"Hell no," Barty said with a chuckle.
On the bed was Regulus, hair curled and ruffled, and that golden retriever was laying beside him. "Looks like the plan worked." Barty high fived Evan before closing the door and leaving the two. "Think they'll wake up soon?"
"Honestly, I don't think I want them too."