Tuesday, November 3rd, 1981
James had started thinking of time as before and after the blast. Everything in his life had fallen apart all at once, so it only made sense. Before the blast, he had a happy, safe family. That included his best friends. After the blast, he had no home, his son had a scar across his face, his wife was still unconscious, one of his best friends had betrayed him, and another had gone missing. Everything was different.
When he had woken up yesterday, the only thought on his mind was Harry. He had had to be sedated by the healers in St. Mungo’s because he had nearly destroyed his room looking for his son. When he woke up for the second time, they were wise enough to have Harry in the room and handed him over quickly. James had taken him into his arms and brushed his hair out of his face. A scar that looked like lightning cut across his forehead, branching off in different directions. He had simply kissed the scar and held his son close to his chest, silently thanking Merlin for Sirius Black, Victoria Weasley, and even Severus Snape for keeping his baby boy alive.
His next thought was for Lily. They had apparated together back to Godric’s Hollow. There was no chance that he had been hit by the explosion, and she hadn’t, and he was terrified to think about what might have happened to her. He found himself holding his breath as the healers led him to her room down the hall. She was unconscious with a long cut down the side of her face that he knew must have been caused by shrapnel from the house. He kissed it just as he had kissed Harry’s scar.
“We expect her to recover fully, Mr. Potter.” The healer spoke quietly, not wanting to disturb the family. James was grateful for her. He had been too afraid to ask.
“What happened?” It was a long shot, she might not have been there or even known what had happened that night, but he had to ask.
“Minerva McGonnagal brought you, your wife, and your son to the emergency care center late Saturday night. I don’t know how she did it, apparating with three people like that. She didn’t even splinch anyone, truly an incredible witch.” James snorted. It was clear the healer had a crush on his old professor.
“I need to write her and thank her. How long was I -” James couldn’t finish the sentence. He didn’t want to face the reality of his situation. He sank into the armchair by Lily’s bedside, Harry still in his arms. Right now, he had his family. That was what mattered.
“It has been two days, sir. You arrived late Saturday night. It is now Monday. Harry has been awake. Mrs. McGonnagal has been caring for him; that is why he wasn’t there when you woke up initially. If you want me to fetch her, I believe she is still in the hospital.” James’s heart stopped at her words. He had been out for two days, and his wife was still. He tried to focus on the healer’s words. They expected her to make a full recovery. She had to make a full recovery.
“Yes,” he finally choked out. “Yes, if she is still here, I would like to talk to Minerva.” Calling her by her first name still felt strange, even after years of insisting on it while working together in the Order. Sirius hadn’t struggled at all; he was calling her Minnie by their third year. When she finally arrived, Harry cheered and reached his arms out to her. He wasn’t surprised that she was an instant favorite. Harry loved cats.
“Thank you,” James said, setting Harry in her outstretched arms and taking Lily’s hand. “I hear you’ve been looking after our son.” Minerva smiled at Harry, who had stolen all of her attention. He was exceptionally skilled at that. James and Lily never could agree which one of them he got it from.
“Harry has been a treat, quite an amazing boy you have here, James. I don’t deserve all of the credit, though. Remus has been looking after him as well.” James’s heart leaped to hear that at least one of his friends was accounted for.
“So he is well? I understand why he can't be at St. Mungo’s, but I have been worried about him. What about Sirius? He was right behind Lily and me.” A look passed over Minerva’s face, and he refused to identify it. He didn’t want to believe what he saw.
“Remus is well, but James… Sirius and Peter,” She paused, and James had to force himself to keep his composure. All he wanted to do was shout at her to just speak, but he knew that yelling at Minerva McGonagall was not something you did when you wanted to live. So instead, he waited while she gathered her composure. “Sirius and Peter are missing. I haven’t been able to find them. I spoke to Albus this morning. He didn’t say anything other than that there will be a final meeting of the Order tomorrow afternoon.”
Now it was the following afternoon, and he had no more information. He and Harry had slept in Lily’s hospital room that night. After spending so much time alone with his family, the hustle of the hospital was a little overwhelming. He needed to feel close to them. What he needed more was for Lily to wake up. He would be leaving for the Order meeting in ten minutes, and it killed him to be leaving her behind. He wasn’t willing to let go of Harry, so he would be coming with James to the meeting. He didn’t care how the other Order members felt about a one-year-old disrupting the meeting. He dared them to say a word.
The realization that Peter had betrayed him hadn’t hit until after Minerva had left yesterday. Harry was asleep on the cot in Lily’s room when her words about a secret keeper only being able to share the information if they wanted it known forced their way into his mind. Peter had betrayed them, had offered his son as a sacrifice for what? Power? Peter had been a brother to him, and now James wanted to kill him for what he had done to his family.
Once he understood what Peter had done, it hadn’t taken long for dark thoughts to sink in about Sirius. Sirius was the only other person who knew that Peter was the secret keeper for him and Lily. He was sure Remus suspected, but Sirius knew. James had barely slept a wink. Thoughts of Sirius being killed by Peter somehow or kidnapped and tortured by death eaters on Peter’s orders filled his mind. He would not feel okay again until his wife woke up and his brother was home safely. Thoughts of Sirius filled his mind once more, and he decided that it would be okay to be early for the Order of the Pheonix meeting. Dumbeldore had information, and James was determined to get it.
The moment James arrived at the meeting of the Order of the Phoenix, Harry was clinging to him. After Spending his entire life in the company of at most five people, the chaos of the meeting was incredibly overwhelming for him. James cast a muffliato on Harry to quiet the sound, and he felt Harry relax in his arms. He hoped that Harry would fall asleep soon. It would be easier to get through this if he didn’t have to keep Harry quiet.
The order gathered in the living room, and the overall atmosphere was celebratory. It made James feel sick, seeing his friends celebrating while his brother was missing and his wife had been unconscious for three days. He shoved the feeling down, trying to remember that they were celebrating the war's end, not his family's destruction. If he were not the one whose family was suffering, he would probably be celebrating with them. Voldemort was dead. They had found his body in Harry’s room.
He sat at the back of the room and waited for Dumbledore to arrive, he would have used his invisible cloak to attend the meeting, but Dumbledore still had it. He was determined to get it back as well as get the information he needed. He didn’t want to deal with a conversation with the other members of the order today. He couldn’t face the idea of their false concern and awkward conversation. Not until he had Lily and Sirius back.
A cold, uncomfortable feeling spread from the top of James’s head down his back as though someone had cracked an invisible egg over him. He shivered involuntarily and jumped up from his chair to find McGonnagal looking at him.
“It’s a disillusionment charm. I could see how uncomfortable you were. It doesn’t make you invisible, just less noticeable, so you have to stay still and quiet if you don’t want to talk to anyone.” James nodded at her and whispered a quiet thank you as she moved to the front of the room to call them to order.
Once the room quieted, Dumbledore walked to the front of the room. James thought back to his time at Hogwarts when he saw Dumbledore as some sort of idol. He hadn’t thought twice about joining his causes. He had never questioned his authority, and now James felt a horrible resentment toward him. He was only 21. He was too young to have been a soldier.
“I have called you here to deliver some sad news,” Dumbledore said quietly. “While we are all grateful for Voldemort's death, some information about what happened that night has been revealed. Sirius Black betrayed the Potters and later went after Peter Pettegrew. He cornered Peter on a street in muggle London and murdered him and twelve muggles. He has been taken to Azkaban without a trial, which is only right as he was a traitor to us and those who treated him as family.”
James jumped to his feet, overcome with rage. Sirius was in Azkaban without a trial? Dumbledore was celebrating his wrongful incarceration? He barely noticed as McGonnagal removed the disillusionment charm from him as he charged to the front of the room. If he had looked closer, he would have seen that she was also shaking with rage. Sirius Black was like a son to her. She knew he would rather have died than let anything happen to the Potters. She cast a nonverbal “Silencio” on Harry so that he wouldn’t be woken up by the justice that his father was about to deliver.
“You sent him to Azkaban without a trial?” James roared. He didn’t leave room for Dumbledore to respond before he continued, “I don’t want to hear a word about it not being up to you. We all know the influence you have in the ministry. How dare you send my brother to Azkaban with lies about his betrayal? Sirius did not betray my family. He is the only reason we are still alive. We all owe our lives to him, and you have left him to rot?”
“James, you are traumatized, and you were unconscious for several days. You don’t understand the severity of what Sirius has done. I know you were close, and this will be hard to accept, but-”
“But NOTHING! Peter was our secret keeper! Peter betrayed all of us! He was your chief of intel, Dumbledore, and you never questioned it? Now you have sent the man who saved my life to Azkaban to what? Save face?” James’s heart was racing. With every word, he felt his anger growing. “Did you allow him to be carted away without a trial because it was more convenient for you?” A look flashed across Dumbledore’s face, and James realized he had struck a nerve. He was right, he wasn’t sure the reason, but it served Dumbledore to have Sirius out of the way.
“He killed Peter and twelve muggles along with him. Even if Peter is the one who betrayed you, Sirius’s revenge killed thirteen people. He deserves to be in Azkaban for that.” Dumbledore looked at him in a way that might have been comforting but was, in reality, condescending. James wasn’t an impressionable 16-year-old student anymore. He was a father, and he would be damned if he was going to let this go.
“You are full of shit. There will be a trial. I still have a claim to my father’s seat in the Wizengamot, and I will use it to ensure that Sirius gets a trial.” It took all of James’s self-restraint not to spit at his former headmaster on his way out. For most of his life, he had not felt hatred. He had felt anger and pride in droves, it had led him to regrettable behavior in Hogwarts, but in the past twenty-four hours, he had been filled with hatred. Hatred for Peter for sacrificing his family carelessly and hatred for Dumbledore for allowing it to happen. Worse than allowing it, enabling it, and using it for his own interests.
“James, I know what Sirius means to you,” Arthur spoke after a long silence. “If you need help organizing a trial or getting to the ministry, let me know. I am not sure if he is innocent, but I don’t think it's right for him to be in Azkaban without a trial.” Dumbledore looked at him in shock. He had not expected anyone to disagree with him, much less Arthur Weasley, who had always been so loyal.
“One last thing, Dumbledore. You have something of mine, and I need it back.” James stared at Dumbledore, daring him to lie.
“Of course, James. Thank you for lending it to me. I always intended to return it to you.” James felt his irritation growing at Dumbledore’s words. He was speaking so quietly, determined to make James into some sort of villain. James took his invisibility cloak from Dumbledore’s outstretched hand and walked out of the safe house. At least he knew that Arthur Weasley was on his side, and he had his cloak back.
James called for a healer once he arrived in Lily’s hospital room. He needed a parchment and a quill. If he was going to save Sirius, he needed to do so as quickly as possible. He was sure that the ministry wanted to make an example out of him. He attempted three different versions of the letter before he was satisfied with the content. He decided he needed to claim his seat in the Wizengamot before demanding a trial for Sirius. His son was the wizard that had saved them all. He was sure they would not deny him.
***
Sirius was not sure how long he had been in Azkaban. Each minute felt like an hour. After the first day, he realized that when he shifted into Padfoot, the dementors paid him less attention, so he spent most of his time in dog form. Even without being forced to relive his most painful memories, the oppressive weight of the dementors suffocated him. He could barely bring himself to take a few bites out of each meal the guards shoved through the slot in his door.
He had attempted to play it cool when the guards had shoved the Daily Prophet through the slot. His mugshot was plastered across the front page. He had been screaming for someone to listen to him, although it just looked like he was screaming in the picture. The headline read, “Sirius Black: Convicted murderer and death eater!” Walburga would have been so proud. He had not been granted a trial, yet he was a convicted felon in the eyes of the wizarding world. A blood supremacist. A murderer.
It took him a moment to register the second bit of information that the paper shared with him. Today was 3 November 1981. His 22nd birthday, and he was spending it alone in a cell in Azkaban, being spat on by guards.
The only relief the paper had given him was the confirmation that the Potters were safe. The article attempted to mock him for his failed attempt to send them to their deaths. He hoped Peter read that article and felt the shame the wizarding world was attempting to force on him. The Potters were alive and well, and Voldemort was dead. The only thing Peter succeeded in was getting Sirius locked in Azkaban.
As Sirius settled back into his dog form, he comforted himself with the thought of Peter living in the sewers as a rat. Now that he knew James had survived, he must understand that it was only a matter of time before he was killed. James and Remus would hunt him down for what he had done to Harry. If he ever surfaced as a wizard again, it would be the last thing he ever did.
***
Lily woke up to the sounds of her husband playing peek-a-boo with her son and briefly wondered if she had dreamt the events of Halloween night. It was not until she opened her eyes and found herself in a hospital bed that she knew it had happened. Her home had exploded with her baby inside, but there he was, standing on her bed screaming in delight at her husband’s antics.
“James?” Her voice was hoarse, and it felt like her tongue had swollen to fill her mouth. She winced at the feeling.
“Lily?” James was cautiously hopeful. He had imagined Lily waking up before, but he had yet to imagine her voice. He hurried to her side and gently stroked her face. “Lily, my love, are you awake?” Lily forced herself to open her eyes to the brightness of the room once more, wanting to show her husband that she was, indeed, awake.
“I feel like shit,” was all she managed to croak out. James just laughed. Of course, that would be the first thing she said after three days in a hospital bed. He noticed how she was squinting and waved his wand to dim the lights in the room. Lily sighed in relief and rewarded him with fully opening her beautiful green eyes and smiling at him.
“Do you want some water? Ice chips? I am not sure what I am supposed to do here.” James stumbled over his words, overcome with emotion at seeing his wife finally wake up. He was relieved when a healer entered the room. He was sure they had some sort of monitor on Lily, which alerted them when she had awoken.
“Welcome back, Mrs. Potter. You’ve been sleeping for some time! I’m sure you have lots of questions but for now, let's get you some water.” Lily smiled at the healer in gratitude, and James helped her to sit up in the bed. Once she was settled with her back to her pillow, the healer handed her a small cup of water with instructions to sip only.
“How long was I asleep?” Lily asked once the water had shrunk her tongue to a usable level. James laughed and pulled her into his chest, tears falling down his face. He did not let her go as she continued to talk to the healer about her condition. He had already asked all the same questions, and right now, no force in the world could cause him to let go of his wife.