The Hidden House

Lily found herself in a dark room, struggling to right herself. Side-long apparition was never as easy to recover from, and being unable to tell where she was did not help. She decided to just lean on Sirius as he led them down a long hallway to a ladder. When they ascended the ladder, she found herself in a bright pantry, face to face with Remus, who was searching for food.

“Sirius told me you were unconscious. Glad to see he was wrong,” Lily said with a smile as Remus rushed over to her, crushing her in a hug. She hadn’t seen him in over a year before she and James had had to go into hiding. She hadn’t realized how much she missed her friend’s hugs.

“It’s good to see you, Lily. Where is James, Harry?” Remus looked behind her as though they would materialize out of the tunnel behind her and was a bit disappointed to just see Sirius climbing up the ladder and locking the door behind them. 

“It’s not safe for us to be away from our home. We are risking a lot just by having me come, sadly. Once I set this charm in place, we are hoping to be able to see you more.” Remus nodded in understanding, still a little disappointed. He had never had the chance to meet Harry, had only learned that they had had a boy and named him Harry earlier that day when Sirius filled him in. 

He knew he had no right to feel hurt, but the ache spread through him all the same. This war was tearing apart the only family he really claimed. His dad had all but abandoned him, despite the fact that he was the cause of Remus’s becoming a werewolf. His mother had died when he was still at Hogwarts. The Potters, Sirius, and Peter were all he had, and he barely saw them. Ever since graduating from Hogwarts, it felt as though they were drifting farther and farther apart. Now that Sirius and Lily were in front of him, the joy felt bittersweet. He wanted to hold onto them and never let them go, and he wanted to scream at them for being gone for so long. He decided on the latter, pulling Sirius into the hug and breathing them in for a moment before letting them go. 

“Alright then, safety first. What do you need to cast the Fidelius charm?” Sirius led the way out of the pantry to the center point of the house. He knew it did not matter where the spell was cast, but he felt safer there all the same. Lily did not share the sentiment as the center point of the house was a rather narrow hallway that was uncomfortable to navigate with the two grown men, but she made due. 

Lily had learned how to cast the Fidelius charm from Dumbledore a year prior for the protection of her home in Godric’s hollow. She still did not understand why he had not cast the spell, but his simple answer was that it was “safer” for her to do so. She wasn’t sure she agreed with him, but she acknowledged that one less person knowing who their secret keeper was was a good thing. The understanding of the spell was certainly coming in handy now. 

Sirius and Remus watched her begin the spellwork, unable to follow what she was doing. The Fidelius charm was one of the most ancient and complicated spells in existence, and they did not want to distract Lily for even a moment. They stayed as silent as they could as streams of golden light followed the path of her wand before shooting down the hallways. She kept chanting under her breath and moving in complex patterns as the gold light shifted through the rainbow. 

Each color represented a different aspect of the spell, and she did not stop chanting as a circle of light, slowly shifting in color, followed the perimeter of the house unbroken. Sirius had to bite his tongue to stop himself from asking questions as she suddenly changed the pattern her wand was making, and a small ball of light formed in front of her. The ball floated slowly toward his chest, and he gasped as he felt it circle his heart where it stayed put. The moment the ball of light settled within him, the light lining the house disappeared, and they were plunged into comparative darkness. 

“You are now the secret keeper of this residence, Sirius. Nobody can see, hear, or find it without you personally telling them where it is. To complete the spell, state the location of your house.” Sirius nodded at Lily, feeling the compulsion to speak that he knew due to the light still inside him being desperate to finish the Fidelius charm. It was an unpleasant feeling, and he felt a moment of shame at himself for practically forcing Peter to take on this role for the cottage at Godric’s Hollow. 

“The location of The Hidden House is 10 Rowdon Ave, London.” Remus and Lily both nodded, indicating that they understood, and Sirius felt the pressure in his chest disappear. The spell had been completed, and he was now the secret keeper. Sirius slowly sank back into the wall of the narrow hallway with a laugh. His family was safe. He had done what needed to be done, and they were safe. He noticed his body was shaking, and he wasn’t sure if it was from laughter or tears as the relief poured over him. 

“Alright then, Sirius,” Lily said finally, “how about some firewhiskey to celebrate the occasion?” He looked up at her, still shaking, and realized from the look on her face that he must’ve been both laughing and crying. Remus hauled him to his feet, and the trio made their way to the kitchen, where Lily poured each of them a shot of firewhiskey. 

Sirius was still trembling slightly when he slumped onto the stool and took his shot. He hadn’t realized how long he had been running on adrenaline until it finally wore off. Now that he was allowed to rest, it felt as though his body was collapsing underneath him. He was afraid that if he fell asleep, he wouldn’t wake up for months. 

“You know, I was able to learn a lot from the research you did, Sirius.” Lily spoke finally, “I already knew how to cast the spell, but I didn’t know much about it. Some of the information you found helped me figure out what the incantation meant.” Sirius knew she was only speaking to change the subject from his imminent collapse, and he was grateful for it. She always seemed to know what to do to keep them all together.

“I am glad I could be of some help Lils. What did you learn?” 

“Nobody can force information out of a secret keeper. You can only share the information intentionally and directly. Even if someone found a note containing the address you had written for someone else, they wouldn’t be able to find the Hidden House. Unless you plan to tell Voldemort where you are, he will never be able to find anyone here.” Sirius choked on a sob at her words. The laughter had ended, and he was full-on crying now.

The last time he had cried in front of Lily, he had had a reason. They had just discovered that Remus had gone missing and could be dead. There was a reason for the tears. He didn’t know why he was crying now. There was nothing to cause it; they were safe. He hated himself for crumbling like this in front of them over nothing.

Remus seemed to read the emotion in Sirius’s face and knew that drawing attention to his tears would do nothing to help, so he turned his attention to Lily instead. “Thank you, Lils. You should probably go home to James. It's late, and we all need some sleep.” Lily nodded and gave Sirius a quick hug before heading toward the door in the pantry. 

“Wait. Lily,” Sirius called after her, “Let me write a note to James. He needs to know where we are if he is going to come visit.” He pulled a piece of parchment and a quill that had been charmed to never run out of ink and scribbled a quick note to his best friend. Lily took the letter and said a quick goodbye before making her way to the apparation point to go home. She knew she would find James curled up in Harry’s bed with him. 

Once Lily had left, Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius. Sirius reacted instantly, crushing Remus in his arms. They had grown up as brothers, and as he sobbed into his shoulder, he let his mind drift back to when they were all just kids together at Hogwarts, causing trouble and flirting with any girl they could. Remus didn’t say a word, even though he was exhausted and still in pain. He just held onto Sirius for as long as he needed. 

After ten minutes, Sirius felt the tears fading away and slowly let go of Remus. He was grateful when Remus didn’t acknowledge the tears and simply suggested that they get some sleep. The two slowly made their way up the stairs before collapsing in their respective beds. Sirius could already feel the exhaustion that always follows a good cry tugging at his eyelids, and he fell asleep moments after his head hit the pillow. He hadn’t even bothered to get undressed before climbing into his bed. 

The dreams that followed were not pleasant, and he wasn’t sure if he was grateful or angry as they faded away quickly upon waking. All that was left was a lingering feeling of fear, although he was certain that the dreams had followed the theme of those he loved being taken away from him or dying. Sweat had caused his shirt to cling to his skin, and he quickly rubbed his hands across his face and through his hair in an attempt to scrub away the feeling of the dream. 

He threw his shirt off and pulled off his jeans in a desperate attempt to separate himself from the feeling but even standing in his boxers, he felt the same. He couldn’t get the lingering feeling off of himself. When Remus walked in, he was about to make his way to the bathroom, determined to spend the rest of the night in the shower in an ill-conceived attempt to scrub it off. He had the same look on his face that Sirius did. 

“You too, then? I won’t ask if you don’t” Sirius just nodded in response before making his way back to his bed. He sat down on the edge of it and let his head drop down into his hands. 

“Are you going to try and get back to sleep, or should we accept that the night is shot and go get drunk?” Remus’s suggestion didn’t sound half bad. He didn’t think he would be able to find sleep again if he tried. He had just started walking toward his bedroom door to follow Remus down to the kitchen when he heard him call back up the stairs, “And put some clothes on, you arse!” 

Sirius let out a small laugh as he pulled on a pair of pyjamas and made his way down the stairs. He was grateful that he was not alone in this house, even though he hated that his friend was suffering as much as he was. Most likely, even more, considering that he was still recovering from the torture he had undergone. He was fairly certain that Remus still had not processed what had happened. He was more likely attempting to move on as though it never happened. Sirius knew better than to try and comment on that. How Remus chose to recover was none of his business. He just needed to keep him alive to do so. 

Laughter rang up the stairs as Sirius walked down them, and he felt his heart stop for a moment before realizing that nobody but Remus or the Potters could be down there. No death eaters had broken in and hexed Remus with a tickling curse. He felt a smile crack across his face as he rounded the corner and saw James sitting at the bar with Remus. 

“Took you long enough, mate. Lils said my brothers might not want to drink alone tonight and kicked me out. Don’t worry; I brought a bottle to share.” James held up an unopened bottle of firewhiskey as he spoke. 

"She always does know what's best for us, doesn’t she?” Remus responded, a smile still on his face from whatever joke James must’ve made.

"How long have you been here, mate? We have both been asleep for at least an hour.” Sirius wouldn’t have been surprised if James had shown up just minutes after they had fallen asleep and simply felt too awkward to go directly home. 

“Nah, I only got here like ten minutes ago. It took some time to get out of Harry’s bed without waking him up. Then I had to find a bottle of firewhiskey before coming. Turns out, Lily knew I had been drinking from her stash, and she went and hid them all from me.” All three laughed at that, remembering the time Remus had been caught stealing from her chocolate stash. She had hidden a decoy bunch of chocolate that she had cursed to turn the hair of whoever ate it bright pink. She had taken a week to show enough mercy to fix his hair.

“Sounds like you got off easy if all she did was hide it!” Remus laughed. 

“Yeah, well, she does love me more.” 

“In your dreams, James, we all know I am the favorite.” Sirius struck a pose as he spoke, and soon the trio was falling down in laughter once again. They drank and laughed well into the early hours of the morning before they all collapsed on Remus’s bed. When they awoke the next morning, they were all tangled around each other and horribly hung over.

James did not even attempt to go home until he had stolen one of Sirius’s hangover recovery potions. As he walked back in the front door of his home and greeted Lily, he tried not to think about the scene he had witnessed upon arriving at Hidden House. Sirius had been screaming in his sleep, and Remus was just sitting on the stairs. It looked like he had not even attempted to go to bed. He hated knowing that his brothers were suffering like that.

“How bad was it?” Lily asked after welcoming her husband home. She had known that she was not the right person to stay with the pair, but it had broken her heart to leave them the night before.

“It was awful, Lily. Sirius was screaming, and Remus looked like a ghost. I don’t think he even entered his room after dropping Sirius in his. They’re not okay.” He tried to shake away feelings of guilt about what they had been experiencing while his family had stayed safely at home. 

“No, stop that, James. I can see the thoughts written all over your face. This is not your fault. They would not be less traumatized if you did not stay here with Harry and me. The only difference would be that Harry might have had to grow up without his father.” She pulled James into a hug as she spoke, grateful that he was not plagued with the same demons that their friends were. 

“I know you’re right, Lily, but I hate it. I want to help them, but I have no idea how.” He heard a crash followed by giggles from the playroom down the hall and realized that Harry must be flying around on the broom that Sirius had gifted him for his Birthday. 

“Remember back in seventh year when Sirius was living with you and started having nightmares about Walburga? All those years helping Remus through full moons and the horror he experienced because of that? It's the same thing, James. We can’t fix it. All we can do is be there with them.” James pulled her in for a deep kiss, thanking Merlin that he was lucky enough to have married the girl of his dreams. She really was the glue that held them all together. 

“Thank you, Lily. You are right, as always.” He let a small smile stretch across his face as another crash, followed by a loud hiss from the cat, emanated from the playroom. 

“Don’t you forget it,” Lily stabbed him in the chest with her finger before making her way to Harry, most likely attempting to stop him from accidentally killing the cat. “Come on; I am worried if we don’t intervene, then Harry will succeed in traumatizing that poor cat.” 

When they reached the room, they found Harry zooming around the room's perimeter at high speeds, hovering one foot off the ground and attempting to grab his stuffed animals as he zoomed by. It seemed that on more than one occasion, he had decided that grabbing the cat was just as fun, but the cat did not seem to agree with his assessment.