A Complex
I’m wearing his boxers
I’m being a good wife
We won’t be together
but maybe the next life
I need him like water
He lives on a landslide
I cry in his bathroom
He turns off the big light
I’m being a cool girl
I’m keeping it so tight
I carry him home
While my friends have a good night
I need him like water
He thinks that I’m alright
I’m not feeling human
I think he’s a good guy
But it's a complex
It's a complex
It’s a complex
I’m a complex
-Katie Gregson Macleod
The dark interior of the pub had unfortunately become a place Hermione frequented. It was not of her own accord. She hated it here. As she glanced around the room she knew she wasn’t here for her friends, not really, she was here for him.
She felt a strong pair of arms wrap around her from behind. She recognized the embrace instantly. Her best friend. Draco Malfoy.
He pulled her into him “Finally found you, Mione” he slurred into her ear.
She leaned into his embrace for longer than she would like to admit relishing in the nickname he only called her when he was drunk. She moved, pulling away and turning to face him “I guess we got started early” she said, trying not to sound as irritated as she was as she took in his appearance.
He had a difficult time after he found out about Astoria’s infidelity. He truly loved her and was completely broken. For the past 6 months he had been searching for happiness at the bottom of a bottle and their mutual friends weren’t doing much to discourage it.
“Oh come on, Mione,” he slurred. “Everyone is over at one of the booths, come have a good time and stop being so uptight”
She allowed him to lead her to the booth filled with their friends, who like Draco appeared to already be intoxicated. She was met with a string of cheers at her arrival. She took a seat next to Ginny and ordered her normal butterbeer.
The night progressed unlike many others. The group laughed, talked, and consumed more alcohol than should have been possible. They discussed the week’s events and the weekend’s plans. The evening even ended with Draco in a dark corner of the pub, pushing an unsuspecting girl against the wall and kissing her passionately. She felt the familiar feeling that her heart was being crucioed. She watched as he continued to kiss down her neck and her chest. She was just about to rip her eyes away when another man, about 6 inches taller than Draco stormed over to the pair. He ripped Draco away from the girl and threw him to the ground. Hermione stood from the table quickly.
“Mione” she heard Ginny’s voice “Let Harry go, it’s not your job to save him.”
Hermione glanced at Ginny and gave a pained smile “I’m just going to take him home. He’s had too much. He just doesn’t know when to stop” she said quickly before racing to Draco.
By the time she made her way across the bar and through the crowd that surrounded the men, the larger man had his wand pointed at Draco’s neck pushing it deeper.
“ Expelliarmus !” Hermione called out and breathed a sigh of relief as his wand clattered to the floor.
Just as it did Harry was behind the pair hoisting the larger man off of Draco. He nodded to Hermione and looked down to Draco, signaling to her he would handle the situation at the pub to leave her to take Draco home. She walked quickly to him and helped him stand to his feet. She walked them as quickly as Draco was able out the back door of the pub and into the alley. Just as they moved into the night air Draco spoke.
“I didn’t think she had a boyfriend” he slurred “Honest mistake”
She ignored his comment “Do you think you can apparate?”
“Come on Mione, don’t be mad at me. I promise next time I’ll be more careful”
“Okay Draco, I trust you” she smiled before apparating them to his flat.
As soon as they landed in front of his door he curled over and vomited. She banished it quickly before grabbing the spare key and opening the door to his flat.
*****
After she got him cleaned up and undressed down to his boxers, she finally convinced him into his large 4-poster bed. She pulled the blanket over him and rubbed his arm reassuringly.
“Just try and get some rest Draco.” she whispered as she clicked the lamp beside his bed on.
“I love you, Mione. You always take such good care of me. You’re my best friend” he said sleepily before his eyes fluttered closed
Hermione did everything in her power to stop the tears that were filling her eyes. She walked quickly to the washroom. She immediately turned the faucet on, hoping it would drown the sound of her sobs. Draco loved her, but not in the way she craved. This happened every time. She took care of him like the honorable best friend while shoving her romantic feelings for him deeper behind her occlumency walls.
Draco had been the motivation to learn occlumency. She had to learn some way to keep her cool around him, to convince him she was the “cool girl” that would always be there for him. The girl he could treat like his girlfriend and would act like she was without expecting anything more than a friendship from him. She cursed herself as she wiped another tear from her eye. Why was she so stupid? Why couldn’t she let him go and understand there would never be a future for them?
Because she needed him like water. He felt essential to her life. In the 4 short years since they had returned to Hogwarts to complete their 8th year he had become someone she couldn’t imagine living without. She loved him so much, more than anything.
But he lived on a landslide, constantly moving from one girl to another, never settling down. She imagined that was due to the unhappy relationships and lack of love he had been witness to in the past. He loved her, yes but as nothing more than a friend. Despite the knowledge of all of this she still thought he was a good man, the best man she had ever known.
She allowed herself a few more moments of solace and tears before she placed Draco back in the occlumency box in which he belonged. She opened the door to the bathroom and entered the dark room. She changed out of her dress and into a pair of Draco’s boxers and shirt. She climbed into bed beside him. In his sleep, realizing her presence he turned to wrap his arms around her and pull her closer to him. Her heart soared at the embrace, as it always did, until she reminded herself of each time he had done this exact action before. Every single time she left to carry him home while her friends had a good night out.
She was always there to take care of him, she would always be there to take care of him. She thought maybe in another life they were meant to be together, and as she drifted off to sleep she thought of that life. The life she craved but knew Draco didn’t want. She would let Draco destroy her over and over again willingly but she guessed it was a complex.