It wasn´t a big deal, really. Remus, himself, didn´t mind sharing beds; so why would he mind that Sirius almost never slept in his own bed? He knew Sirius had nightmares and personal problems, and so, very often the raven haired boy would sneak into James´s bed in the middle of the night. But they were best friends, the incredible duo, if you may. So Remus didn´t mind at all. At least he didn´t mind until fifth year.
On fifth year, Peter had said they were too old to share beds.
“It´s only weird if you make it weird, Pete.” Had said Sirius.
And that´s what Remus told himself when, on an ordinary Tuesday night, his bed curtains were open by a sleepy Sirius.
“Hi.” Whispered Remus.
Cause he had nothing else to say. It was the middle of the night. Sirius didn´t seem to be freaked out or agitated, like he often did when he woke up from a nightmare – “maybe he hadn´t sleep, maybe he had been overthinking” thought Remus -. James was in the room- on the next bed, actually - he hadn’t gone out to sleep with Reggie or anything. So, why on earth was Sirius standing in front of his bed?
Never, for as long as Remus could remember, had Sirius gone to his bed in the middle of the night. There was always James for that. And Remus had come to terms with it, cause around second and third year he had been pretty jealous.
Why had Sirius never came to him?
But now he had. And Remus couldn´t think of anything else to say to the small figure standing against the moonlight.
“Hiya Moony.” He greeted softly, as if trying not to wake the others. “Mind if I crash here?”
Remus scooted over without saying a word.
Sirius got under the covers lazily. And Remus admire the whole process. He felt… important. Because whatever the reason, Sirius had chosen his bed.
“Had a nightmare?” Remus said laying on his side to look at his friend.
“Hum…” said Sirius staring at the celling. “No.”
“Oh.”
“Well this is painfully awkward” thought Remus to himself.
Then suddenly Sirius turned to face Remus. Even on the darkness of the room Remus could make out the fine factions of Sirius´s face. His grey eyes shone like beacons. And the air was punched out of Remus´s lungs.
It seemed like a staring contest.
They were quiet. The only sound you could hear was their breaths coming in sync with one another. That was until Sirius spoke suddenly.
“I really like your scars.”
“What did you just say?”
“I really like your scars, Moony.”
Remus had learn to share his feelings on the previous years. But there were no words to the warmth he felt spreading from his chest to his body. And so he said what best he thought suited the situation.
“Go to sleep Pads.” He said with an embarrassed smile.
The bed shook a little with Sirius laughter. The smaller boy turned around, and Remus couldn´t help but feel a bit disappointed. But what else was he supposed to say?
“Would you mind cuddling?” asked Sirius.
Silence.
“Uhm… James always does so… but if you don´t…”
“I do.” Said Remus. Sirius turned his head over his shoulder to look at Remus out the corner of his eyes. “I want to.” Tried again the taller boy.
The beds at Hogwarts weren´t that small but still Remus moved stiffly. He arranged himself closer to Sirius´s body, to his warmth. Every muscle was tense, like when he was about to transform – not so painful but still very alert-. Sirius seemed to be tense also. This only made Remus even more self-aware. He slowly pull his arm from under the covers. He circled Sirius's body gently, as if doing something he wasn't allowed to do. But once his skin touched Sirius´s soft arm he felt himself relax into a puddle of wamrth. Sirius relaxed underneath it too. And neither of the spoke for several minutes.
“This is nice.” Said Remus to himself.
“It is.” Answered Sirius.
Remus was startled when his thoughts received an answered. He pulled Sirius a bit closer without thinking, because if the other boy turned around he would surely realize how red Remus face was; even in the middle of the night.
Sirius gave a delighted sight at the closeness. The warm feeling creeping in Remus´s chest turned into something that felt like fire, however it travelled south his chest, very south. So he immediately pull away. Sirius didn´t said anything.
Once the fire had subsided Remus tried again.
“Moony stop moving around so much.”
“Sorry.” He said, feeling caught. “Hey, it´s my bed you know?”
“Yes but I´m gracing you with my presence.” answered ever so arrogant.
Remus scoffed amused.
Sirius turned around.
“Pads….” Called Remus.
He could see Sirius´s long curly eyelashes from this distance.
“Moons.”
“Why are you here?”
“Cause you said it was fine.”
“I´m being serious… don´t you dare say it or I swear to Merlin I´ll kick you to the floor.”
Sirius chuckled and Remus felt the need to touch the freckles that were scattered on his cheeks and the brick of his nose.
“What are you doing?” Sirius´s voice sounded weird.
“Oh.” Said Remus immediately removing his hand. “It´s just… your freckles only appear when we have been in the sun all day… I was just…”
Sirius closed the space between them. For a moment Remus just lay there, not really sure of what to do. Sirius was kind of hugging him, but the bed made it an awkard position. His face was hidden on Remus´s chest and his strong beaters arms had circled Remus´s lean torso. Remus stared into the blackness ahead of him, feeling hyperaware of every inch of his body that was in contact with Sirius.
“James said I should come.” His voice sounded muffled.
“What?”
“James said I should – “
“No I heard you.” Sirius pull back to stare at Remus. “But why”
“Dunno.” Shrugged Sirius.
Remus undid their embrace and he laid back. Sirius seemed hesitant on what to do next so Remus pulled him in by the shoulder. Sirius head was resting on his chest. He was sure his best friend would hear who fast his heart was going. At least he could hear Sirius´s heart going a mile per hour, that made them even, Remus guessed.
“I get why you go to Prongs´s every night.” Comment Remus.
“I don´t go EVERY night.” Complained Sirius.
“Well if I were you I´d go every night.”
“You wouldn´t, Prongs snores very loud... and then he is up very early AND he never moves and complains when I move because I mess up the bed and he likes to be all tucked in and all.” With every word Sirius got more and more loud.
“Shhhh, you are going to wake everyone Pads.” Said Remus stroking Sirius hair. This seemed to work as the other boy didn´t speak. “I´m just saying cuddling everynight would be really nice.”
“Nah Prongs doesn´t even let me cuddle him. Beside he is a literal human-heater I swear I would wake up dripped in sweat if I cuddled him.”
“You literally just told me you and Prongs cuddle.” Sirius raised his head and gave him a puzzled look. “A moment ago, when you asked me to cuddle you… You said Prongs did…”
Sirius eye went wide.
“Ah! Yes, I did told you that. Yes, yes, yes, you are right, we cuddle. It´s Pete who doesn´t let me cuddle him.”
Remus chuckled into Sirius´s hair giving him what he hope could pass as a platonic-affectionate-kiss on the head.
“You are such a bad liar, Pads.”
“I´m not.” Pouted Sirius.
“Yes you are.”
“I´m not.”
“You are.”
“Go to sleep Moony.”
Sirius repositioned himself again on Remus´s chest. And without more words he diffted off to sleep.
Remus took longer to fall asleep but he eventually did, thinking about potion ingredients and astrology charts in order to disctract his mind and more specially his body, from Sirius hand that had sneaked under his shirt and was laying still on his belly, no fabric, no nothing, just soft skin against scared muscles.
.
“Pts! Moony” Sirius whispered the next morning.
“Moons.”
Silence.
“Moonpie.”
Remus was still asleep.
“Remmy!” Sirius shouted.
Remus practically jumped. He sat quickly, looking around disoriented. Sirius was laughing his arse off.
“Look Moony!” he said delighted. Like a little kid.
Remus rubbed his eyes and turned to look over at Sirius. His friend was doing a backbend on the bed.
“Merlin and Morgana, am I going to have to wake up to this everyday now?”
Remus realize all too late what he had implied.
Sirius, on the other hand laughed freely. “Yes! Yes you are!”
Remus had never seen him more beautiful. His hair long was touching the pillow and his smile was the one of a child. The innocence and pure joy displayed on Sirius´s face made Remus heart skip a beat.
He couldn´t deny it any longer. He was in love with Sirius Black.
And so, Remus did what every teenage with an embarrassing crush would have done…
He pushed him off the bed with his foot.
“Moony!”
“Rise and shine, My Star.”
Remus poked his head over the edge of the bed. As soon as they made eye contact they both smiled.
Oh man, was he fucked.