the griffith observatory
Of course Dorcas came running.
How couldn’t she? Everything about Marlene was designed to keep Dorcas transfixed, like the gravitational pull of a planet, keeping her in orbit.
Dorcas pressed on the pedal a little faster than usual as she made her way to Marlene’s, the directions she had given in her phone call memorised in her mind. She passed the familiar lampposts and palm trees of the rich in LA until she reached a small, secluded gate.
The security guard was half-asleep when Dorcas pulled up, but he still recognised her and let her in despite the late hour.
Dorcas hadn’t known what was wrong on the phone, exactly, but she could guess. Marlene’s voice sounded small and desperate, enough to send her own mind into a very (very) mild panic. Dorcas was just concerned, is all.
She made her way up the driveway and got out of the car. The small pathway that led up to the door was followed on either side by large hedges. Everything about Mary and Marlene’s house seemed secluded, hidden away. In fact, it was barely visible from the front except for one side that jutted out over the downward-sloping hill. It seemed like a reclusive seventies cult lived there, not two young it girls of the nineties.
She arrived at the large wooden door and pressed the doorbell. Not five seconds later did it open to reveal Marlene, in plaid boxers and a loose fitting X-ray Spex tee that dipped to reveal her collar bone. Her dark hair spooled in messy curls over her shoulders. There were dark bags over her eyes, revealing how tired the other girl must have been. But in the dark and without makeup, she looked delicate. Dorcas tried not to melt on the spot at the way Marlene’s eyes filled with warmth upon opening the door.
“Hi.” Dorcas said.
Okay, maybe not the most eloquent opener but ‘hey, I’m sorry about your dead ex-girlfriend, want me to kiss it better?’ didn’t seem more tactful.
“Hi.” Marlene replied, seemingly equally as lost on what to say.
Her voice was dark and smooth like it usually was. Dorcas had missed it. She hadn’t realised how often she saw the other girl until she hadn’t.
“Come on in.” she added as she swung open the door a bit more, walking back inside.
The house was dark, lit up only by a lamp on a desk beside one of the sofas. It felt very still and quiet, two things Dorcas would’ve never thought about Marlene’s house, though she supposed she was visiting it under less than ideal circumstances. One of the weird things about Marlene and their friends was that they never kept any staff. Most celebrities - or even the rich families Dorcas had grown up around - had staff. She’d noticed at James and Peter’s, again at Lily’s and now here that none of them had even cooks, at the very least. She’d never heard of them having drivers, either. Dorcas liked that about them. It made them all seem more human.
Inside, the decor was clearly inspired by the seventies design of the house, with dark wooden floors, high ceilings, and exposed beams. The sitting room to the right was overflowing with plants, as well as lamps and tables that looked simultaneously designer and from a thrift store. It looked extremely lived in, from the guitar lying against one of the walls to the array of open magazines and books piled around.
“Do you want a glass of water?” Marlene asked, bringing her out of her observations.
“Sure.”
“Hey, I’m sorry for waking you up-“ Marlene began as she started leading them towards the kitchen.
“No it’s alright, I…” Dorcas didn’t know how to say without it sounding completely obvious and to stupid to say out loud that she cared for the other girl. That she wanted to know more than anything what was going on in her life, “I’m glad you called. I’ve been wanting to know how you’re doing.”
Marlene gave a small smile, though she didn’t say anything as she opened a cabinet to pull out a glass and fill it up with water.
“So,” Dorcas continued as Marlene placed the cup in front of her, “How have you been?”
Marlene gave her a look like she didn’t know how to begin.
“Okay, stupid question,” Dorcas corrected herself, “What have you been doing? What have you done recently?”
“Umm, I haven’t left the house.” the other girl began listing off, “I’ve been rotting in bed or on the sofa. I think I’ve seen so many nature documentaries that I dream in animal migratory patterns.”
Dorcas laughed, trying hard not to choke on the water she had just sipped. Marlene’s own face relaxed into a small smile at the sight.
“I’m serious, I think I can list off every known bird species in the Indonesian rainforest.”
“That’s an impressive skill.”
“Thank you.”
“Wait,” Dorcas’s mind latched on to what she had just said, “You haven’t been out of the house in a week?”
“Most days I barely make it out of bed - but I did make it to the shower today.” she gave Dorcas a winning smile.
“Okay,” Dorcas nodded, “Give me a place, any place.”
She picked up the car keys she had put down on the table.
“Antarctica.”
Dorcas rolled her eyes, “A place I can drive to.”
Which was how, an hour and a half later, they found themselves at the Griffith Observatory, after hours.
“Your celebrity perks never cease to amaze me.” Dorcas drawled as Marlene walked back from having talked to one of the security guards.
“Please,” the other girl waved a hand, “This isn’t a celebrity perk, just good old-fashioned nepotism.”
“Yeah?” Dorcas replied as the large metal gates started sliding open.
“My cousin Marina’s fiancée is head of nighttime security here.” she turned to Dorcas with a grin that was infuriatingly egotistical, “He owed me for all the times I saw him sneaking into her room when they were younger from across the street and never told anyone.”
“Nice.”
Dorcas was impressed - she always was by a little blackmail.
They walked down the large walkway, the observatory lit up in front of them. Dorcas felt the oddest feeling to just stand there, not moving, for hours and simply take it in. As if there could never be enough time for her to really appreciate what she was seeing.
“It’s beautiful.” Marlene said, noticing Dorcas’ expression.
Dorcas just hummed in assent.
“I don’t feel like going inside, though.”
Dorcas nodded, looking back at the other girl. She looked better than she had back at the house, but there was still a sad, exhausted veil over her features.
“That’s okay. I’ll go wherever you want.”
And she meant it. Marlene had invaded Dorcas’ mind, made a little nest for herself there. Dorcas wasn’t going anywhere. She was put on this earth to be consumed, to devote. She spent her life wishing, praying, wanting, so so badly. But now, her devotion didn’t feel like penance for an ultimate goal. It felt like what it was: devotion.
“Okay.” Marlene smiled.
She grabbed her hand and Dorcas didn’t know how something that felt like exploding could be so soft to touch.
Marlene led her through a path that went slightly down the hill on the side of the observatory. She stopped at a neat, grey bench and sat down. Dorcas followed her.
The other girl pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one, “This is one of my favourite views.”
Dorcas looked over and it was easy to see why. Below them, the city stretched out in warm, colourful lights.
“Thanks for getting me out of the house, by the way. I needed that.”
There was a light breeze that gently blew through Marlene’s hair. Her t-shirt slung off half her shoulder. Dorcas wondered how someone could be so beautiful they hurt your chest to look at.
“Are you feeling better?” she asked.
“Sort of.” Marlene kept staring straight ahead, “I feel less trapped in my head, I guess. I don’t know. I find it hard to let myself feel better. You make it easier.”
For all her deceiving, self-protective bullshit, Marlene was sometimes so honest Dorcas didn’t know how to respond.
“But I mean,” Marlene continued, finally turning back to look at the other girl, “I feel like we’re always talking about me. Let’s talk about you.”
Dorcas smiled, “I mean, what is there to know?”
“Please, you’re the most mysterious person I know.” Marlene pointed at her with her cigarette, a grin in her eye.
“Well, what do you wanna know?” Dorcas asked, finally caving in and lighting a cigarette on her own.
“Okay, well,” Marlene began, trying to think of something, “Okay, when did you have your first smoke?”
Dorcas thought back, “Umm, I was fifteen, Barty was convinced that cool people smoked and that, as cool people, we should learn.”
“Oh, of course.”
“Exactly,” Dorcas continued, “He stole his dad’s cigarettes and brought them back with him to school. We smoked them on the side of this massive lake we had on the grounds. A prefect caught us and snitched on us. We all got detentions - not Regulus, though, he had ditched when he’d heard her coming.”
“What a traitor.” Marlene looked appalled, “He didn’t even let you guys know?”
“No, but he was just like that then.” Dorcas shrugged, “besides, the prefect wasn’t sneaky, it was clear she was nearby.”
“Why didn’t you hide?”
“Well I didn’t know for sure it was a prefect. Besides, at that age I didn’t really care whether I got a detention.” She took a drag from her cigarette.
“Okay, I’ve got another question.” Marlene began.
It was such an oddly Marlene way of asking that Dorcas had to hold back a smile. It was like a child asking you your third favourite type of lizard, genuinely just blindingly interested in getting to know every detail about you
“What do you want your future to look like?”
Dorcas looked over the view in thought, “Well, I want to live in Europe, I think.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Well, aren’t you glad you asked.” Dorcas smirked, “I’d like Paris, but I honestly think it would be a bit too snooty for me. I think maybe a place like Barcelona.”
“I can imagine that.” Marlene took a drag from her cigarette, big brown eyes full of warmth, “I can’t imagine you in a place that’s not sunny.”
“Me neither.” Dorcas agreed, “I want to live in a big house in the centre of the city, or in a big penthouse. I definitely want to be in the middle of it all, I don’t want to live in a suburb.”
Marlene gave a fake shudder at the thought, which Dorcas appreciated.
“What about your friends?”
“What about them?” Dorcas shrugged, “we’ve lived on top of each other for ten years. We know what we are to one another. I want them to be wherever they are happiest and I want me to have enough money to fly them to see me whenever I want.” she gave the other girl a grin.
“You don’t want to be famous, then?”
Dorcas thought about that. She’d been thinking about that a lot, actually.
“Honestly, I used to want fame so bad and, granted, it’s not like we’re household names now, but I think…” Dorcas flicked ash below the bench as she tried to formulate her thoughts, “I think I wanted it because I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it - that I could be the best.” she shrugged, “I don’t think I actually care about being famous all that much.
“I think I get what you mean,” Marlene replied, “I think I wanted fame because I just wanted people to notice me. I felt so inconsequential for so long - I needed thousands and thousands of people to notice me to feel filled up. But it wore off after a while. The people that matter notice me, so it doesn’t affect me that much now.”
Marlene looked back at her with knowing eyes.
There was an understanding between them - there always was. Marlene was pure heat and Dorcas was pure ice but at the end of the day they were both extremes. They knew what it was like to consume, to break, to scare away. Even in their differences, they were what the other was not. They were the two sides of a scale. They were made with the other in mind.
“What do you want your future to look like?” Dorcas turned to ask.
Marlene looked like she hadn’t expected the question in return, “Well, I think… I think that I’d just want to be happy.”
Dorcas rolled her eyes, “Well now you’re just making me look materialistic.”
Marlene’s face broke into a grin, one of those that made her eyes glimmer and smile, “Well maybe you are.”
“Do you think you’re on your way? To being happy I mean.” she corrected.
“Yeah. I think.” she nodded, before looking at the other girl more solemnly, “You make me happy. Not just fleetingly happy, but permanently. Like, you make me happy even when you’re not there.”
Dorcas smiled. She wished she could put into words what she felt for Marlene. She wished she could let her know.
“Thank you again, by the way,” Marlene continued, “For coming. I… I was in a really bad place, earlier. I… just thank you.”
She looked at Dorcas with such sincere, fucking beautiful eyes that she didn’t know how her heart didn’t burst there and then.