interlude
“Don’t you think it’s kind of ironic that we’re in a closet?”
“Shut up.”
Dorcas rolled her eyes, trying desperately to avoid the smile that was creeping onto her face. Marlene just grinned back, a spark in her eyes clearly informing Dorcas that she could see right through her. She hated when that happened.
“But I thought you liked it when I was loud?” Marlene replied with a feigned innocence.
Good heavens.
“Well,” Dorcas scrambled as she held onto the front of Marlene’s t-shirt and pulled them backwards against one of the metal shelves in the supply closet they were in. She was not about to be outdone by Marlene Mckinnon, “I just think you could put your mouth to better use.”
“Yeah?” Marlene looked back at Dorcas with an expression that seemed to say that she was ready to devour her whole as she inched closer.
Dorcas felt herself sink into the swirls of brown in the other girl’s eyes, just ready to drown there if need be. God, she was really fucking done for. Dorcas’ felt her brain go dead as she tried to come up with a response.
“Yeah.”
The other girl’s face cracked into a grin.
“Okay then.” Marlene replied before instantly surging forward.
The other girl’s lips felt hot on Dorcas’ as their kiss deepened, turning desperate. She ran a hair through Marlene’s curls, tugging on it slightly and laughing into the kiss when the other girl groaned in response. Dorcas turned them around so that she could press Marlene up against the shelves behind them. She fumbled her hands down towards the other girl’s jeans and undid the zip and button, slipping a hand further down.
Like muscle memory, Dorcas was starting to get to know everything that Marlene liked - what completely undid her, turning her brain into mush the way Dorcas’ always felt when she was around her. The other girl’s mouth slackened as Dorcas knew it would. She started pressing kisses onto Marlene’s neck instead, on her pulse point, and making her way down to the collarbone.
God, Dorcas was so so stupid and so so fucking elated at the way Marlene was practically disintegrating in front of her, unable to do more than pant heavy breaths and grip a hand onto Dorcas’ shoulder. The grip tightened - probably enough to leave marks later on - but Dorcas didn’t care as she pushed the other girl towards the edge.
When it was over, Marlene tilted her head back, resting it on one of the metal shelves. It was always needy between them, desperate. Dorcas felt it almost like a competition, and right now she was basking in the satisfaction of having won. Marlene looked back up at the other girl, hair a mess, lips slightly parted, breaths heavy, the perfect picture of a rockstar. Dorcas felt her knees almost buckle. The other girl moved forward to press a few sweet and lazy kisses - something Dorcas wouldn’t have really accepted from any other casual hookup, but with Marlene she did.
“Hey,” the girl in front of her began, moving a hand towards the hem of Dorcas’ skirt, “Do you want me to-”
Dorcas caught sight of her watch, “Fuck, I’m late for band practice. See you later?”
Marlene took a step back and started zipping up her pants, “Can’t, sorry, I’ve got SNL, but you’re coming to the afterparty, right?”
She looked up at the question, and Dorcas’ mind halted once again. This seemed to be becoming a problem. Some of Marlene’s baby curls had stuck to her forehead and the neck of her t-shirt was wonky, exposing her right collarbone.
“Yeah.” Dorcas’ mouth replied, without her brain having time to think about it, “Yeah, I’ll see you there.”
In front of her, Marlene tried tidying up her hair, “Do I look okay? Or like I’ve just been fucked in a supply closet?”
Dorcas laughed at that, assessing the girl in front of her, “Is it unhelpful to say that you always kind of look like you’ve just been fucked in a supply closet?”
“Yes, but I guess if anyone asks I can just pass it off as a rockstar vibe.”
“Oh, of course.”
At Marlene’s smile, Dorcas left as quickly as possible. The air outside in the hallways was slightly cooler, and she fanned herself with her hand as she made her way to the practice room.
Okay, it was not like Dorcas was under some kind of illusion that none of this sneaking around was having an effect on her, it’s just that she had come to the conclusion that it was the only way forward. If Dorcas could just ignore Marlene, she would. If she could simply pretend to hate her in the hopes that it would drive her away, she would. That particular avenue didn’t really help much last time and besides… Dorcas just didn’t really want to.
So her resolve and self-discipline was completely non-existent around the other girl, what else was new? It was just that Marlene was so beautiful, so entirely charming and exciting that Dorcas didn’t know what to do with herself. She didn’t know where to place the boundary. She knew it was technically there; they were friends who slept together every once in a while.
It was easier this way, though. At least she wasn’t lying to Marlene about what she was ready to give her. At least she wasn’t disappointing her. At least she was able to keep her around, something she so desperately wanted, without completely destroying their relationship - something she would almost definitely do if it went further. Besides, Marlene seemed happy with the arrangement, so that was that.
So weeks went by since New York, and Dorcas spent her days pulling Marlene or being pulled herself into empty rooms. Outside of that, they didn’t talk much. Dorcas was too busy with songwriting and Marlene was too busy starting rehearsals for their tour next year and drumming up press for the new album. Dorcas thought it was a secret blessing - it was just difficult to be around the other girl, that was all. She was like a magnet, and Dorcas was honestly too scared that she was going to be sucked in. It seemed that the universe had other plans, though.
A reporter for Rolling Stone had asked to follow Gryffindor Tower for the weekend - as was customary for their front-page interviews - a weekend that was excruciating for Dorcas, as her and Marlene weren't able to meet up. As a follow-up of sorts, they had asked to do an interview, this time with just Marlene and Lily as well as Dorcas and Pandora for a ‘female rockstars’ angle.
They were sat on a long leather couch; Dorcas was placed in the middle with Pandora to her left and Marlene to her right. On the other side of Marlene was Lily. The walls were filled with album posters and a grand piano took up the left-hand corner of the room.
The interviewer in front of them seemed nice enough, with a long floral dress that revealed a medley of tattoos on her arms. She looked about the same age as them, which Dorcas thought was far too young to be a Rolling Stones reporter. Still, she plastered a smile on her face and tried desperately to ignore the girl sitting next to her.
“So,” the interviewer began with a smile as she turned a page in her notepad, “I’m starting with a much too vague question, but I feel the need to put it out there. What is it like being a woman in rock?”
It was Lily who jumped in first, “Well, I think it’s different for us because we have men in our band. I think a large part of the problem comes from finding an audience with an all-female band.”
“But still, you must have encountered some difficulties, right?”
“Managers are extra scummy if you’re a woman, that’s for sure.” Marlene replied.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, they view you more like a sex object to sell than a serious musician.” Marlene answered bluntly. The interviewer was scribbling down in her notepad.
“They don’t seem to think a female artist would sell just through sheer musical talent.” Pandora added.
“Exactly,” the other girl agreed, “I mean there are so many male artists who just sit on a stage and play their guitar and most people don’t think to question their talent because supposedly their music speaks for itself.”
“And that’s not the case for female artists?” the interviewer continued, not unsympathetically. Marlene shook her head in response.
“But you still think you have benefitted a lot from having men in your band?”
“Definitely.”
The interviewer turned to Pandora and Dorcas, “And have you guys benefitted from your personal friendship with Gryffindor Tower?”
She didn’t seem to say things in a condescending or sneaky way, but the interviewer asked questions with a quick and analytical tone that made Dorcas uncomfortable.
Luckily, Pandora answered instead, “Yes, even through such small things as having someone to show us the ropes in LA after moving here.”
The interviewer smiled, “Was it love at first sight between the bands?”
At that, there was a loud snort from the other end of the couch.
The interviewer gave a blank look, “Am I mistaken?”
“No,” Lily was quick to reply, who Dorcas now realised had been the source of the laughter, “Not for Pandora and I at least...”
Next to her, Dorcas could feel Marlene elbow Lily.
“Care to elaborate?” The interviewer asked, turning her inquisitive stare to Marlene.
“Umm…” the other girl looked at Dorcas, clearly unsure whether to divulge the information. Dorcas, on her part, was unable to not take the bait.
“Well,” Dorcas jumped in, “Marlene and I didn’t get off to the best start.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah,” Dorcas affirmed, “She wasn’t the most welcoming.”
“If I remember correctly,” Marlene defended herself, pointing a finger for emphasis, “There was animosity on both sides.”
“I guess…”
“And, you weren’t being very helpful about the prank we were pulling off.”
It was Dorcas’ turn to defend herself, “I was being plenty helpful.”
“Prank?” the interviewer asked, confused.
“Oh,” Lily clarified, “Just some prank we played on Rita Skeeter.”
“Rita Skeeter from the Daily Prophet?”
“Yep.” Marlene nodded, “She said some awful things in the paper about us.”
“Had it coming, really.” Dorcas agreed, before turning back to the other girl, “And I resent the accusation.”
“You just didn’t have the rebellious spirit that we did,” Dorcas rolled her eyes at that as Marlene turned back to the interviewer with a boastful grin, “Now she does, though, so it’s okay. I’m a great teacher.”
There was a smile in the interviewer’s eyes, “And how did you solve your differences?”
“I’m glad you asked,” Dorcas began confidently as Marlene opened her mouth, cutting her off, “She came begging to me for some help on the bass guitar.”
“I did not beg-”
“Well…”
“I merely asked politely,” she corrected, “And, if I recall, you needed help on your songwriting as well.”
“Not as much as you did on the bass.” Dorcas shrugged with a smile.
“That’s true,” Lily jumped in with a smile, “You’re awful at any guitar. Can’t play for shit, really.”
“Traitor” Marlene quipped back at the other girl with a glare.
“If I’m not mistaken,” the interviewer directed at Marlene, “You did play some of the early Gryffindor Tower shows with a guitar, right?”
Dorcas tried to hold in a laugh, remembering the time Marlene told her she used to play with a guitar on her just because she thought she looked cool.
Marlene turned to the other girl and warned in a low voice, “Don’t you dare.”
Dorcas just looked back with an innocent smile.
“I didn’t play anything difficult on it.” she replied to the interviewer with a placid smile.
The rest of the interview followed in much the same way, with Dorcas trying desperately to ignore Marlene and yet getting roped in the moment anyone so much as mentioned her name. As soon as it was over, she smiled goodbye at the interviewer and left the room as soon as possible.
She found refuge in the bathroom - the same bathroom in which she had comforted Marlene those weeks ago. Dorcas tried to ignore the memory that replayed in her mind at that. Luckily, she didn’t have to try very hard as her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone opening the door.
“So you’re fucking her, right?”
Dorcas turned to see Pandora in the doorway, an eyebrow raised in question. She was wearing a Frank Zappa t-shirt Dorcas didn’t recognise.
“Well hello to you too.”
The other girl rolled her eyes, “Cut the crap. You know I hate waffle.”
Dorcas looked at her light blue eyes and knew she wasn’t backing down on this one.
She sighed and pulled herself up to sit on the counter next to the sink, “Is it that obvious?”
“Honestly?” Pandora replied as she moved to sit next to her, “Yeah.”
Well, at least she was blunt about it.
“Do you think the interviewer picked it up?”
“Probably.” Pandora shrugged.
Dorcas sighed again, sending a small prayer in hope that in the coming weeks she would not be greeted to magazines plastering gossip about her and Marlene.
“I’m an awful person, aren’t I?”
Pandora looked back at her, confused, “What? Why?”
“I just… I think I’m giving mixed signals.”
“What do you mean?”
“You know I’m not very good with relationships.” Dorcas clarified with a shrug, “It - well it can’t go further than what it is now, but… I don’t know how to stay away.”
Pandora thought about this for a moment, before replying.
“You’re scared of being vulnerable, right?” Pandora asked. Dorcas hated it being put so bluntly, but she nodded anyway, “Well you’re vulnerable with me.”
“It’s not the same.”
“Isn’t it?” Pandora asked genuinely.
Dorcas didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know how to say to Pandora that it was different. That, yeah, she was vulnerable with her and Regulus and the others, but she wasn’t really. Moreso, she had her moments of vulnerability. But with Marlene, Dorcas felt herself so utterly taken, so fascinated and fond that she knew she wouldn’t be able to stop herself.
And Dorcas had only gotten as far as she had gotten by being strong. Dorcas got mean when she felt unbalanced, not fully in control of what was being known about her. And Dorcas didn’t want Marlene to know that side of her more than she already had.
“I’m gonna go make myself a tea.” Pandora started as she stood up off the bathroom counter, “Coming?”
“I’ll meet you there,” Dorcas replied, “I need to pee.”
“You know,” Pandora added as she was about to leave, “If it makes you feel better, I don’t really think she’s particularly great at relationships either.”
“And that would make me feel better?”
“Yeah.” Pandora nodded, “It means you wouldn’t be alone. Nothing’s worse than being broken in the presence of an angel.”
Those words echoed in Dorcas’s mind as she locked the cubicle behind her.. It was not long after Pandora had left that she heard the bathroom door open again and two sets of footsteps walk in.
“How is she completely fine?” Dorcas recognised Lily’s voice.
“I don’t know, but fuck Dumbledore either way.” another voice - Mary’s - replied.
Dorcas held her breath to be as quiet as possible.
“I mean, maybe she’ll be okay? It’s the week before at least, not the week of.”
“Oh please, it’s the first time in six years that she’s played anything in the month of August, and its a fucking stadium as well.”
“Maybe it’s good? Maybe it means she will be distracted.”
“Yeah, I think she’s a little too distracted lately…”
“Mary…”
“Whatever,” Mary replied quickly, clearly switching the subject back, “Can’t you guys cancel it?”
“Nope.” Lily replied in a defeated voice, “The contract’s already been drafted and the label could get sued thousands if we pull out now.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“I just… she doesn’t seem off to you?”
“She seems perfectly fine, Mar, happy, even.”
Mary sighed loudly, “I really don’t like this.”
There was silence for a bit, before Lily piped up, “Come on, we should go.”
Dorcas waited a minute after the door had closed before coming out of the cubicle. She waited another minute until she left the bathroom, making sure that Lily and Mary had left the corridor.
What was that? It was clearly about Marlene, right? Maybe she could ask Lily subtly - they were friends. Although maybe they weren’t close enough that she would tell her what that was about. Maybe there was a way to -
Before she could go any further, a hand grabbed her wrist and pulled her into an empty recording studio where she was met by a smiling and giddy Marlene.
“There you are. I’ve been looking everywhere.”