Scar Tissue

They jumped off the stage to the sound of hands clapping and voices cheering. Marlene shared a look of pure joy and shock with James when they managed to catch each other’s eye. People were cheering for them. 

And it hadn’t been a perfect set, either. James broke a stick halfway through and replaced it with his shoe. They all fumbled the rhythm during This Charming Man, progressively getting faster and faster until Marlene was almost tripping over her words. There wasn’t enough space for her onstage, and so during the first song she made the executive decision to move onto the bar instead. Marlene thought she must be some kind of prophet because she had only decided to wear pants at the last minute, instead of a skirt which would have meant that people standing near her would have had a straight upshot of her underwear whilst she pranced around. 

But, despite all that, they were clapping. For them.

“How the fuck did this many people come?” she finally breathed out as they burst into the stage room. 

“Sirius told me he mentioned it to his friend Mary, who said she would pass the information along.” James managed to get out between breaths. He grabbed a towel that was sitting in the corner and used it to wipe the sweat off of his face. 

“God, we owe her a drink.” she replied,

“For our entire career? I think we owe her a whole bottle.” Lily interjected as she tied up her thick hair into a bun. She was covered in a thin layer of sweat, but she was grinning nonetheless.

“Only if you’re paying.” Remus quipped, swatting Lily’s hands away when she tried to shove him.

Marlene looked at herself in the mirror. It hadn’t been cleaned in a while, but she could still see herself through the layers of dust. Her eyeliner on her right eye had smudged a bit, and her hair was sticking out at all angles, with a few of her baby hairs stuck to her forehead from sweat. She looked - to put it bluntly - like an absolute mess. But it just made Marlene even happier, like there were real, physical signs of how much adrenaline she spent up there.

“Plus,” he continued, “We might not owe her anything. The Whiskey guy may not have even liked our set.”

He was met with three sets of voices booing him.

“I’m just trying to be realistic!” He defended himself.

“We don’t like realism here,” Marlene spoke as she tried fixing her eyeliner, “It gets in the way of being delusional”

“And pretty.” James added with a glare to Remus.

Lily cleared her throat as she stood on the couch, spreading her arms wide, “Guys, I solemnly swear that if we get any sort of deal from this night, I will flash this Mary girl my tits.”

Her declaration was met with a wolf whistle from Remus and various “here here!”s from Marlene and James. She jumped off of the couch and high fived both of them like some sort of walk of fame. 

“How come I don’t get flashed…” Marlene pouted.

“Later on, don’t worry.” Lily patted her on the shoulder, “I’ve got to leave my flashing ratio in the band to one third for a little while, huh Remus?”

Remus was lost in thought, looking towards the door, “What?” he mumbled, still not paying attention.

“We were talking about Lily’s tits.” Marlene replied bluntly.

“Cool.” he said, distractedly, “Hey guys I’m going to find Sirius… and - and Emmeline. I’ll meet you guys at the bar.” he was halfway through the door before he had finished his sentence.

A man on a mission, Marlene thought, trying to hold back a laugh.

James waited a few seconds before turning to speak to the two of them, “Well now that it’s just us…” 

He reached into his back pocket and slowly brought out a little plastic bag.

“No!” Marlene gasped, “Have we really moved to such high heights?”

“You must have saved up your pocket money for a month!” Lily teased.

James just grinned back excitedly, almost bouncing on the spot, completely unperturbed, “I know! Sirius gave me the number of Mary’s dealer and I got like fifty percent off just because I knew her!”

“I actually think I might give this Mary girl my hand in marriage the moment I see her.” Marlene was in awe. 

They all stood in a little circle, the bag of weed in the middle of them. It was one of the great myths of the drug world that weed was the most common drug. Maybe at private schools. But where Marlene came from? That shit was expensive. In fact, she’d never actually bought it herself. She had this theory that one of the biggest reasons people did hard drugs so much was because the ‘soft’ ones cost so much.

“You’ll have to get through me first.” Lily countered, “At this rate, I might actually take my clothes off the moment I see her.”

“I’m not too worried. The fact that Remus was completely unfazed when you mentioned that you flashed him leads me to believe your tits aren’t all that special.”

“Fuck you. My tits are spectacular.”

They found a spot sitting on the bins in the small alleyway behind Prewett’s. It ran behind two lines of buildings, the only real light coming from the orange and green neon sign on the roof of the bar. The orange light made Lily’s hair look radioactive. They had already gone through one joint and were comfortably tucking into a second. 

“Guys, if I was a type of flower, what flower would I be?”

Marlene and James just stared back at the other girl.

“I feel like this is a trick question.” Marlene’s voice wavered before her and James both dissolved into giggles. Lily slapped her on the arm in protest.

“Well what do you want us to say?” James asked in utter confusion.

“I want you to say what you really feel!”

“But your name…” Marlene cut herself off, too out of it to want to begin the mighty task of explaining irony to Lily who looked at her with such desperation, wanting to know the answer, “ummmm… Sunflower?”

Her wide eyes dulled instantly. “You’re just saying that ‘cos I’m a redhead!” she moaned.

James burst into laughter, leaving Marlene to defend herself, “Yellow and ginger are two completely different colours, Lils!” 

“Yeah but still…” she trailed off, crossing her arms in front of her like a sulking child. 

Marlene turned and looked forward in the silence that befell them, taking the joint from James. She wondered what the others were doing. Hopefully Emmeline had hit it off with Mary, otherwise she would probably have been stuck third-wheeling Remus and Sirius. God, they had been difficult to be around lately. Since her talk with Sirius, it seemed that the two boys were still at a standstill. That didn’t mean that they hadn’t stopped talking to each other, on the contrary, they hung out with each other all the time. It seemed that even Marlene could see the chemistry they had with each other before they did. Sometimes, she just wanted to lock them in a room together to see what would happen. 

She knew it was none of her business, but the weed crumbled the barriers between her brain and her mouth. She had enough awareness to mention something indirect, so that if they hadn’t picked up on it themselves, they wouldn’t understand.

“Is it just me or are Remus and Sirius absolutely insufferable right now?”

Both of them immediately groaned in response.

“Oh my fucking God it’s like watching two people with the communication skills of a one year old. You know, those who can’t speak and can only let you know how they’re feeling by crying.” Lily used her hands for emphasis.

“That’s exactly what it is!” James agreed, nodding his head like a madman, “It’s like the only way they can communicate is throughlonging gazes and it makes me want to throw up.”

“You know the other day,” Marlene started, the other two looking at her with complete focus, “I saw Remus move a hair out of Sirius’ face while he was talking and he literally stopped talking and then just left the room because he was so flustered.”

“That’s nothing.” Lily countered, “Yesterday I had to sit with Remus while he screamed into a pillow for an hour because Sirius looked ‘particularly hot’ that day.”

“Oh my God Sirius did that too!” James replied fervently.

“Was it the day that Remus wore that green BauHaus t-shirt?” James nodded, “I knew it. He looked at him all day like he was undressing him with his eyes. It was… disturbing.”

“Ugh, don't you just want to…” Lily imitated shoving two heads together. James and her nodded with fervour. The other girl lay back, starting again but this time a lot more calmly, “Maybe if they got together we would spend the years afterwards telling everyone how it was inevitable and they were just bound to find each other, but it doesn’t feel that way right now. I mean, it feels like there’s a real chance they just won’t be able to find a way.”

Marlene sat back, resting her head on the brick wall behind her “It’s so awful to watch, isn't it?” 

Lily and James hummed in response, the other boy passing her the joint. She took a deep puff. 

“They would really suit each other. Remus grounds Sirius and Sirius seems to keep Remus out of his own head. They just fit.”

“Do you ever think you’ll find someone like that? You know, someone who just gets you but is also different enough to balance you out.” James asked.

Marlene thought of Emmeline. Did she fit that description? If she was honest, Marlene didn’t really know. There were few times where she felt small and inexperienced, and being with Emmeline was one of them. She supposed that’s what vulnerability felt like, but she childishly wished it was all a bit easier.

“Not really. Well, not unless I do a bit of growing.” Lily let out.

“In what way?” she asked.

“I don’t really know.”

She turned forward, lost in thought. James was trying to pick out a thread that was sticking out from his pants, distracting both him and Marlene for an embarrassingly long time, like two cats distracted by a torch.

 Lily took a deep breath, “Well, I guess I don’t let people know the ugly sides about me.” 

They both turned to look at her. Even in her drug-addled state, Marlene could recognise that this was hard for Lily.

“I refuse to believe there are any.” James replied.

“No, no there are.” she nodded seriously, “Sometimes I think about how much more energy I would have if I didn’t spend it trying to be this perfect mould of a person.”

“What do you mean?” Marlene was curious. 

“I don’t think I’m very good at being vulnerable.” she sighed defeatedly. “You know, when I first met you two it was so intimidating.”

Marlene didn’t really know what to make of that statement. 

Lily continued, “You were both so open with how you felt about everything- and whenever anyone questioned you, you guys just bounced back with a defence, completely unfazed. I can’t really do that. I need every single move I make to be completely perfect, completely unquestionable.” 

“There’s no such thing.” James looked at her sadly.

“Funnily enough that doesn’t seem to stop me from trying.” Lily mirrored James’ expression.

“You know, I really don’t think it’s as good as you make it out to be - although the grass is greener, I suppose.” Marlene started, huffing out a laugh, “I’ve been going out to these places since I was like thirteen. I was so young and small. And I was in an environment that makes you feel small anyways, no matter what age. You know that first time when you realise that your dreams aren’t special? That you’re really just like everyone else? I grew up around that. I spent my most insecure little pubescent years around that.

“I realised early that no one’s going to listen to what you say if you’re not funny or entertaining. So I made myself the most entertaining I could be. And now I can’t stand it if someone ignores me, it makes me feel absolutely worthless.

“So,” she sighed, “It gave me the confidence to shove my opinions down everyone’s throat, as you much more elegantly put it, but it didn’t really leave me much better off either. I think that’s just how people work; every strength is also a flaw in some way.”

“Well, you never need to be entertaining to me. I like you even when you’re silent and doing nothing.” Lily reached over James and gave her hand a squeeze. Marlene squeezed back. 

“Geez” James huffed, “Is it awful if I say I’m confident because my parents valued my opinion?” 

“Yes. Shut up.” Lily swatted him goodnaturedly before laying back down to take a puff from the joint.

They sait in silence for a bit - not uncomfortable, but thoughtful.

“I have issues, too, you know.” James said. Marlene noticed a hint of distress in his voice. 

“Of course you do.”

“And - and I know I grew up in a lovely home and I’m really grateful for everything my parents have done but that doesn’t just make a person immune to problems, you know?” 

She got the feeling he was saying this more to himself than anyone else, so she let him carry on. 

“I don’t - I don’t handle criticism well. And that’s not because I’m a brat.” 

“Of course not.” 

“And I know I’m not the easiest person to be around at all times.” he carried on talking over Lily and her interrupting him to tell him that that wasn’t true, “I know that sometimes people want someone more laid-back like Remus or… or I don’t know - I know Remus is intense and not a ‘laid back’ person necessarily but you know what I mean. He’s quite a grounding presence.” 

Marlene did know what he meant. She knew how it felt to be too much, to have people tell you they don’t have quite enough energy to deal with you right now. If she closed her eyes, she could picture the exact look people gave her whenever she got too intense about something too quickly, that look of mild shock. 

Their eyes met, an acknowledgment passing. Of course he would know that she knew exactly how he felt. They were so similar. 

“You’re not ‘too much’ to the people that matter. Maybe it’s not for everyone, but not everyone is for everyone. That’s normal. We all have specific traits that we don’t like. But that’s their problem not yours.” Lily replied, passing him the joint. 

“You don’t think I’m too much?” he asked, eyes hopeful. 

“Never.”

They sat in silence for a bit after, each in their own world. 

“God, who needs a therapist when you have weed and emotionally tripped up friends.” Lily laughed.

They all had issues - even James, who was brought up with lovely parents. Was there anyone who wasn’t fucked up in some way? Was it possible to be a person who wasn’t fucked up? She couldn’t get the thought out of her head. 

She was still thinking about it when they were all huddled around James’ landline, waiting for the owner of the Whiskey to call them. 

Sirius had baked a cake for them (“I fear the word ‘groupie’ has become synonymous with ‘servant’ and I’m not going to allow that”) and had left a bag of icing prepared for when they got the news. Depending on whether it was happy or sad news, he would write a different message on the cake accordingly.

Marlene was squashed on the couch between James, who had the bright yellow landline on his lap, and Remus. On James’ other side was Sirius. On the floor in front of them, Lily was hugging a pillow in anticipation. 

“When exactly did he say he would call?” Emmeline asked as she came through the front door, plopping herself next to Lily and immediately taking the other girl’s hand to squeeze. With her other hand, she pulled out a bag of white powder, which she gave to Marlene. She had gotten a new dealer and Marlene had asked her to pick some things up.

“He didn’t say a specific time.” Sirius clarified. 

“… so how long have you guys been here?” 

They all looked up to her, the confession already written in their ashamed faces. 

“All day?” she asked, shocked. 

“Well we can’t fucking miss it!” Lily exclaimed in defence. 

“It’s four-thirty.” she stated. No one answered. She sighed, already getting up to move, “Have you guys eaten anything?” 

“James’ mom made us food.” Marlene informed her.

“And what time was that?”

“… twelve”

“Okay I’ll make you guys some snacks.” She made her way towards the kitchen. 

“You’re such a good provider.” Marlene smiled, leaning back on the sofa to pull Emmeline to a quick kiss, which she happily obliged to. 

They all stayed there for a while, the only sound being the distant thud of Emmeline opening and closing kitchen cabinets. 

Suddenly, a shrill ring came from the phone. 

“Em! Get back here!” Marlene whispered as loudly as she could. 

“Should I pick it up?” James looked to all of them, alarmed. 

“Yes, why wouldn’t you?” Sirius hissed. 

“Well I didn’t want us to seem desperate, waiting around all day for their call.” 

“But we have been waiting around all day for their call.” Remus pointed out. 

“Well they don’t know that! Maybe they think that we’ve been hanging around, talking to all the other big nightclub owners and they will think we’re lame and not in demand as a band if we answer immediately.”

“You’re right.” Marlene nodded, “Wait a few seconds.” 

Silence. 

“Well answer it before it goes to voicemail!” Lily shouted hurriedly. James picked it up immediately. 

“Yes, hello?” 

A muffled voice at the end of the line. Emmeline came back with a large bowl of popcorn and sat in front of her and Remus, leaning on Marlene’s leg. 

“Oh - Rufus, of course!” He gave a good natured laugh. Locking eyes with Sirius, Marlene had to refrain from laughing at James’ sudden calm and nonchalant demeanour. 

James suddenly went still. “Yes. Great. Okay.” he fired out in successive replies to the muffled voice at the other end of the line. 

“Thanks for the call.” he signed off, putting the phone down. 

He looked around a bit dazed, before turning to the rest of them. Marlene felt like her chest was about to burst. 

“Well?” 

James let out a surprised laugh, “We’re playing this Friday. We’re playing the fucking whiskey this fucking Friday!” 

The rest of the night was a blur of wine - which they deemed fancy enough to mark the occasion, even though it only cost seven dollars a bottle - and laughter. They stayed in, just chatting about the future. They talked about the near future; what they were going to wear, what songs they would play, as well as the far-off future; what this meant for their career. Marlene’s stomach did a little twirl when she thought about the fact that this could be the exact moment they talked about in interviews for years to come. Their big break.

They sang and danced to James’ radio. 

When ABBA came on, Marlene began to genuinely believe in fate.

The way they screamed the lyrics, no one would have believed that they possessed any musical talent at all. At one point, Remus picked Marlene up, bridal-style, and swung her about. The several bottles of wine they had drunk made their dancing more like sloppy moving, but they danced anyways, no matter how much the room started to feel like it was spinning.

“I’ve got to tell Mary!” Sirius suddenly jumped up in the middle of a heated game of truth or dare, “I can’t believe you guys didn’t meet her at Prewett’s. She’s the best. I’ll introduce you guys next time.”

He clambered over the sofa to use the landline in the kitchen.

“Remus,” Marlene countered, turning on him and feeling suddenly very mischievous, “I dare you to go and accompany Sirius.”

“What? Why?” He looked a bit flustered, but moved to get up anyway. 

“I don’t know. Couldn’t think of a good dare.” Marlene shrugged. 

That apparently was all the excuse Remus needed to stand up and stumble his way towards the kitchen. Marlene gave Lily and James knowing looks. 

The last thing Marlene remembered before crashing into Emmeline’s arms on the couch was writing on James’ yellow landline with big, sharpied letters: 

GRYFFINDOR TOWER RULES. EVERYONE ELSE SUCKS ASS. 

——————-

The hangover she was blessed with the next day did nothing to dull her excitement as she swung her front door open. Her dad usually worked on Saturdays, so she was surprised to see him in front of the TV, sipping on a mug of coffee next to her mom. 

“Hey nena” she looked up at her as she walked through the door. 

“Hey. Is Laurie here?” 

“He’s gone out with some friends.” her dad replied,  “Mom is working tonight and Charlie is out, so it’s just us three for dinner. 

“Cool.” 

Marlene moved towards her bedroom, before stopping herself. Blame it on her good mood, but she turned and sat on the couch next to them. 

“There’s a pot of coffee in the kitchen.” her mother informed her before she sat down, so she went to the kitchen and got herself a cup, gearing herself up to what she was about to say.

She knew her parents didn’t really understand these things - they’d certainly never heard of the Whiskey or why it was important. As she sat down, she reminded herself that she probably wouldn’t get the dazzlingly warm welcome she was hoping for. The one that James’ parents probably gave him.

“Hey, so you know how I’m in a band?” 

“You’re in a band?” 

Shit. 

“Didn’t I tell you?” 

“No.” her mom replied, tone harsh

“Oh, it must have slipped my mind. Anyways-”

“Are you serious with this band?” her mom cut in. Marlene took a deep breath.

“Yeah. Quite serious. Hey- dad? Could you listen? I've actually got something quite important to say.” she snapped her fingers at her dad’s face in annoyance, hoping that it would make him pay attention.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell us you were in a band. Especially if it’s serious.” her mom huffed, “Families are supposed to tell each other things.”

Marlene was ready to rip her hair out. So much for the good mood. Still, she supposed her mom had a point.

She took another deep breath, “We just got this amazing opportunity to play at this huge venue on Sunset, near the Hills. It’s incredible, like, so many big stars played there. It could mean something really big.”

Her mom smiled at her, “That’s great Marley.”

In the silence that followed, Marlene turned to her dad, trying to ignore the somewhat underwhelming response.

“Dad?”

His face finally broke away from the screen, turning to Marlene. The thought of repeating what she had just said, making it seem to him like she even cared about what he thought, made her want to scream.

“Couldn’t you look away from the screen for five fucking seconds?” 

“Marlene. Language.” her mother ignored her, voice stern.

“I’m sorry.” her dad drawled, not very sincerely. Quite like a fucking child, if Marlene was being honest.

She got up from the couch, grabbing her mug and going towards her bedroom.

“Marlene! Marlene, get back here!”

She forced herself to stop and go back to the living room.

“What?” she spat out.

“Don’t leave when we’re in the middle of a conversation. Now, tell your father the big news.”

Marlene just sighed, swallowing her pride, “My band and I just got booked to play this big venue.”

He nodded, “Cool.”

And then. “You know Tony was in a band in high school. Maybe you could ask him for tips.” 

She got up and stormed her way to her room, distantly hearing the voice of her mother following her.

Of course. What an asshole. What. A. Fucking. Asshole.

It’s not like she expected some huge gesture from him. She knew it wasn’t the biggest deal ever - it certainly wasn’t a big record deal or anything like that - but was it so fucking stupid of her to expect some sort of “Well done”? Now Marlene just felt pathetic, like a small, desperate child asking for her parents’ praise.

“Marlene, don’t be like that.”

Her mother leant in the doorway, hand on her hip. Marlene had started picking up stray pieces of paper that were littered around her room from failed attempts at songwriting and grocery lists and honestly anything she needed remembering because she had a terrible habit of writing everything down so she didn’t forget it and then throwing the pages on her bedroom floor. She felt the small pinpricks of tears behind her eyes.

Her mother tried again, “Well, what else could he have done?”

“What else could he have done?” she repeated, dumbstruck.

Her mother sighed, “Well he doesn’t really understand how big of a deal this is. You didn’t give him as much explanation as you gave me.”

“I gave both of you that explanation!” she raised her voice, “He didn’t listen because he doesn’t care. He never cares.”

“Now, don’t be dramatic.”

And here it came. Because no matter how many times she thought she could get along with her mother, no matter how many times they laughed at the same joke or shared a nice moment, there was always… this. She was never willing to accept that her father did anything wrong. She was always so ready with the excuses. 

When she was younger she disliked her mother more. She’d grown up and realised that it wasn’t fair to place the blame on her, but there was still that scab in her heart, and she felt like she had just picked at it. Deep inside there was still this juvenile feeling that it was all her fault because she let it happen.

“Look, you’ve always had such fire in you - you know I’ve always loved that - but sometimes you need to let your head guide you, not your heart.”

Marlene didn’t have it in her to fight back. She hated the fact that people saw her as this emotional bomb, someone too ruled by how she felt that logic went out the window. Because it wasn’t like that. Marlene thought all her feelings through. Just because she didn’t bottle them, why did that make her irrational?

“Your dad is just very tired from work. He wasn’t thinking, you know how it is. He doesn’t find it easy to just… you know…”

“Care?”

“Respond appropriately. Having seven kids is really not that easy. I know some of you guys have moved out, but that doesn’t mean that, as a parent, you stop thinking about them. He just has a lot on his mind, and he works long hours. You can’t be so hard on him.”

She just shrugged in response and sat down on the bed, feeling a tight ball of energy coil up in her chest. She didn’t want to explain herself. She just wanted people to take her word for it, to simply respect the fact that she was upset.

Because some part of her felt slightly stupid, too. When her mom put it like that, it was more understandable. 

She felt her resolve crumble a little bit. 

—-

They only had a week of practice before the gig. However nervous they had been before, they were more nervous now. Marlene, in particular, was terrified. She had grown up around people who went to the Whiskey. She knew the way bad press stuck if they played badly on that stage - people talked about it for weeks. 

The most difficult part was that they would only be able to play a few covers, so most of the songs had to be originals, which they hadn’t done much practice on. Marlene had written quite a few, and James had pitched in. Peter, who had only just gotten back from his family holiday out of state, had started coming over regularly in order to help write the parts for all the different instruments and to make sure they flowed well together. He had a much more theoretical knowledge than James or her, having been scouted for Hogwarts for composing, not for playing an instrument. 

By the time the night of the gig came around, Marlene felt like she hadn’t rested properly in days. Probably because she hadn’t - slept, that is - more than three hours a day. At night, her mind played the melodies they had composed on loop, anxiously checking it over for any wrong harmonies or weird rhythm flow. 

They arrived two hours early at the venue to do a sound check. All of them practically swooned at the fact that they were a band that did sound checks now, spending all the day mentioning it because it sounded so cool.

“Guys, remember we gotta head early for the sound check.”

“Maybe we can get dinner after sound check.”

“I hope the sound check goes well.”

And so on, like a group of starstruck children - which was, effectively, what they were. 

Marlene was a mixture of excitement and stress and, most importantly, adrenaline. She had spent the whole day picking out her outfit, eventually opting for a low-waisted mini-skirt and a sheer, mesh long-sleeve with glittery stars on it. 

They hung around in the stage room for a bit, just getting ready and lounging about, going through parts. Marlene still hadn’t done her makeup, so she sat in front of the mirror, sticking eyeliner and blue eyeshadow on her eyelid.

She was starting to learn everyone’s various ways of dealing with stress. James tended to get hyper, often just jumping up and down and attacking people (usually Sirius) in an impromptu wrestling match. Lily liked to find something that made her feel in control, something to do with her hands. Remus’ was ‘distraction’ - a fancy way of saying drugs. Marlene herself tended to go for a whole ‘deer in headlights’ act, making her brain come to a grinding halt until she actually had to go on stage. It was one of the few moments she stayed silent.

She was sitting next to Lily, who was meticulously braiding small plaits into her hair, when Emmeline came and asked her to go for a smoke. 

“I bought you a pack.” she smiled, offering a small blue packet.

Marlene couldn’t help the blush that flooded across her face. The other girl took her hand and led her upstairs and through a door that led to a fire escape. They both sat down on the cold metal steps. The afternoon was fading into evening, with the last rays of the sun spilling onto the red walls of the building.

“You should enjoy these moments of quiet before you become famous.” Emmeline nudged her shoulder.

“Don’t jinx it.”

“I’m not!” she laughed, “Just promise me you’ll write a song about me when you make it big.”

A smile spread across Marlene’s features.

“Make me sound all cool, like some sort of highway bandit, instead of the girl that makes you food when you forget to eat.”

“Of course,” Marlene grinned, “I’ll make you into a bank robber.”

“Perfect.” Emmeline mirrored her smile, looking into the other girls’ eyes with such warmth. “I always knew you’d make it. Don’t forget that I was always your number one fan.”

Marlene just laughed. It was true. The others always expressed doubts about whether they would truly make it, never speaking with full confidence, never wanting to sound conceited for believing that they had a shot at fame. Emmeline was never like that - she always talked about it like it was fate, written in the stars.

They sat there for a while, Emmeline idly chatting about all the things she wanted written about her in a song, her words slurring a little with excitement, and Marlene quietly trying her best to memorise every one. Eventually, they were called back inside by James. His hair looked absolutely frazzled, like he had run his hair through it a hundred times whilst they were gone.

He was wearing his ‘lucky’ t-shirt - the first band tee he ever bought - of Dolly Parton. His love for Steel Magnolias ran strong even at a very early age. Marlene stopped on her way backstage, looking at herself in the mirror and tying her black curly hair into a high ponytail. She did it a bit messily, small strands sticking out everywhere. 

Turning to go backstage, she was met with three grinning faces. 

“Pete called to say he was gonna be in the audience, so we’re gonna go out after you go onstage and meet him. Apparently Mary is there too.” Sirius informed them, his eyes lighting up in excitement.

They formed a small circle. All of them at a loss of words.

“God, we’re shit at this.” Marlene commented, earning a relieved laugh from all of them.

“I guess big speeches aren’t our thing.” Remus agreed.

“I feel like they should be, though. I feel like we should be better at this pre-concert inspirational shit.” James looked a little bit disappointed. 

“Ummm…” Marlene started. They didn’t have a ‘leader’ in their group, it wasn’t like that, but she figured the girl that spent all the gig doing the talking should probably be the best at this.

“Okay, how about everyone say one thing they’re nervous about and one thing they’re excited about.” Emmeline suggested, moving to lean on Marlene’s shoulder.

“Okay,” Sirius started, “Well-”

“You’re not even in the band, asshole.” Remus interrupted.

Sirius ignored him, carrying on instead, even when the other boy started swatting him on the arm. “I am nervous about the fact that, if you guys do badly, I will have to sit there and watch it happen without being able to do anything. However, I am very excited about seeing four of the people I love most in the world get such a good opportunity.”

All of their faces broke out into smiles.

“Awww” James cooed as he grabbed the boy to put him in a bear hug, ignoring his muffled complaints. 

“I’m nervous about forgetting everything I know about the guitar mid-performance.” Lily furrowed her brow in thought, before looking up “ And… I’m excited about the fact that this could be our big break.”

Remus took a deep breath, “I’m nervous about the fact that we haven’t practised the original songs much and I’m excited about the fact that this could be our big break.”

“I’m nervous about my stick breaking mid-performance, again, and, unsurprisingly, I am also excited about the fact that this could be our big break.” James turned to look at Marlene with an excited grin.

“I’m most nervous about tripping or falling over on stage and looking like a moron. What I’m most excited about, however,” she looked at all of their expectant faces in turn, “is the fact that I will be standing in the exact same spot Debbie Harry once stood in.”

She felt a hand come up to her face as James shoved her. 

“Tonight…” a voice boomed from the speakers.

They all looked at each other. This was it. There was nothing they could do now but go out and hope for the best.

“Please welcome onto the stage…” 

Marlene lifted Emmeline’s face, cupping her chin and pressing a quick kiss to her lips. Beneath the harsh lights from the stage, they looked slightly blue. When she turned around, she saw Sirius standing a bit awkwardly, and so she moved over to him and did the same, kissing him on the cheek instead with a lot less intimacy and a lot more exaggerated affection.

“The LA born and bred: Gryffindor Tower!”

She turned to give them both a small wave, before quickly making her way onto the stage. When she walked on, the first thing she registered was the fact that the stage lights were blinding her. She tried to keep the squinting to a minimum, resolving to wear sunglasses to their next gig. If they ever had a next gig. She pushed that thought to the side.

The room was teeming with people, though she couldn’t quite make out their faces. James shot her a grin from his drum kit as he nervously pushed the glasses on his face up. Marlene almost tripped over the cables on the deep red carpet that covered the stage. Not letting that knock her confidence, she strode up to the microphone and picked it up from out of its stand. 

“What’s up everybody. Thanks for coming to see us. I know you’re all going out on a bit of a limb since we don’t have a record out or anything, but if it makes you feel any better, we give you full licence to throw your drinks at us if you don’t think we’re any good.”

She was met with laughter. Good. All Marlene needed was to talk and she would be able to expel some of this nervous energy.

“Before we play anything I’d like to introduce the band members. This is our own Lily Evans.”

The girl in question gave a wave. 

“Note the silence after her name. I have nothing bad to say about her, which can’t be said for the marvellous man on the drums, James Potter. I have been asked to inform you that he is a ‘young, handsome bachelor with a big heart, who is just looking for some love to make him feel complete’. If anyone is interested, please come up to him after the show.”

This gave way to more laughter from the audience.

“I never asked you to say that.” James glared daggers at Marlene from his drum set, his eyes crinkling at the edges from where he was trying not to laugh.

“Of course you didn’t, but I thought I’d spare you the embarrassment of telling everyone that it was your mom who asked me.” she replied with a fake look of innocence on her face.

James’ face broke out into a smile unwillingly.

“I love that your go-to is to make fun of James.” Lily commented as she smiled, casually fiddling with her peddle.

“I know, it’s just so easy to.” Marlene smiled, “I know so much embarrassing stuff about him.”

“Don’t think that doesn’t go both ways.” James warned.

“Touché.” she nodded solemnly, “Moving on, on the bass we have Remus Lupin, who-”

“- would like to move on to playing now that it isn’t James who is being made fun of.” he interrupted, “So without further ado, we would like to introduce our first song: Give It Away!”

He smirked at Marlene as the crown erupted into cheers for their first song. She would have been more annoyed at him for interrupting her, if she wasn’t too busy freaking out over the fact that people were cheering to hear them sing.

James began the opening few beats before the guitars came in. It had been a bit of a risk to put the song first on their setlist, but they had agreed in the end that there was no time on their stage for being mild. It was only common courtesy to let the crowd know what they were getting into, and this was one of their more extreme songs.

Marlene loved the sharp snap of the drums. She loved the way they filled her ears with white noise, even for just a second. She couldn’t help but start smiling.

“What I got, you got to give it to your mama. What I got you got to give it to your papa…”

She danced around the stage as she sang the lyrics, unable to keep still but not wanting to anyways. She had too much adrenaline, was too caught up in the spectacle of it all to care about whether she looked stupid or not. 

Her favourite part of it was that it wasn’t just a lyric-heavy song, the guitar and the drums were just as interesting as what she was saying, if not more at times. She and James had written the song completely shitfaced and almost discarded it away, before Emmeline had pointed it out one day. 

“Realise I don’t wanna be a miser, confide with sly you’ll be the wiser…”

The thing was that the song was fun to sing, even though the words were stupid and strange and made no sense at times. 

“Young blood is the lovin’ upriser, how come everybody wanna keep it like the Kaiser?”

She was down at the front of the stage now, talking directly to the crowd. She couldn’t see their faces before, but It was then that she realised that everyone was looking at her with a mixture of awe and excitement. They were smiling. They were liking it. 

A little bit went a long way with Marlene, and this gave her all the confidence she needed to just do whatever the fuck she wanted on that stage.

She turned around and kept on prancing around, letting the twangy guitar notes and the drums fill her entire body as the lights flashed different colours around her.

“Bob Marley, poet and a prophet…”

She turned to look at James during Lily’s guitar solo, and the joy on his face as he sat hitting his drums with how much strength he could muster was infectious. 

“My mom, I love her ‘cos she love me…”

Marlene didn’t have any time to process how genuinely stupid the lyrics she was saying were, because it didn’t matter. That wasn’t the point of the song. The point was that it was hard-hitting, pumped blood in your veins. They wrote it because it sounded funny to them. Completely high on whatever they found that day, Marlene and James spent a good two hours just piecing together words that sounded fun and energetic to hear. It was almost like they were creating a persona. One that Marlene was trying very hard to embody on stage.

When they came to the last chorus, she was crouching down at the edge of the stage with everyone shouting the lyrics back to her. Marlene’s heart was pumping in her chest. She felt oddly like she wanted to cry, the adrenaline making her emotions all blurry but loud.

After they finished the song, she stood there panting as the audience cheered and whooped. It was genuinely addictive. Marlene thought she would do anything to keep people cheering at her like that.

Their set was short - only around thirty minutes because the owner was taking a chance on them  - so they kept their talking to a minimum. Still, Marlene found time to sit on the edge of the stage and talk to the audience for a bit, and they all found time in between songs to make their comments. Sometimes, they even talked during the songs. At one point, James shouted “Hey it would be really nice if you guys stuck to the tempo I'm setting.” which caused Marlene to start laughing and fumble the lyrics.

It was all in good spirit, really. Just a way for them to blow off steam and make the whole thing seem less formal and scary, more casual. Just before their last song, a girl in the audience commented on James’ Dolly Parton T-shirt. James, being James, started gushing over his love for the singer and then Remus, being Remus, proceeded to begin a cheer that called for them to sing one of her songs. Marlene didn’t know all of the lyrics, but that was alright since James knew them perfectly. Who would have thought that a group of 20 year old rock fans would jump up and down so excitedly for Dolly Parton. 

“We have unfortunately had to cut our setlist short because someone insisted on playing 9 to 5.” She looked pointedly at James and Remus 

“Boo.” Remus leaned into the mic like a child. He was met with cheers.

“See what happens when we let them stay awake past their bedtime.” Lily mumbled to Marlene. The other girl laughed in agreement.

“So that means that this is the end of the concert. Thank you guys for coming, you have been a great audience!”

There was an uproar of claps and cheers and whistles. She looked around at each of them, who looked back with varying degrees of happiness and utter shock. She turned back to the audience, trying to take in every last detail, from the glittering disco ball in the middle of the room to the exact movements of every person in the crowd. 

Her ears were still buzzing from the sound of cheers as they made their way offstage.

“What the fuck.” she heard distantly exclaimed by Lily. She shared the sentiment.

She looked around backstage for Emmeline or Sirius, but didn’t see them. They were probably still in the crowd. To her left, she saw a figure coming up to them.

She turned to see a girl with a large afro and a black waistcoat, who looked at them with a sad expression.

“Everything alright?” asked James, puzzled.

The other girl - Mary, she was starting to realise from the descriptions - gulped before taking a deep breath, “I really don’t know how to say this… while you were playing, Emmeline fell unconscious. Sirius left in the ambulance to take her to the hospital and told me to stay until you guys finished playing-”

“Is she alright?” Remus rubbed a hand over his face. Marlene felt her chest tighten. 

“He just called from the hospital. She - she didn’t make it. It was an overdose. She died in the ambulance on the way there - I’m so sorry.”

Marlene felt the ground under her feet bottom out.