James
The weeks flew by following that night. Lily felt her life fall into place. She had a girlfriend. Like a proper, kissing, holding hands, whispers in the night girlfriend. It was beautiful.
The only downside was, however, the secrecy. Part of her loved it. The sneaking around, the slipping into broom closets when no one was watching, making up reasons for being late to things, hiding the hickeys that were blossoming on her neck. The adrenaline rush was unbeatable.
But she also longed to be able to share her happiness with her friends. To tell them about the mesmerising way that Rose sticks her tongue out when she focuses, or how she had finally convinced Lily to try flying, and she had fallen in love with it. They were growing ever closer, and her friends had no clue. She was falling for this burning ball of sun, and all she could do was stand there and smile whilst the flames rose around her.
It was bittersweet, the situation she had found herself in, but she wouldn’t trade it for the world. Rosemary Caddel had become her world.
--
Another problem she quickly encountered was James. He didn’t know, content to continue the wild goose chase he was currently on. The compliments carried on, stopping her in the hallways, vying for the tiniest bit of her attention. She could deal with it, Lily now had Rose to grumble to whilst she kissed it all better. It was manageable.
Until it wasn’t.
He had approached her, just short of Valentine's day, a sheepish look on his face, “Lily, would I be able to talk to you? In- um- in private?” He scanned the room for signs of anyone that could have noticed them. James looked terrified. Her mind wandered to all of the things that could’ve happened, what if Remus had been hurt? Or something had happened with Sirius’ family?
“Everything okay James? You’re white as a sheet.”
“Okay, here goes. I wanted to ask you out. Properly. No big show, or public display, just us. Because that’s all that matters to me Lily, that it is just us. I know I was a dick, and arrogant toe-rag, if you will.” He huffed a laugh, “but I know what I want, and what I want is you.” His eyes shone with tears that had yet to fall, his smile full of hope.
“James, I- I can’t. I’m sorry.” The tears fell, but not the ones of joy he had been anticipating, tears of bitter disappointment, pure agony.
“Oh.”
“I will never be able to give you what you deserve, James, I can’t love you in the way you love me.”
“Why not? Am I really that insufferable?” His face was the picture of despair, his attempts to maintain any modicum of control had vanished with those words.
“No James. You aren’t insufferable, you never were, really. You and I, we just aren’t meant to be. It’s not your fault at all, if anything, it’s mine.” Now or never, she thought to herself, “I have someone James, she is everything to me, and I her.”
“She?” he sniffled, “you- you’re- but- I don’t understand.”
“Her name’s Rosemary, she is hilarious and kind. She has this way of noticing when I’m upset, and bringing me my favourite snack. Her hair looks bronze in the sunlight and like melted chocolate in the moonlight. The way she laughs makes me want to crawl inside her skin and stay there forever. I have never felt this way before in my life. There is nothing about her I don’t know, and nothing I haven’t told her about myself. Loving Rose feels like I’m treading water, the tide about to take me under, the water threatening to fill my lungs. But I’m not scared, James, I’m not scared because I have her to keep me afloat.”
“Wow.”
Lily chuckled, taking James into her arms, “You’ll find it too, I promise. The girl that is lucky enough to call James Potter hers one day is a girl I can’t wait to meet.”
“It was supposed to be you.” He said, words muffled by her shoulder.
She pushed James away, so that she had a hand on each shoulder, “I know, but it’s going to be so much better because it won’t be me. I can only hope you can forgive me one day.”
James surged forward, recapturing her in a tight hug. It was silent, full of the things that didn’t need to be said to be heard.