Sunday Girl

Mary woke up screaming.

Mary pulled the sheets around her tight as she bolted upright, eyes flashing open. The world was so violently bright that she had to close them, letting out a small gasp. She opened her eyes more slowly after a brief moment, letting the light filter in more gently. Her heart thudded in her chest. Mary looked around, still reeling from the incident.

She was in the Infirmary. She felt a small bit relieved but she didn’t feel safe. She couldn’t-

All she could think of was dangling over the school- the pain in her nose- the fear- their laughter-

She felt sick. She felt trapped.

Madame Pomfrey came over quickly, and Mary relaxed a small bit more when she arrived. She was safe, at least for now. She forced a smile, trying to catch her breath.

“Are you okay? Is there any pain in your nose right now?” Madame Pomfrey said, her voice soft.

Mary shook her head. “No, I- how long have I been passed out? What happened?”

Madame Pomfrey sighed. “I can’t tell you everything, but I know Minerva found you being dangled out a window, passed out, by Angus Avery and Mark Mulciber. They’d broken your nose. You’ve been out for a day.”

Mary’s hands flew up to her nose, and she traced along it, searching for a bump.

Madame Pomfrey sighed again. She was a young woman, with red curly hair and tired green eyes. Her nose was a little red all the time, and her and McGonagall’s relationship was the worst kept secret at Hogwarts. Mary thought perhaps she would be a healer like her one day. Though, Madame Pomfrey was always stressed, so maybe not.
“Your nose won’t have a bump, broken noses are easily healed in the magical world,” she said patiently.

Mary nodded, falling silent for a second. “What will happen to Avery and Mulciber?”

Madame Pomfrey shook her head. “It’s up to Dumbledore, I’m afraid. If it was up to me, they’d be gone from the school, with their wands snapped.”

“When will-“ Mary found herself cut off by an excited screech.

“MARY!” Roared Marlene, waving her hands in the air as she raced towards her. Lily was close behind, carrying an armful of books as usual. She dropped them as she came closer to Mary.

Marlene and Lily tackled her in an enthusiastic hug, pulling her close. Mary closed her eyes for a moment, taking in the scent of Lilys sage perfume and exhaling, finally feeling truly safe since she’d woken up.

Marlene pulled away first, hands flying around in exuberant gestures as she spoke. “I’m going to kill those bastards! I’m going to tear off their heads and eat their hearts and fucking shit them out! Swear to god, Mary, say the word and I will destroy them. I will personally break all the bones in their body, I will snap off their-“

“That’s okay, Marlene,” Mary let out a breathless laugh, finding a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

Lily finally pulled away from the hug, reluctantly. Her eyes were red raw. “Are you okay?” She said desperately, clasping Mary’s hand with both of hers. “They’ll get expelled, they have to. They better.”

Mary swallowed and shook her head. “Their families are too influential and important, Lily, they’ll probably just get a slap on the wrist. I’m a black Muggleborn woman,” she said bitterly, “My word means nothing to them.”

Lily shook her head, her voice firm. “But McGonagall saw, and she’s a professor, Mary. You’ll get justice, I won’t let you not.”

Mary smiled. “You may be head girl, Lily, but there are limits to even your powers.”

Marlene snorted. “Are you kidding me? Lily can do anything. She’s fucking scary.”

“I’m only scary when people hurt my- my friends,” Lily said, a pink tint to her cheeks.

Mary felt her heart sink. Friends. The realisation hit her like a brick to the face. Friends. They were friends. Just friends. Why did that make her so unhappy? She loved being Lilys friend, she loved-

Oh.

Oh.

Oh shit.

Marlene frowned. “You okay there?” She said, a gentleness to her voice.

Mary blinked. “Huh?” She could feel a headache coming on. She felt sick.

Lily stared at her, kindly. So kindly. Her green eyes were so soft. They felt like home. “You probably want some space, you must feel awful after what happened. We should let you rest.”

Shit shit shit.

Mary’s mouth was dry. She tried to speak but nothing came out for a moment. “It’s- uh- it’s, well- I-“

She was grasping for words, finding sentence slipping from her fingers. She should say something, anything- they were staring at her- SAY SOMETHING!

“Did Remus and Sirius make out?” She blurted out.

Marlene looked taken aback, but she shrugged. “We don’t know, actually. After we learned of your attack, we sort of forgot they were still in there.”

Mary’s eyes widened. “They were still in the broom cupboard?”

“Yes,” Lily said. Mary’s heart skipped a beat whenever she spoke.

“Bloody hell,” she said softly, laughing. “And they haven’t told you anything?”

“Nothing,” Lily sighed. “But we know something happened.”

“They’re waiting for you to wake up, I think. Everyone’s been very worried. I could barely restrain myself from beating the ever living shit out of Mulciber and Avery when we saw them being escorted to their dorm by Slughorn. They haven’t come out since, the fucking cowards,” Marlene snarled.

Mary shuddered. “I’d say I’ll have to speak to Dumbledore and them and their parents later. I’m dreading it.”

Lily grasped her hand. Mary nearly died. Her heart jumped in her chest and her palms became sweaty as Lilys soft pale hand clung to hers. “You shouldn’t have to see them.”

Mary’s throat felt dry. She was in love with her best friend. With Lily. She wanted to hold her hand forever. She wanted to lie beside her in bed and kiss her and get closer then the boundaries of friendship allowed her. She wanted to be her girlfriend. She wanted her so badly she ached. The feeling made her heart sting.

She cursed herself, because this was a terrible mistake. Mary usually enjoyed her own terrible mistakes, at least in the moment, when all she had was the rush of adrenaline. But not now, not in this moment. She could not love Lily. Lily would never love her back. She was James’s, wholly and completely. They had the romance of storybooks, the stuff of little girls dreams. The beginning of someone’s tragic backstory. Hers, evidently.

She couldn’t come between them. She couldn’t do it. She wouldn’t be the witch in their fairytale, who came between their love. Who tore them apart. She’d ruin her own friendship. She’d ruin everything.

Mary was made to fix peoples broken hearts. That was who she was. It was okay, really, that no one would do the same for her.

Always the second choice. Lily and James, Pandora and Xenophilius, Sirius and Remus. They might have been flings but the knowledge they’d never really been hers still stung. She longed for someone who only wanted her.

The person of her dreams.

But a dream was just that. A dream. A figment of Mary’s limited imagination, who would never take shape. Who did not exist. Mary wanted to scream her throat raw. She wanted to cry until she could not see for the tears in her eyes.

She wanted Lily.

“I shouldn’t have to do a lot of things,” Mary replied, offering a smile. A weak one.

That’s all she could give her. That’s all Lily wanted. A friend, nothing more. And Mary would not give that up, even if it splintered her heart and made it a little colder. It would pass, or it would ruin her. Mary felt ruined anyway.

This was all too much.

Marlene sensed it, her despair. “We ought to let you rest, come on, Lils.”

Mary nodded, sinking slightly into her sheets. Marlene understood her, she thought. There was something knowing in the blonde girl's eyes.

Lily nodded quickly, dropping Mary’s hand. Mary wanted to snatch it back and hold it and never let it go. She pushed the thought away but it bounced back, like a tennis ball against a wall. Lily was so all consuming, and Mary felt like she was drowning in the warmth of her green eyes.

“We’ll come around later, and I think the boys will too. You’ll be alright,” Lily said firmly.

Mary stopped looking at her. She didn’t notice when they left, just knew they were gone. Their absence made her feel cold. Her mind was full of Lily and Mulciber and Avery. And fear. Mary wasn’t a fearful person. She faced everything head on. Only thing to fear was fear itself, right?

She turned on her side and let sleep pull her into the inky black of her dreams.

*

She woke up an hour later, feeling a little less panicked. She ate some of the chocolate and sweets gifted to her by numerous students of Hogwarts. Being popular and pretty came with its upsides. Although to be fair, it was mainly upsides. Some of them left her cards, but she didn’t read them.

She came up with a plan about Lily. She’d simply date other people and fall in love with one of them. If she did enough romantic things with someone, she’d simply fall in love with them. Romance novels disagreed, but Mary had no time for romance novels. If this were a romance novel, Lily would like her back and she didn’t. So obviously Mary wasn’t a romance novel protagonist. They were always white and boring anyways.

Madame Pomfrey whisked over once again and Mary grimaced, worried she’d have to take some more disgusting medicine. Couldn’t magic taste more pleasant?

“You have more visitors,” she said, letting out a great sigh. “Remus and the rest of his little gang.”

Mary sat up straighter and smiled a small bit. She’d never heard anyone refer to her boys as “Remus’ little gang” before. If anything, it was “James’ little gang.” But Mary supposed Madame Pomfrey saw Remus most often, with his whole him being a werewolf thing.

The lads bulleted into the room as Madame Pomfrey went to fetch them, rushing over to Mary’s infirmary bed. She rolled her eyes slightly, unable to stop the stupid grin on her face.

Sirius waved at her enthusiastically, looking relieved. “You’re not dead!”

Remus limped in beside him and James and Peter followed. Mary’s eyes slid guiltily away from James. She liked Lily. The girl he loved. He was going to fucking hate her. She was going to ruin everything.

“Disappointed?” She raised an eyebrow.

“You’re poor nose!” James wailed. “You know, I broke my nose from a bludger and it’s agonising. I swear to merlin, if Mulciber and Avery so much as breathe in your direction-“

“I’ll turn into a rat, crawl down their throats and eat their insides,” hissed Peter.

Mary laughed, feeling comforted. “Any gossip while I was out?”

“Anais Pratt and Rhys Creevey broke up. Apparently she cheated on him with Othello Greengrass,” Peter replied.

Mary’s eyebrows shot up. She’d known Anais and Rhys wouldn’t last but Merlin, three weeks? After an entire year of build up? She’d be dying of laughter if she knew them better.

“I’ve got to know more than that because- Othello Greengrass, really?” She said, smirking.

“Avery's girlfriend also broke up with him. After your incident,” Peter said, and Mary swallowed.

“That’s good,” she said. “Lily thinks he’ll be expelled, but I doubt it.”

“Lads like him never get expelled,” Remus said dryly. “But this time you’ve got McGonagall as a witness, no way can they pay their way out of this one.”

“Unless McGonagall is still mad you fell asleep in her class,” Sirius said playfully.

“Go fuck yourself, you inbred git,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him. She smiled a small bit wider.

“Low blow,” Sirius said, shaking his head.

“It’s true though. At least Mulciber and Averys parents aren’t cousins,” she snorted.

Sirius was silent for a beat too long. Mary bolted upright, grinning. “No!” She said, “piss off! You’re pulling my leg!”

Sirius shook his head again. “Nope. Or at least Averys parents are.”

“That’s improved my day 100%,” Mary laughed, though that sick, sinking feeling didn’t leave the pit of her stomach. “Please don’t marry your cousin, Sirius.”

“He won’t,” Remus said with a snort.

Mary caught that. Traumatised and shaken or not, she always had a keen eye for gay motherfuckers.

“What do you mean by that, Remus?” She said sweetly.

Remus rolled his eyes. “Oh come on! Is not wanting one of my best friends to be in an incestous relationship that suspicious?”

Peter nodded, a teasing smile on his face. “Yes, it is. I’d have told Sirius to go for it.”

James bobbed his head in agreement, though he looked a little confused. “Oh, completely. Not wanting Sirius to fuck his cousin is like.. so.. odd. What are you hiding?”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Yeah Moony, in love with me or something?”

“We’ve been dating for two days!” Hissed Remus.

Mary almost leapt out of bed. She jammed her finger into Sirius’ chest. “I knew it!” She announced triumphantly.

Remus rolled his eyes, but he started to smile. “You’re all such arseholes.”

“You think I’m great though, right Moons?” Sirius teased him lightly, holding on to his arm. He looked at him like there was nobody else in the world. Like his eyes were meant for seeing Remus.

Mary wanted that so bad she felt sick. She cheered for them. Because she loved them. Loved them so much. They were her boys, in her mind. They were a part of her, lodged firmly in her heart and unwilling to leave. Like Marlene. Like Lily.

She was so jealous. She smiled, but it was fake. They were the moon and the stars but what did that make her? The space between. The void. The darkness that helped beam light to other planets, warmed them. But the void never retained any warmth itself. The thing about space was for the most part, it was utterly alone.

Mary was in a room full of people, but she’d never felt more alone.

Madame Pomfrey swept over, like her knight in shining armour. Mary’s smile dropped as she spoke.

“Dumbledore will see you now.