Chapter 7
Okay,” said Sirius. “But if you had to, what teacher would you snog?”
Remus rolled his eyes. “What situation would I be in that I’d have to snog a teacher?”
“Like if someone came up to you and pointed their wand at you and said they’d kill you unless you’d snog one of your teachers,” James explained, as if that made perfect sense.
“McGonagall,” said Peter, without hesitation.
It was a quiet Monday afternoon in late November, and they were heading to Defence against the Dark Arts, a class Mary had never excelled in. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes at Sirius’s question and the answers. She appreciated the small return to normality though, as she always did after that terrible six months in sixth year when it seemed like the boys would never be friends again. Mary hated when friend groups split apart. She found it so desperately sad. She didn’t know what she’d do without Marlene and Lily and the boys. They were her life. That sounded sad, but Mary didn’t mind that her life revolved around her friends. She was 17, and nothing matter more to her than these stupid idiots.
Sirius physically recoiled at Peters reply. He was wearing his uniform wrong, as he so often was. Sirius had his tie on backwards, and it was thrown carelessly over his shoulder. He wore a leather jacket over his white shirt, which he knew wasn’t school uniform. Mary thought he just liked the feeling of breaking the rules.
“How could you say McGonagall?” He spluttered.
Marlene shook her head. “That’s got to be some sort of crime.”
Peter went red. “She’s only about 30! Just because I don’t see her as a mother figure like you two-“
“Who said I see her as a mother figure?” Marlene and Sirius said in unison.
“You see every nice older lady and see her as a mother figure,” Peter rolled his eyes.
“Hurtful,” Sirius scowled.
“It’s sort of true though,” Marlene pointed out.
“Still hurt,” he insisted.
“I’d snog Professor Keane,” Mary said after a moment.
“The astrology professor?” James said, tilting his head. “Yeah, I could see that.”
Lily laughed. “What? He’s so ugly though? His beard looks so crusty.”
She was walking beside Mary, books once again piled high in her hands. Her glossy wavy red hair had been tied back into a low ponytail and was the only one of them wearing the school robes over her shirt. The prefects badge on her chest was slightly at an angle and chipped from the time a sleep deprived Lily had fallen down the stairs.
“Crusty? No, he’s so fit,” Mary shook her head in amazement.
Marlene nodded. “I’m a lesbian and even I can see that Lily.”
Lily went red and started getting flustered. “Well, I suppose I do see it- I mean- yes I suppose-“
Mary laughed but shot her a slightly confused look. Remus was grinning, as if he knew something the rest of them didn’t. Mary did not like that.
Sirius paused outside their classroom, running a hand through his long black hair. He paled and groaned. “Shit.”
James turned to him. “What? Is there a sub?”
Mary and Remus pushed past to peek into the classroom. The desks had been pushed back and there was a large old wardrobe at the top of the classroom, just in front of the professors desk. There was already a couple of students in class and they looked deeply unhappy. Mary’s heart sank.
Sirius shook his head. “It’s a boggart. We’re doing boggarts.”
*
Mary hated boggarts. Everyone hated them. Ever since 3rd year, she’d dreaded every class with them. Nothing was more embarrassing then an entire class of students seeing what you were most afraid of. The lucky ones got something like spiders or academic failure. The not so lucky ones had to watch their family getting killed.
It hadn’t been too bad when they were thirteen, but at seventeen Mary feared their fears would be a lot worse.
Professor Aldine, however, seemed very excited about the lesson. He was a tall, older man with black and white hair and crimson robes. He always wore red and tended to only get excited about the most wretched of topics. He was standing next to the wardrobe, leaning on it. He was grinning ear to ear.
Mary cursed him in her mind.
“All right everybody,” he said, gesturing wildly with his hands. “I want you all to line up, one by one.”
“I’m going to jump out of this window,” Marlene covered her face with her hands.
“It won’t be that bad,” Lily promised her, “Besides, Professor Aldine natters on so much he probably won’t even get through everybody.”
“He better not,” Mary grumbled. “I think I’ll just about throw up if I have to see Wilkes worst fear. It’s probably talking to a Muggle born or something.”
Lily smiled at her and Mary stared at her for a moment. She was so bright and beautiful, even on a grey, dull Monday. “Don’t be so dramatic.”
“You ask too much of me,” Mary said softly.
Lily held her gaze for a moment before a voice broke in behind them.
“Oi, Evans, MacDonald,” James said, “Don’t think you can grab back of the line. That spot is reserved for me and Sirius only.”
“Oh piss off Potter,” Lily retorted. “We we’re just going into the line.”
“Very slowly though,” he said.
“We’ll go slower if you don’t fuck off,” she grumbled, but Mary saw her smile.
She didn’t think she’d ever wanted to punch James harder in her entire life. He was being so annoying. How could she think he was being amusing in any way?
She had to be in love with him.
“Oh merlin, if you don’t stop flirting soon you’ll be my boggart,” Mary said, forcing a laugh. Her insides felt like they were all twisted.
Lily laughed. “As if you and Sirius don’t flirt 24/7.”
“Ironically,” she insisted. “As if I’d ever get back together with Sirius.”
“You’re breaking my heart,” Sirius said tearfully, clutching his chest with clasped hands.
“I can’t believe you ever dated him in the first place,” Lily wrinkled her nose.
“You’re both very unkind,” Sirius sniffed.
“Yeah, Sirius is a total stunner,” James said, draping his arm around the shorter boy. “You’d be lucky to have him!”
Mary laughed. She opened her mouth, ready to retort something about Remus when Professor Aldine spoke over them.
“MacDonald, Evans, Black, Potter! Into the line!” He snapped. He glared at Sirius and James the most, as they were so often the cause of all trouble in class. Lily was a swot and Mary was a good student as well by association.
Lily pulled her into the line quickly, looking embarrassed and chastised, but Mary didn’t miss the sneaky middle finger she gave him under her cloak. Marlene was standing in the line already, eagerly talking to Dorcas. Her eyes brightened when she saw them.
“This lesson is going to be so shit,” she whispered. “I hate boggarts.”
Lily pursed her lips. “Everyone does, they’re awful. Still, I suppose they are necessary for our exams. We have to do them, unfortunately.”
Dorcas scowled. “Where are the Marauders pranks when you need them?”
“They’re useless, honestly,” Mary agreed. “Can’t they just blow up a toilet or something?”
Lily snorted a laugh and then covered her face with her hand as Professor Aldine shot her a warning look.
He waved his hand at them, motioning for them all to be quiet. Dorcas rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. James and Sirius continued speaking in hushed voices at the back of the line but the Professor ignored them because even the fact they were hushed was a miracle.
He rubbed his hands together, like some sort of evil villain, and smiled happily. “Shall we get at it then lads?”
Mary looked around the room for an open window she could jump from.
—
Yasmin Patil was first. She was a tall, long limbed girl with slicked back black hair and a determined expression. She faced the large wooden wardrobe, hand steady as she clutched the wand delicately between her fingers.
And then with a flick of his wand, Professor Aldine opened the latches of the wardrobe. Immediately, a shape sprung out. It twisted and churned for a moment before appearing as a strange creature Mary had never seen before. It was a leathery black winged horse, almost skeletal. It was terrifying.
“Thestral,” Lily muttered under her breath. A look of sympathy passed over her face.
Yasmine gritted her teeth and yelled out, “Riddikulus!” Within a second the creature changed, becoming only a silly little pony.
Yasmin laughed, turning to smile at her two friends, Áine O Brien and Edgar Bones who clapped for her. Then Edgar stepped forward and once again the Boggart changed.
Some peoples boggarts were ordinary things, like for Daphne Greengrass, whose boggart was a spider, or Timothy Charna, whose boggart was literally just the dark. Some were more sinister, like Wilkes older brother appearing as his boggart, for reasons unbeknownst to anyone but him. Mary hated him, but she couldn’t help but wince at how pale and shaky he’d gotten. In front of her, Remus looked like he would rather be anywhere else.
Mary felt the same. She knew what hers would be. She’d done this before in second year. It was her friends leaving her. It had been humiliating the first time, and even more so now. She’d face it, she knew she could. But seeing it face to face still made her feel like she was sinking. She hated being alone more than anything. By the look on Remus’s face, he knew exactly what would appear.
Andrew Allaband stepped forward next. He was five people in front of Mary. Then it was Peter, Emma Vanity, Snape, Remus and Marlene. She had no idea how Snape had managed to sandwich himself between them.
Andrew was spotty and gangly and he had wavy mousy brown hair and thick boxy glasses, pressed up against his nose. He was nice enough, an anxious guy from what she heard. He was in Gryffindor, but they’d never spoken much. Now he stood forward, paling as the boggart changed from a bouncy ball to a horde of bats, screeching and chattering and rushing towards him. Mary expected him to flee, but he yelled “Riddikulus!” Firmly and loudly, instantly changing the bats into something else.
Professor Aldine smiled. “That’s it, well done lad!”
Peter stepped forward as Andrew scattered over to the students who’d completed the task. Peter cast a nervous glance back at them before turning to face the rapidly changing boggart. He paled as he was faced with an enormous cat that grinned down at him with sharp teeth.
He whipped out his wand and yelled Riddikulus at the top of his voice, and the cat rapidly shrank into a cutesy little kitten. Peter looked at it warily. Mary did notice however he looked slightly relieved about the whole thing. Had he been expecting something different to appear?
He stood next to the other students who’d completed it and gave them all a thumbs up. Mary was starting to regret her choice to go at the back of the line. It was beginning to look like they’d have enough time to get through everyone and now almost the entire class would be watching Mary face her boggart. Mary couldn’t imagine anything any more mortifying. Half the Pureblood defence Squad was here too to watch it.
Would they use her fear against her? Could they? They had promised revenge. Mary shook herself. She was a capable witch, and what could a bunch of ridiculously spoilt seventeen year olds really do to her while at school? It wasn’t an empty threat, but it wasn’t one she was losing sleep over. She didn’t fear Wilkes or Snape but she certainly didn’t trust them. Avery was scary, though he was a year younger. And Mulciber.. what scared her most was the burning looks of hatred he gave her. As if he wanted her wiped off the face of the earth. As if he wanted to destroy her. He couldn’t hurt her here but she couldn’t understand why he’d want to. She’d never actually done anything to him. He hated her for her blood and skin and body, and that was scary all right.
Emma Vanity had successfully turned her boggart into a jack in a box (hers was being rejected from her dream Quidditch team and being told she could never play again) and that meant Snape was next. His was a snake, if she remembered correctly from second year. That was always a bit funny to her, seeing as he was in Slytherin. Did he get scared every time he looked at the crest? Although Peter was afraid of cats, so that could be applied to him too, she supposed.
The Slytherins certainly thought his fear of snakes funny (they were fans of irony) and they were already watching him with smirks. Snape rolled his eyes, looking resigned as he stepped forward.
The boggart changed immediately, forming the shape of a woman- not just any woman.
She had fiery red hair and a face full of freckles and eyes of burning green.
Mary’s mouth dropped open.
Lily.
She was unable to tear her eyes away as the boggart Lily approached Snape. Snape looked shocked and his eyes were wide. The class fell into utter silence. Snape didn’t raise his wand.
“I don’t love you, I never will, Snivellus,” she was sneering.
Snape looked horrified and just stood there, not moving, not doing anything.
Mary felt embarrassed for him, and Lily. And also mad at him. Was he really hung up on Lily after all these years? He’d insulted her; hung out with people who hated her and refused to get over her? To the point where being rejected by her was his worst nightmare. She almost felt sorry for him. Why was he clinging so badly to her? How could he be so cruel to her and then turn around and say he loved her?
The class was dead silent. No one moved for a second until Professor Aldine jumped into action. “Riddikulus!” He snapped and the boggart changed to a sock.
The class laughed nervously. Mary turned to Lily, whose eyes were wide with shock and horror. Her face was red and every eye in the classroom was on her. Mary didn’t blame her for what she did next.
Lily turned tail and ran out of the classroom.
Lily, who had never skipped a class in her life, ran out of the classroom. On any other day, Mary would’ve teased her. But not now.
Mary sprang after her after a second of hesitation and Marlene did a second after. Professor Aldine called for her to return back but she didn’t listen. She pushed open the classroom door as it began to close behind Lily, racing out into the corridor.
“Lily!“ she called out as the red haired girl turned a corner, disappearing from view. Mary turned and sped to a stop. Marlene stopped just a little bit behind her.
The hall split into two directions and the two girls' eyes met. Mary nodded.
“Let’s split up then?” Marlene said after a moment. “I’ll go left, you’ll go right.”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” Mary said weakly, but she turned down the right hallway anyway and began walking quickly down the corridor.
Lily would never run out of class like that. She must be really upset, Mary thought to herself. She peeked into some of the classrooms as she walked past, just in case Lily was lurking in one of them. She wasn’t.
Mary turned down another corridor.
“Lily?” She called out, “Lily?”
She paused, and stopped suddenly. Her eyes flicked to the wall, where a door to a room she had never seen before was. Mary frowned. She had been in Hogwarts seven years, and never had she seen this room before. And Mary knew every inch of this place, inside out. She could find her way around the place blindfolded. She hesitated for a moment, but something inside he turned her on.
She pushed the door open gently.
The room inside was one she had never seen before. There was a mirror in the room and really nothing else. It was strangely empty. Lily lay against the wall, head in her hands. Her shoulders were shaking and when she looked up Mary could see tears sparkling and spilling down her cheeks. Lily’s eyes widened and she tried to quickly wipe them away with her sleeve but they kept falling.
Mary walked over to her and sat down beside her. Lily was silent for a second.
“I feel like a terrible person,” she said, her voice small.
Mary turned to her, caught off guard. “What?”
Her Lily, a terrible person? She was anything but. She was sweet and kind, she helped any first years she saw, anyone she saw. She was the kindest person Mary had ever met.
Lily’s breath caught and her chest heaved as another year slipped down from the corner of her eye.
“Sev loves me so much that me rejecting him is his worst nightmare. And I- I don’t love him back. I can’t- and- and I’m breaking his heart. I feel like I should love him, I feel- I feel like I’m being unfair to him. And I know he’s been awful to me but he’s helped me and don’t I owe him? I feel like-“ Lily shook her head, loose red curls falling over her face.
“You don’t owe him anything, Lily,” Mary said fiercely, “You don’t have to love anyone. Snape called you a mudblood. He’s treated you like shit. If he really loved you, he wouldn’t do any of that, Lily. He’s just obsessed with you. He just thinks he’s in love with you. You’re not obliged to love him, or anyone.”
She took Lily’s hand and squeezed it. Lily looked at her, smiling gently at her. She sniffed, wiping her face with her sleeve.
“Everyones going to want me to-“ she began but Mary cut her off.
“Who gives a shit what everyone else wants, Lils? This is about what you want. About who you want,” Mary said passionately, taking her other hand and holding them.
Lily stared at her, green eyes a little glazed. She blinked slowly for a second and opened her mouth to speak. Mary’s heart fluttered and all she could do was fall into the green of her eyes.
“I want-“
“Guys!” Marlene said loudly, cutting Lily off. She rushed over to them, falling on to the floor and wrapping them all up in a big hug.
Mary let out a fake irritated groan as Marlene pulled her close, squashing her curls against Marlenes shoulder. “Marls!” She protested and Marlene just laughed. Mary looked over at Lily, but Lily was laughing with Marlene now, eyes closed as she let out a warm giggle.
Mary swallowed something dry in her throat.