Fresh Air
It’s funny the way people’s lives work. How different they can be in the big way, but the same in the little too. Some have the privilege to enjoy its wonders, its emotions and its ups and downs. Others, however, deal with the misery of it all by choice or not. The loss, the pain and the damage. A world like that can suffocate and make it overbearing.
She wondered if that’s why there was a need for the evil when good existed. A balance was needed for one side and another. She asked herself many times if the balance could tip and if there were exceptions of one side being more than the other…
Her arms wanted some place to lean in within. The last carts of the train didn’t seem to have an arm rest at all and even if her seat had them, the leather would stick to her exposed arms.
The whole atmosphere was quiet, chatter in the corners and some giggles beside the walkways with some doors flying shut by embarrassment or in exasperation. The Hogwarts train always was too noisy on the way to their first days.
The shoulder length of her self considered dull auburn hair pricked at the curve of her neck where her robe would be covering. Unfortunate for her, a certain situation had risen and it had been ripped in a tussle. She had just given up on trying to fix it in the moment it had happened deciding it was better to just let it be. She had it clutched on her left hand, keeping her legs warm from the slightly cold air coming from the open window next to her.
Life was manageable but a bit annoying.
‘I wonder how people deal with it differently’ she thought to herself, her reflection showing her just how exhausted and drained she felt.
Thalia presumed that she lived very very troubled. If it came to thinking about herself as a whole she thought everything was wrong with her. In certain places. She didn’t have flaws that made her stand out too much other than being an occasional nagger. She was a bit rowdy and talked too much when comfortable. She was slightly prideful and conceited when someone puffed up her air. But, she humbled herself as much as she could because according to her mother, humble people were rare.
She was a good daughter, always did what she was told when her opinions didn’t matter and respected those well enough to be deemed worthy of her respect. She was outspoken and fought for what was right in her eyes so there were moments of rebellion her mother overlooked sometimes because she just knew her daughter liked fairness.
But, if she needed to have utter complete honesty to herself, Thalia wasn’t so satisfied with herself. Despite mustering her absolute best for her family, the one aspect she loathed more, was wearing a double mask.
Her family had this embedded mindset because they were revered as one of the most prestigious families in the Wizarding world. Everyone had sights on them whether they liked it or permitted it., To save grace, the Lumenhart family required each and every single member to reflect perfection, demonstrate flawless, saint-like behavior. Nothing more, nothing less.
Her father shouted this out on a daily basis. More so, he demanded it or threatened to disown them. For this utterly befalling mask, they’d risk even their own personalities and dig them in a grave where no one could see a trace.
Thalia could feel a headache forming and tension crawling it’s way back up all over her sore back and neck. She despised the thought of a perfected personality. Did that make people lose self worth? Of course it did! Everyone was born with their own self, at least trying to discover it as they grow. So why was it so wrong to lower the veil to people who only came and went once or twice a year? Was reputation of such high importance than her own being?
She didn’t get the logic at all. Behind all the brandishing, gorgeous parties and dinners with rich sods and pretentious conversations, it was truly an ugly and hideous world. Her father made sure of bringing that out to the light where she can see and reas it plain as day.
“Lumenhart!” A voice chipped by the passageway. It was another one of those sucker bunches trying to flatter her way through the year by her last name. It fluffed her ego in feeling so important but at the same time it sickened her to the core. Just how far were families going to just force acquaintances for the sake of business or power?
The displeased corners on her forehead and mouth were smoothed out and in came the plastered fake smile and confident gaze. Wherever that haughty look came from it must’ve come from her innermost darkest corridors in her mind because everyone was so fearful of that look.
“Herrsberg,” Thalia greeted cooly. The boy she’d see a couple times around the dungeons fidgeted, clearly trying to find the words to say what he needed. And she clearly wanted to continue moping so she couldn’t help but cross her arms and roll her eyes. She had to restrain her impatience.
“Well? An hour’s clearly passed. What do you want?”
The boy gathered his wits and suspiciously “innocent” body language and cleared his throat. “My father is truly grateful for your family’s support in our business. Just wanted to come and tell you that personally since he can’t do that himself.”
“I see. Well, I’m wishing you and your family well then.”
There was the closure for the conversation. So why was he still standing there? “As a thank you,” he continued, adding to her nerves. “I’m hoping maybe we could get together for some butter beer soon during the winter? Possibly a dinner?”
She lifted a hand, already knowing where this was going. She didn’t like mixing business with her already starting 5th year at Hogwarts. Dark times loomed and yet, pure bloods did not care for a rats arse in it.
“If this is a plan to try and snake your way through to me when I’m already in a relationship, with someone who you clearly should not be messing with, I’d tell your father and you to tread carefully. No marriage merger will get you near, trust me.”
The boy’s demeanor shifted to open conceited seductive slits. His whole body language changed too, and if it wasn’t for her sharing her dead icy stare, she was sure he’d crossed her personal space and do something. He wasn’t a leech for anything. She’d also seen him outside of Hogwarts, being slapped by multiple girls for his playboyish tendencies. Quite entertaining for her though.
“Oh come on Lumenhart. Don’t tell me Malfoy isn’t boring you already?”
Her chest released an honest cackle. If only he knew. What a cocky arsemonger. “You think I’d have a better time with you, do you?”
He leaned closer. “Of course I do, darling.”
She shuddered at the tone. Her lips curled up into a smirk and snorted. She slowly pulled out her wand from where it was resting and played with the tip as if she were sharpening a pool stick. “I’m very pleasing to the eyes, I know. But honestly Herrsberg I know what kind of boy you are. And you are not worthy for me. It’d be a waste of my sight, and my time. But I can spare some for you at this moment. How about I show you?”
She watched the way he was anticipating her move. But once he took in the ill intended vibe radiating from her, his body froze over. He did hear rumors that she had badly injured a student last year for their loose tongue against her and her family. One other got hung off a skyscraper for attempting to kiss her too.
Thalia raised an eyebrow. She flicked her wand once, and suddenly the boy was losing his breath.
Everyone else could see Charles Herrsberg, heir to the fancy pure blood fashion industry keeper, gasping for air. Some gasped but refrained from mentioning Thalia’s fault and decided to let the boy deal with his doom. It took a red face and a terrified struggling ‘please’ for her to give in with mercy.
He coughed and walked away, embarrassment and terror clearly reflected into his once playful eyes. Thalia bid him a farewell. “Let me know when you want to play again darling!” She shouted behind him. She sat back down, her hold on her ripped robe tighter than ever. Breath in, then out. Then a sigh.
Her dad was to blame for interactions like these. All the damned time.
She didn’t want to admit it so openly, but she truly resented that man even though he was half the reason for her birth. What a pitiful role men had. Just one part they commit and the rest women have to bear. Personally, she really preferred her mother a single parent. Why did she marry such a crude cold and selfish man? He wasn’t anything father-like at all. He prioritized his work and his image rather than spending time and engaging with family. All he did was work work work. It was life in the study, silent stifling dinners with his wife and children, and then back he went, retreating into his cave.
But it hadn’t always been like that.
Her blurry four year old memories projected a few times where he took it upon himself to show his fatherly self to her and her older brother. One day, it just all dissipated like vapor and he was never the same. Her father had been softer, more family oriented and sweet. Where had that all gone? It was beyond her. The current man that was giving her a roof over her head would never revert back to that.
Her mother claimed he still could but Thalia wasn’t so sure she should believe her. Her mother loved her father so dearly but she honestly wondered why she married a man like him. Maybe love blinded a person so much they refused to see the ugly undenying truth. Or they probably refused to see farther behind their mask.
Thalia Lumenhart was only living a good life that felt like a lifeless monochrome colour. Everything else beyond her four walls in her own room was bland and devoid of life. Her siblings felt the same way. Couldn’t speak for their youngest one as she was attached to their mum’s hip, but she was a bit old enough to be aware.
Was she happy? Maybe once upon a time when the wizarding world was celebrating the fall of the One Who Shall Not Be Named. Her mother had thought it wonderful to raise her in that year. How wrong she was. To think that now he was back at full force. Her whole world was turning more impossible to thaw out. She needed an escape.
She needed to breathe. Right now even.
She decided to walk to the end of the express and feel some air on her face for an hour or two. She didn’t need Malfoy to come over either and start hassling her for what she just did. He’d just about collaborated to her sick mood by tearing her robe. She put the cloth carefully down her seat, dusted her skirt off, and trailed off.
The bumps of the track made it hard to move casually, shoes skipping every so often. Thalia swore the rickety sounds of the train were louder than her own thoughts. But she liked it. It was better than letting her own run around to loom over like a gray cloud.
She found the door of the end. The ricochet of the metal frame frightened her only for a few seconds until it flew shut. For a magical train it sure needed some repairs. Didn’t seem like the staff bothered to fix this door since not many people were probably allowed to come down this way. The railing was rusty and antique, but she found two modern and clean chairs by a corner. She moved one to assure that they were in place and stable before sitting down and admiring the passing scenery and cold air.
It was fall. Leaves once green were now a multicolor of rust and auburn like her hair. The yellow was her favorite though. They resembled specks of gold falling from the trees. The sun shone, though in some locations it’d peek behind a seeking cloud or a tunnel. But she didn’t mind it much.
If she were a floating leaf, going with the wind she could land anywhere. Alone, free. But all she could feel was trampled on by so many heels. Death felt so certain to peek into the corners of her thoughts daily. But she’d find some strength and try to continue.
She had to do it for them. She had to live for Titania and Talbet. Her eldest brother was a different story. He was still chained even at a slight older age. If he had the guts to escape though, that would give her more respect towards him. Second oldest wasn’t a happy title but she was the one that had to look over everyone.
“I caved Thalia. But you and them, you still have a chance.”
She closed her eyes, taking that deep breath of oxygen. She let it go through inside, the cool air calming the fanning heat poking its way inside her veins once again. She had a responsibility towards her little sisters. Titania especially. Though her parents never vocally said it, they were highly displeased of her house setting. Ravenclaw was expected since her mother’s side ran it pretty heavily, and with pride. But because of her father, entering Slytherin was no choice. The hat, who once took into account of thought, for them it was straight green and that was the end of it.
Call it mental manipulation on their parents part, and that’s what disappointed the eldest daughter the most about her own mother. The fact that Titania entered Ravenclaw and not Slytherin caused them to shun her and pay less attention. She had once been the one they set higher hopes for since he was highly intelligent and advanced. She was so sure she felt the crashing collapse of all that love and attention crumble. But, her sister didn’t let it get to her as much as she’d thought.
Smiles were honest, responses were so clever and calculated. Her sister let everything slip over her whole being, moved forward with no care and with no regard to the past hopes on her and everyone who had their own hanging over them like a sticky web.
Thalia envied that. She wished she had chosen a different house to get that freedom Titania obtained so effortlessly. She didn’t need to be the face of the family. In the end, she witnessed how it destroyed Thane. A sadly defected 20 year old man who’s wings were clipped off so cruelly.
As she was contemplating future solutions, a quick flash of the door stole her attention away. It was a boy. At first she couldn’t make them out, with the strong gush of air pushing all their unruly unkempt hair. The broad and slightly taller figure had slipped in the rickety door and was now sitting across from her. She tried getting a better look so her eyes moved upwards where she detected a slight pattern that was for sure a scar from an impacting event. His emerald eyes, hidden behind askew round glasses, popped out with a vibrancy closely related to spring grass after a long winter. There was no trace of merriment in them. More so, they had the lingering desire for relief from a grief so well buried. The way his fists clenched and opened, it gave Thalia the notion that covering it wasn’t working anymore. It was a rising glass that was getting too full and needed to be empty.
‘Shit. Out of all people.’ She looked up to the sky as if some entity in the sky could give her an answer or teleport her somewhere new.
Shed met Harry Potter before. The famous Boy Who Lived; survived the hands of Voldemort himself. She saw him. On several occasions. Mostly because her arse of a boyfriend liked to pick fights with him on a day to day basis. Thalia swore that either Malfoy was still butt hurt by that refusal of friendship Potter didn’t accept, or had a crush on him. There was no way a boy could keep bugging the same boy over and over with year by year passing by.
‘Then again that’s how i’ve stuck around with him when I was younger’ Thalia put her hands to her face to hide the embarrassment within them. She didn’t get to stop the small screech from one of the legs of her chair, so now he wasn’t looking troubled. He looked curious to who was there, someone tat had been invisible was now seen.
“?” His eyes slowly fell on her.
“Erm….” Thalia didn’t know what to say. Apart from the awkwardness settling in the air, she could feel a bit of animosity too. Harry Potter didn’t like any Slytherin that crossed his path. Especially her since she was with his archenemy. She did laugh at the bickering and physical fights when they happened because boys were idiots, but she tried to never participate in them. She did everything she could to be unproblematic in a social show as much as possible. Unless her justice seeking self wanted to gather revenge.
“Looking a bit peak-ish are we?” The girl said with a mild bored tone, as if to explain the reason why she was there too. She didn’t mean it to come out that way at all, but she didn’t want to show an ounce of kindness to him either. To befriend a Gryffindor, especially Harry Potter? That was unbecoming of her. And him.
She heard him let out an exasperated sigh, abruptly got up, and was heading towards the door. “Don’t ask as if you care cold snake queen.”
Thalia felt a metaphorical splash of water come across her whole being. She lost control of her emotions at the nickname. “What the hell is your problem?” The girl raised herself up from the rickety chair.
Potter had one hand on the close to falling-knob, body tense. When he looked back he had a scowl on his features. It was a serious one, kind of the one she’d seen briefly on their train back last year. The Triwizard Tournament’s ending had quite a tragic ending, and no one left happy from school. This expression matched the one he wore that same day.
“All of you are my problem. Your little priss of a boyfriend thinks he can keep an eye on me now as if I were his pet.”
Thalia sighed roughly and put a hand to rub the corners of her forehead. Not this again. “I have nothing to do with Draco’s provoking measures toward you. Since I see you clearly are in a bad mood, I will be taking my leave now. Have a pleasant sour free ride Potter.” Her last words were said with a finality that suggested that any sort of reply from him would be shut down. She let the boy stand in place while she shook her head like a rattle.
Troublesome Malfoy too. Such a pain to deal with.
‘He’s a pain but I do like him… then again….’ her thoughts turned sour when she remembered that memory. Her feelings were real. But just as the last shackling cargo she had to carry, he was a worse one she could not loosen from her ankles. Not until he said so. She didn’t want to go back to the negative feelings she had minutes before. But thanks to the fresh wind and Potter, she was back to normal again.
On her way back felt herself pouting, but caught herself. What had that been? She lost composure for a moment there. Potter wasn’t worth taking her mask off for. He was a dangerous fellow. She had to be more careful in keeping her image up.
Snake queen? She scoffed. If they wanted a poisonous teenage drama queen this year, to hell with all of it. Everyone was going to get a taste of 14 year old Slytherin Thalia Lumenhart.
The cart she got to had her robe lifted off the position she had left it. It was floating and then in the hands of someone who mended. The girl waved her over, showing her that the tear wasn’t visible anymore, and smiled. Thalia could feel the radiant warmth emitting and gravitated towards her. She was a childhood friend of hers, practically grew up together as babies since their mothers were so tied together. She thought she was coming to Hogwarts late because of her delayed flight. Looks like she made it in time.
“Thalia, what was this monstrosity?” Rhia Rosethorn, her confidant and best friend tutted her with the piece of cloth. Thalia pouted again and snatched it away, putting it back on to warm her already cold arms.
“I didn’t do it.”
There was a pause. “Did he do it?”
The nervous laughter accompanied the small silence Thalia couldn’t fill.
“Thalia. Don’t you think you’ve had enough? He’s being too cruel to you. He can’t contain himself for a mere mome—“
Thalia put her hands on the golden blonde’s mouth before anyone in the train could eavesdrop. “Shh. Not so loud for goodness sake. I handled it don’t worry. I gave him a slap for it.”
Rhia’s protective mood dissipated and reverted back to their previous state. “Good! That snot ball deserved it.” She extended her palm to show her a treat she had snagged for her from the trolley. She took it gratefully and they ate it together.
“So? How’s everything at home? I wish I could’ve written but the trip we had to America was too time consuming that I had no time to write letters to you.”
“Could’ve taken me with you,” Thalia shrugged half heartedly. “It’s… there. Talbet’s sick again so Mum had to cancel her flight to Paris to attend to her. Thane is taking care of the Desk Handler’s tasks until he returns from his trip down Germany.” Rhia nodded, knowing that the nickname referred to her father. She refused to even call him dad after what had happened so she needed a code in case she did have to talk about him. Exceptions were only when they were at parties or important events.
“It was quite an empty house summer to be honest. When isn’t it? I thought Titania would stay but she eventually migrated over one of her friends’ vacation home for the summer. She said they were doing some prep for next school year but I’m pretty sure she did it to get away from all the social gatherings this season.”
The other girl nodded her eyes scrunching in disgust. “Ah yes that’s right.Yes. I did not miss them at all. But I had to go to American ones. They weren’t all that bad. What did you do?”
“Stayed home. Avoided everything and everyone as much as I could. Mum forced me to attend to parties with Thane, sometimes Malfoy.”
“Hmm. Maybe I should have taken you with me. It sounds dreadful.”
“It was. But don’t think you’ll escape me! You got to give me the deets of that American bloke you met. The Daily Prophet’s 3rd page with both your pictures? Now that’s what I call good exposure.”
“I will I will. When I’m not surrounded by your bloodsucking mosquitoes. I don’t want them up in my personal business. They’re lurking everywhere! It’s like you’re the queen of England!”
There was a titter. “I don’t get time for myself. But, it’s better isn’t it? We need someone to do things I don’t want to.”
Rhia looked skeptical at the response. Her friend was demanding but she was also independent. “You’re getting awfully good at lying.”
Thalia shrugged again. “Got to lie to survive here right? Better to keep myself away from being known so closely by giving them work to do.
They don't know you.
And I don’t want them to.
“Well if you’re up for using people to do our bidding don’t be too cruel. I remember first year and though it was an experimenting time, I don’t want to get called on by McGonagall again.”
“You know I don’t pass the line from cruel,” Thalia’s eyes went wide open. “I may act the part but I certainly don’t like to hurt anyone.”
“Being cold is useful in this world,” Rhia took a deep breath and watched the incoming clouds make the sky go gray. Hogwarts usually attracted sunlight but this first day of return, it was being filled with rain clouds Thalia wondered if that had to do with the students’ lasting moods as they drew closer. It was a gamble, coming back to school. After Potter had spotted the Dark Lord, and Cedric Diggory’s body had popped up dead with him, it was a trying time for everyone.
The ministry was in denial, too afraid to speak or recognize the truth and were condemning Potter to be a liar and an attention seeker. Him being famous brought that about him, but Thalia wasn’t so sure he was doing it just to get on the front page of the Daily Prophet. He was annoying but he couldn’t kill anyone, could he?
As the castle walls grew closer and closer, Thalia’s normal, outside self was retreating further and further within herself. Her prissy entitled, privileged self that cared for no one but herself was starting to seep through her pores and her entirety, hiding any trace of the self she wanted to leave out. The shield of the mask, though it was old and had holes in certain spots that let air deep through, she hoped it would last long enough. This year was going to be a very trying one.
But little did she know that one interaction with the Chosen one would not be that one time. Thalia’s present and future, unbeknownst to her, was going to get messier than it already was.