Chapter 4
When Remus got to the prefect's lounge Saturday night, Lily, Marlene, and Dorcas were already there. Along with them were the Prewit twins (Fabian and Gideon), Mary Mcdonald, a Ravenclaw he recognized named Emmaline Vance, a seventh year Hufflepuff he thought was named Constance, and a Ravenclaw boy he didn’t know.
“Remus!” Lily said, jumping up to hug him. Remus awkwardly hugged her back. “I thought you might not come.”
“I’m not the last one here am I?” Remus asked, glancing around the room. The boy he didn’t know was watching him.
“You are. You’re not late though, we were just early. I like your sweater by the way,” Lily said, stepping back so she could get a good look at it. Remus glanced down. It was the mood sweater Sirius had given him last Christmas. It changed color depending on what its wearer was feeling. Right now it was somewhere between stormy gray and wine red.
“I wasn’t sure what to wear,” Remus said.
“It looks good.” Lily smiled at him and led him into the room.
“Hey Lupin!” Fabian and Gideon chorused.
“Care for a drink?” Fabian asked, gesturing to the table of glass bottles behind him.
“We’ve got butterbeer, gillywater, or, if you want something a bit stronger, firewhisky,” Gideon said, eyes twinkling.
“Just a butterbeer, thanks,” Remus said. He was tempted to try the firewhiskey. Maybe later.
“Coming up!” Fabian conjured a bottle opener and popped the cap off the bottle before handing it to Remus.
“Hi Remus,” Dorcas said, waving. She’d changed her hair since Remus had last seen her. Now it hung in long braids intertwined with sparkling ribbons. She was wearing a blue tank top and a pair of artfully ripped jeans with shifting designs on them.
“Remus!” Marlene shouted. Her Rolling Stones t-shirt slipped off one shoulder in her hurry to hug Remus.
“Hi Marlene,” he said, laughing.
“You’ve already met Mary, right?” Lily asked.
“Yes, at breakfast the other day,” Remus said, waving at Mary who was sitting very close to Emmaline Vance and wearing a yellow dress with blue flowers on the skirt.
“Hello Remus,” she said.
“Hey Mary, hey Emmaline,” Remus said.
“Call me Emma, please,” Emma said, holding out her hand for Remus to shake. Remus shook it, surprised by how firm her grip was. Her hair, which was normally tied back in a very severe bun, was tied into two braids that lay on either shoulder. She was wearing a green sweater with a long skirt and very thick books.
“You already know the twins and over there by the window is Constance Flint, she’s a seventh year Hufflepuff and a bit of a loner. She only came tonight because Seb was coming,” Lily said. Remus followed her gaze to the Ravenclaw boy he didn’t know. He had long, silky brown hair that was pulled back into a low ponytail and he was wearing a Beatles t-shirt underneath a jean jacket covered in pins and patches. He gave Remus a small smile and wave. Remus returned it.
“Seb?” he asked, eyes still on the boy who was now busy trying to escape the pink wig Fabian and Gideon were trying to put on him.
“Sebastian Cross. He’s a Ravenclaw sixth year.” Lily hesitated and Remus looked at her. “I, um, well— Marlene, Dorcas, and I thought he might be able to help you with your, uh, discoveries,” she said.
“Oh,” Remus said. He didn’t really know what else to say so he just looked down at his shoes.
“Yeah, so, good luck.” Lily patted him awkwardly on the back. Remus looked down at his butterbeer. Maybe he did need something stronger, as Gideon had put it. For confidence.
An hour and half a bottle of firewhiskey later, Remus was singing a very bad version of The Beatles’ “Back in the USSR” with Mary doing back up vocals and Dorcas playing air guitar. Paul McCartney’s voice was mixing with his and Mary’s arm was slung around his shoulders and Fabian had dug up or, more likely, conjured a color changing stage light and everything about Remus felt loose and warm. His eyes slid around the room, catching on things he wouldn’t notice if he wasn’t at least half way drunk. A slipping sweater or t-shirt, exposing the dip of a collar bone. The light catching on the curve of someone’s neck as they turned. The wide smiles and the bright eyes and the beauty of the people around him and Remus realized it didn’t matter who he was looking at. Whether it was Fabian or Mary or Sebastian or Emma, they were all so beautiful under the haze of firewhiskey and flashing lights.
The track ended and they all collapsed in a giggle circle. “Helter Skelter” began to play and Remus disentangled his limbs from Mary’s and marveled at his new discovery. He found Lily in the group.
“I think I’ve figured something out,” he whispered to her.
“Oh?”
“It doesn't matter. I mean, if the person that I— the person, um—” Remus was struggling to find the words. His brain was hazy. He’d never had alcohol before.
“The person that you want to kiss?” Lily supplied, giggling slightly. Remus was taken aback. Kissing hadn’t really occurred to him as a possibility.
“Date,” he finally got out. “But… maybe also kiss?”
“Only if you want to,” Lily said. She was serious now. Remus thought about it. He’d never let himself imagine his first kiss. Mostly because he didn’t think he’d ever have one. Maybe he should have wanted it to be somewhere romantic. With someone he really cared about. But he didn’t. Honestly, he didn’t really care where it happened or who it was with. It was just a kiss, there wasn’t much more to it. He nodded and Lily grinned mischievously, pulling out a bottle from somewhere between them.
“Let’s play spin the bottle!” She said.
“Yes!” Mary shouted.
“Woooo!” Dorcas and Marlene cheered.
“Isn’t that kind of immature?” Constance grumbled but Dorcas blew a loud raspberry at her and Fabian and Gideon sandwiched her between them and started wolf-whistling in Sebastian's direction.
They took the cushions and pillows off the couches and chairs and arranged them in a circle on the floor. Remus noticed that he was diagonal to Sebastian. Lily was beside him announcing the rules of the game.
“Ok, basically the only rules are that you can’t chicken out and it doesn’t matter if the person it lands on is the same gender as you, you still have to kiss them,” she said.
“Lily, babes, you and Constance are the only straight people here,” Dorcas said, snickering. Lily stuck her tongue out at her.
“Who’s going first?” she asked, holding out the bottle. Surprisingly, it was Emma who grabbed it. She set it down on the stone floor and spun it. Remus watched it spin around and around, slightly nervous. It landed on Gideon.
“Alright! Come here Emma, darling,” he said, scooting towards the middle of the circle. Emma laughed and leaned in to kiss him.
And they kept playing. Gideon spun, then Mary spun, then Marlene spun, and so on. Remus watched them all spin then laugh then kiss. Maybe if he wasn’t so drunk it would be easier. No. It wouldn’t. They were all so confident with each other. With themselves. And, of course, there was that word. They said it with no problem, no hitch in their voice or fear in their eyes. He watched Gideon and Sebastian pretend to be Romeo and Juliet and he watched Emma and Mary kiss a little too passionately then was strictly necessary. He saw how comfortable Marlene and Dorcas were with each other. In that moment, more than anything, he wanted to be as confident as they were. As they all were. And then the bottle was in his hands.
“You don’t have to spin it if you don’t want to,” Lily whispered. “They’ll understand.”
Remus cocked his head to one side and grinned, letting the liquid confidence take over. “What happened to you’re not allowed to chicken out?”
He placed the bottle on the floor and noticed that his sweater had turned sunshine yellow. He spun it. It went around and around and around and when it stopped it was pointing towards—
“Alright, Lupin, let’s see how good of a kisser you are,” Sebastian said. Remus begged his sweater not to change color. Lily scooted backwards, her eyes were wide. ‘You don’t have to,’ they were saying. Remus pushed his chin out and moved forward, towards Sebastian.
The world seemed to narrow until all that existed was Remus and the long haired boy in front of him. He noticed that Sebastian's eyes were not light blue, as he had previously thought, but a stormy gray color. Sebastian cupped the side of Remus’ face in his hand.
“Close your eyes,” he whispered softly, so only Remus could hear him. Then Sebastian's mouth was on his. His lips were slightly parted and they were soft. Then they were gone. Remus opened his eyes. Sebastian was smiling at him.
“Not bad, Lupin,” he said. Remus smiled back. His sweater was tinged with red.