Knock On Wood

“Please tell me you are aware how ironic this is.”

“Which part? The part where I am on the billboard for Manchester’s no smoking campaign or the bit where we are smoking right now?”

 Regulus laughed, snatching the joint from James’ hands, “how do they not know?”

“I genuinely don’t know; I’ve literally said I want to work PR for Cheech and Chong if football doesn’t work out. 

“Clearly that’s not good enough.”

“You’re telling me.” James snorted.

Regulus sighed, allowing the warm breeze to flitter through his hair. He was comfortable here, next to James.

After they had spent the whole night together at Regulus’ party a month ago, they had made an effort to hang out as much as possible. Right now, they were sitting side by side on some of those flimsy wooded deck chairs Sirius had been persistent he needed.

“You know I was thinking, if you stop smoking you might get yourself a permeant spot on the team instead of spending half the time on bench.” Regulus said, leaning over his chair to  nudge James with his shoulder

“I am good enough for a permeant spot thank you, but Edwards is a fan favourite and he says he only works good in the forward half with Chrissy and Ted. I’m happy to wait my turn.” He hummed.

“All I’m saying is with you as a permeant striker, you’d win the league.”

 James gasped, practically falling off his chair in an effort to knock his fist on its wooden legs.

"You take that back Regulus Black.”

“I said what I said, Manchester would win the cup with you playing on the field more instead of being benched.”

James knocked once more, his free hand pointing a finger at Regulus.

"Knock on wood or keep your mouth shut Black.”

“You can’t make me.” Regulus teased, a smug expression on his face.

 James pounced towards him in record time, grabbing both his hands in one of his, holding them over his head.

“You sure about that?”

Regulus released a shuddered breath, his face flushing. He was acutely aware of how close James was to him, their noses a hair apart. From this distance Regulus could count the faint freckles littering James’ tanned skin. He could see the mischief in his eyes.

He felt himself lean the smallest bit; he could have convinced himself in the moment that James did the same. But he would never find out if he was going to follow through because the deck chair that Regulus was sitting on, which now was holding an extra body, collapsed with a loud crash. Apparently, it wasn’t suited for two people.

“Fuck,” James groaned, and yes maybe that turned Regulus on just a bit.

“What’s wrong footy boy? Sprained an ankle?”

 James huffed, “no maybe done a shoulder though, you broke my fall.”

“It was hardly a fall suck it up.”

"I don’t think I will.”

In any other circumstance Regulus would’ve made a joke or a least offered a chuckle, but right now all he could focus on was the fact James hadn’t moved from on top of him and that he had the same look in his eye. And also, the fact he had pieces of wood sticking uncomfortably into his back.

Regulus made to shuffle away a bit, hoping to get into a more comfortable position. James startled back, an awkward cough leaving his mouth as he started to stand up.

"Jesus Reg, where does the time go? You got your date with fit blonde pink drink vomit guy is in half an hour.” James laughed; it didn’t reach his eyes.

Regulus rolled his eyes, brushing himself off.

“As I have told you a million times, his name is Evan and it is not a date.”

“He will always be fit blonde pink drink vomit guy to me. Besides you are spending an awful lot of time with him for people who aren’t dating.”

That was true, after the awful events of the party, Regulus was horrified when he came down stairs to find Evan sleeping on his brother’s couch. But after an extremely awkward morning they got to talking and actually discovered they had a lot more in common then they thought. So, they started hanging together more regularly, there was nothing there, Evan was actually head over heels in love with his best friend Barty so everything works out nicely.

“I spend an awful lot of time with you as well James, yet we aren’t dating.”

Several emotions flickered across his face, each one leaving as fast as it came.

"That’s different Reg.” He sighed.

“Is it?” Regulus snapped; eyebrow raised in challenge.

When James said nothing, he shook his head, turning back to the house.

-

Time was a fickle thing in Regulus’ opinion. He used to think time was irrelevant, but now with James gone, he wished he had more.

He could have sworn it was 7 o’clock when Sirius and Remus had arrived and he had to excuse himself from the room. Maybe excuse was too weak of a word, he more or less ran for the hills the second a normal human emotion was expressed in his vicinity.

But now Regulus could smell sausages and heard hushed voices from somewhere further in the house. After checking the clock Regulus was shocked to find out that it was nearing the afternoon.

Remus must be cooking a late lunch. Remus and James were the chefs of their little group, only because the last time Sirius and Regulus had stepped foot in a kitchen, they almost burnt it down and ruined James’ perfectly delicious curry.

That night they ended up ordering take out and stayed up till the late hours of the night brainstorming name ideas before James had declared their son would be named after their uber eats delivery man Hari.

Thinking about it hurts. But still no tears came.

Gathering all his courage Regulus walked through the house, trying to locate the voices.

He regretted it immediately when he stepped foot in the living room and all his closest friends turned to face him with tear-streaked faces and sad smiles. Fucking hell, he should have stayed in the spare bedroom. Right now, it was worse than the hospital, because there he at least had the excuse of speaking to the doctors to escape his friend’s grief, now all the attention was on him.

Poor Regulus Black, the sad little widow.

Pandora was the first one to move, she pulled him into a gentle hug, instinctively, Regulus wrapped his arms around her even though he wanted nothing more than to push her away and kick them all out of his house.

Pandora pulled away, silent tears streaming down her face.

“I am so sorry Regulus, I really am. James loved you more than anything, and where ever he is now, he still does.”

I know exactly where he is Dora, dead in the hospital morgue. He doesn’t feel anything for me or anyone else because he is dead.

Regulus held his tongue and nodded his head slightly.

Apparently, that was a sign for each of his friends to line up to offer their condolences.

It didn’t matter though, no matter how many tears Lily shed, or how many hugs Barty and Dorcas pulled him into, James was still dead.

“Did you need anything?” Marlene asked, her eyes red and watery.

It was weird, Regulus thought, that her hair was pulled back. Marlene had never tied up her hair in the whole time Regulus had known her, she preferred to have her blonde locks wild and free. It was almost a little sad that after years of begging her to tie it up this is the memory he would have of it. Tainted with death and tears.

“S’right, I’m fine.”

Instead of pushing him for answers like they usual would, his friends just nodded, eyes full of understanding. Regulus hated it.

“You don’t have to worry about anything, we will take care of all the funeral details if you want, I’m sure the club will want to put some money in or release a statement, they’ve already tried calling your home phone but I let it ring out.”

Right the club. James’ pride and joy. Football was another thing he was a natural at and it took him only took years under Manchester for him to become a key fixture and fan favourite. In Regulus’ opinion they were stupid to wait those two years.

“You’ve also had a bunch of media outlets call, wanting a statement, fucking vultures the lot of them. I was tempted to tell them to fuck themselves but Evan told me not to.” Barty said, rolling his eyes. “But you don’t need to stress about any of it, like Cas said, we’ve got the funeral stuff, statements, dealing with press, literally anything Reg. We are here for you.”

Regulus desperately wanted Barty’s words to bring him to tears. They didn’t.

“You lost him too; you deserve someone to take care of you guys as well.” He said, gesturing lamely to the group of friends in front of him.

“We will take care of each other.” Lily said, “Remus suggested we all stay here for a few weeks so we can all help with Harry and grieve together.”

Regulus wanted to vomit, that sounded like his worst nightmare.

“Let’s have lunch first and then we can talk about plans.” Remus said, surveying Regulus closely.

Food was the last thing he wanted right now.

“I’m not hungry.” He mumbled, “fuck, where is Harry?”

Regulus felt his pulse quicken when he realised his son wasn’t in his eye sight.

You’ve spent the last 7 hours locked in a spare bedroom and now you are worried about you son? Some father you are.

“Don’t stress, Mary and Peter are outside with him, he wanted to jump on the trampoline and no one else had the energy to go with him.”

Regulus nodded, waving away protests of his need for food, he opened he sliding door.

Immediately he was hit with an icy breeze. James hated winter. He always complained about how his muscles froze up quicker when he was on the bench and how the rain ruined his and Harry’s outside time.

It was fucked up that winter was the last season he got to experience.

Regulus could hear the sounds of laughter and felt colder still. It sounded so wrong; he couldn’t even remember the last thing James laughed at.

What was left of his heart jumped to his throat when he spotted Mary, she was watching Harry and Peter muck about on the trampoline, cigarette in hand, sitting in that stupid fucking deck chair.

Regulus was taken back to a different time, a different world. He wanted to scream.

That stupid fucking deck chair should have followed the other one and gone in the bin. But after James and Regulus got together, he made it their chair, quickly learning that is wouldn’t break if you leaned it all the way back. That chair was there for everything in their life, James only thought it reasonable that it would make the journey with them to their new house.

Regulus forced the thoughts from his head, making himself known by sitting on the wet grass, put caring that it was soaking through his pants. 

Mary didn’t say anything when she saw him, she just passed him the cigarette, which he was grateful for, it gave him something to do with his hands.

They sat there, passing the cigarette back and forth, letting Harry’s giggles chill their bones. When finally, Peter and Harry got off the trampoline they were red faced and panting for breath.

“Da! You go jump with me?”

Regulus looked at this son, he saw his rosy cheeks and black hair shining with sweat, his large smile an exact copy of James’. For a scary moment he hated the 3-year-old, hated the fact he could be so happy, oblivious, that he could bounce around on a fucking trampoline while everyone around him was devastated.

“No thank you ma puce, Uncle Moony has cooked lunch so I’ve been sent to get you.” Regulus scared himself with how empty his voice sounded.

“Can we go jump later.”

“Maybe not today monkey, I’m very tired.”

“What about yesterday?”

Harry still didn’t get the difference between yesterday and tomorrow. Something he and James never bothered to correct him on because it was so endearing. He might have to start now.

“Sure, we can jump yesterday, now go back inside, it’s cold and lunch is waiting.”

“Are yous and Uncle Wormys and Aunty Marys not coming for lunch?” Harry asked, confusion clear on his little face.

Regulus sighed and scrubbed his face with his hands. He loved Harry he really did, but right now he couldn’t be fucked.

“C’mon bub, I’ll take you up there we can see if your Da has bought strawberry milk!”

Mary was an absolute god-send.

With the sound of Harry and Mary retreating upstairs, Regulus let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding.

Peter, like Mary didn’t offer any words just a joint.

Regulus almost wanted to laugh at the irony of smoking a joint on the deck chairs without James.

But he didn’t he just took the joint and welcome the smoke into his lungs. Peter had his own spliff lit and dangling from his lips as quick as a flash.

Regulus didn’t have anything to say and Peter didn’t seem to want to talk anyway so they sat there silently, so many unspoken words hanging in the air around them.

Both of them jumped when Mary came back, appearing out of nowhere.

“Fucking hell Mary, a little warning next time.”

“Damn didn’t realise you guys were so on edge.” Mary said, rolling her eyes and sitting down on the deck chair, essentially kicking Peter off of it.

Regulus felt like he should say something, ask how they were holding up, offer condolences, some stupid shit like that. But truthfully, he just didn’t have the energy for fake smiles, stiff hugs, and meaningless words.

Despite the hazy smoke-filled air around him, he felt like he could properly breath since he first heard the news. Part of him knew it was because sitting here with everyone in their own drug induced thoughts, no one was pitying him. The second he walked back into the house it would be a different story entirely.

“Shit weather hey?” Peter didn’t need an answer to his very obvious rhetorical question, but Regulus needed something to occupy his mind, even if it was literal small talk about the weather.

“Yeah, it’s bit fresh, could do with a bit of sun.”

“Typical of James to die and take the fucking sun with him.” Mary said with a mean laugh.

For a spilt second Regulus was taken aback, he was waiting for the anger, the hurt, the feeling of disrespect, Mary had just insulted his dead husband, he should be fucking pissed. But he wasn’t, instead he huffed in response, realising how true it just.

Typical James.

“Fucking selfish really, heaven has unlimited sun, cunt move of him to steal ours.” Peter added, sad amusement playing across his features.

“It’s funny, because he was literally the most selfless person I know, maybe he deserved to take the sun.” Mary hummed.

Selfless? Selfless people don’t leave their husband to be a widow, they don’t doom their sons to grow up without him.

“Don’t let his charities fool you, he was pretty selfish when it came to those cookies Lily made.”

“Yeah, and on the pitch, he was a fucking ball hog, he’s lucky he was pretty, would’ve been benched in a second otherwise.”

“They will probably win the cup this year, with someone actually passing around.”

It was a reflex, a reflex that caused the trio to lean forward and knock on the wood of the deck chair. Something that didn’t register until the tap tap sound of knuckles on wood reached their ears.

Mary let out a slightly maniacal laugh.

“We are so completely fucked, aren’t we?”

 Yeah, yeah, we are.