balancing act

“Moony, you don’t have to come,” Sirius said when Remus followed them outside. They weren’t allowed to ride with Regulus to the hospital, so they were planning on taking the first cab they found.

He raised an eyebrow. “What? Why wouldn’t I come?”

Sirius gaped at him for a moment, and then looked to James for help, but he had no idea what was going on in Sirius’s head, so he was on his own for this one. He couldn’t think of any reason as to why Remus wouldn’t want to be there for him.

“You love the ballet.”

“Your brother is on his way to the hospital,” Remus said simply, like that was all there was to it. That’s probably all there was to it. Remus was loyal, he had always been loyal, even that period of time when he had quit the band, he was still their best friend.

Sirius looked incredibly guilty, and he pulled out a cigarette, lighting it quickly. He smoked a little bit recreationally, but most especially when he was stressed. And, James finally understood. He wanted them to enjoy the ballet. He hated asking for help; even just needing help made Sirius feel like he was weak. He hated feeling like he was a bother; James had always taken care to never let him feel that way.

What he never seemed to understand was that he wasn’t a bother. They had come to the ballet for Sirius and his brother. So, if Sirius and his brother were leaving, then so were they.

Almost the moment that Regulus had fallen, Sirius was rushing to the stage, pushing past the security guard with a rather impressive strength just to get to his brother. Everyone in the crowd seemed to have noticed what happened, and James had been appalled to see that some of them were upset by it, like Regulus passing out had ruined their night. He heard complaining that it ruined the integrity of the ballet for something like this to happen. James was disgusted with them.

The show would go on. There were understudies and things would pick right back up where they left off. The ballet planned for things like this, although apparently Regulus’ job was no longer safe. Sirius mentioned that in a bit of a daze, just worried about his brother. Passing out on stage was considered very unprofessional, apparently.

“You love the ballet,” Sirius said again, like he still didn’t understand that Remus would choose him over watching Swan Lake literally any day.

Peter hailed them a cab, trying to instruct all of them to get in. Sirius put out his cigarette, running on autopilot at the moment.

Sirius had practically been ripped away from his brother, and then the curtains had dropped. Whether it was to give them some privacy or just to protect the ‘remaining integrity’ of the show, James didn’t know. Most everyone took it as a brief intermission, whereas James, Remus, and Peter started to try and make their way backstage to see what was going on.

They hadn’t been allowed back there, and one of the stage managers told them that Regulus was being taken to the closest hospital. Sirius was angry, and he was a little scared. It had felt a bit like watching someone drop dead, and James had thought that it was almost hauntingly beautiful.

Maybe he shouldn’t call it beautiful, someone fainting. But well, it was. Everything that Regulus had done that night was intentional, it was practiced, and it was beautiful, even when he lost control of himself. 

James and Peter got in first; James ended up having to sit in the front seat so that all four of them could fit. He said hi to the driver, but it was obvious he was not looking to talk. Still, they could hear the conversation that Sirius and Remus were having when Sirius tried to pull out another cigarette. 

“Moony, really. If you want to stay.”

“I don’t.”

“I won’t be mad. I know you hate hospitals.”

That was true, actually. He had been a very sick kid and spent more time than anybody ever should in a hospital or clinic of some sort. James remembered visiting Remus every single day they could, especially when he was there for extended periods of time, and Peter would always be the only one to remember to actually bring him the homework he was missing. 

Remus took the cigarette from Sirius before he could light it and practically pushed him into the taxi, mumbling something under his breath in Welsh. Remus hardly ever spoke the language unless he thought they were being stupid and didn’t want to tell them.

Of course Sirius was trying to worry about everyone when his brother was on his way to the hospital; he didn’t know how to compartmentalize, so he just worried about everything all of the time. 

They were mostly silent the entire way there, deciding to let Sirius decide the energy. For the most part, they knew Regulus was probably not dead, so at least there was that. 

“Something’s broken, I think,” Sirius said quietly. 

There hadn’t even been the sound of the radio to fill the silence, their taxi driver never made a move to turn it on. 

“What do you mean?”

“He fell on his arm.”

Oh, a broken bone. That wasn’t the end of the world.  Although, well maybe for a professional dancer it was probably the end of the world. If James were to break his wrist and he suddenly couldn’t play guitar? Yeah, okay. So maybe it was the end of the world. 

Hospitals were the same no matter what part of the world you were in. They were sterile, the lights were fluorescent, the ambiance was somber. They were miserable places, and so were the people in them. 

“What do you mean I can’t see him yet?” Sirius asked, his voice raising with each passing second. He was already wound super tight, and now they weren’t letting him in to see Regulus. 

Remus made his way over, perhaps to soothe Sirius or to just try and diffuse some of the tension. James and Peter were put in charge of getting something to eat. They had been planning to go out to dinner after the ballet, but that wasn’t an option anymore. 

“This is so uncomfortable,” Peter said, loosening his tie while James punched E2 into the vending machine. He never would have complained if Sirius was around, not when he was ready to snap. But it was just James, and he was feeling the same way. 

They were all a bit overdressed for the hospital, wearing literally brand new suits. Remus and Sirius had long ditched their coat jackets, and they were hanging over one of the chairs in the waiting room. James was very close to doing the same thing, not even caring about how expensive it had been to buy. 

“That’s a lot of chocolate,” Peter commented when James bent down to dig the snacks out. 

“Remember Moony?” he asked, slightly amused. Remus was always eating something chocolatey, especially in stressful situations.

Sirius ended up stress eating more American snacks than Remus did though, pacing back and forth. James tried to reassure him that Regulus was fine, probably asleep or getting a cast put on or something. 

“He’s going to be so mad,” Sirius said, quietly enough so that only James could hear it. 

“It’ll heal.”

“Yeah, but will he?”

When the receptionist called Sirius’ name to give him an update, they also let all four of them into the room to go see him. He had been put under a general anesthetic, but he was supposed to be waking up soon. 

Before the whole music thing, James had wanted to go into medicine. So, where someone like Peter didn’t completely understand when was saying when he said things like hairline fracture, James did. 

“Your brother is severely malnourished,” the doctor said to Sirius. “You said he dances?”

“Yeah, ballet.”

The doctor seemed to grimace a little bit. “Right. Well, in order for his bone to heal he’s going to need to eat and drink more.”

The thing about ballet dancers, James guessed, was that it was hard to tell if they were actually healthy. Sure, they all looked mostly healthy. Regulus was obviously strong and also very fit from all of the dancing, but that did not automatically make him healthy.

“Eat and drink more,” Sirius echoed, staring blankly.

Peter was the one who broke the silence after the doctor left, he was always the best at diffusing the tension.

“Mate, your brother’s kind of pretty,” Peter said. James couldn’t help but agree, although he knew voicing this aloud was far from a good idea, especially after he glared at Peter. “Just saying.”

“Not the time, Pete,” he said.

There wasn’t much to do except wait for him to wake up, and they ended up blowing up gloves into balloons, tossing them around the room and over Regulus’ sleeping body. They were acting like children, but they had to get creative. The room was small and the entertainment was limited. They had all thrown their ties and jackets onto the chair in the corner, piling them up and forgetting they existed.

Mary, their manager, ended up calling Remus. They were supposed to check in with her every night, and they had been a little bit preoccupied, so obviously they hadn’t done that yet. Really, she was more their friend than their manager. They had known Mary from school as well, and just happened to get lucky with the fact that she went to uni for two years and studied art management.

“Yeah, Mary. We’re in the hospital,” Remus said. They couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation, but from the tiny smile on Remus’ face they knew she was probably yelling at them for ending up in the hospital on their second night of tour. “What makes you think one of us got hurt?”

Regulus had started to stir awake, so Remus took the phone call into the hobby, probably going to actually explain the situation without worrying about being a nuisance.

“Hey, you guys should go,” Sirius said, lowering his voice a lot. James shared a look with Peter. They were not about to leave. “Not the… not the hospital,” he clarified. “But, he isn’t gonna want company here when he wakes up.”

James understood. He was about to get really bad news, it would be no help if he had to try and control his reactions for the sake of a couple of strangers. They found Remus in the hallway, and he was laughing about something with Mary. He put the phone on speaker, James and Peter chorused hello’s and the regular pleasantries. 

“Look,” she said, her tone getting more serious. “I know you guys want to be there for Sirius’s brother.”

“Regulus,” James interjected quickly.

“Yeah, Regulus. But you still need to leave at six tomorrow morning. Am I understood?”

James pursed his lips, not wanting to answer. It would be very difficult to get Sirius to leave his brother here with a fractured wrist, even if it was to travel to the next stop on their tour. And, he was a shit liar, even over the phone. So was Peter.

Remus sighed. “Right. We’ll be on the bus at six,” he said.

“Promise?”

They all hesitated. 

“Lupin, I swear to God if you guys are not-”

“Okay! Okay, we’ll be there.”

“Good.”

The three of them stepped outside for a moment, each of them taking a cigarette from Remus’ pack and mumbling something about how they were going to replace it. Not that it mattered, they just shared amongst them anyway without much thought put into it.

They were all thinking the same thing. How were they going to get Sirius on the bus with his brother in the hospital?

Regulus would probably get discharged within a couple more hours. His arm had a cast and a sling on it, a green color that Sirius had chosen, promising that he would like it. He broke his wrist and he was going to be stuck in the cast for just a few weeks while it healed.

Peter checked the time on his phone and it was quickly approaching midnight.

“What the fuck are we gonna do?” Peter said.

James blew out the smoke, watching it dissipate into the air as he thought. If Sirius wouldn’t leave his brother, then they were just gonna have to take him with them.

“Regulus will come with us.”

Remus gave him a look, one that James knew very well. “That’s the worst fucking idea I’ve ever heard.”

“Is it?” James asked. “I mean, he comes with to a couple of shows, Sirius gets to make sure Regulus is taking care of himself, we get to keep our tour.”

“Sounds brilliant to me,” Peter said, agreeing with James.

“That’s because you two never think your plans through.”

“What’s that mean?”

“It means that Regulus would never agree to it.” 

James hadn’t thought about that factor. Why wouldn’t he agree? Wasn’t it everyone’s dream to go on a tour? Even if they weren’t performing- Oh. Regulus was a performer. Shit. 

Remus noticed the exact moment that James understood, and he looked slightly smug about it as he lit up another cigarette. He was stressed too, he only chain smoked when he was stressed. Sometimes, it felt like Sirius was their beating heart. Anything he felt, they all felt. A bit like phantom limbs, sensations that weren’t really there, but still felt so, so real.

James didn’t know Regulus, but he was still worried about him.

Peter stood up a little straighter, dusting his hands off and standing directly in front of James and Remus, a sort of wicked smile on his face. “Come on lads, we’re the marauders! If anyone can do this, it’s us.”

James felt himself smile despite himself, and he reached out to mess up Peter’s hair.

“Wormtail’s taking up motivational speeches again,” Remus mused, a smile on his face.

Peter swatted James’ hand away. “Alright, alright. But still, I think we can convince him.”

As an ode to their school days, they came up with a plan. Sirius, they thought, would be easy. He would simply have to jump at the chance for his brother to join them on tour, they didn’t really think otherwise at all. He was the constant in the experiment, the variable they didn’t change. Regulus, he changed. Scenario after scenario, they had to be prepared. They knew almost nothing about him, and they needed to plan accordingly.

Was he stubborn? Probably, he was a Black. But was he more or less stubborn than Sirius? Was his brother the weakness they would need to exploit? Hopefully. They could pull the guilt card and make him feel bad. Which, yeah, okay it wasn’t exactly moral, but they had a show in Charleston in nineteen hours give or take, so they were pretty desperate.

Sirius came and found them after thirty minutes. He looked more than slightly exhausted, and when they entered the room they could see why. Regulus was being incredibly obstinate. He was refusing to look at any of them, and he didn’t say a word when they all walked in.

Really and truly, he was pouting.

“Sirius, can I talk to you outside?” James asked, regarding Regulus cautiously. It looked like maybe he had thrown something across the room, perhaps in a fit of rage or just to get Sirius to shut up, the odds were high either way.

He nodded, rubbing at his eyes and letting the door shut behind. Somewhere in the back of his head he felt bad about leaving Remus and Peter alone with Regulus, especially when he looked that angry, but they would all get over it.

“Was he like that the whole time?” James asked.

“Hmm? Like what?”

“All angry.”

Sirius laughed. “That’s not anger.” 

James thought back to the storm he had seen behind his eyes, and tried to think of what else it could be.

“It’s not?”

“No, of course not. When Regulus gets angry, you can hardly even tell. He just…switches, I guess. He’s perfectly calm, and deadly, really fucking deadly when he’s angry. No, he’s… I don’t know. Upset, maybe? Disappointed?”

“Oh,” James said softly. He stored that bit of information away, not sure if or why he would ever need it.

“So, what’s up?”

“Hmm?”

“I assume you asked me out here for a reason.”

Oh, right. That.

James cleared his throat, mustering up a small smile and praying he had been right about getting the easy job. Sirius was his best friend, he knew him inside and out, this was child’s play. This was just a tiny little idea that they had, just in case.

“Mary called,” he said, easing into it slowly. “We have to be on a bus in a couple of hours.”

“Fuck. I forgot about that.”

James nodded. “Yeah, us too.”

Something shifted in Sirius’ eyes, they got colder, sharper. James knew it had nothing to do with him and everything to do with his current situation. “I’m not leaving him.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

“We thought we could bring him with us,” James said. Ripping off a band-aid. Once he said it, it was done and over with, just a small sting there to remind him, one that would hopefully dull in just a couple of seconds.

He waited for his reaction, and Sirius had started chewing on his fingernails, a habit from when he was a kid that he tried not to do much anymore since he almost always had his nails painted. He complained that he was always eating nail polish and Peter told him to just stop chewing on them then. Sirius had not thought that was funny.

“You want to bring my brother, a principal dancer, onto a fucking tour bus?”

Okay. Anger, maybe disbelief. James could work with that.

He smiled in a way that was hopefully charming, although it never did work on Sirius in the past. “I know, mate. And we figured you would never just leave him-”

“Of course I’d never leave him,” he said defensively.

“-but we’ve got a tour to finish. To start really.”

“This was all you could come up with?” Sirius asked, and he kept looking at the closed door as if it were just going to open any minute.

James shrugged, slightly helpless. It really was all that they had. They couldn’t very well keep traveling to shows and then traveling back to see Regulus. First and foremost, there wasn’t any time for it in their schedule. Second, it would also cost a lot of money that their management would surely not allocate for them.

Sirius ran a hand through his hair. “Okay. Just, let me be the one to tell him.”

There was a loud crash from the room, and Sirius started making his way towards the door right away. “You left fucking Moony and Wormtail to tell him, didn’t you? Putain d'abruti,” he said, switching to French.

James had heard him say it enough in the past to know he was being called a dumbass. He let it go since it was probably justified. Remus didn’t know how to ease into anything, and Peter was sometimes so oblivious to social cues that he tended to never shut up.

Regulus’s eyes snapped up to Sirius first thing. James didn’t know if this counted as anger or not, and he didn’t ask.

“I’m not joining you on your fucking hippie tour,” Regulus said.

“Reg-”

“I said no.”

“But we need-”

“No.”

Sirius snapped his mouth shut. He was angry, James at least knew that much. And if he hadn’t been sure it was further proved by him storming out of the room. 

He looked to Remus and Peter for anything, any sort of help or saving grace, but Remus just slipped out of the room right after him, and Peter gave him a weak pat on the back.

“You’re on your own now, Prongs,” he said quietly before also leaving the room.

James had no idea how he got left with the job of trying to convince Regulus, but James did not plan on leaving the room until he got him to agree.

Regulus was staring at him, and by now he had to have recognized him as the neighbor with the music. Well, at least they could bond over that, if nothing else. He needed to find something to grasp onto, any sort of connection that would get him to agree to this.

He sat on the chair, keeping his distance. James knew that sometimes he could simply be too much for people, so he tried to dial it back a little bit.

“It’s not a hippie tour,” James said to break the silence.

“I do not care.”

James nodded, letting the room fall to silence once more. How did this all come to rest on his shoulders? Regulus already didn’t like him after last night, and now this was only going to make it worse. So, maybe James had a slight people pleasing issue, but he just could not handle it when people didn’t like him.

“I’m James,” he said, offering a smile.

Regulus only glanced at him before deciding the hospital blanket was much more interesting to look at.

“Yeah, I know who you are.”

“Splendid. We’re like old mates then.”

“You and I will never be mates.”

James wasn’t deterred, in fact it only brought him more energy to be arguing like this. Well, Regulus was arguing, James was just trying to help Sirius out. 

“Says who? I think we’d get along quite well.”

“We wouldn’t.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I hate you,” Regulus said like it was the most simple thing in the world to him. The sky was blue, the grass was green, and he hated James.

“Oh, right. That does complicate things a little bit.”

This also did not help the fact that James would do everything in his power to get Regulus to not hate him. If he couldn’t handle people not liking him, hatred was a whole different story. He had not really responded well when his ex girlfriend told him she hated him, and she had actually known James.

Had he already done something wrong?

He pushed all of that away for now, choosing to focus on the topic at hand. They had less than five hours to try and convince Regulus to join them on tour. Sirius had started freaking out the moment the doctor said that Regulus was malnourished, James could tell. He tried to hide it, but James had always been able to read him well.

Sirius was worried that his brother wasn’t taking care of himself, and James could understand that. For a while he had similar feelings about Sirius. There was a time where James wouldn’t believe that Sirius was okay unless he was physically in front of him.

“Won't you join us for just a week or two?” James asked.

“I can take care of myself.”

“You passed out on stage.”

Regulus grimaced slightly. “Yes, thank you for reminding me,” he said dryly.

“Sirius will never-”

“I’m an adult for fucks sake. Tell him to just not worry about me.”

James gave him a dumb look, because he was being dumb. If he knew his brother at all, which he did, then he would know that what he just said was literally the worst advice he could have ever given. It was in Sirius’ nature to worry.

“That’s never going to work.”

“I don’t care.”

“Regulus, just… just fucking come with. For a week. Is a week really that bad?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because, I don’t want to go.”

“Well too fucking bad,” James blurted out. James was going on tour with his best mates, and Regulus was coming with them whether he liked it or not.

“Excuse me?”

“Sirius won’t leave without you. We won’t leave without Sirius. I will carry you over my shoulder and drag you to the fucking tour bus if I have to.”

“That’s kidnapping.”

It felt like Regulus knew exactly how to frustrate him, and James was falling for it more and more with each dry and sarcastic comment.

“Well, like you said yourself, you’re an adult.”

“I still think it’s illegal.”

“We’re in the states. Everything’s legal here,” James supplied unhelpfully. Really, he thought that if he could just make Regulus smile, or show any emotion, then he could also get him to agree. He wasn’t joking about dragging him there by his ears if he had to.

Regulus opened his mouth and then closed it again, James had no idea what he intended to say, but he never got to find out. Regulus was kicking him out, and if anything, James knew when to step back. He did not intend to give up at all, just give Regulus a little bit of space to think it over and then go right back at it. He could be very convincing.

***

Regulus hadn’t thrown a proper temper tantrum since he was seven years old and his dad threw out his pet rock. He had gotten punished for that, but he was upset. Genuinely upset. Still is, actually. Regulus took fantastic care of that rock, it was the last time he was careful with anything.

When Regulus woke up in a hospital bed in New York City with his brother at his side, he felt the urge to do the exact same thing. He just wanted to scream his frustrations at the top of his lungs just to get them out of his head. 

Apparently, at twenty two years old, that was frowned upon. 

Sirius was waiting for Regulus to say something first, but he didn’t want to break the silence yet. 

He had a pounding headache, he was disoriented, and he just wanted to close his eyes and go right back to sleep. 

What the fuck happened?

Last thing he remembered he was on stage, he was dancing, he was doing his job. How did he end up in the hospital? He noticed the cast, of course he did, it was plastered onto his arm. He didn’t seem to notice that this meant his arm was actually in a cast until he moved it.

Did he- Did he break his arm?

Well, no. Not his arm. The cast started about halfway down his forearm and ended at his hand. It meant a wrist injury.

And that… well that was just fucking fantastic.

“Fuck me,” he mumbled, leaning his head back against the pillow and closing his eyes. 

“I thought we agreed to end the incestual traditions,” Sirius said. 

In any other scenario, Regulus would have smiled at that. Right now? He just wanted some answers. 

“Did you break my wrist?”

Sirius blinked at him. “That’s your first thought?” 

“It isn’t a ridiculous one.”

“I might as well break your other wrist now, after an accusation like that.”

“So you admit you broke it.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “You fell on it. Fractured.”

Regukus snorted, because that? That was impossible. Regulus simply didn’t fall, it didn’t happen. He practiced and practiced and he made sure he couldn’t fall. No matter what. He never stumbled, never felt too weak to lift Pandora into the air. So yeah, it made more sense that Sirius just snapped his wrist.

“No, I didn't.”

It wasn’t until Sirius went quiet that Regulus remembered. He had felt dizzy, but that was normal. It was one of those things that had happened before, and he was able to just take a couple drinks of water and half a granola bar before he was set right again.

This time was different.

This time, he fell. 

Regulus fell and broke his wrist. 

Yeah, now he definitely wanted to throw a tantrum. How was he supposed to dance with a broken wrist? He couldn’t, he supposed. Although that was taking another minute to set in entirely. 

He couldn’t dance?

Regulus didn’t know who he was without ballet. It was all he had ever known. His entire childhood and adolescent life was dedicated to making Regulus into the best principal dancer in the world. And he had achieved that.

“It’s broken,” he said, trying out the words. They felt wrong, they didn’t make sense. Everything had been working out. Regulus was making his own money, he had mostly cut ties from his whole family, and he was really fucking successful. 

“Are you okay?” Sirius asked. 

And really? Just, really? 

Clearly, he was not okay. He just found out he wouldn’t be able to work for weeks, he was most definitely fired, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do. Sure, he had a little bit of money saved up, or rather a lot of money saved up, but he did not like the idea of having to fall back on that already. 

He picked up the first thing he found and just fucking launched it across the room, a metallic box hitting the wall before falling onto the ground with a clang. 

“That was a stupid question,” Sirius said a moment later, eyes still lingering on the box Regulus threw. It had been full of q-tips, for some reason, and now those were all over the floor. 

“Yeah, it was.”

The air was still heavy, like it wasn’t moving until everything that needed to be said was said. That was how he knew there was more, if the look on Sirius’s face hadn’t been enough. 

“What is it?”

“The doctor said you were malnourished.”

Regulus looked at him, head turned slightly to the side. Was that it? Was that really what was making Sirius look like he wanted to crawl outside of his own skin?

“Okay?”

“Okay? How is that just okay?”

“Don’t play stupid, Sirius. You used to dance too.”

“I never starved myself!”

“I’m not starving myself,” Regulus said calmly. He knew better than that, most of the time. If he didn’t eat it was because he was too busy, or too tired, or because he simply just forgot. And he’s been busy the past couple of weeks, food was low on his list of priorities. 

“When was the last time you ate a real meal?”

“What’s that supposed to prove?”

“Oh my God, you can’t even answer the question.”

“I don’t have an eating disorder.”

“Regulus, you aren’t eating.”

“Yes, I am.”

“You fainted!”

“Okay! I get it, Sirius. I fainted, boo hoo. Dancers faint all the time.”

“It’s not healthy.”

“I don’t care.” Sirius looked dangerously close to exploding. He had always had a short temper, although usually not with Regulus, at least not when they were kids. “It doesn’t matter anymore anyway. Not like you need to worry about me working too hard.”

Sirius deflated a little bit, and Regulus did too. He was trying to come to terms with it, and he knew a small part of him felt relieved. He had needed a break, no matter how much he didn’t want one.This was his body literally telling him that he needed a break, It would have killed him if he kept going at the same rate he was.

He wasn’t starving himself, not intentionally. Dance was more important than food during performance season, everyone knew that. Sirius himself even knew it firsthand. Before he left the family he wasn’t bad at ballet; he was a natural at every single thing he did. The only reason that Regulus was any better was because he actually put in the work.

When Sirius left for a couple of minutes it gave Regulus time to think. He just needed to think. He thought through what he knew, first.

1 - He passed out while performing

2 - His wrist is now broken and his lower arm is in a cast

3 - He couldn’t dance for weeks

So, yeah. That all absolutely sucked.

But Regulus could breathe. He had space in his mind to remember to breathe.

He didn’t have anywhere to be, anyone to impress. There weren’t any more performances waiting for him, or any more hours he needed to spend practicing. He physically could not do any of that. So, what was he meant to do?

He hated the idea of doing nothing. But it was the most likely scenario. He didn’t have another job to go to, or any other hobbies he could take up for the time being. He would probably end up going back to his flat in London, maybe he would see Dorcas a couple of times- 

Shit. Dorcas.

She was still his manager, he kind of needed to tell her what had happened.

He had no idea where his phone was, and he didn’t actually care to find it at that moment. Dorcas could wait. The news would be the same no matter what time she told her at.

When Sirius came back it was with all three of his friends. They were all dressed basically the same, in black suits except without the jackets or ties. They probably took them off, Regulus thought they looked like a string quartet.

Did they buy identical suits for the ballet?

They all silently stared for a moment, and Regulus pointedly did not say a word. He had technically intended to meet them all, but he was in no mood to do so anymore. One of Sirius’ friends took him outside, probably to talk about Regulus. Which inevitably left Regulus with the tall one and the blonde one.

Fantastic.

“You’re the man in the elevator!” the blonde one said, pointing at him after a moment. Regulus tried to remember, but his brain wasn’t really working all that well, especially to remember details from twenty four hours ago, apparently. “I offered to give you a massage?”

That was what made Regulus remember. He had thought it was so odd to offer a neck massage to a stranger just because they ‘seemed tense’. Everyone in the entire world was tense, it was just the current state of society.

“Oh, right,” he said.

The tall one just kept looking at him like he was a circus freak, Regulus did not like that one bit.

“What?” he asked.

He blinked. “You’re Sirius’ brother.”

“I’m Regulus,” he corrected. Being a younger brother meant always getting called Sirius’s brother. God forbid he was actually his own person separate from his brother.

“Yeah, no. I know.”

The tall one and the blonde one seemed to be lacking in any sort of social decorum, Regulus noted. They were opposite sides of the same coin, two different anxieties embodied. Was it Regulus making them anxious? Maybe his brother had made him out to be some sort of monster and that was why they were acting so strangely.

“We think you should come on tour with us,” the tall one said.

Regulus did not move. There was no fucking way he was going on tour with his brother, it simply would not happen.

“We?” Regulus asked.

The blonde one nodded. “Yeah, cause of your injury and everything.”

“It’s a wrist.” It wasn’t like he was completely incapable of doing things by himself. He had gotten lucky, he supposed, that it was his left arm. He could mostly still function, still write and cook and type with relative ease.

“Sirius isn’t-”

“I quite frankly do not care what Sirius has to think about any of this, actually,” Regulus said. “I’m not going to be your guys’ groupie.”

“Oh, I want groupies,” the blonde one said, a bit of sadness in his tone.

“You’ll get ‘em,” the tall one assured him, his tone a bit patronizing.

Regulus wasn’t so sure, but he didn’t voice that out loud. There was always a part of his brain that just told him to be an asshole to everyone, to be brutally honest because it was easier than having to pretend. He used to have to pretend, when he cared what his parents thought. But it had been a long time since Regulus had thought about if what he was doing was pleasing to them.

Then, in a way that was almost comical, they both seemed to remember what they were doing there.

“Right, so you’ll come?” the blonde one said hopefully.

“No.”

“So, you’re coming?” the tall one said.

“No.”

“Brilliant. Moony, mate. Did you hear? He’s coming on tour with us.”

“No. I’m not.”

“Yes, Wormtail, I did hear. This is great news.”

“You two are absolutely-”

His words were cut off by the sound of the door opening again, and all Regulus saw was Sirius. To his credit, he looked mildly terrified that Regulus might have literally murdered his friends. Still, it caused a great big argument until Sirius stormed out of the room (again).

He was always so bloody dramatic. He had to let everyone know every single time he entered or exited a room or the world would probably end.

He was left with the last of Sirius’s friends, and he realized he knew him.

Maybe ‘knew’ wasn’t a good word. He had met him. Once. And only because he thought it was a smart idea to blast his music at one in the morning in a completely booked hotel.

James Potter. Yeah, Regulus knew who he was, and he hated him. With every bone in his body (including the broken ones), he hated everything he stood for. He was arrogant, and annoying, and completely selfish to just steal Sirius away like that. The moment Sirius met James, it had been over for Regulus. He had been left alone to deal with everything by himself. The expectations, the house, their parents, all of it.

So, who cared if he had an easy smile or kind eyes. He was the reason that everything in Regulus’ life had taken a turn for the worst, and he would never forgive him for that.

———

He had been discharged at 5 in the morning, and they supplied him with two days worth of pain meds ‘just in case’. Regulus knew pain like the palm of his hand, he highly doubted he would be using them. He did end up taking them with him, he would have done anything to just get out of the hospital.

The only clothes that Regulus had on him was what he had been wearing to perform, so he forced Sirius to go buy him something so he could leave. He was not going to be wearing the hospital gown out of there, and he did not want to put the tight pants back on.

They left the blonde one, Peter, with Regulus to make sure he wasn’t going to try and run away. It had crossed his mind, but Sirius would just come looking for him anyway, so what was the point.

Peter was… interesting. He offered to play a bunch of card games, of which Regulus had no interest in. He also tried to convince him to join them on the tour, which didn’t work. He was still very certain that Regulus would not be going with them. And then Peter fell asleep.

Regulus thought that he made a horrible babysitter.

Sirius was upset with him, that much was painfully obvious. When he dropped off the bag of clothes he did it without a word, and when they got into a cab he was still silent. 

Just, really? The silent treatment?

How mature.

When they got to the hotel, Regulus just wanted to go to bed. He didn’t want to hear any more talk about  his inability to take care of himself, or how he just needed to go on tour with them for a couple of days. They did not care about his well-being, not actually. They were strangers, except for Sirius. But he wasn’t saying anything to him anyway.

Regulus knew for a fact that James had a room on the top floor, the eleventh, but not anybody else. When he had been in the elevator with Peter he had chosen the tenth floor, so he didn’t understand why all five of them were headed up to the eleventh.

They all stopped when Regulus did in front of his room, and he got his room key out of the pile of stuff he had gotten back from the ballet.

He turned around, facing the four of them. “What do you want?”

Stupid question. He knew it was a stupid question and still the words just came tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them. He blamed the anesthetic, and the after effects of it. He never would have entertained the idea of them following him to his room otherwise.

“We want you to go on tour with us,” James said with a smile that was just… It was so…

Regulus, for his sanity, does not plan on finishing that thought.

He looked away from him, shaking his head. “Not happening.”

“Regulus, when I say this is your last chance-”

“My answer is no,” he said again.

For not noticing sooner, he had no excuse other than the fact that after so many years he had forgotten how truly idiotic his brother was. On a good day, Regulus was strong. He could throw bodies around the air like it was practically nothing. But, that was when he had full use of both of his arms.

So, when he slid the key in, he hadn’t been expecting for the four of them to just barrel into the room and start packing up his stuff. And there wasn’t anything he could do about it either, Remus was keeping him from stopping them.

“You’re like a fucking tree, you know that?” Regulus said, glaring up at him and still trying to get around. He was basically forced into the corner while his brother and his friends grabbed all of his things, threw them messily into his suitcase, and started to wheel it outside. Regulus thought they could have at least folded his clothes.

He was literally being kidnapped. 

“Stop making fun of Moony,” Sirius said, appearing next to him.

“Oh, so you’re talking to me now?”

“Didn’t realize I wasn’t,” he said with a shrug.

He was lying, Regulus could just tell. He was smug about it, like it had been his plan all along to get Regulus to realize that he actually wanted his brother to talk to him. His plan worked too, which was so stupid that it made Regulus actually mad at himself.

The moment they had brought the idea up in the hospital, he knew he was trapped. There was no way it wasn’t going to happen. Sirius really would never leave without him, and there was that annoying, nagging voice in Regulus’s head that was saying he couldn’t ruin his brother’s first big tour just because he was stubborn.

That did not mean he had to be happy about it.

The bus was…quaint? He was trying to find a nice way to describe it, but the idea of living in a bus for a week did not appeal to him much at all. There were only four bunks, all of which were claimed immediately upon entering. This was also their first time on their tour bus, Regulus realized. So, he took a step back and let them enjoy it, trying to only be judgemental in his head.

There was a part of him that couldn’t believe all that his brother had achieved. Regulus didn’t have a lot of down time to just listen to music, so he didn’t really know any of their songs, not since they started actually getting serious about making it. So seeing them, living in nightlife and traveling on tour buses and living in expensive hotels, yeah, it was a bit jarring.

But, there was that other part of him that wasn’t surprised at all. When Sirius wanted something, he got it. Simple as that. Sometimes he has to put in a little bit of work, other times things just fell into his lap, but Sirius always got what he wanted. And he had only ever really wanted to do music, to write songs and to sell out stadiums. 

When they were kids, Sirius would tell Regulus stories of what his life was going to be like when he got out, all of the things he was going to achieve. It was gratifying to watch him actually doing it, even if he was pissed off at him at the moment.

When you first walked in there were a couple of lounging chairs on one side and a counter with some cupboards and a sink on the other side. Regulus flipped the handle to see if it worked, and was surprised when water actually came out. 

From there was a much more narrow hall with the bunks, two on either side with curtains as the only form of privacy. Each bunk had a window, a set of sheets, and one singular pillow. Regulus was very glad that he was not expected to sleep in one of those, he needed at least two pillows to sleep comfortably. The bus also had a bathroom, if it could really even be called that. It was almost too small for Regulus to even stand in, and he imagined Remus (the beanstalk) would have a lot more trouble than he did. In the back of the bus was a room that was separated by a door. There was an L shaped couch along two of the walls, and there was a mini fridge and then not much else.

So, yeah. Regulus thought that quaint was an adequate word for it.