Messy

Taylor winced as she pressed the alcohol-soaked cloth to her knuckles again, biting back a hiss. The sting burned deep, but it was nothing compared to the tight, dull ache in her ribs. She knew she should ice them—knew she should sit down, take a second to breathe—but every time she closed her eyes, all she could see was Bela slumped on that bench, too out of it to fight back.

She exhaled sharply, dropping the cloth onto her desk with a soft thud. Across the room, Bela stirred. Taylor’s eyes flicked toward her immediately, watching as she groaned and buried her face deeper into the pillow. She should wake her up, make sure she drank some water. But she also knew that rest was the best thing for her right now.

Besides, if Bela woke up again, they’d have to talk.

And Taylor wasn’t sure she was ready for that.

Her jaw tightened. Last night had been a mess. A fucking disaster. Bela had let too much slip, and Taylor had felt too much in return. She wanted to believe it—wanted to believe that Bela had meant it—but she’d been here before. She’d let herself hope, let herself want, and all it had ever done was blow up in her face.

And Bela? Bela was drunk.

Drunk words weren’t always sober truths.

Taylor sighed and rubbed a hand over her face, feeling the rough sting of her split lip. Didn’t matter. Bela was safe. That was what was important.

She turned back to the desk, reaching for the bottle of water she’d left there. Just as she twisted the cap open, a voice—hoarse, thick with sleep—broke through the quiet.

“You look like shit.”

Taylor startled, nearly spilling the water. She turned to see Bela watching her, eyes still heavy with exhaustion but a small smirk tugging at her lips.

Taylor scoffed. “Yeah, well, you’re not exactly Miss America right now either.”

Bela groaned and flopped onto her back, rubbing her temples. “God. I feel like I got hit by a truck.”

“Close. Vodka and bad decisions.” Taylor grabbed a second water bottle from her desk and tossed it to her. Bela barely caught it, fumbling before clutching it to her chest with a wince.

“…Right,” Bela muttered, avoiding Taylor’s gaze as she cracked the cap open.

Silence settled between them, thick and unspoken.

Taylor busied herself with cleaning her knuckles again, but she could feel Bela watching her. She knew exactly what was coming before Bela even said it.

“I remember,” Bela said quietly.

Taylor didn’t look up. “What?”

“Last night.” Bela shifted, voice hoarse but steady. “I remember.”

Taylor’s fingers stilled on the cloth. She swallowed. “Oh.”

Another pause.

Bela sighed, sitting up carefully. “Taylor…”

“Look, don’t—” Taylor cut in, sharper than she intended. She exhaled, pinching the bridge of her nose. “You don’t have to explain. You were drunk. It’s fine.”

Bela hesitated. “Is it?”

Taylor clenched her jaw. “Yeah.” She forced a small, tight smile. “Nothing we need to talk about.”

Bela studied her for a long moment, then dropped her gaze. “Okay.”

Taylor should have felt relieved. Should have been glad that Bela wasn’t pushing, that she wasn’t saying something Taylor wasn’t ready to hear. But for some reason, all it did was make her chest ache.

She forced herself to push past it. “You should eat something,” she said, standing. “I’ll grab you some food from the dining hall.”

Bela looked up at her, something unreadable flickering across her face. “Taylor, you don’t have to—”

“I know.” Taylor cut her off, already reaching for her jacket. “I’ll be back soon.”

And before Bela could say anything else—before she could crack Taylor open more than she already had—Taylor slipped out the door.

The silence was unbearable.

Bela had never been good with silence. She filled it with jokes, with noise, with people who could keep her from being alone with herself. But now, as she lay sprawled across Taylor’s bed, staring at the ceiling, it pressed in on her from all sides.

Her head throbbed. Her stomach churned. Every inch of her felt like she’d been wrung out and left to dry. But none of that compared to the ache in her chest.

She’d said too much.

She’d let everything she’d been trying to bury rise to the surface, let it spill out in slurred, bitter words. And the worst part? She hadn’t been lying. Not a single word had been a drunken exaggeration.

She wanted Taylor.

She had wanted her for a long time.

And now Taylor knew.

Bela pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes, groaning.

What was she supposed to do now? Just pretend it never happened? Act like she hadn’t laid every single one of her feelings bare, like she hadn’t told Taylor, in no uncertain terms, that

Taylor walked into the dining hall, her body aching with every step. The fluorescent lights felt too harsh, the noise too loud. Every scrape of a chair, every burst of laughter, every clatter of silverware—it all grated against her nerves.

She just needed to get Bela some food. Then she could go back to the dorm, make sure she was okay, and—

And what?

Pretend like last night didn’t happen? Pretend like Bela hadn’t looked at her with those big, glassy eyes and said, “You’re never gonna choose me”?

Taylor exhaled sharply, rubbing a hand over her sore jaw.

She didn’t even know what she was supposed to say to Bela.

That she would choose her? That she wanted to? That she’d wanted to for a while now, but she’d been too scared, too unsure?

Or did she tell Bela the truth—that she didn’t know if Bela meant it? That she couldn’t afford to go through that again? That she couldn’t be someone’s experiment?

Her stomach twisted. She hated that thought, hated herself for even thinking it. Bela wasn’t cruel, wasn’t careless. But she was Bela. She flirted with everyone, made offhand comments about celebrity crushes that were always men, had never once hinted that she might be interested in girls.

Maybe last night had just been alcohol and jealousy talking.

Taylor grabbed a tray, forcing herself to focus.

She knew Bela—knew she’d wake up feeling like shit, probably wouldn’t want anything too heavy. She grabbed some toast, some fruit, a cup of tea. The whole time, her mind raced.

She still remembered the way Bela had curled into her bed like it was the safest place in the world. The way she’d looked so small for once, so unguarded.

Taylor had wanted to crawl in beside her. Wanted to hold her the way she knew Bela needed to be held.

She wanted so many things, but she didn’t know if she was allowed to want this.

Not with Bela.

Not again.

Taylor let out a slow breath, balancing the tray in her hands as she turned toward the door.

She’d bring Bela food.

She’d make sure she was okay.

And then she’d figure out where the hell they were supposed to go from here.

By the time Taylor made it back to the dorm, she had run through a dozen different versions of this conversation in her head. Some ended with Bela brushing the whole thing off, laughing like it was nothing. Others ended with Bela looking at her with that same hurt expression from last night, the one that made Taylor feel like the worst person alive.

None of them ended with things going back to normal.

She stood outside the door for a second, shifting the tray in her hands. Just go in.

Taylor pushed inside, the door creaking slightly. Bela was still curled up on the bed, her face half-buried in the blanket. She blinked blearily at Taylor, looking exhausted.

Taylor swallowed. “Hey.”

Bela sat up a little, her movements slow and groggy. “You didn’t have to—”

“Just eat.” Taylor set the tray down on the desk, then hesitated before handing Bela the tea.

Bela took it carefully, glancing up at Taylor like she was trying to figure out what kind of mood she was in. “Thanks.”

Taylor sat on the edge of her own bed, watching as Bela nibbled at a piece of toast. They sat in silence for a moment, the air between them too thick, too tense.

Bela was the first to break it. “Are we gonna talk about last night?”

Taylor exhaled, leaning forward, her elbows on her knees. “Do you want to?”

“I don’t know.” Bela picked at the toast, not meeting her eyes. “Do you?”

Taylor thought about lying, but she was too tired for that. “Yeah.”

Bela nodded slowly, setting the toast back down. “Okay.”

Silence stretched between them again, heavy and uncomfortable.

Taylor forced herself to meet Bela’s gaze. “Did you mean what you said?”

Bela hesitated. “What part?”

Taylor’s throat felt tight. “The part where you said I’d never choose you.”

Bela’s jaw tensed, her fingers curling against the blanket. She didn’t answer right away, but when she did, her voice was quieter than Taylor had ever heard it. “Yeah.”

Taylor felt like something inside her cracked. “Bela—”

“I know it was stupid,” Bela cut in, shaking her head. “I was drunk and upset, and I shouldn’t have—” She sighed, looking down at the tea in her hands. “But it wasn’t a lie.”

Taylor stared at her, something twisting in her chest. “Bela, you never even—” She stopped herself, forcing down the lump in her throat. “You’ve never acted like—”

Bela let out a humorless laugh. “Like what? Like I like girls?”

Taylor didn’t say anything, but she didn’t have to.

Bela exhaled sharply, running a hand through her messy hair. “Do you have any idea how fucking scary this is for me?” Her voice wavered, just slightly. “You—you’ve known forever. You’re comfortable with it. I don’t—I don’t even know what this is. I don’t know what it means. But I know how I feel about you.”

Taylor’s breath caught.

Bela let out a shaky laugh. “I mean, fuck, I was jealous of Ash. Do you know how embarrassing that is?”

Taylor blinked. “Ash?”

Bela rolled her eyes, but there was no real bite behind it. “You’re always with her. She’s the first person you go to when something’s wrong, she’s the one you let take care of you.” Bela swallowed, her fingers tightening around the cup. “And I hated it. Because I wanted to be the one you needed.”

Taylor’s heart was pounding.

She had spent so much time convincing herself that Bela would never see her that way—that even if she did, it wouldn’t mean anything. But now Bela was sitting right in front of her, looking at her with wide, nervous eyes, and Taylor—

Taylor didn’t know what to do with it.

She inhaled, her voice coming out softer than she meant. “I do need you.”

Bela blinked. “Yeah?”

Taylor nodded, her throat tight. “Yeah.”

They sat in silence for a moment, the weight of it settling between them.

Then Bela let out a breathless laugh, shaking her head. “I really thought I fucked everything up.”

Taylor managed a small smile. “You didn’t.”

Bela met her gaze, something unguarded in her expression. “Good.”

For the first time all day, Taylor felt like she could breathe.

Bela set the tea down on the nightstand and pulled her knees to her chest, watching Taylor like she was waiting for her to say something—waiting for her to make sense of everything.

Taylor wasn’t sure she could.

She ran a hand through her hair, exhaling. “So… what now?”

Bela let out a short, nervous laugh. “I have no idea.”

Neither of them spoke for a moment. The air between them wasn’t quite as tense as before, but it was still heavy, still charged.

Taylor glanced at Bela. “You really thought I’d never choose you?”

Bela hesitated, her fingers tightening in the blanket. “Would you?”

Taylor’s breath caught.

The answer was so obvious, so easy, but saying it out loud made it real in a way that scared her. Because she did choose Bela—always. Even when she was trying not to.

She nodded. “Yeah.”

Bela swallowed, her eyes searching Taylor’s like she was trying to figure out if she was serious. “Yeah?”

Taylor gave a small, almost nervous laugh. “Yeah.”

A slow smile tugged at the corner of Bela’s lips, but it was softer than usual—less teasing, more real. Taylor wasn’t sure she had ever seen her like this before, so open, so completely unguarded.

She didn’t realize how close they had gotten until Bela reached out, her fingers barely brushing Taylor’s hand. It wasn’t much—barely even a touch—but Taylor still felt it like a spark.

“Taylor.” Bela said her name so softly it was almost a whisper.

Taylor swallowed. “Yeah?”

Bela hesitated. “Can I—” She cut herself off, shaking her head. “Never mind.”

Taylor’s pulse was so loud in her ears she almost didn’t hear her own voice. “Ask me.”

Bela exhaled. “Can I kiss you?”

Taylor’s heart stopped.

She should’ve expected it—should’ve seen it coming. But hearing it out loud, seeing Bela looking at her like this, like she wanted her, like she meant it—

Taylor could barely breathe.

“Yeah,” she whispered.

Bela didn’t hesitate this time.

The kiss was slow, careful—like she was giving Taylor a chance to pull away, to change her mind. But Taylor didn’t. She leaned in, let herself melt into the warmth of it, let herself have this.

When they finally pulled away, Bela let out a breathless laugh, her forehead resting against Taylor’s. “Holy shit.”

Taylor let out a small, shaky laugh of her own. “Yeah.”

Bela pulled back slightly, looking at her, still smiling. “I don’t know what this means.”

Taylor nodded, her fingers still lightly curled around Bela’s. “Me neither.”

Bela exhaled. “But I know I don’t want to pretend like I don’t want you anymore.”

Taylor’s breath caught.

Bela smiled, squeezing her hand. “So, you’re gonna have to deal with that.”

Taylor let out a short laugh, shaking her head. “Yeah, okay.”

She wasn’t sure what this meant—what they meant. But for the first time in a long time, she wasn’t scared to find out.