Space Oddity

“Be a good boy and make us proud,” his mum crowed, straightening out his clothes and fixing his hair. “Toujours pur, Regulus, never forget that.” He was aware that the excessive fawning his mother had done today was only to anger Sirius, but a part of him didn’t really care, just soaked in the rare affection. He would take what he could get.

His older brother stood a few feet away, leaning on the brick wall with his arms crossed. They hadn’t spoken since last night.

Walburga kissed Regulus on the forehead, surprising everyone, and smiled down at him. There was something unnatural about her expression.

“You can do great things Regulus. Just stay on the right path. Choose your friends wisely.” Her grey eyes scanned over Sirius, heavy with disgust. Reg always felt gross when he was used like this to punish his brother.

“We’re going to be late,” Sirius grumbled, standing up.

“Goodbye Regulus,” she said, purposefully ignoring her other son. “Be smart.”

He just smiled. “I will.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and started walking to the train without him.

“Wait up!” Regulus called, jogging to meet his brother.

“Sorry, I didn’t think you'd finished sucking up to Walburga,” he replied, each word laced in sarcasm.

“Don’t be like that,” Reg muttered back. Sirius didn’t respond, only grimacing.

They boarded the train in silence and were met with what seemed like an endless array of carriages.

“Woah,” he breathed. “How in Merlin’s name are we going find Cissy and Bella.”

“What?” That got a response out of Sirius who looked at Regulus incredulously. “Why would we sit with them?”

“I don’t know… didn’t Mother tell us to?”

“You know you don’t have to do every single thing she tells you.” His tone was spitefully cold, slicing through Regulus.

“Fine. Where do you want to sit, then? Either way I’m following someone’s orders.” Sirius rolled his eyes, pulling them into an empty carriage.

Oh. So they were just going to sit by themselves. Just the two of them like it was always supposed to be. Regulus suppressed a smile.

“We’re going to sit by ourselves?” he asked, his brother sitting opposite him. Sirius frowned.

“Well–”

The sound of the carriage door slamming open cut him off.

“Black! Knew I saw you come in here. Long time no see,” the brunette cheered, walking in with a small blonde boy and black-haired girl trailing behind him.

“Potter,” Sirius smiled, tipping his head down. “I take it you used the summer to plan this year’s escapades.”

So this was the famed James Potter. Regulus had heard so much about him, it was sometimes hard to imagine he was real. But sure enough, the rosy-cheeked, messy-haired boy sat shoulder to shoulder with Sirius, his round glasses crooked on his face. Regulus hated him immediately.

“Not a chance,” Potter responded, putting a hand on Sirius’s shoulder, “that’s Lupin’s job. Plus, I had bigger things to worry about,” he raised his eyebrows meaningfully.

“I almost forgot!” he gasped. “So sorry mate, you don’t have a chance against me. You’ll be okay, maybe they’ll even let you be commentator. James, you really are made for the job.” He laughed and clapped his friend on the back.

Regulus was fairly certain they were talking about Quidditch, but the way they acted as if no one else was in the room heated the boiling pot of anger at the bottom of his stomach.

James shrugged the other boy off. “We aren’t competing against each other you idiot, I’m trying out for Chaser, not Beater.”

“That’s smart Potter, gives you a chance at least.” Sirius smirked turning his head.

The carriage door opened again, much quieter this time, and a bald teenager walked in, a scar drawn across his nose, spilling onto his cheek.

“Lupin!” Peter cheered. Regulus had known the Pettigrews since he was young, but never talked to them because always thought they were kind of… strange. After they had their third Squib in the family his mother called them a stain on the pureblood legacy. Then again, she said that about the Potters too.

Lupin smiled at his friend, awkward tension filling the small car as they collectively realized there was no place for him to sit. Sirius, James and the girl were crammed into one bench, and Regulus and Peter on the other.

“Oi, Pete, scooch over to make room for Remus,” James instructed. Regulus would rather vomit that have to touch Peter Pettigrew.

“No, don’t, it’s fine. I ran into Lily on the way here, I can just go find her,” Remus said quickly. Sirius crinkled his nose.

“Why would you ever want to sit with–”

“You know what,” the girl beside James chimed in, standing up. “Take my seat, I was looking for an excuse to leave this stuffy car anyway.”

James looked concerned. “Pri, you don’t have to, there’s enough room. Pete can just move over.”

“I know,” she responded cheerfully. “I want to. It’s too noisy and I need to finish up some assigned reading before we get there.”

“But–”

“James!” Her voice was edging on exasperation. “You’re barely a year older than me, please don’t feel the need to protect me all the time. I promise you I can take care of myself.” She tilted her head in a way that said, we’ve talked about this.

“Alright, alright,” he said defeatedly. “Just find me after the Sorting ceremony.”

The Sorting Ceremony. Regulus felt like he was going to be sick.

“Will do! Nice to meet you all,” she said, gathering her things and shutting the door behind her.

“Lupin, how was your summer? It’s not like we know considering you didn’t send one letter,” James smirked, turning to his friend.

The boy’s eyes flickered to Sirius, exchanging some sort of secret message. Watching them sent a sharp sting of betrayal through his chest. There were so many times when they would be getting screamed at and Sirius would look at him and his eyes would tell Regulus that he was going to be okay. It was like they were so close, they didn’t even need words to communicate. Now it was like he’d been replaced.

“Yeah, you know… I can’t really access any of my school stuff while at the house. Matron locks it all up in her office so it doesn’t get stolen or anything,” Lupin responded.

Regulus didn’t mean to. He really didn’t. But he snorted, because of course Sirius befriends the most muggle-like wizard he can find. Everything he was doing, abandoning his family, it wasn’t about friendship or loyalty, it was about vengeance.

Sirius just stared at him, exasperation filling his eyes.

“Well… suppose I should introduce you to my baby brother then. Reggie, say hi.” The patronizing tone he used to say ‘Reggie’ hurt more than it should've. Regulus used to think the nickname was sweet, now it just felt pathetic.

“It’s Regulus.” He wasn’t sure why the correction made Sirius look so confused. He had just mocked the name, but expects Regulus to use it? Besides, ‘Reggie’ sounded far too babyish for his liking. He was not a baby.

The air turned strange as the three other boys just watched the brothers stare at each other.

“Hi Regulus!” Potter smiled, breaking the tension as he stuck his hand out. Regulus looked down at the hand. Here he was, the great James Potter, the person who replaced Regulus. The person who ruined his life. And now, what? He wants to become friends. He knew he should shake his hand, it was the polite thing to do, but… he couldn’t.

“Oi, what’s wrong with you?” Sirius snapped, smacking him in the back of the head.

Everything, Regulus thought. He couldn’t say that, so he went with:

“I didn’t want to sit here in the first place. You made me.”

Sirius slumped, steeling his jaw. “Fine. Leave then. Go on, get lost.” He had asked for it, but it still hit Regulus like a punch to the gut.

“I’m not the one who left,” he muttered under his breath as he stood up. Feeling tears prick the back of his eyes he left quickly. Standing outside the car, he realized he had a big problem: with this many carriages, there was no way he could find Cissy or Bella.

The tears were dangerously close, so he ran into the nearest empty carriage.

Les garçons ne pleurent pas, he told himself, boys don’t cry.

As soon as Regulus shut the door, he laid his forehead against it, black curls spilling onto his face as he sobbed quietly. What happened to us? When did I get so broken?

“Are you alright?” asked a gentle voice behind him. He shut his eyes tightly. Oh, Merlin. Just his luck.

Regulus quickly wiped his eyes, turning around slowly, staring at the ground.

“Fine, thanks,” he said, mustering the best smile he could. Regulus then looked up at her, cold recognition washing over him. No, no, no. This can’t be happening. She was the girl from the carriage. James’s friend.

She didn’t seem that disgusted, but Regulus knew the truth. His mother had carved it into his mind and the back of his legs. It was pathetic to cry, much less in front of a girl. He could already picture her laughing with James about how pitiful he was. What was the word Sirius used? Ah yes, fragile.

“I’m Priya,” she smiled softly, snapping him out of his head. “You’re one of James’s friends right?”

He almost laughed. “Not quite.” She frowned, looking confused, so he quickly added, “James is friends with my older brother, uh… Sirius.”

“Oh, I think I know who you’re talking about. Sirius Black, right?”

“Yeah… and I’m Regulus.” He needed to leave this carriage now. The way she was scanning his face made him deeply uncomfortable, like she was going to find some dark secret in his expression. Priya grinned.

“I thought you guys looked similar, ya know the dark curls and everything, but James was telling me about all the inbreeding within the Wizarding World, so I figured loads of people would look alike because you're all related,” she shrugged.

Regulus let out a surprised laugh, never having heard someone speak so freely around him. Everyone his age seemed to cower as soon as they discovered he was a Black. Only Sirius had talked to him like that.

“Oh, do you wanna sit down?” she moved her coat and a backpack full of books off the bench across from her. Regulus wasn’t sure where he wanted to go, but it definitely wasn’t here.

“Sorry, I was actually looking for cousins before. I’m going to try and find them, but see you around.” He awkwardly waved as he left, turning back to see her engrossed in the book open on her lap.

Once Regulus had freed himself from that extremely embarrassing interaction, he had no clue where to go. His cousins could be anywhere. He opened a handful of doors, seeing things wildly inappropriate for an eleven-year-old and decided to give up looking. He stood helplessly in the hallway, contemplating his two options:

1. Go back to Sirius and his friends, who would likely mock him. Sirius had also told him to “get lost,” so going back would be pretty weird, especially since he burned a few bridges with his brother’s friends.
2. Go back to Priya and have an awkward conversation while her eyes burn into his soul. She’d seen him cry, so going back would also be pretty weird, because he wasn’t supposed to cry in front of girls. She did look very interested in her book, and probably just put it down to comfort his pathetic self, so hopefully she would just keep reading and not try to talk to him.

Here goes nothing. Attempting to hold his head up high, he walked back into the carriage he’d just left. She glanced up, a question in her eyes.

“Couldn’t find them,” he offered, smiling weakly. “It’s a big train.”

“God, don’t I know it. I could have sworn the aisles went on forever, but then again… they very well could.”

She talked like no one he’d ever met. God? Regulus was well-versed in muggle slang, having read many of their books in a small bookstore as Sirius insisted he browse the record shop across the street during the ‘outdoor exercise time’ the two were permitted. However, he’d never actually heard anyone use slang, much less a pureblood.

“You alright there?” once again, her words pulled him from his mind. “You kinda zoned out for a minute.”

“Sorry,” he laughed awkwardly. “I’ve just never heard anyone use muggle slang, have you also read many of their books?”

She cocked her head. “No… I just went to Muggle public school from the time I was four.” She said ‘muggle’ as if it were a dirty word, similar to his mother.

“What?” he recoiled. “Why would you do that?”

She raised her eyebrows, looking slightly irritated. “Because I’m muggle-born, Regulus.” Oh.

He tried not to react, but he felt the blood drain from his face. He could not be in this carriage. The thought of his mother finding out he fraternized with a mudblood sent a shiver down his spine. Regulus just needed an excuse to leave again. At this point, he would rather be with Sirius.

“But… James?” was all that came out of his mouth. Her eyes were searching again, as if he were a puzzle she couldn’t quite figure out.

“Oh,” she said, perhaps having found her answer. “James is my next door neighbor. Just luck that I turned out to be a witch, really. Although, I would have been throughly disappointed if I didn’t receive a letter. He’s always been a show-off with his little magic tricks and broom.”

“You knew about the Wizarding World before you got your letter?” Regulus was pretty sure that was against about every law. It seemed Walburga really did have a point about the Potters, blood-traitors.

“Of course, I mean he couldn’t really– oh my god!” Her eyes widened to the size of saucers, staring at his leg. No, no, no, no, no, he thought for the second time that day, feeling a familiar warm trickle down his calf. The fresh wound opening back up.

…

Two nights ago, he had awoken at the sound of shouting. His brother and mother had argued almost every day over the summer, but it seemed worse this time. He crept to his bedroom door, pressing his ear against it and listening to their muffled voices.

“You insolent, disgraceful little brat, take these down right now!” she’d screamed.

“It won’t work Walburga, the whole point of a sticking charm is to stick. There’s nothing left to do but enjoy the view.”

Regulus had never heard his mother so angry, nor his brother so blatantly disrespectful. Before he left, Sirius would cower every time he got in trouble. It wasn’t like his behavior would actually improve, but he certainly wouldn’t escalate the situation. Reg wondered what changed.

He heard footsteps and scrambled into bed, shutting his eyes tightly. His bedroom door slammed open suddenly, a cold hand wrapping around his arm.

“Mother?” he asked, pretending to be half-asleep. She started dragging him out of bed and Regulus’s heart began beating fast in a mix of confusion and fear.

“Come now Regulus, it’s time to show your brother that his actions have consequences.”

As soon as Sirius saw his pajama-clad little brother being led forcefully through the doorway he blanched, eyes widening.

“Mother–”

“NO SIRIUS!” She took a breath and spoke again, this time her voice was slow and cruel and so, so much scarier. “You misbehaved and now will face the consequences.”

Sirius was frantic, tears filling his eyes as he rushed towards them. “Please don’t–”

“SILENCIO!” The boy recoiled, clutching at his throat as his voice was stolen from him. Regulus watched, her arm still holding him, and he began to tremble.

She turned to face him, unraveling her fingers from their tight grasp. “Pull up your trouser leg, dear,” she said sweetly.

“But–”

“Regulus.” Her tone was cold and commanding.

He whimpered slightly, but did as she said. He always did.

Regulus knew it was coming, as it had every time he’d cried too much, but still wasn’t prepared, screaming and falling to the floor as the first spell sliced through his leg. He wasn’t as strong as his brother always was.

This time Sirius ran, throwing himself at their mother. He was met with a sharp elbow to the stomach and stumbled backwards, doubling over and coughing. She kneeled down to where Regulus was laying, looking up to scan his brother’s bedroom.

“Let’s see, four posters you have up here, Sirius. Why don’t we translate that into four punishments?”

Sirius shook his head feverishly, sobbing silently into his hands. The next one hurt more, Regulus squeezing his eyes as tight as he could, tears falling from the corners.

At the third, Regulus felt almost numb, the pain in his leg coursing through his whole body until he couldn’t feel it anymore. He couldn’t feel anything really, except the blood pouring from his calf. Sirius turned around and threw up the entire contents of his stomach.

After the last incision, Walburga patted Regulus on the head gently. His eyes fell closed, too exhausted to see.

“Well done, Regulus, dear,” she said, voice much too kind. Walburga stood up, glaring at Sirius. “Take these fucking posters down.” Their mother rarely swore, claiming it was uncivilized, but when she did, it was nothing short of terrifying. With the slight of her hand she countered the silencing curse, leaving Sirius heaving, and walked out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

He heard Sirius run to where he lay, picking up his head and placing it into his lap, cradling him against his chest tightly and rocking back and forth.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he mumbled into his younger brother’s damp hair. Teardrops fell onto Regulus’s forehead. “KREACHER!”

The house elf appeared at once, stepping back slightly, shocked by the sight of his youngest master.

“Please… healing supplies,” Sirius begged. Without saying anything, Kreacher nodded and snapped his fingers, disappearing and returning a few seconds later with an armful of potions, elixirs, and gauze.

“Thank you, thank you Kreacher,” he breathed. Regulus felt Sirius place his throbbing head on the floor as he moved to grab whatever the house elf had brought.

“Kreacher lives to serve the noble House of Black.” He bowed and with another snap and he was gone again.

Sirius worked quickly, disinfecting the wound and wrapping it tightly with gauze. As soon as he finished Regulus felt an arm slide under his back and another in the crook of his knees. He was placed on the bed, Sirius tucking him under covers before laying next to him.

“I’m sorry,” was the last thing Regulus heard before sleep overtook him.

…

“Regulus?”

The boy snapped back to the present, where a very worried girl was staring at him.

“Hm?” He’d been too busy thinking to hear a word she just said.

“I asked if you’re okay.” Priya’s eyes fell to where blood pooled under his leg.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry, as soon as we get to the school I can use my wand to clean the floor.”

She frowned. “I’m not exactly worried about the mess. Do you want gauze or anything to stop the bleeding?”

“No!” he snapped and her frown deepened. Under no circumstances could he let her see his disgusting legs, she already knew he was pathetic and this would only worsen things.

“How about this,” she said softly, placing a steading hand on his bouncing knee. “I can clean it and wrap it up and then we never ever have to speak about it again.”

“I told you, I’m fine. I can take care of myself.” His voice came off sharper than he had meant, and she looked a little hurt as she nodded and removed her hand.

“Alright, if that’s what you really want. It’s just… Regulus you’re bleeding a lot. If you don’t want me to help, that’s fine of course, but you should do something to treat it.” He looked down and sure enough a small puddle had formed around his foot, as the rest of the blood soaked into his shoes and socks.

“I didn’t bring anything,” he said, embarrassed. He should have thought to bring his various ointments.

“Don’t worry!” she said quickly, grabbing the backpack next to her. She carefully took out all the books, before she proudly showed him a small white box with a red cross on the center.

“What is that?” he said taking it from her. Regulus opened it to find a small roll of gauze and several bottles he didn’t recognize.

“It’s just a first-aid kit. I sometimes pass out, so I keep one on me at all times.” She pulled the sleeve of her jumper up, revealing a large purple bruise on the back of her arm.

“Oh. Is this muggle medicine?”

Priya sighed and rolled her eyes dramatically. “My God, you wizards are such snobs. Medicine is medicine. Do you want me to help or not?”

He nodded, quietly adding, “It actually isn’t the same, but we can talk about that later.” She jokingly glared at him, before moving to the floor of the train, lifting his leg up so it stretched across the two benches.

Priya worked in silence, peeling the wet trouser leg up to expose the wound. He heard her inhale sharply, but her face was a blank slate.

“Why do you sometimes pass out?” he asked, desperate to do anything but watch her in silence.

She didn’t look up as she took a scarf and water bottle out of her backpack and began mopping up the blood covering his leg. “Stress-induced tachycardia,” she said absentmindedly, as if he should know what that is.

“Oh,” was all he replied, not wanting to sound stupid. He would have to look that up when he got to school. She stopped for a second, grinning up at him.

“You’ve heard of it?” He sighed, this girl really just saw the worst parts of him. She went back to applying some sort of ointment on his leg. It felt like straight Fiendfyre, searing the cut. Regulus winced and she looked at him apologetically.

“No, I haven’t,” he gritted his teeth through the pain. “Just didn’t want to seem dumb.”

She smiled again, now wrapping gauze securely around his calf. As soon as she finished, Priya pulled his trouser leg back over the bandage and stood up, placing the blood soaked scarf on the seat next to him.

“There you go!” she beamed. “All better.”

“Thanks,” he smiled weakly, moving his leg down from the benches.

“You should still probably go to the school nurse or something when we get there, as that wasn’t the most sanitary process, considering I used a scarf as a towel. Also, magic probably heals injuries faster.”

“Okay,” he replied shortly. He could under no circumstances go to the nurse, letting the whole school know the cruel ways in which his mother disciplines her children.

Priya took his hand in her own, boring into him with her big brown eyes. “Regulus, I know I said I wouldn’t talk about it, so feel free to shut me up at any time, but do you need help?” Her voice was almost a whisper.

Oh, how he wanted to tell her to shut it, to keep her promise and move on. But he couldn’t trust her, because as nice as she may seem, she was still a mudblood and she was still friends with James Potter. If he didn’t tell her something, she would just speculate the cause of his cuts with James, laughing at how he couldn’t even heal himself.

“It’s no big deal, really,” he said quickly.

“Okay,” she smiled and nodded but the expression didn’t quite reach her eyes, as she gently pulled her hand away.

“It’s my fault, I swear, it’s not like whatever you think is happening.”

She frowned deeply, concern seeping into her face. “You’re doing it to yourself?”

“No!” he yelped. “Just… my mum’s form of discipline when I misbehave, not anything bad or… anything.” Of course, this time it wasn’t him that misbehaved, but he couldn’t exactly tell that to James brother-stealer Potter’s next door neighbor.

She grabbed both his hands, squeezing tightly.

“I’m sorry,” Priya whispered, like he had that night. Regulus took a deep breath and tried to repel all the monstrous thoughts creeping into his mind as he heard the Hogwarts Express come to a stop.